Because I Love You

by Amy Brent

  I drove home, wondering what Lance was doing tonight. Maybe we could have dinner at his place and I could get my fix. I didn’t work early the following day and we could spend some time together in the morning. I pulled into my apartment and thanked the stars that I wasn’t going to drive anymore if I could help it. It always intimidated me in the city and I walked inside of my apartment and dropped my purse on the dining room table. I reached for my phone and sent him a text message, dropping the phone on the couch while I went to change into some leggings and a loose t-shirt.

  I drank some tea as I watched TV and waited for the chime to sound, indicating that Lance was getting back to me. It didn’t come before eight and I called Viv to complain to her as she listened to me.

  “It’s only the second night? Maybe he’s working,” Viv suggested as I groaned.

  “He’s a freelancer of some sort. I think he can work anytime that he wants to.” I assured her as Viv tried to comfort me. I’d been open about our relationship and she knew everything, which meant that she knew I wasn’t like that normally. “Do you think he’s already finished with me?”

  “Oh, Leila. You need to calm down. I’m sure it’s not that serious. Give him a bit before you write him off. This guy sounds hot!” Viv told me as I laughed, feeling mentally and physically exhausted. We talked for a little longer before I went to wash my face and read in bed, fearful of why he wasn’t calling me.

  CHAPTER 13

  Lance

  I looked at the screen of my phone and saw Leila’s name, sighing heavily. If I got back to her, I’d give in to seeing her and risk her seeing of feeling the scratch marks in my back. Fucking Terra. She knew better than that since a lot of us had personal lives.

  I couldn’t see Leila until they were healed or at least healed enough to hope that she didn’t notice. I missed seeing Leila and my body was craving her as my cock stiffened in my shorts. Despite not working for the last day, I still didn’t seek out another woman like I would have done before Leila. I reached down and gripped myself tightly with my hand, stroking hard as I closed my eyes and imagined her little mouth wrapped around me. I wanted Leila in front of me, on her knees. I wanted to be balls deep inside of her, fucking her hard and deep as she screamed my name. She wouldn’t even know about the scratches that way and I groaned as I felt the pressure building inside of me. I didn’t want to jerk myself off like a teenager but here I was, arching my back as I stroked harder.

  “Fuck me, Leila. I want you so badly,” I cried out as I came against the cotton material of the shorts, jerking roughly. I collapsed to the couch and reached for my beer, draining the bottle greedily as after waves flowed through my body. I needed Leila, but I had to wait to see her. My phone chimed after a few minutes and it was Terra telling me in a text that she went house hunting today and found some cute places. Where did I live? Maybe we could be neighbors.

  I rolled my eyes at the thought. Terra was pretty, and we worked together, but I wasn’t interested in anything more. I was going to talk to her next time we were on set together and warn her not to pull any stunts like the scratches again.

  I had another few beers out on the back porch, breathing in the cool breeze and thinking about things. I considered calling my friend from grade school and talking to him, since I wasn’t close to anybody here. Brian lived in New York working the stock market and I did the math in my head. He might still be awake, but I’d send a text and see if Brian responded. I did that and carried the phone to bed, where I planned to just watch TV until I fell asleep.

  Brian never got back to me and I found a late-night talk show as I listened to the silence. I didn’t care if most people got back to me or not, but Brian was my best friend. I didn’t reach out to him too often like this and I imagined Leila’s face in my mind for a moment as I fought the urge to call her.

  She was too close. If I called her, I’d tell her to come over and risk losing everything. I’d wait until tomorrow and bring her lunch or something quick, telling her that I had to get to work afterward. I just needed to see her.

  I fell asleep after too many beers, telling myself that this couldn’t become a habit. I needed to keep my head together. I needed to go for a run in the morning since I’d been slacking off on both jogging and the gym. Leila was the perfect exercise for me, but I needed to keep in mind that I had an image to uphold. I was the most sought after male porn star and my excellent workout habits had a lot to do with that.

  I got up after six and dressed for a run before I left the house. I lived on a beach and I was going to take advantage of it, running along the sand near the water as I took in the simple sound of the waves and seagulls. The sky was dark, but it was starting to lighten up as I continued down the sand, I was still thinking about Leila, still wanting her. I considered my options. I could ask her to have lunch with me and keep my fucking clothes on. We could go to a public place and keep it innocent, even though my cock didn’t agree with that idea. Once I was done with ten miles, I jogged back to my house and sent her a text asking what she was doing in a few hours. Did she want to have lunch?

  It took a while for my phone to chime with a return text. I took a shower and started some coffee before I heard a thing, despite checking the phone a few times over the last hour. It was Leila, but I sensed from her tone that she wasn’t excited by the invitation. She asked where I wanted to go, and I suggested a little seafood place that was close to my house, just in case I could woo her into coming home with me. I’d still use the excuse of work for a quickie on the kitchen table or counter, so I could stay mostly covered, but I had to have her. I decided to call her and ask her to lunch personally, noticing the distance in her voice as I told her that I’d been caught up in some deadlines and barely done anything but work on them. I apologized and offered to buy her some good food to make up for it, and slowly I heard her willpower fading.

  Leila agreed to meet me at the restaurant and I ended the call, satisfied with that. I knew how to make a woman melt and she was going to be begging for me by the time lunch was over. I dressed in some casual shorts and a fitted green shirt, fixing my messy hair in the mirror to achieve the perfect look. I left in time to arrive early and get a table outside, ordering a beer as I looked out over the water.

  My body was electric as I sat back, knowing that she was here. I looked towards the door that led out to the patio and saw her looking at me with the same heat in her eyes that was running through my veins. Leila was wearing a little dark pink dress and walked out towards me with a soft smile on her face. I already had her and I didn’t even have to work on it. I stood and pulled her into my arms as she stepped up to the table, kissing down the soft skin of her face before I told her that I missed her. Leila took a moment to hold me back, but she clung tightly to me as I brushed my lips against hers. I kept it chaste and we sat down to order as I asked her how work was going to start a conversation.

  “I have a new client.” Leila looked at me and blushed for a moment. “She’s looking for something like your house and she’s a porn star.” Her voice dropped to a whisper as she looked around the empty deck with wide eyes. “I know that it’s a thing, but I didn’t know what to say to her at first. She was nice, though.”

  Fuck me running. Terra was house hunting with Leila. I forced a smile to my face and told her that it was great news. She could get her name out there and make some good sales, but it made it even more possible that she’d find out about me. I used my first name for acting and I was well-known. Terra would probably mention me at some point and blow my cover. I knew that I needed to tell Leila the truth and I took a long drink of beer.

  “Where was the house at?” I asked her as she told me that the woman liked some places in Malibu. That made sense and it would create some distance from her as opposed to her buying a beach house near me. That would be a disaster, “Good area. Do you think she’ll make a choice soon?”

  “I think so.” The waitress came over to take our order and she gave me a quick
look as Leila ordered the lobster salad. She knew me, but I appreciated the fact that she didn’t say anything as I ordered the steak and crab. Some people didn’t care who I was with when they asked me for an autograph, but I also didn’t usually dine with women that didn’t know what I did for a living.

  I was tense the rest of the meal and made light conversation with her as she ate. I could tell that she was warming up to me and we stood together as our eyes locked once I paid the bill. I walked her out to the parking lot and pressed her gently to my car as I claimed her lips in a hungry kiss. Leila moaned against me as she slipped her arms around my waist, tugging me closer.

  “I don’t have a lot of time but come home with me. I want you, Leila. I’ve missed you.” I murmured before kissing her again, cupping her face in my hands.

  “Yes. I want you.” Her voice was thick with desire and I unlocked my car with a push of the button before I shoved her inside. The place was my close to my house and I’d bring her back. I just needed her close to me. I started the engine and backed out as I reached over to grip her leg tightly. I pulled into my driveway and stopped the car in front of the garage before I turned towards her. Leila moved against me in a hard kiss as she reached for me, moving into my lap. Holy shit. I could fuck her right here, but my condom was in my wallet that was pressing into my ass right now.

  I slipped my hand down between her legs and felt her soaking wet for me. Leila whimpered as I stroked the lace of her underwear, feeling her swollen clit as I fingered it roughly. Fuck but she was wet for me. I slipped a finger under the material and stroked her hard as she kissed me, her tongue sliding into my mouth.

  “Baby, let’s go inside. I want to do this right,” I told her as I slipped inside of her, feeling her tighten around my finger. Leila rolled away from me and we hurried into the house together before I lifted her against me and glanced around the house. I saw the counter and carried her over to it before kissing her hard, lifting her skirt and tearing her underwear down. I reached into my pocket for my wallet and dropped it on the counter before I reached down to make her come on my hand. I dropped down to spread her legs wide and tasted the sweet juices dripping from her pussy as she slipped her hands into my hair. I brought her close to the edge again and rose as I dropped my shorts.

  This was perfect. I was going to get to be inside of Leila and she’d have no idea about my back. I sheathed myself with a condom and slid inside of her as we both cried out. She felt so damn good. I fucked her harder and faster as we rocked together, getting closer to the release that I’d craved for days now. Leila cried out first, her orgasm rocking through her as she clung to me over my shirt. I knew that she was close to the scratches and it hurt, but I pushed the thought away as I came inside of her. I held her close to me as I jerked inside of her, pressing my face into her neck.

  CHAPTER 14

  Leila

  I breathed in Lance’s name as I slumped against him. As hurt as I was that he didn’t call me for so long, I needed him. I wanted him more than I cared to admit, and I slid my hands down his back to find his bare skin as he pulled away roughly.

  Lance blinked at me before he turned to grab two bottles of water from the fridge. I sat up and fixed my dress before I slipped down to the floor, feeling the discomfort in the air.

  “Are you okay?” I asked him as Lance glanced at the clock. “Lance?”

  “It’s later than I thought, Leila. I have to get back to work soon. Can I see you later this week?” He was so tense, and I knelt to get my underwear and slide them on as I wondered what happened. I was so new to this and I walked outside to the car and grabbed my purse. I was in too much of a hurry to grab anything when we left. I pouted and got a car from Uber as I stood outside, needing space. There was something wrong with Lance and I didn’t know what it was. I knew that we wanted each other and needed each other physically, but there was something going on underneath the surface.

  I got into the car and sat silently as we drove back to the restaurant. I felt torn inside as I tried to work through what was going on with me, with Lance, with us. I knew that it was new and based on lust for now, but it felt real to me. It felt like we had a future to me.

  I got out of the car and into my own, locking the doors before I started the engine. I shivered as I played back the night and the abrupt way that he withdrew from me. I pulled out of the parking lot and drove to my apartment slowly, all too aware of the quiet of my phone. Lance wasn’t calling me and while I didn’t know him well enough to understand if that was a bad sign, I felt like it was.

  I went inside of my apartment and longed to reverse the night to the part where I agreed to meet Lance in the first place. I was better off being home and feeling hurt by the fact that he hadn’t called me. It beat the hell out of feeling cheap and used. I dropped to the couch and sighed, trying to cleanse my mind of everything that happened.

  I sold him the house. I had no reason to see Lance ever again and I needed to stick to that. I was getting the generous commission soon and I could just put it in the bank and consider it a good job done. I reminded myself to never get involved with a client again as I turned on the TV and found something mindless to lose myself in.

  I woke up when my phone chimed and blinked at the darkness around me. I must have napped for a couple house based on the signs of dusk outside of my window and I blinked before I reached for my purse on the table. I swiped my screen to see a message from Lance, taking a deep breath as I opened it.

  L: I’m sorry I was an asshole earlier. You didn’t have to leave like that.

  Me: I sensed that you didn’t want me there any longer and thought it was best.

  L: Can I take you to dinner this week to make up for it?

  I took a few deep breaths at that question. I knew that I should just leave it be and walk away from Lance. He was dangerous for me and I was getting too drawn in. I needed to focus on my future and make my life what I wanted it to be before including anyone else in it. After everything back home, that was critical.

  Me: Don’t worry about it, Lance. I’m fine.

  L: So, that’s a no to dinner or seeing me in general?

  Me: I need some space. I wasn’t ready to jump into anything like this yet and I think I’m better off focusing on work for the time being.

  There. I said it and it was done. He could go on to do whatever it was that he chose to do, and I could build my business. That was how it was meant to be when I moved here. I set the phone down, hating that I was waiting for a response. There was a large part of me that wanted him to argue with me and ask me not to do this. I pushed myself off the couch and went to make some tea, wanting to wake up a bit and get some work done on my laptop.

  I made some matcha tea and settled down at my dining room table, turning on some music on my phone to distract myself from the silence in my apartment. It never bothered me before, but I turned up the volume to one of my play lists and sand along as I prepared for the week ahead of me. I still didn’t know if Lynn liked any of the houses that we looked at enough to put an offer on one and I had some other clients to meet this week. I worked at a great off with a solid reputation and they were helping me a lot.

  I got some emails out about making future trips to look at houses and clicked on Facebook to take one of my peeks at it. I barely had a profile there and had gone very private after the break up, but I did keep up with a few friends. I looked at all Viv’s pictures and made some comments before I moved on to other Carlsbad friends that I didn’t lose in the break up or move. It was amazing how many people supported the one that did everything wrong sometimes, but that didn’t matter to me anymore. I was here now and working on a better life.

  I tried to watch a movie when I was done working but I couldn’t focus on it. I sent Viv a text and asked her if she could talk, smiling lightly when she called me right away. I told her about the day with Lance and even she knocked him down a peg from her praise the last time we spoke. Viv quizzed me on everything to see what ha
ppened and I told her the details. Viv was the one person that I could be honest with and we picked apart the date together.

  Viv agreed that she could find nothing strange to cause his reaction, at least nothing that I did. I acknowledged that I didn’t know him well to begin with, so anything could be going on with Lance and he just didn’t want to talk about it. Some guys used sex to deal with things and perhaps that was Lance. She wasn’t sure about my firm denial about seeing him again but accepted that it was my choice. She felt particularly bad about everything in Carlsbad since she didn’t know what was going on. Had Viv known about the cheating, she would have told me, but everyone kept it hidden from both of us.

  “I miss you. Maybe I should come and visit next weekend,” Viv suggested as I smiled with tears in my eyes. I missed her more than anything and needed to see her.