The House We Built

by Ina Williams

  He waited for a moment, frozen in disbelief, then followed her into the bedroom.

  “Get out Elijah,” she said it quietly, but he could hear the anger brewing behind her voice.

  There were suitcases on the bed and boxes on the floor.

  “I’d like to talk to you.”

  “Why would I care at all what you want,” she spat the words out like poison.

  “Because you love me,” he declared as if it were an undisputable fact.

  Before she could stop herself she rushed at him and punched him in the chin. It was a solid punch, but he could tell she’d hurt her hand too. He grabbed her wrist, flinging her into the living room and onto the couch.

  “Are you selling this house?”

  “Why do you care?”

  He started towards her so fast he half expected her to slink back in fear, but she didn’t.

  “I built this house with my own two hands, I slaved over it and now you want to just give it away?”

  She stood and moved an inch from his face. “Now you know how it feels,” she growled through clenched teeth. He grabbed her and kissed her, hard and mean and with no regret or restraint. She pulled away and slapped him with her ailing hand. She bowed over it in pain, almost certain it was broken. But when Elijah reached for her she pulled away from him. He didn’t like the way it felt. It seemed too permanent, like this space between them was forever. He reached again and she moved to the other side of the room.

  “I’m not Darby, Elijah, you can’t just decide you want me and have me.”

  He flinched, how could she know that? Why did she know that?

  “Molly—”

  “Liar,” she yelled. It didn’t matter what he had to say, as far she was concerned everything about him was a lie.

  He tried to start again but she wouldn’t let him.

  “When did I ever lie to you?” he yelled to top her so she could hear him.

  “Every time you said you loved me. News flash—this isn’t love Elijah, hurting people, abandoning them when they need you most, showing up on their doorstep at midnight accusing them when you should be apologizing.”

  “I never lied to you! I did love you, I do love you. I want to marry you,” he said.

  “Liar,” she said with a quiet coldness that gave Elijah chills. He reached in his pocket to take out the ring, but before he could she spoke again.

  “Why would I trust you to make me a promise like forever when you broke the very first one you ever made to me?”

  “I never broke—”

  “You said you wouldn’t leave!” She yelled, refusing to let herself cry in front of him.

  “You sat in my parents’ house looked me straight in the eye and promised you wouldn’t leave me. A month later, one month later and you didn’t just leave, you tried to make me believe it was my fault.”

  She was breaking him. Couldn’t she see that he wasn’t strong enough to see her like this? He needed to make things better. He moved closer, he wanted to hold her and make all of this go away. But he couldn’t.

  “It wasn’t your fault,” he said softly.

  “I know that,” she barked back. “And if you’d given me a chance that night in the hospital I could have told you that.”

  He buried his chin in his chest.

  “You don’t want to marry me, Elijah. You don’t want to marry anybody.” She had her second wind now. There were still tears, but this wasn’t crying, this was purging.

  “You’re already married, to you.” He looked up at her. She wasn’t making any sense, either that or she was making perfect sense and he was too scared to tell the difference.

  “Your losses, your tragedies, your hurt, your pain. There’s no room for anybody else in there.”

  “So I should just forget every bad thing that ever happened to me? Is that it?” The old anger was rising in his chest again. “We can’t all live in the enchanted forest like you do. Some of us have real problems, real life tragedy that doesn’t ask permission to interrupt our storybook endings,” he exploded at her.

  “So because I don’t wear my sad story around my neck like you do, I don’t have one?” She started towards him.

  “Elsa went through everything you went through and she would never hurt anyone like you hurt me,” she was close enough to touch him now, but she wouldn’t.

  “Or Ms. Eloise, she lost her husband and her son and she still made room in her heart to love you and Elsa like you were her own.”

  There were tears in both of their eyes now.

  “Or Jim, or your mother…”

  He looked up at her quickly. Those names were too sharp, they cut too deep and she knew that, but there were tears on her cheeks and he couldn’t hate her when she looked that way.

  “Or me.” Her voice was trembling now and he reached out to take her face in his hands, but she stepped back so he couldn’t touch her.

  She steadied her voice, “You have no idea what I’ve been through, no clue how hard or easy my life has been.”

  “Whose fault is that Molly,” he asked quietly. “Whose fault is it if I don’t know you?”

  One rogue tear forced its way down her cheek, but it wasn’t sadness she was feeling it was fury. She was so angry she was trembling. How dare he ask her to share more of herself when he hadn’t even protected what she’d already given?

  She walked to the front door and opened it for him to exit. As he moved toward it she moved away. He stood in the frame of the door knowing this was goodbye. There was nothing he could do to change it, so he lingered to make it last longer.

  CHAPTER 16

  Tempest

  Elijah couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned and tried to read or watch TV but nothing helped. At a certain point in every effort he realized how completely he had destroyed his relationship with Molly. And this, unlike all the other losses in his life, was entirely self-inflicted. He had sought this pain out. He had courted it.

  The next day he went in to work at the shop, but his focus was divided. When Earnest had to stop him from giving too much change for the third time in a row, he banished Elijah to the office so he could get his head together.

  An hour later Earnest entered the office with two cokes and demanded to know the latest installment in the saga that was he and Molly. Elijah told him that the saga had undoubtedly come to an end. When Earnest insisted that he and Molly would find a way to work it out Elijah silenced his doubt with the details of what happened.

  “What is wrong with you?” Earnest said.

  Elijah laughed, but for once Earnest wasn’t joking.

  “I don’t know,” Elijah responded when he finally grasped how truly unfunny it all was.

  Elsa busted through the office door, “What did you do?”

  Earnest took this as his cue to exit.

  “Molly called me this morning, barely coherent, to say goodbye, her brothers are here loading up her furniture right now,” she finished, winded from fury. Elijah was off of his chair and headed for the door before he could stop himself.

  “Where are you going,” Elsa asked annoyed.

  “I’m going to go talk to her,” he stated plainly.

  Elsa walked over to block the door. “You’ve done enough already,” she said.

  He stared at her then took a seat at his desk. Elsa was right. He hated how mad she still was with him, but she was right. She turned to leave, opened the door, then paused. She stood in the doorway for a long time deciding whether or not to leave. Finally, she turned back and perched on the edge of the desk in front of her brother.

  “You know who I think you’re really angry with? God.” She said it without giving him a chance to answer.

  “I think you’re afraid that if He exists, He’ll want something you can’t give.”

  He sat quietly, he wasn’t sure
she was right, but he knew enough to know he wasn’t going to get to speak again until she was done.

  “The thing is Elijah, I think what God wants more than anything else is you.”

  The words made him think of being back on those stairs with Molly, I don’t care if you’re broken as long as you let me see you. Had God been waiting for him quietly all those years the way Molly had waited with him on those stairs? And if so, why did He continue to take from him? Why did meaningful relationships in his life end in tragedy and pain? Wondering to himself was not enough, so he asked Elsa.

  “Elijah, you’re so focused on what we lost, what about everything we’ve gained? Sure we lost mom but we had Ma Eloise. You lost Mr. Jim, but now you and Earnest are closer than ever, and if it wasn’t for Jim leaving him the shop he would have had nothing to come back to after he left his firm,” she reasoned with him.

  “Our lives are more than just what happens to us. It’s about how we use those things to affect the lives around us,” she said. “If we’re drops in a bucket there should be ripples. You understand?” She stood from the desk, rested her hand on his shoulder then left.

  “Knock, knock,” Earnest Jay announced himself before entering Molly’s house. Her brothers were already hard at work packing up her books in the living room. Molly gave a quick informal introduction. They nodded quick hellos and returned to their work.

  Earnest never realized how many books she had until they were all stacked in piles on her floor. The room looked empty without them. Molly looked up from her work in the kitchen and smiled. It was weak but sincere. Her right hand was bandaged, so she was doing most of the work with her left. He walked over and gave her a hug.

  “What happened there,” he asked lifting the hand that was wrapped.

  “Packing accident,” she answered shrugging.

  Earnest wondered what kind of packing accident bruised the top of her hand instead of the bottom. He could see that her brown skin was now slightly blue and purple under the bandage.

  “So the rumors are true then,” they both knew it wasn’t a question, but Molly drew her eyes away to avoid it anyway.

  “Where do you need me,” he asked realizing how little she wanted to talk. She smiled and handed him the water glass she was holding and some newspaper.

  “We’re trying to get as much stuff packed up as possible so the guys can get in front of the storm on the drive back,” she said glancing back at her brothers.

  “Another storm,” Earnest repeated.

  Molly smiled, but the memory of the last storm she’d weathered in this house made her smile fall.

  “Relax, it’s just a little lightning,” Earnest Jay joked, trying to cheer her as he wrapped more glasses.

  They worked but never spoke. Molly put on some music to distract from the sad silence and every now and then she looked up and smiled a thank you at Earnest and her brothers for allowing her the solace of her own thoughts.

  “How is she,” Elijah asked Earnest when he got back to the shop later that night.

  By now the thunder was rumbling like an ominous warning. Exhausted as he was, Elijah knew he wouldn’t sleep again. His apartment was starting to feel smaller and smaller, like a trap. He turned the latch and twisted the knob and the thick, humid air felt like freedom. He walked to the shop to lose himself in his work. When he got there, Earnest Jay was gathering up empty boxes to take back to Molly the next day.

  “You should ask her yourself,” Earnest said without looking up.

  “I don’t want to risk getting punched again,” Elijah said taking a seat on one of the work counters and holding his chin.

  Earnest Jay looked up at him, amused. “That’s what happened to her hand.”

  “Is she hurt?”

  Earnest registered the sincerity in his voice and made his way toward him.

  “It’s probably just a sprain. She could still move her fingers and everything.” Earnest took a close look at Elijah’s chin.

  “She got you good, huh?” he goaded.

  “Her right hook was pretty beautiful actually,” they laughed at the thought of sweet Molly as a boxing champ.

  “What do I do?” Elijah said once the laughter subsided.

  Earnest took a deep breath, preparing himself to deliver bad news. “I don’t think there is anything you can do. I mean her brothers just drove half of her stuff back home.”

  Elijah pushed himself up off of the counter and began to pace. “The thing is I never wanted anything the way I wanted her. Nothing. Not even this shop.”

  “You probably should have led with that last night,” Earnest Jay said calmly.

  “But I just couldn’t, I mean I can’t…” and he couldn’t. He left the sentence and his voice trailed off.

  “Elijah, you’ve always done this. As long as I have known you. You get something nice and you give it away. Toys, bikes, even girlfriends,” Earnest Jay began and Elijah grew quiet as he started to remember the truth of what his friend was telling him.

  “I used to think it was so selfless the way you always thought everyone deserved better, but now…” Earnest stopped himself and searched for the right words.

  “Now what,” Elijah asked impatiently.

  “Now, I think you were just scared,” the words hung in the air like thick smoke.

  He knew the answer but he asked it anyway, “Of what,”

  “I think you were so afraid of losing something that you gave it up before it could be taken away.”

  There it was, the truth. It finally had a shape and a name, Fear. And it was standing in the room naked and bold and staring back at him. He had punished himself for loving Molly for wanting to build a life with her, and he had done it in the cruelest of ways, he had punished her.

  “Where are you going,” Earnest asked when Elijah abruptly stopped his pacing and started heading for the door.

  “I have to see her,” he wasn’t even talking to Earnest really. It was more a call to arms for himself.

  “Right now?” Earnest asked. After all, the storm was imminent, and not just the weather. Molly had made it pretty clear that she didn’t even want to talk about Elijah. Earnest couldn’t imagine she’d want to talk to him.

  “I have to,” Elijah said, and he began to pace again. “Can I borrow your car?”

  “One, you can’t even think straight right now, and two it’s about to be crazy out there,” Earnest answered.

  “Yes or no,” Elijah asked agitated. Earnest took one look at him and knew he was going either way.

  “I’ll drive,” Earnest said as he pulled his keys from his pocket and led the way to his car.

  The road was dark save for their headlights and the lightning that seemed to be chasing them from the shop. Earnest was trying hard to focus on the road which gave Elijah the freedom to silently practice what he was going to say. It would have to be good, epic really. As far as failures his had been an Olympic champion. They were less than two miles from Molly’s house when a streak of lightning pierced a clearing in some trees up ahead. Earnest stopped the car merely as a reflex, and he and Elijah both stepped one foot out of the car to get a look at what the lightning hit. This was one of those rare storms where there was no rain to calm the heat of the flashes and whatever had been hit was now sending small puffs of smoke up into the air.

  “Elijah,” Earnest started, his voice low but steady, “isn’t that…” he hadn’t finished the question, but Elijah’s heartbeat was speeding.

  “God, please no.” It was under his breath not even a conscious thought, but it was the most honest prayer he’d ever prayed.

  They ducked back into the car and Earnest sped off down the road as Elijah reached for his phone.

  By the time they reached the house the whole thing was ablaze, even the stand alone garage was beginning to catch flames. Elijah wanted to do something, a
nything to stop it but it was too much. The fire was everywhere. Helplessly, he began to scream Molly’s name, praying that at the very least she could tell him where she was. He walked to the back of the house where her bedroom window was and screamed even louder. He didn’t even notice when Earnest Jay ran behind him, afraid he’d have to stop him from going in after her. He yelled her name but there was no response. It was the longest few minutes of his entire life, if felt like eternity, like damnation, as if this were his punishment for the way he’d treated the people he’d loved most. If Molly was gone then so was he. She was the last straw, he couldn’t lose anything else.

  Exhausted and hollow, he ran to the front of the house to find the fire trucks arriving. Elijah watched as they moved to unravel the hose, but they weren’t moving fast enough. It was like they were all moving in slow motion. Why weren’t they moving faster? Didn’t they understand that there were two lives at stake? He moved towards the fire truck to help or to punch someone, but he wasn’t sure which yet. He would know when he got there.

  Earnest’s voice stopped him. “She’s here,” he yelled above the crackle of the fire and the bustle of the firefighters.

  Her car was pulling up the drive. She stopped and Elijah watched her get out, staring at her home. He made his way towards her but she was already starting for the house. She didn’t seem to see anything beyond the flames engulfing the last of her dream. She ran past Elijah toward the house, “No!” she screamed and she wouldn’t stop screaming. Elijah wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and pulled her close to him, but she was still reaching for the house, still screaming. He whispered softly that he was there, that they were safe, but it didn’t seem to help. In fact, it seemed to make things worse, and then he realized he was why she was screaming. She didn’t want to be comforted by him, she didn’t want him to touch her. He had already burned everything they had and now this storm had come for the rest. He loosened his grip and left her to wail.

  “It’s all out,” Elijah said as he walked over to the bench in Havoc’s garden.

  It was all that was left of the house, and Molly had been attempting to sleep on it for the last hour, refusing to leave until the fire was out. She was lying on the bench with her eyes open. The blanket that the firemen gave her was wrapped around her shoulders and Elijah and Earnest offered their jackets to make a pillow for her. She was still and quiet and barely blinking. There were tears still streaming from her eyes across her temple and onto her hand which was folded beneath her head. When Elijah reached the edge of the bench he touched her leg to rouse her she flinched slightly, not startled exactly, but on guard. He hated that, hated that he made her feel she needed to be guarded with him. Once he had made her feel safe, and now he was the enemy.