The House We Built

by Ina Williams

  She sat up to make room for him on the bench. He lowered himself slowly beside her and they sat, quietly watching the sky grow a bright grey as the sun worked to force its way through the blanket of clouds covering it.

  “You can go if you need to,” she said, her voice still raw from mourning.

  “I’d like to stay if it’s ok with you,” he said quickly.

  There was no way he was leaving her alone, but he knew he was in no position to make demands. She nodded without speaking and they sat quietly watching the sky again. He caught a glimpse of her from the corner of his eye, she was crying again. Not loud or violently like the night before. Now she was barely moving, her face and eyes were forward but there were tears racing down her cheeks. They were on her neck before she reached to wipe them.

  “What can I do,” he asked quietly turning towards her. Her face was still as she shook her head.

  “There’s nothing left to do. It’s all gone,” she said so flatly that it scared Elijah.

  She was empty, the way he had been last night when he thought he’d lost her. He understood her brokenness because he felt it. It wasn’t just the house they’d lost; it was the last bit of who they had been together. Now there was nothing left. Or there seemed to be nothing left, but that couldn’t be true could it? They were here, lingering near the smoke and ash together. He knew what he had to do.

  It was risky, to give her what she needed would require another promise, and he had lost his credibility with her. But she had to know what he felt. He wanted her to feel the same hope. He slid closer to her and put his arm across the back of the bench behind her. He was careful not to touch her yet.

  He leaned down and whispered into her ear, “Then we’ll build it again.”

  Her lips quivered slightly then parted as she gasped for breath, she exhaled a soft cry. He wrapped her in his arms and held her there. And she let him.

  EPILOGUE

  “Guys, I cannot be late for my own opening,” Elijah called from the bottom of the stairs. He was pacing slightly in the foyer in his new grey sweater, his hands in the pockets of his best pair of jeans. Earlier that day he had wondered out loud to Molly if a suit might be better.

  “It might be more professional, but it wouldn’t really be you,” she said as she straightened out his clothes before kissing him and disappearing out of the room.

  “Daddy, Mommy said James trew up again,” Eleanor, their three-year old daughter, was still having trouble with “th” sounds. She hobbled down the stairs in her Sunday best. The sight of his daughter in the dress her Aunt Rae bought her was enough to melt his heart. Sunlight from the window was shining through her beautiful curly mane - she was perfect. He reached up and grabbed her from the stairs before tossing her into the air.

  “He did, did he?” he said, pretending to be angry. She squealed with delight.

  “Please no more accidents,” Molly called from the top of the stairs holding their son James in one arm with the trendy changing bag her mother bought her dangling from the other. “I finally got everybody dressed.”

  Elijah reached up to grab the bag from her and gave James a quick kiss. When he leaned back he stood smiling to himself.

  “What,” she said, amused because he was.

  “Nothing,” he said grinning shamelessly. 6 years, 4 months, 2 weeks, and 11 days after the fire and Molly was still changing his life, still helping him become the best version of himself. He wasn’t sure if there were words for that but he was excited to have the rest of his life to show her how happy she made him.

  It had been a long road. After the fire Molly went back to Atlanta and stayed with her parents for a while. Ma Eloise and Earnest had arranged for their family to stop by the old house and help Molly by gathering up anything that looked like it could be salvaged. Everyone helped, everyone was allowed to help except Elijah. After the clean-up, Molly and her parents headed to Ma Eloise’s for the infamous family dinner. Elijah made sure he just missed them. It was the first time Elijah missed dinner with everyone since college.

  The moment on the bench had been beautiful, but there was much more damage done than a hug and a few words could fix. He knew it would take time and he graciously accepted his place outside the circle of trust until he could earn it again. They didn’t speak for the first year after she left. The only news of her he had, he got from Elsa and Earnest, who had started working with her on the mentoring idea she’d proposed.

  Elijah didn’t push, he was patient. He even pretended to be happy for her when she started dating someone the following year. Elsa and Ma Eloise quickly made their feelings known and urged him to act before it was too late but it was Earnest and Bix who set him on a course that changed everything.

  “You said you never wanted anything more than you wanted to be with her,” Earnest said plainly over a round of drinks at the sports bar.

  Elijah looked up from the table and smiled a “be careful” sort of smile at him.

  “So prove it,” Bix said matter-of-factly before looking up at him and smiling.

  He needed to keep his promise. He knew what to do to win her, but he wanted to make sure there was someone left to win. He called her for coffee.

  “Just coffee I promise. Earnest and I are in the city this week talking to some rec centers about the mentor program.”

  She knew what he was doing. He was buttering her up by mentioning the program. She knew it was a bad idea, especially since she was seeing someone now. She wished she could ignore the butterflies in her heart and stomach. But she couldn’t.

  “Ok,” she said softly.

  It was strange to see her after so much time had passed. She had always been beautiful, but somehow the recent tragedies had refined her features. She looked stronger, more poised. She’d cut her hair and it framed her face even more perfectly. She touched his arm and gave him a quick peck on the cheek when she arrived. It had only happened because she was flustered, if she’d remembered how upsetting this all was she would have pulled back and been distant. But she didn’t want to remember, she was tired of remembering, it was making her a bitter person and she didn’t like that version of herself.

  They exchanged pleasantries and well-planned compliments. Neither wanted to go on and on about how good the other looked. It felt desperate, never mind that from either perspective it was the truth.

  “So I heard a rumor that you’re going to church with Bix and Rae now,” she started when her coffee arrived at the table.

  Elijah lowered his head and smiled.

  “She finally wore you down, huh,” Molly asked smiling.

  He knew he had missed her smile, but now he felt it. Subconsciously he leaned in to be closer to her.

  “I just had a few questions I needed answered.”

  Molly was trying not to show it but she felt the weight of him closer and she wasn’t sure she disliked it as much as she should have.

  “Did you get them,” she asked, leaning back a little.

  Elijah grinned to himself. He took the hint and sat back in his chair.

  “Some of them.”

  “And the rest,” she asked with curiosity blooming in her eyes.

  “I think I got something better,” he started. “I think I learned I was asking the wrong questions.”

  Molly pursed her lips in contemplation and Elijah laughed. He had missed how transparent she was, how she was never able to hide what she felt from him.

  “I meant to apologize,” she said taking off the scarf around her neck.

  “For what?”

  “Hitting you. That wasn’t right, or fair.”

  “Molly that was like a year ago, and I’m pretty sure I deserved it.”

  Her lips tightened, she was trying to figure out how to say what came next.

  “I don’t think that’s how love is supposed to work.”

  E
lijah paused to look up at her, but she wouldn’t look up at him.

  “I think it’s supposed to be about what we need, not what we deserve.”

  Suddenly Elijah remembered their second date. How she had changed his perspective with one sentence. And now she had done it again.

  “That was the answer to one of my questions,” she finished. She had been right that day—the view was the same, she was the same Molly, but now he was different. Unlike the man on that horse, this Elijah knew exactly what he wanted.

  Two days later he was back in the office at the shop.

  “Earnest, I think I have a project for your first group of mentees,” he called out before he was even all the way through the door.

  The plan had always been for a group of youth from the city to come out and learn about carpentry and construction during the summer. But what they would work on had never been decided. Molly had helped them with identifying the right teens for the task. They needed to be energetic but responsible. They didn’t need to be angels, but they needed to be trustworthy enough to spend a summer away from their parents. Bix worked out an agreement with his Alma Mater to use the dorms for the summer, and Earnest quickly got to work on all the logistics and legalities that come along with working with children.

  First, they got to work on clearing the land, and then Elijah worked with his new apprentices on the basics of building a frame. A year and a half and two groups of teenagers later, the house was built. Elijah had kept his promise, though Molly didn’t know. She was helping from a distance. Partially because her expertise ended with programming and partially because she knew that being near Elijah meant being with him, and she didn’t want that. Did she?

  A lot had changed in the year and a half. Molly was drifting further and further from her life in Atlanta. She found herself much more passionate about working with Earnest and Elijah than she did about her job in the city and her relationship had cooled off. There had never been a real lasting connection between them. If she was honest, she knew it was because her heart was already engaged elsewhere. Not just Elijah, but most of her life was in that small town now—Elsa, Caleb, Bix, Earnest, and Ma Eloise—they were as much her family as her own mother, father, and brothers were. There were a few more family dinners after the first one and Ma Eloise and Molly’s parents had become fast friends. Even her brothers had bonded with Earnest and Elijah over their similar interest in youth development.

  “I can’t just move there,” she said to Elijah one night over the phone.

  “Why not, you did it once before.”

  “Yeah, but I had a job and a house last time.”

  “You have a job here Molly, the only reason we’re not paying you is because you won’t let us. Earnest is applying for so many grants. He has at least three on his desk right now that could pay your salary for a year.”

  She couldn’t let him hear it, but she was caving. The thought of being back there, back home, made her feel a peace she hadn’t felt in quite a while.

  “Ok, well Mr. Answer-for-Everything, where am I going to live?”

  “You should come live with me,” he said plainly, no joke or irony in his voice at all.

  “I think that’s the worse idea ever. Not to mention you live in a carriage apartment and your landlord is a racist who thinks I’ll corrupt you,” she laughed, but Elijah didn’t.

  “If you’re serious about moving I think I have a place in mind,” he said, plotting.

  He had convinced Molly to come and see a property he’d been working on. He drove to Elsa’s to pick her up and made her cover her eyes when they were a few miles away. Anyone else would have needed a blindfold, but Molly wouldn’t cheat. She was the most honest person he knew, and she was beginning to trust him again.

  He helped her out of the truck with her eyes still closed, stood her in front of the house, then moved his hand so she could see. She was silent. The cottage she once loved was nothing compared to this house. Two stories, a porch that ran the length of the house, and a brand new porch swing. The garden was even bigger, clearly Elsa’s touch. The flowers were in bloom and Bix had added a bird bath. Molly smiled to herself when she thought of how everything began. She hadn’t thought about Havoc in years.

  She was silent, and Elijah took it as a good sign. He slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out Ma Eloise’s ring. She had given it to him when he told her his plans to propose in front of the new house.

  “I know Jim would have loved Molly,” Ma Eloise had said as she pressed her palms to his cheeks and kissed him on the forehead, “and I think it would make him proud to have her wear it.”

  When Molly finally turned around, already awestruck, Elijah was on one knee with a jewelry box in his outstretched hand. He opened his mouth to speak but she interrupted before he could begin.

  “We should go,” she said abruptly and started towards the car.

  Elijah’s heart sank but he knew this wouldn’t be easy and he wasn’t willing to give up that quickly. He cut her off before she could reach his truck. He pulled the door open, locked it from the inside, and shut it again.

  “Don’t,” she said looking up at him with wide eyes.

  It was a warning and a plea, but he didn’t care. She pushed away and made her way to the other door, but he beat her to that one too.

  “Don’t what,” he said as he locked the second door. “I was serious on the phone. I want you to live with me. In this house.”

  She pushed past him to check the window in the bed of the truck. It was a desperate move. She would barely fit through that window even if she could wedge it open.

  “I want to make babies with you here and carry you to bed when you fall asleep reading on the couch.”

  She glared at him, annoyed, “Shut up Elijah.”

  He grinned. He knew her, she was angry but she wasn’t done with him, not yet. Maybe she never would be, the way he never would. The thought of a life with him set her world on fire the same way it did his, and he wouldn’t stop until he heard her admit it.

  She made her way onto the porch and was trying to use the swing to block him, but she couldn’t. He wasn’t even near her yet, but she was right where he wanted her. “Tell me you don’t want to be with me,” he demanded, but he wasn’t chasing her any more. There was no need, she couldn’t escape him here. Not in their own home.

  He slowly walked up the steps and she tried to move back, but there was nowhere to go.

  “Tell me,” he took her hand “you don’t want to marry me,” he pulled her close with his free arm around her waist.

  There was no way out, she belonged here with him.

  “Please don’t,” she managed as the tears began to flow.

  “I won’t, if you don’t want me to,” he said and her tears flowed faster.

  “Molly, I am so sorry that I broke my promise to you, but I kept this one,” he felt her begin to relax into his arms, she was still fighting him, but she was losing strength.

  “I won’t hurt you again,” he said.

  “Yes, you will,” she said pushing him away.

  She made her way around the porch swing and sat down. She wiped her eyes then looked up at him.

  “We’re going to hurt each other Elijah, we’re human. We didn’t end because you hurt me. You ended us when you wouldn’t even try to fix it,” she said weeping.

  “That’s all I’ve been doing for the last two years, trying,” he tossed up his hands in frustration, before calming himself and walking over to kneel in front of her.

  “You asked me if I got answers to my questions when I finally started talking to God,” he was close to her face, but he wouldn’t touch her. “I asked why I couldn’t just fix things with you before. Why I couldn’t just be honest about how afraid I was, and then out of nowhere I remembered this thing Mr. Jim used to say all the time. ‘You can’t fix anything wi
th broken tools.’”

  She loved him for that. Not for the house or the way he’d held her that morning after the fire or any of the thousands of moments they’d shared, but for this one. The one where he trusted her enough to show her who he was. This was the culmination of every other moment. And she loved him. He could see it on her face, so he opened the ring box and tried again.

  “Molly Grasen, this house is yours no matter what your answer, but I don’t want either of us to live in it without the other. Marry me,” he pleaded.

  She leaned in and whispered, “Ok.”

  He swept her up from the swing and held her for a long time before leaning back to look at her. He pressed his palm to her cheek and kissed her. It felt like forever since they’d kissed and no matter how much or how long it, didn’t seem enough. It didn’t seem like it would ever be enough.

  She pulled away, then hugged him close and whispered, “Soon.”

  He laughed out loud. It didn’t seem to be enough for her either.

  Three months later they were married on that very porch. A year and a half later Eleanor was born. Molly insisted that she be named after Elijah’s mother. And when their son was born almost two years later they agreed on Frederick James for her grandfather and James Hargro.

  “I’ve learned that the most important tools are not the ones we use to build homes and furniture, but the ones we use to build each other.”