Eluding Nirvana

by King, V. L.

  “Shit, sorry.”

  Our eyes locked. “When I said focus on the balls, Kady”—his eyes fluttered shut for a split second—“I meant the ones on the table, darlin’.” He muttered it so directly, that I will never be able to look at a ball the same without that statement resurfacing. I would remember it and the effect it had on my body, until my dying day.

  Less than an inch away from his face, his body cloaking mine as he folded me over the felt, my ass unintentionally rubbed against him again as I dropped my weight through my hip, anew. Ragged, unsteady breaths grated from my lungs. As my tongue swept across my lips, I felt them trembling.

  How can so much be told, secrets and undisciplined desires become blatant knowledge in one look? When my glassy eyes fluttered down to his lips, I had to shake myself out of it. I’d be lying if I said what I felt at that moment didn’t terrify me. It did. Because one man, one situation, and one measly statement had me almost abandoning my morals.

  Once I finally dragged my focus back to the game and took my shot, I totally missed, sending it bouncing off the cushion. That mishap caused me to spend the next four consecutive shots studying Walker as he successfully pocketed his solids, and trying so hard not to be distracted by the calculating look in his eye, his tongue resting on his lower lip, and the way he looked as he doubled over.

  I was sipping my beer when he finally fucked up on a shot. “Fuck. You’re up, Kady.”

  With a deep breath, I examined what was left of the stripes and solids. I was so going to lose this one. When I comfortably took my position, he asked if I needed any further assistance. Body bent and head down low, I pinned him with my eyes. His smirk and tiny gasp didn’t go unnoticed. “I think I’ll try myself.”

  “As you wish,” he muttered composed, a smirk and a lop-sided nod of his head rendered me speechless, while addictive tingles spawned in my body.

  I took everything he’d taught me in such small time and steadily guided my arm through, successfully dropping the ball into the pocket. Complete concentration, I dropped one after another, after another, until finally only the black was left, torturing me with its impossible angle. How the fuck was this going to work? I couldn’t even reach the white to hit it anyway.

  “You all right there, darlin’?” he mocked me.

  “How the hell am I supposed to hit that?” I glared at him, pointing to the table. “I can’t reach.”

  “As long as one foot is on the floor, you can climb on.”

  He had to be fucking kidding me. Accompanied by a dirty-minded smirk, I made damn sure my right foot was on the floor as I lifted my left leg and spread myself out on the felt.

  “I thought my days of climbing on tables were over with.” I spoke harshly but had to stifle the small snort which was brewing.

  I was shifting and adjusting, but I’d be fucked if I could somehow manage to find a position that I could use to my advantage. “Need a hand there, darlin’?”

  Over my shoulder I peeked, half of my body spread out in invitation on the table like some playboy centerfold. I couldn’t help but think that I would feel less conscious knowing he was shielding me, rather than watching the very…provocative pose I had gotten myself in. “Please.” I nodded.

  Staying perfectly still, at that moment I felt as though I was about to be mauled by a bear. I sensed him behind me, standing between the edge of the table and my right leg. When he slithered up and over my body, every muscle from head to toe tensed and quivered inexorably. Every hard muscle of him was digging into me, my back, my behind. Even his burly arms which were concealed by his shirt were pressed against me, guiding me as I supported the cue. I took a deep, pacifying breath, his scent tortured me just as much as the weight, warmth, prominence, and the mere thought of the position we found ourselves in.

  “Ready?”

  I wish he would stop asking me that, because every time he did, my unruly mind was tethering the question to my slowly diminishing morals. I couldn’t speak in fear of panting, so I simply succumbed to a nod of my head.

  The callouses coating his hands were pressed against the soft skin of my knuckles as we pulled back in unison, and by God alive, it was the most thrilling, lust-filled motion that I had ever experienced in my life. I couldn’t concentrate on what we were doing, our goal. My mind was too busy tossing images and tantalizing tidbits out to taunt me, to tempt me.

  So I let him guide my arm through as though it was him taking the shot. Somehow the black fell into the pocket. As it did, all I could do was let my head fall forward, allowing the abrasion of the felt to press against my brow. It was either that, or I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist the abrasion of the Irishman’s scruff to caress my cheek.

  Chapter Seventeen

  It was 12:15 a.m. by the time we headed out of McGinty’s. I’d said my farewells to Walker’s father, only for him to order that I call him Carriag and that I was to come back again soon.

  I couldn’t promise that I would. But I told him I’d at least try.

  Twenty minutes passed in a gawky silence as Walker drove me home. I couldn’t help chancing the odd glimpse in his direction. He looked so in control and defiant with his left hand casually grasping the wheel while his right fisted into that hair, leaving it sexy and rumpled.

  He offered a quick peek in my direction before turning back onto the road as my left hand worked its way to the curve of my shoulder and neck before rubbing at my nape.

  I smiled. “Thank you for a fun night. It’s been a long time since I…” I trailed off, my voice getting smaller and smaller while my head lowered for the briefest of moments before peeking back up. “Just, thank you.”

  “I suppose this means that I’ll be keeping my job then.”

  The corner of my lower lip was nipped after a small giggle and a long, dreamy sigh. Letting my teeth drag across the plump flesh, I finally spoke. “Yeah, I guess it does.”

  When we pulled up outside the house, I noticed the only light which was on, was that of Liam’s home office. He must have still been settling things on the old Williamson Estate. It felt like the project had been going forever.

  “Here.” Walker shifted, causing the leather of the bench to squeal, and dug his hand into the back pocket of his pants. When he handed me a folded piece of paper, my brow instantly furrowed. “Just in case you need anything.”

  The twitching corners of my mouth gave way to a cautious smile as I studied his phone number. “Is this…” I peeked at him, the paper caressed by my fingertips as though they sought to caress his face. I lost myself in his gaze, a shadow cast over the side of his face adding a little mystery. “Is this a good idea?”

  A rumble of a snigger made my breath hitch when he hung his head, and his right thumb rubbed the center of his upper lip. When he looked up, his expression turned coy. “It’s just a number, Kady. In case you want or need to talk. That’s all. Nothing else.”

  I won’t lie. I felt a small pang in my chest at his instance of ‘nothing else’. And that pang alone should have been enough reason to scrunch up the number and toss it in the trash.

  “We all need someone to talk to at some point, darlin’. Sometimes venting helps diffuse a situation before it gets out of hand.”

  His choice of words had thrown me. I didn’t know what he was referring to, but I wasn’t naïve enough not to know that there was a reference behind them. Slipping the paper into the side zipper of my purse, I said my thanks again for a fun night and ejected myself from the truck, placing a safe distance between me and temptation.

  “Hey.” I angled my head around the door of Liam’s home office.

  “Good morning.” He grinned, pushing himself back into his seat. Was that a sarcastic statement or a happy one, considering I had done as I was told and was kept out until past the appropriate time? I didn’t know, and that unknown bred a menacing shudder which turned my blood to ice. “I take it you were shown a good time?”

  “Yeah, we had fun. Your night doesn’t look so fun th
ough.”

  “Ah.” He lifted his arms and let them fall back to the arms of his chair. “It’s been quite interesting, actually.”

  “You always find interest in the most trifling of things. I’m going to bed. I’d really like for you to join me,” I posed with a suggestive arch of my brow. If there was one thing I needed, it was that dull ache in my lower abdomen to be hit head-on and the sexual, pent-up frustration to be alleviated.

  “I’d love to, baby, but I’ve got a lot that I need to get done.”

  I folded my arms over my chest and cocked my head. “And I can’t draw you away from being master of the Boston skyline for thirty minutes?”

  “Sorry, baby. Maybe tomorrow.” Stunned after his rejection hit me in the face at full force, he went back to his work leaving me to saunter down the hall to the bedroom…alone and very, very horny.

  When I got there and out of my clothing, I slipped myself between the cool satin sheets. Thoughts of the night spiraled around my mind, the line between right and wrong blurring as each end of the spectrum was blended together. What started off as a small throb was quickly becoming an unbearable ache as I closed my eyes, the heat and heaviness of a certain someone still bearing upon my back.

  My nipples strained painfully against the satin, my hands caressed at the heavy, tightening burdens on my chest before skimming down my sternum, my stomach, to the summit of my inner thighs. Back arched, I thrust my hips up as my hand plunged under the band of my panties and glided downwards over my core, drawing a small gasp of pleasure from my lips. My middle finger swept along the damp heat and creamy slickness as my thighs fell further open, a current of desire and need shooting from the tip of my clit through my entire body as I shuddered.

  What was I doing? What was I thinking? This was…it was…fuck, it was nice…

  Rough, baited pants were passing my lips while my pelvis gyrated under my touch. Slow fingers orbited over the swelling peak of my core at a leisurely pace and it was exhilarating, feeling the evidence of what my private touch was instigating. All the while, a certain pleasant, seductive brogue was rounding my mind, his scent and his innuendos. Oh God, the feel of his body as I accidentally grinded against him, the bulge in his pants, and the image of that final position we took atop of that table teased my mind as I continued teasing my seeping core.

  Eyes screwed tightly, I licked my lips and my hand relentlessly worked on fueling my body, my hips circled, my shoulder raised. I felt my wetness coating the material of my panties while I stroked myself inside of them, tiny bolts of electricity firing from that nub of nerve endings that the tips of my fingers were stimulating at an agonizing, slow pace. I was in no rush. I needed an intense, body-shaking orgasm. I knew it wouldn’t be as pungent as the ones the man down the hall could give me, but I needed it as powerful as I could give myself.

  When I said focus on the balls, Kady, I meant the ones on the table, darlin’.

  His words tormented my mind as I envisioned his scruff pressing between my thighs, his tongue taking the place of my fingers. With round, sweeping motions, all I could focus on was the image of his tongue doing what I was doing to myself, tasting the juice of my core. I was escaping at the mere fantasy of him here with me.

  Sweat beaded on my brow and down the crevice of my spine. Soon, every muscle in my body began to stiffen and contract. My lower back and abdomen surrendered to the weightlessness of bliss as the pressure behind my touch gained, my speed rapid. I chewed on the edge of the comforter to stifle my cries as my body erupted, trembling and tightening as my synapses sparked and fired then traveled through my entirety with heady jolts of bliss.

  Breathless and wasted, I allowed my body to sink onto the mattress, and as I spiraled down from my release, I was caught by a generous amount of guilt.

  I just fantasized about another man, a fantasy that brought me to orgasm, when my man was less than thirty-five feet away. What the fuck was I doing?

  Have you ever experienced those moments when you’re caught between dream and reality? You know, those moments just before you flutter your eyes and prepare yourself for the day, when you forget everything? That’s what I felt when I woke the following morning.

  I was stretching my body, alleviating the tightness in my muscles and joints with a smile on my face when I fluttered my eyelids and came face-to-face with that damn phone on the bedside.

  That damn phone was the trigger to my shit-awful day.

  At some point during the early hours, the thing had started ringing. It shocked me awake. Disorientated, I clambered over Liam’s empty side of the bed and picked it up. It somehow connected to the phone in his home office, and like some masochist, I deserted slumber and allowed myself to listen to the voices on the other end.

  The voice of Liam…the voice of Liv.

  “Liam, I’m not sure how that would work. We’ve pushed it a few times,” she giggled, practically uncaring.

  “Trust me, it’ll be fine. Come on, we have to, Liv.”

  As the words played havoc with my mind, gut-wrenching tears sprang to my eyes while fury and betrayal became my morning wake-up call.

  “Good morning, Kady baby.” Liam was standing in the doorway later that morning, already dressed in his light gray suit and blue shirt. The mattress swallowed in my hands as I pushed myself up to sit. “I brought you breakfast.”

  Breakfast, I inwardly scoffed. He thinks breakfast will help diminish a guilty fucking conscience?

  The distance between us closed. The bed plunged as he set the wooden tray on my lap and took a seat against the lower left post of the bed. I examined the contents of the tray: bacon, pancakes, scrambled eggs and ketchup, a glass of orange juice, and a cup of coffee. The full-bodied aroma traveled along the steam as it danced and spiraled into the air. At least there was no blood sausage or mushrooms on the tray this time. So I knew this wasn’t a punishment breakfast at least.

  “What’s the matter, baby? You look a little pale.”

  Sitting in silence, I didn’t dare look at him. I knew I’d break if I did. How could I have been so naive? I’d listened to her for hours gushing over this new man in her life. Her words continued a haunting tune in my mind as I stared blankly at the array on the tray. ‘It’s not my fault that she can’t see what’s happening in front of her eyes, Kady. Why should I feel guilty? If it was a happy home, then he wouldn’t have come to me in the first place.’

  The mental fog began to lift. Was that the reason why Liam made it his mission to for all this time to keep us separated?

  “Kady?” The voice laced with concern reeled me back. I lifted my head. “What’s wrong baby? You’re worrying me.”

  “What’s going on with you and Liv?” The words tumbled unbidden from my lips. I couldn’t suppress this. This was something that needed to be said, that needed to have place in the open air so we knew where we both stood.

  His face fell and a scowl appeared. Usually, that expression of his would’ve had me cowering. But not at that moment. At that moment, I was making it my mission to find out exactly what the fucking hell was going on behind my back, with someone who was supposed to be my best friend and my partner.

  “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me. What is going on with you and Liv? And don’t lie to me, Liam. I deserve that much at least.”

  “Kady,” he sniggered, which didn’t sit well with the tight ball in my belly that was increasing as my adrenaline rose. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Why would you think there was anything going on anyway?”

  I licked my lips and grit my teeth so hard I was sure one was going to chip. “Don’t. Fucking. Lie to me!” I screamed. All logical thought sailed out the window to be replaced by sheer wrath. In a blur, the tray was picked up from my lap and hurled across the room, narrowly missing Liam’s head before smashing against the doorframe of the en suite and crashing to the flooring. “I heard you on the fucking phone last night!”

  Each unsteady, quivering breath had my chest
heaving. I watched on as all dry amusement dissolved from his features to be superseded with sheer antagonism, while the severity of my actions was concrete at my feet, pulling me down as I crash-landed back to reality from my moment of sheer rage.

  “No, no, no, no…” I shook my head frantically with each beseeching syllable that was drawn from my lips. Jaw sturdy and tight, eyes hard and uncompromising, with the swiftness of a hunting lion he jumped up, the back of his hand connecting at an angle across the left side of my face. The bitter, metallic taste seeped from my lip to my tongue as I fell backwards. Wild, brutal hands grabbed at my legs and yanked me back as I tried to escape from his clutches.

  But it was a wasted effort.

  He finally fisted his hand in my hair and dragged me out of the bed.

  “Liam, no please, let me go, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—” I yelled as I struggled to find my feet. All the while I was pulled across the floor with my hand clutched at the back of my head in a futile attempt to stop him from yanking a fist-full of blonde hair out from the root.

  I was hauled kicking and shouting to the end of the room where the food and drinks laid dispersed over the ground.

  As if I was worshipping the chaos on the floor, I was positioned on my hands and knees before it, his hand still gripping forcefully in my hair while he stood behind me, my hips trapped between his legs. “If you had let me fucking explain,” he hissed. And unexpectedly, my face was being buried and scrubbed into the mess that I had created, like some puppy having her nose rubbed in its own piss after an accident. “I was talking to a client. He wants my company to design a casino. He said about life being short, and I said that we have to live life.”

  The fraught sounds of me spluttering and choking were masking his intimidating words. The heat of the coffee had absorbed into the carpet, but the mug still retained its heat. Every ounce of pressure he utilized without mercy while he held me there, my face against the carpet and the ceramic, amongst the disarray that was supposed to have been breakfast, was burning my cheek. The fibers of the carpeting scoured at my flesh as he unrelentingly scrubbed me across it.