Break Me Down

by Tasha Gwartney

  “Hey, I thought you were coming with me,” he said.

  “I didn’t know if you still wanted me to.”

  “I meant what I told you last night, pretty girl. I can’t do it alone. And I know that sounds selfish with everything you’re dealing with and I’m sorry. I just need you.”

  “It’s not selfish. I want to be here for you Brice. You saved my life, and I want to help you get yours back.”

  “I’m scared,” Brice whispered, taking a seat on the futon.

  “You are,” she asked. She didn’t know Brice to be afraid of anything.

  “I’m terrified. Shay, he hurt me so much. And honestly, I don’t care to have him in my life. I’ve just had enough.”

  “I understand, and no matter what you choose to do, I’ll support you one hundred percent. I do have a question though,” Shay stated as Brice put his shoes back on.

  “What is it?”

  “Are you going to forgive her? Your mom. I know you don’t want to hear this, but she loves you so much. I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but she knew how much you suffered when he left. She probably didn’t want you to blame yourself, and that’s why she kept it from you. I’m not saying it’s going to be easy, but the least you can do is give her a chance to explain,” Shay said to him, her tone full of concern.

  “I love her, Shay. She’s been my rock for so long, even before he left. I was never the perfect son, hell I was far from it, but she never gave up on me. That being said… She lied to me. The one person I loved the most lied to me. She didn’t trust me with the truth,” Brice said in a disappointed tone. He loved his mother more than anything. He’d die for her if given the chance, but he just couldn’t forgive her, not yet.

  “Just think about it. For me. She loves you and she’s hurting too, try and remember that. As much as what she did was wrong, she did it to lessen your suffering. Instead, she suffered alone in that.”

  It then dawned on Brice that maybe Shay was right. He was still nowhere near ready to forgive his mother, but maybe he could sit down and hear her side of things. It was the least he could do after all the times she stuck by him, even when he was wrong. She wiped away his tears when he cried, patched up his cuts when he was wounded. That was so much more than he could say for the man that walked out on them four years ago. Brice knew deep down that he wasn’t the only one that this affected; he wasn’t the only one that was hurt in all of this. In fact, his mom was probably the one who suffered the most.

  “Did it sink in yet?” Shay asked.

  “How did you know it would?”

  “Because I know you. And I know that no matter how hard you try, you won’t stay mad at her because through everything, she was the one parent you could rely on no matter what you did. At the end of the day, your mom is the one person you love more than anyone in this life.”

  “I think there’s an exception to that,” Brice told her as he pressed his lips on hers.

  “Brice, I have to shower and everything before we go,” Shay told him, not ready to go back to that conversation. She wasn’t ready to discuss the love thing yet. She just started to become herself again. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for love yet. She knew she cared about Brice, but did she love him? Could she possibly be capable of love after everything that happened to her? Well, if it was possible, she’d soon find out, right?

  “Okay, go on, I’ll be here waiting,” he said.

  She grabbed her clothes and locked herself in the bathroom to shower.

  ***

  “I didn’t think you’d be back anytime soon,” Kris said as she sat on the couch. Shay decided to give them space, so she went into Brice’s room and waited for him. The conversation with his mother was something he needed to have on his own.

  “I wasn’t going to, but Shay convinced me that I needed to talk to you; clear the air,” Brice told her. He paced around the room, unable to sit near her.

  “I love that girl,” Kris smiled.

  “Why didn’t you tell me? Did you not think I could handle it?” Brice asked, cutting to the point.

  “I didn’t find out until a few weeks after he was gone. Brice, I watched you cry every day. You passed his office and you’d just have that look in your eyes like your world had fallen apart. I saw you become distant. And I know I should have told you, but I’m not going to regret it if that’s what you’re looking for. You’re my boy; I carried you for nine months and I’ve loved you since the moment I found out I was pregnant. I vowed to always protect you from any kind of pain, and that’s what I did. I couldn’t bear for you to ever think any of this was your fault,” Kris said.

  “Mom, you should have trusted me enough to let me know that I had a sibling. Hell, now I have three and a father who wants to see me.”

  “I’m not going to tell you that you should go, but sweetheart, I don’t think you should ignore him either. Who knows, maybe you might even be interested in what he has to say,” Kris told her son as he plopped down in the chair across from her.

  “I just don’t understand what the hell he wants now. He’s had four years to claim me as his son, but he never did. And now all of a sudden he wants to give a damn,” Brice said.

  “I don’t know his motives, but what I do know is that I love you more than anything in this entire world and given the chance I’d do it all over again. A mother never wants to see their child in pain. And that’s why I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry that you got hurt, but I’m not sorry that I didn’t tell you.”

  Brice knew that his mother’s intentions were pure, but it didn’t make it any easier to forgive her. He knew that he didn’t hate her. In fact, if anything, he loved her more. The fact that she took his suffering for him just showed how truly amazing a mother she was. Brice knew he wouldn’t stay mad at her because it would be completely selfish to do so. She only wanted what was best for him, and even though she did that in a way that was completely wrong to him, he couldn’t hold it against her because, if the roles were reversed, he would have done the same thing.

  “It’s okay, mom. I’m not mad at you, at least not anymore. I was hurt. I felt betrayed. I felt like we were so close. I always thought you’d never keep anything from me. I know that you only did it to protect me, but I just felt like if you could keep something so huge from me, that we weren’t as close as I thought we were,” Brice explained.

  “I understand, but I love you and I’m always going to protect you, and sometimes you’re not always going to agree with the ways I choose to protect you,” Kris explained to her son. The only thing that mattered to her was her son’s happiness and she’d go a long way to make sure he got it.

  “I know. I have to go shower. I texted him at that number you gave me. I’m supposed to be meeting him a bit,” Brice admitted, but the truth was he didn’t want to meet him at all. What was he supposed to say to the man that left him to pick up the broken pieces? What did he say to the man who forced him into growing up? He just didn’t know what to think about anything anymore.

  ***

  “I’m glad you came.” Brice’s father, Jamie, said as Brice and Shay sat across from him at a coffee shop. Jamie and Brice looked a lot alike. Brice had his familiar green eyes and his brown hair. Just looking at them together, you could tell they were related.

  “I wasn’t going to,” Brice snapped. How did his father have any right to be happy to see him after all the pain he’d caused?

  “What changed your mind?”

  “What is it that you want?” Brice asked in a harsh tone, ignoring his question.

  “You’re my son, I wanted to see you. I’ve missed you so much.”

  “Yeah, you’ve missed me so much that you never called, you never wrote, never came by. Don’t give me that load of crap. You could care less about me. Or my mother,” Brice snapped, feeling the anger rise inside of him. Just the thought that this father thought he’d actually buy his ‘I’ve missed you speech’ showed how much he didn’t know him at all.

&nbs
p; “I know that I wasn’t the perfect father to you, but I really am trying,” he told him.

  “That’s bull. When were you going to tell me you had a whole other family? “

  “The time was never right, Brice. I didn’t want to keep it from you; I just didn’t know how to tell you the truth.”

  “That’s bull. I’m so sick and tired of your lies. You think you can come and go as you please and I’m going to just welcome you with open arms every time, but I’m not. You left me, and it was a little bearable when I thought it was because you fell in love with someone else. But it’s dawned on me that you didn’t just leave because of mom, you left because you had another kid. And you know how much that hurts. It’s like a knife twisting at my heart. You weren’t a good father to me, even before you left, but yet you could be a father to your other kids,” Brice preached to his father as he just stared at him. Brice felt Shay’s hand touch him in comfort, reminding him of where he was.

  “I never wanted to hurt you,” he tried to defend himself, and that was enough for Brice.

  “But you did. You took my life and turned it upside down. You left without a single goodbye. I heard my mother cry herself to sleep every single night for two years. She never got over you. Because of you, she barely even dates. Screw me, screw my feelings, I’m a big boy. How could you do that to her? She gave you everything and more. More than you deserve. You never deserved her.”

  “It’s not that simple, Brice.”

  “Yes it is. You hurt her and more than that you left our family, and I’m done listening to all your excuses. This was a bad idea. Come on Shay,” Brice said as he grabbed her hand, but before he was completely standing, Jamie stood in his way.

  “Get out of my way.”

  “Please don’t walk away.”

  “You showed me how to do that best,” Brice replied, moving around him, but Jamie pulled his arm back. Reacting on instinct, Brice’s hand formed into a fist and before he realized what was happening, he pounded it into his father’s face.

  “That’s for my mother. Now don’t ever try to contact me again. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t have a father. You’re dead to me,” he said, and then they left.

  “I’m sorry you had to witness that,” Brice said when they arrived back at his house. Kris was gone at work, and Shay wasn’t sure it was a good idea for them to go back to her house.

  “It’s okay. I’m proud of you for standing up to him. It’s good that you got it all out,” Shay told him.

  “You’ve given me strength. I feel happier than I’ve ever been. You’ve changed me; you’ve made me a better man,” he commented as he pulled her to his lap.

  “I don’t know what to say to that,” Shay said. She was speechless.

  “You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to know that it’s not just me that makes your life better, you make mine better just as much. I can’t see my life without you again. You’re amazing, you’re talented, and you’re funny. You bring me to life.”

  “Brice, I feel same way. You’ve helped me in ways I never thought anyone could help me.”

  “I know you do. I’m glad you moved here, because that brought you to me,” Brice said, just as he pulled her into a kiss. Shay felt the happiness in the room fill the air. Brice was always so good to her. She loved how they helped each other through the hard times. She loved being with him, feeling his kisses, his touches. She loved it all. She loved him.

  “Brice, I love you,” she said, not realizing herself that words were coming out.

  Pulling her tightly, Brice was stunned by her declaration. Sure, he said it to her first, but he never expected her to say it back, especially not so soon.

  “You do,” he asked her.

  “Yes,” she smiled.

  “Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want you to feel obligated to say it. I want you to say it because you know in your heart that’s how you feel.”

  “I’m sure. I think I knew it when you said it, but I was too afraid to tell you.”

  “You don’t ever have to be afraid to tell me something.”

  “I know. I love you,” she repeated.

  “I love you too,” Brice told her as she pulled him into a kiss.

  In that moment, Brice knew everything would be okay. Being with Shay was all he could ever want. Everything was perfect.

  Chapter Twenty Four

  Shay and Brice sat in her bedroom as the waited for her friends to get there. It was Christmas break and they were going to spend each and every day together. It was amazing how fast time went by. It felt like just yesterday that she’d said goodbye to them. Over the course of the past six months, she’d been happier than she had been in her entire life. After that day when they’d met with Brice’s father, and she told him she loved him, everything started falling into place. Even Marissa didn’t come around again, as Brice had expected she would. They had nothing that tied them to their pasts anymore; it was just Brice and Shay, here and now.

  “So, are you going to be nice to Heather?” Shay asked, not sure if their understanding would last now that he knew she had a part in why she was left in the locker room that awful night.

  “I told you I would. Did I give you any reason to doubt that?” Brice asked her.

  “No, but after what I told you, I thought you’d start to hate her again,” Shay admitted as she searched Brice’s face for some insight into what he was thinking.

  “Look, I hate the fact that she had some part to do with what happened, if she wouldn’t have stood you up, he would have never touched you, but it wasn’t her fault. I don’t blame her, just like you don’t. I blame the lowlife douche bag that thought he had a right to force himself on you. I’m just grateful I don’t know him. If I did, I’d kill him.” Brice said with fury in his voice.

  “Brice, don’t say that,” she said, although she was grateful he cared enough to want to hurt her rapist the way he’d hurt her. She didn’t want him to act as violently towards anyone as her rapist had been with her.

  “Why the hell not? That pig deserves to die for what he did to you. Shay, if I had known you back then, I’d kill him my damn self,” Brice threatened with hatred in his eyes.

  “Brice, it’s in the past,” Shay told him, not wanting to live in the past anymore.

  “So you’re just over what he did to you?” Brice asked, searching her face for answers.

  “I’ll never be over what happened and I’ll never be okay with what he did. I’ll always have times when things bring me back there. I won’t give him the power to control the rest of my life though. I can’t live in the past forever. I let go of what happened, and for the first time I can breathe again,” Shay said to him as she pushed him to the bed and kissed him. Brice’s kisses were enchanting. He kissed her in a way that no one ever had. Not even David. He was gentle, but at the same time he didn’t kiss her as if she’d break. Each kiss was filled with a passion that was indescribable.

  “God, I love you,” Brice said, moving beside her on the bed and pulling her into his arms. It was the one place he preferred her. He could hold her forever, if only she’d let him.

  “I love you too, Brice. So much. Do you ever think about the future,” she asked him out of the blue.

  It shocked him to hear the question. He’d never thought about the future before, not with his life, nor a life with someone else. Now here she was asking him about it.

  “To be honest, no,” Brice admitted.

  “Not at all,” she asked, disappointed.

  “Before I met you, I knew where I was going, and that was nowhere. I never thought I could amount to anything. Girls were just sex to me, but when you walked into my life everything changed. So if you’re asking me what I see in my future, I don’t know Shay. But if you’re asking me who I see in my future, my answer is you,” he said honestly. He’d never imagined spending his life with anyone, and although they were young, he wanted to be with Shay for as long as possible, and he just hoped that she felt t
he same way.

  Shay stared at Brice as she absorbed his words. She couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. She’d known Brice to be cocky, irritating, complicated, rebellious, but she hadn’t really known him to be the guy to confess things like his future with her. She loved this side of him; she loved every side of him. She couldn’t bear to think about where she would be if Brice hadn’t walked into her life. She said it before, but she was going to say it again, he saved her life.

  “Earth to Shay,” Brice said as he noticed her slipping farther and farther away.

  “Sorry, I was just thinking about something,” Shay told Brice as she snuggled closer to him.

  “What about? “

  “How everything you said, is exactly how I felt. Brice, I never imagined that I could be this close to someone. After than night, I thought my love life was permanently over. I never came close to having anyone I actually wanted to be with,” Shay told Brice.

  “I know, and I’m so grateful that you’re here with me. Well, considering this is your house, I’m glad I’m here with you. You get the point though.”

  “Brice, are you sure you want to be here when they get here? I mean, you and my friends, you aren’t that nice to each other.”

  “That’s true, but they’re your friends, and any friend of yours is a friend of mine. I don’t have to like them; I just have to tolerate them. I don’t mind David. David, he loved you and that’s the only problem I ever had with him. Your other friends though, they just seem all about them. I won’t be rude though, I’ll be on my best behavior. I promise,” Brice said with a smirk.

  “You just have to get to know them. They’re really great, They just don’t know you,” Shay defended them. She wasn’t sure who she wasn’t trying to convince: herself or Brice.

  “I told you, I’d do it for you, but I doubt I will ever like them, Shay.”

  “I liked your friends,” Shay told him with a pout. Over the course of the last six months, Brice took her to his job, where she met Brice’s best friend Cameron. He was a blonde with green eyes. His skin was tan; Shay wasn’t sure if it was his natural skin tone or if it was from the sun. He was a bit rough around the edges, as Brice was, but deep inside him was a big marshmallow.