The House We Built

by Ina Williams

  “Everybody is a little worked up right now baby. Why don’t you just rest?”

  Molly had this feeling that there was much more going on than she knew. She couldn’t shake this need to see Elijah. Weak and sore she pushed the covers back and grabbed the pole with the IV to steady herself.

  One look at her face and Ma Eloise knew Molly was not going to be coaxed back into bed. She decided instead to simply make sure Molly didn’t stumble and fall. She wrapped the blanket she had been using herself around Molly’s shoulders and they made their way into the hallway.

  Ma Eloise showed her the way to Elsa’s room. Elijah and Bix were standing outside talking. When Bix saw Molly he turned abruptly and stormed into Elsa’s room. Molly could feel the ground underneath her cracking, like a frozen lake. She was beginning to feel that there would be no one left to help her if she fell in. Her hand slid down the IV pole from the sweat on her palm. Elijah’s back had been to her but when Bix left he looked over his shoulder at her and took a deep breath before walking over to her.

  He was cordial but he was standing too far from her and he wouldn’t look at her. Her mouth felt dry and her chest tightened.

  “Elijah,” she said reaching out to take his hand, “what’s going on?”

  He looked down at her hand she could tell he didn’t want it there, but he didn’t move it, yet.

  Crack.

  “You should get some rest,” he said finally looking up at her.

  Molly didn’t sense concern, the statement felt like a warning. Her heart raced and she wondered how much longer her legs would hold her up.

  Elijah turned away and began to walk back to the room. Tears burned in Molly’s eyes.

  “Elijah!” she yelled.

  He turned on his heels and marched towards her. She would have been afraid if she weren’t so relieved, coming back meant he cared. He was angry and sad, but at least he still cared.

  “I asked you to take care of one thing for me. Not just one thing, the one thing I care about in this entire miserable world, and she’s laying in that bed unconscious. I never ask anyone for anything, but I asked you.”

  Crack… Crack…

  “It was my fault. I let myself want something,” he glared at her with a thousand curses in his eyes. “But it won’t happen again.”

  Whoosh… She was under the frozen lake now and it was hardening above her. She was drowning in the hallway of that hospital and just as she predicted there was no one there to save her.

  “Where is Molly?” It was the second thing Elsa wanted to know when she woke up in the hospital two days later. The first, of course, was about the baby.

  The nurses headed out to bring her new son, Caleb. She and Bix had chosen to continue her mother’s tradition of using a name from a favorite story in the Bible.

  She was excited to share the moment with her superhero of a best friend. Only no one was giving her an answer and neither Bix nor Elijah could look her in the eyes.

  Her excitement quickly turned to worry, “Where is Molly? Is she alright?”

  Bix assured her that Molly was fine. Ma Eloise had taken her home the day after they were admitted. When Elsa pressed about why Elijah didn’t take his girlfriend home instead of Ma Eloise, Elijah informed her that no formalities had been overlooked as Molly was not his girlfriend anymore.

  His timing was impeccable, because the nurses walked in with baby Caleb just in time to save both he and Bix from Elsa’s wrath.

  After a couple of hours of cooing, Elijah was sure he was off the hook, but when Caleb fell asleep in Elsa’s arms she laid him in the bassinet beside her and wasted no time revisiting the subject of Molly’s absence.

  Bix, uncharacteristically angry, vented his fury first. He started by admonishing Elsa. How could she ignore the doctor’s orders about bed rest, and for ice cream? Elijah added his disapproval, but insisted that the true blame belonged to Molly who was supposed to be the one ensuring Rae stay put.

  She let them vent and scold her like a child. She fumed silently and waited patiently while they explained that Molly was no longer welcome in their family.

  Elsa mustered the little calm she had left, “What direction was the car facing when you found it on the road?”

  Bix and Elijah looked at each other confused. What did that have to do with anything?

  “Was it headed to the house or from the house?” She pressed before either could answer.

  “How did my overnight bag get here Howard? Did you bring it?” She pointed to the bag in the corner. The outside was covered with ice cream and neither of them had even noticed it was there until now. Bix was starting to understand.

  “I asked Molly to help me plan a dinner. For you,” she pointed aggressively at Bix, “and she wouldn’t let me lift a finger the entire day so she cleaned and set up while I made phone calls from the couch. By the time she got back from picking up the ice cream so you could have your pie a la mode,” she turned to Elijah now, “I was already in labor.”

  Bix sank back onto the wall. He was beginning to feel sick.

  “On our way to the hospital a buck rammed the car. Molly, with what I can only assume was a concussion, called 911 and told them where to find us.”

  There was only silence—thick, shameful silence that felt like a punishment.

  “Elsa, we…” Bix tried.

  “You know what the most upsetting part of all of this is? Not that Molly missed out on seeing Caleb, who she fought so hard to get here, not that she felt rushed to leave a hospital she was recuperating in, but that the people she counted on most were willing to believe the absolute worst of her when all she’s ever shown them is her absolute best.”

  They were quiet again.

  “I’d like you both to leave.” She said in a dangerously low tone that neither had ever heard from her before.

  “But Elsa,” Elijah objected.

  “Get out!” she yelled and the sound was so explosive that it roused Caleb from his sleep. The nurse came in a moment later. Bix looked over his shoulder as he and Elijah exited, but Elsa would not look up at him.

  Several hours later Elijah and Bix found themselves at the table of the only sports bar in town with Earnest Jay as their third. Bix filled him in on all of the details while Elijah silently sulked into his beer. He realized now that he shouldn’t be angry at Molly, she had done everything right, but somehow that only seemed to make him angrier. And there was nowhere to put it all. He felt like his whole being was full of something he desperately needed to get rid of, only he didn’t know how.

  He knew what should happen next—he should go and beg for Molly’s forgiveness, he should tell her how wrong he was to assume the worst of her and how bad he felt for abandoning her back at the hospital. But those all felt like lies. He wasn’t really sorry at all. He was somewhat remorseful about hurting Molly, but he meant what he said at the hospital. Why wasn’t he allowed to be pissed about yet another near-tragedy in his life?

  “Elijah,” Earnest Jay roused him from his thoughts a moment later.

  “Where were you just now?” Bix asked.

  “Probably on Molly’s front porch with a guitar,” Earnest and Bix tried to laugh as Elijah looked away again, this time pretending to watch the game on the TV across the bar.

  Bix stood from the table and drew his wallet from his pants pocket, Elijah motioned to tell him he could put it back and Bix thanked him. He wanted to see if he could beg his way back into his wife’s hospital room before it got too late. Earnest agreed that it was getting late for him too. He’d volunteered to open and close the store so Elijah could take a few more days with Rae.

  Elijah stayed behind. The thought of going home alone made him even more restless. When Darby Wilkes came to the table later to close out his tab he returned her flirtatious smile and it occurred to him that he did not have to.

&nb
sp; They stumbled into his apartment in the middle of the night, kissing and peeling off clothes like they were on fire. They were both burning to get rid of something, or to get something. Elijah pressed her to his torso with his hands grasping at the arch of her naked back, and for a moment he thought about kissing Molly on her bed, his hand slowly curling around her waist as she kissed him with her eyes still closed halfway between sleep and awake, like he was the dream.

  He pushed the thought of her away as Darby pushed him back onto the couch and stood above him so he could look at her. But all he could see was Molly laughing on the couch in her parents’ basement, arm stretched across the back of the couch and her head resting on it. Darby leaned down to kiss him, but all he felt were Molly’s lips brushing against his on her front porch after their first date.

  He took Darby’s arms and gently pushed her away as he sat up on the couch. He apologized then stood to put his clothes back on.

  “You can take the bed,” he said pointing back to the bedroom. She kissed him goodnight, but it wasn’t fire she felt for him now. It was pity. How could she shame him? She was half naked in the carriage apartment of a man she barely knew. How dare she pity me? But deep inside he understood how worthy of that disappointment he really was. At least she knew what she wanted.

  She turned back at the edge of the room, “I’m sorry about your sister’s accident,” she said sweetly then turned to continue down the hallway to the bedroom.

  Outside, Molly spotted the half-naked Darby heading to Elijah’s bedroom from her car in his driveway.

  The next morning Molly was at her kitchen table drinking coffee when she heard a knock on her porch door. It was Bix, or Howard, she wasn’t sure if you could keep calling someone a nickname if you weren’t friends anymore. It seemed like one of those things you negotiate in a divorce settlement.

  “I thought I’d try to catch you before you head out to work,” he said. Molly gave the ok and he entered the house timidly. He was hiding something behind his back, but not very well.

  “I’m out sick,” she said staring into her coffee mug. He inquired about her early rising if she wasn’t going in to work.

  “Couldn’t sleep,” she shrugged still not looking up.

  “I brought you this,” he said revealing a bouquet of flowers and a gift bag. Her curiosity outweighed her suspicion so she took them both and opened the bag.

  “I love this show,” she said as she lifted a box set of her of her favorite superhero TV series out of the bag. Her excitement was too pure to be contained.

  “You’re fighting dirty,” she said tossing him a sideways glance. “I respect that,” she held out a fist for him to bump.

  He laughed, but it sounded as much like relief as it did amusement.

  Molly stood from the table and made her way towards the cabinets to get another mug. She lifted the coffee pitcher as an offer, Bix nodded in acceptance.

  “So I take it you’re still in the dog house with Elsa?” She said.

  He lowered his head in mock defeat, before assuring her that his apology had much more to do with realizing how wrong he was for punishing her.

  “I didn’t even give you a chance to explain.” He was stumbling through a very heartfelt apology when she put her hand on his.

  “I get it,” she said earnestly. “Your wife and child were in danger. You did what dads do, you were standing up for your family.”

  “Yes, but I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. Especially after all you’ve done for us,” he said with a resolve that only someone as serious as Howard could manage.

  “Maybe,” Molly said smiling “but it would have been easier to do if someone else was leading the way.”

  His smile faded a bit. He knew what she meant and she was right. At the time he believed he was doing what Elsa couldn’t, he was standing up for her. The action may have been wrong but his intent was pure, he wanted what was best for Elsa and Caleb. But Molly was alone with no one to defend her, no one to stand on her side and fight for her. He felt for the first time how broken that must have made her feel and he reached out to take her hand. Her eyes began to well up and she pulled her hand away and stood, pretending she needed to pour more coffee for herself. So Bix pretended not to see her wiping her eyes. It occurred to him that was what she had been doing before he showed up, she had been crying. He wondered how long, had she been crying all night? The thought was too upsetting, he changed the subject.

  “Elsa and I were thinking we could all watch the show together. You haven’t met Caleb yet.”

  “So, what you’re saying is that my present is really a present for you?” They both laughed. “No really, I’d like that.”

  CHAPTER 15

  Movie Night

  Earnest Jay hadn’t seen such sharp turns since ROTC in high school. Molly had just spotted him in the cereal aisle of the grocery store and she’d turned so fast to avoid him he could practically feel the wind from her escape on his face.

  “Molly,” he called as he chased her down in the ethnic foods aisle. “Will you slow down?”

  “Wasn’t sure we were allowed to talk, I figured it was against the rules or something,” Molly said not looking back at him, when he finally caught up to her.

  “You’re mad.”

  “No,” she barked picking up a bag of pinto beans that she knew she wouldn’t buy. “Ok, yes. I know you and Elijah are friends. I just sort of thought that we were too.”

  “We are.”

  “Pretty sure friends visit friends in the hospital.”

  “And I did. Of course you were pretty out of it with the whole head injury thing but I was there with Aunt Eloise. I even sent you some flowers, didn’t Elijah give them to you?”

  Now it was beginning to make sense.

  “No, but I got them.”

  “Hey, you ok?”

  And something about the way he asked so quietly made her feel overwhelmed. Sad and angry she began to cry. Earnest Jay pulled her into his arms and held her there waving away nosy strangers passing by.

  More composed, Molly laughed to herself and wiped her eyes. When she was finally done crying he wouldn’t let go until she promised she was ok.

  “I’m fine,” she offered. “Elsa, Bix, and I are having a sort of movie night tomorrow, do you want to come?”

  “Is there going to be more crying,” he asked. Molly laughed out loud she was so tickled.

  “I hope not,” she wiped her eyes.

  “Man, I was really looking forward to that,” he said.

  She laughed again as he hugged her goodbye.

  Holding a baby for the first time is a miracle. It is the only time Molly could ever remember truly believing in the concept of love at first sight. Caleb was so small and beautiful. He needed so much that Molly wanted to give him everything. She couldn’t imagine being Elsa, of loving him more than she already did. She thought her heart might explode and she was only the “auntie.”

  “He’s so beautiful you guys.”

  “He’s alright,” Elsa joked.

  Molly looked up at her and smiled.

  “I missed you so much,” Elsa said to Molly and both of their eyes began to well up.

  “I missed you,” Molly replied.

  “And I missed you too,” Earnest mocked before insisting they pause the love fest and watch people beat each other up instead.

  Bix pressed play and everyone’s eyes turned to the screen. Everyone’s eyes except Molly’s, she watched Caleb.

  “I can take him if you want,” Bix offered after noticing she was missing her favorite show.

  “No, you cannot. We’re making up for lost time.” Molly said as she pulled Caleb closer to her heart. He seemed to be soaking up every moment.

  “You have a party and nobody invites me?” It was Elijah’s voice. Molly’s heart sank and she fro
ze. The rest of the room paused in awkward silence dividing their attention between Molly and Elijah. Molly sat still, wishing she could disappear. Bix asked Elijah for some help in the kitchen. When the men had gone Elsa turned to her and gently moved her hair from her forehead behind her ear. Molly began to tremble. She knew Elsa hadn’t meant to remind her of her brother, but she had. She felt sick.

  “You ok?”

  “Mm-hmm,” Molly lied. The hmm had gone an octave too high. This time it was Earnest who stirred. He wasn’t sure when it happened, but by now he considered Molly a sister as much as he did Elsa. Up until now he had been a neutral party trying to remove himself from the situation by focusing on the television. But when he looked up at Molly’s face all of the color was gone, she looked sick and he suddenly had the urge to punch Elijah in the chest.

  Elijah left shortly after “helping Bix in the kitchen” but the effects of his presence lingered and Molly spent the rest of the night pretending to watch the show. Elsa pretended not to watch her worrying. As soon as the credits rolled on the third episode they all decided to call it a night. Molly couldn’t leave fast enough and the moment she got in her car she was so relieved to be free of pretense that she forgot how sad and angry she was. The drive home was comfortably silent. She pulled into her driveway and slowly made her way up onto the porch.

  “Hey,” an all too familiar voice called out and she almost fell back down the stairs.

  Her hand was on her heart. She looked at the porch swing to find Elijah sitting there. She rolled her eyes and continued up the stairs. How dare he sit there? She opened the door and trudged inside, she was too tired to have this conversation. Ever. There was not enough energy on the planet to express how truly disappointed and disgusted she was with him.

  “Molly,” he called, but she didn’t answer. She took off her shoes and headed straight for the bedroom.