Lost In You (Swanson Court #3)

by Serena Grey

  I almost stop walking when I see his tentative smile, but I recover myself quickly and keep on placing one foot in front of the other until I’m at the front. We take our seats while Uncle Taylor hands Laurie over to Brett and the ceremony begins.

  I’m aware of Landon’s presence all through, and it takes all my self-control not to go over to him, or at least retrieve my phone from my purse and talk to him, tell him how relieved I am that he came, how sorry I am for the things I said.

  The ceremony is short and beautiful. Both Laurie and Brett cry when they say their vows, and I do too, though not as much as Aunt Jacie, who’s practically bawling by the time they’re pronounced husband and wife. Afterward, we take pictures, before everyone has to move toward the tables laid out in a large cabana.

  Landon joins me then, while guests are congratulating Laurie, Brett, and their parents. He walks up to me and I sniff, blinking rapidly as it hits me all at once how much I’ve missed him. I’m going to have his child. Somehow, well I know exactly how, we created someone who would have something of both of us.

  I should tell him, I know. I have no excuse for keeping it to myself especially now that he’s here. And I will, I tell myself, once we’re alone.

  “Hey,” he murmurs, when he’s standing in front of me.

  I smile. “Hey you too.”

  “You look lovely.”

  I sigh. “So do you.”

  An eyebrow goes up. “But I don’t have flowers in my hair.”

  I reach for one of the flowers and stick it in his hair. It should make him look ridiculous, but it only makes him sexier. He grins, then his eyes lock on mine and turn serious. “I’m sorry…” he starts.

  “No…” I interrupt him. “I’m sorry. I said a lot of things I didn’t mean.”

  He takes my hand. “We shouldn’t do this here,” he says, looking toward the party. The children are laughing and chasing each other between the tables, and wine and food is being served. “It was a beautiful ceremony,” he says. There is some wistfulness in his eyes.

  “Yes, it was.” We stand there looking at each other. “When did you arrive?” I ask finally.

  “Last night. Much too late to do anything after the manager told me you weren’t in your room. I had breakfast with the men in your family this morning.”

  “Oh!” That must have been after my mom came over to Nana’s. She must not have known that Landon was around, or she would have told me. “I’m glad you came,” I whisper softly.

  He raises a hand to touch my cheek, gently stroking it. “I wouldn’t dream of missing something so important to you.”

  The party progresses nicely after that. The best man gives a hilarious toast that makes Brett squirm in embarrassment throughout, and afterward there’s dancing. I dance with my brother, my dad, Uncle Taylor, and a couple of other people that I don’t know. Before Landon takes over and doesn’t release me to anyone else.

  The DJ switches to dancehall beats and Landon shows a surprising willingness to shake it to the dance tracks, as well as amazing skill. It’s easy to forget everything and just have fun, to eat so much cake it’s almost indecent, to laugh as Nana winks at me when I finally introduce Landon to her, and dance in a circle when Berry and Tamia’s children insist on dancing with Landon and me.

  Finally, Laurie and Brett leave. They’re spending the night at another hotel, far away from family. From there they’re flying to Venice. We remain at the beach for a while after they leave, waiting till the sun starts to set before we all say our goodbyes.

  Landon follows me to the suite I shared with Laurie. He took a suite for himself when he arrived, but he shows no desire to leave me. I wonder if we’re going to talk about our fight now. It was so great to see him enjoying himself that I don’t want to spoil it by remembering anything else.

  “I have sand everywhere,” I tell him, once we’re inside the room. I’m smiling, trying to keep things light.

  “Yes, I probably need a shower too.” He starts to take off his shirt. “My clothes are in my suite.”

  I raise my brows. “Do you think you’ll need them?”

  He grins. “Come on,” he says, pulling me into the bathroom, where we shed the sandy clothes before getting in the shower. Landon kisses me under the warm spray and spends the next few minutes soaping my body so thoroughly that when I emerge, I’m not only clean, I’m also nearly incapacitated with arousal.

  When we’re both back in the room, wrapped in robes, Landon sits beside me on the bed. He has called the manager and arranged for his things to be sent down first thing in the morning, so he won’t be doing a walk of shame in the bathrobe, an image that makes my lips quirk in amusement.

  “About Thursday night…” he says, looking at me.

  I breathe, my smile disappearing. I search his face, trying to be secure in the knowledge that he loves me, that he’ll never do anything to hurt me.

  “I love you,” he says, his voice so soft and tender that immediately my eyes start to tear up. “I need you to know that. I need you to know that I’ll never do anything consciously, deliberately to hurt you. There is nothing as important to me as you are.”

  I nod, tears in my eyes.

  “I should have told you I was going to see Ava, and I should have told you why. I was hoping that I’d have been able to resolve the whole situation with Evans before coming here, and you’d never need to know that he was missing.” He sighs. “Of course that was wrong as well.”

  “At least I know now…” I reach for his hand. “You still haven’t found him?”

  He shakes his head. “I have no idea what he’s doing or planning, and Ava refuses to get the police involved. With his drug use, he’s irrational and unpredictable, and it’s been such a relief that you were here while I was trying to find him, because at least I know you’re safe.”

  “What about you?” I close my eyes. “There’s a madman on the loose who blames you for his life choices, and I’ve been partying over here, with no knowledge of that. It makes me feel useless.”

  “I understand that now, and I’m sorry I didn’t think of it that way before. I didn’t want to ruin the experience of your cousin’s wedding for you.”

  “I’m not a child you protect from everything, Landon.”

  “I know.”

  “So Ava didn’t know where he was?”

  “If she did, I couldn’t get it out of her. She may not be crazy like her brother, but she likes to play games. I’m sure she knows where he is, or has an idea, and coaxing it out of her was the objective of meeting her for dinner.”

  “So you were trying to seduce it out of her.”

  “Not seduce.” He gives me an appealing look. “Coax.”

  I breathe, deciding to trust him, even though the image of him with her, flattering her ego and trying to make her feel that she was important to him, enough for her to tell him what he wanted to know, it makes me clench my fingers. “But you didn’t succeed.”

  “She admits that she gave him some money, and he told her he wanted to travel and ‘get away from it all.’”

  Travel. Hopefully out of our lives for good. “Do you believe her?”

  “Maybe, but I don’t believe him.”

  That night outside the restaurant comes back to my mind, and the thought of what could have happened. I remember Evans’s voice in my ear all those months ago in San Francisco, how bitter he’d been, and filled with hate. I shudder.

  “You understand why I had to meet her,” Landon asks.

  I nod. “I do.”

  “We have something special, Rachel. I want to know you won’t ever let anything like suspicion make you think of throwing it away.”

  Again.

  The image of two little boys wrapped in blankets comes unbidden to my head, and Landon outside my apartment, frantic as he waited for his driver to find me, for me to return. I know how much it means to him, to know that I will trust him first and not let my suspicions make me do something irrational.

>   “I’ll never walk away from you,” I tell him.

  His chest rises, and in the next moment he pulls me onto his lap. “I’ve missed you,” he tells me. “It took a lot of control for me not to steal you away from Laurie’s wedding and find some corner to fuck you senseless.”

  “Jesus!” I laugh at the image. “Well. I’m glad you didn’t.” I wet my lips. “Although you can feel free to do so now.”

  He’s already loosening the belt of my robe. “I intend to.” He pulls the robe off my shoulders to expose my breasts.

  My nipples harden under his tender gaze. “I love how responsive you are to me,” he says. He parts my legs gently. “Your body was made for my touch.”

  “Yours was made to drive me crazy.”

  He grins and slides one hand between my legs. I’m already wet, and his finger slides easily between my folds. “God, I need to fuck you,” he sighs.

  “Feel free.”

  His lips cover mine hungrily, and at the same time, he starts to work me with his fingers. Two fingers slide inside me, while his thumb moves over my clit, rubbing and massaging with just enough pressure to make my body start to writhe. Sensations flood me, and I move my hips to the rhythm of his fingers, also feeling his cock hard against my buttocks. I moan. I need him inside me.

  Landon reads my mind, because right then he rises to his feet, lifting me and placing me on the bed. He pulls off his robe with an urgency that’s arousing by itself, and I spread my legs, opening myself up to him. He lowers his head between my legs, and I’m already so aroused that when his tongue flicks over my clit, I almost come, my hips bucking into his face.

  “I want you now,” I tell him urgently.

  He kneels between my legs and fists his cock for a moment, before pulling me up by my thighs and sliding deep inside me with one firm thrust.

  My already pulsing insides welcome him in, closing around him, urging him deeper. I close my eyes, surrendering my body to him, to the pleasure of his cock deep inside me. He starts to move in firm, hard strokes, and his hunger for me is evident in the way he fucks me, his hips jerking as he thrusts into me.

  His fingers tighten on my thighs, and when my eyes flutter open, his own are narrowed to dazed slits, his breaths coming from parted lips. I tighten my legs around his waist, eager to see him lose control. “Fuck me hard,” I whisper, pushing my hips to meet his thrusts. I feel my climax coming and I hug my breasts, my body tightens, and heat explodes in my core as I lose myself. He comes at the same time, his body jerking forward as an agonized moan rips from his lips, and he falls forward, dropping my legs, and covering one breast with his lips, even as the heat of his release fills me.

  “God!” He breathes later, his arms tight around me. “I hope you never find out that you’d only have to say the word to make me your willing sex slave.” He kisses my hair with a soft laugh.

  I kiss his neck. “Now you’ve told me, I’ll keep it in mind.”

  “I love you,” he says fervently. “More than anything.”

  “You’re everything,” I whisper. “I can’t bear the thought of being without you.”

  “You’re never getting rid of me.”

  I sigh and relax into his arms. Somewhere inside, a small voice reminds me that I still haven’t told him that I’m pregnant, but I ignore it. I’ll tell him when I’m sure, I decide, luxuriating in the feel of him surrounding me as I fall into a peaceful sleep.

  All the way back to New York, I wrestle with my irrational reluctance to tell Landon about the baby. Mentally, I can’t even explain to myself why I’m hesitant. There’s no reason I can’t just come out and say it.

  Landon, I’m pregnant.

  How hard could it be? What was the worst that could happen? I sincerely doubt that he would conclude that he’s not ready for the level of commitment that having a baby means. That scenario doesn’t even gel with the Landon I know.

  What if he decides to take responsibility but silently blames me for making him a father when he’s not ready?

  I sigh.

  “Are you fretting about something again?” Landon is sitting beside me on the plane. He’d been reading on his tablet, but now he’s looking at me, his beautiful cobalt eyes holding mine. Our child could have eyes like his, I think, the thought filling me with longing.

  “No,” I answer his question. “No, I’m just thinking about work.”

  Landon continues to look at me, his eyes questioning, and I turn away from his searching gaze, not because I think he can read my mind but because I feel almost as if I’m lying to him, deceiving him.

  “No matter what you’re thinking, about us,” he says. “You can tell me and we’ll talk about it.”

  I smile and take his hand. Squeezing it gently, and hoping he can feel how much I love him, even in that touch.

  I doze off watching him read, and only wake up when we’re back in New York. In the car, Landon continues to work on his tablet until we get to the entrance of the Swanson Court.

  I know something is wrong long before we reach the awning. There is an enormous crowd in front of the hotel and it takes a moment for me to realize that they’re reporters. They notice the car approaching and throng around it, their mouths moving from across the glass as they scream their questions, which I can’t hear from inside the car.

  Joe manages to get the car to the entrance, but Landon is silent, his mouth drawn into an impatient, irritated line.

  “What’s going on?” I ask, even as I realize that we won’t know the answer to my question until we come out of the car, to face the mob.

  “I don’t know,” Landon replies.

  “Do you want me to go into the parking lot?” Joe asks quietly.

  Landon frowns. “No. Whatever it is, it’s better if we don’t look as if we’re running away from it.”

  Joe nods and stops the car in front of the doors. Immediately, the crowd swarms around it, and through the tinted glass, I can see the flashes as they take pictures.

  “Wait here,” Landon tells me, opening his door and stepping out of the car, with Joe following his lead. There’s a sudden explosion of sound, which is cut short when the doors close. Then they both appear at my door, along with some of the security personnel from the hotel, who make a path between the sea of reporters, all of them flanking me as we move toward the entrance.

  The questions are rapid, melting into each other. I hear Landon’s name, over and over, and Ava Sinclair’s.

  Were you involved?

  Did you have something to do with it?

  Did you know?

  Do you have anything to say?

  Why is she asking for you?

  Landon ignores them until we’re inside the doors. In the lobby, Jed Fray, Landon’s head of security, is waiting for us.

  “What happened?” Landon’s voice is an icy bark.

  “We are working to get rid of them,” Jed gestures toward the reporters outside the door. I haven’t had much cause to talk to him before, but if I had to describe him, I’d pick unflappable as the most suitable word.

  “That is not what I asked,” Landon says tersely, obviously not impressed with Jed’s handling of the situation.

  Jed nods. He looks at me, then turns back to Landon. “Ava Sinclair was stabbed this morning in her suite at the Gold Dust in San Francisco.

  Landon stiffens, his entire expression and posture changing as Jed continues. “She’s currently in intensive care, and we know the attacker was her brother. She was obviously expecting him. The tapes show that she let him into her suite…” he stops. “She started asking for you as soon as the paramedics got there. That, coupled with the fact that it happened in your hotel, and,” He looks at me again. “Your prior relationship with the victim, the press are trying to make a story out of it.”

  I’m looking at Landon, watching that familiar pained expression take over his features. His eyes are on me, but it’s almost as if he’s looking through me. I swallow, willing myself not to wonder why Ava was
staying at the Gold Dust, not to wonder if she’d been there when Landon was in San Francisco. The thought of them together… Spending the night under the same roof… It makes me feel desperate. I close my eyes, willing myself to be concerned for Ava’s safety instead.

  “How is she?” I ask Jed, surprised at how firm my voice sounds.

  “She’s in intensive care, but from the reports I’m getting, they’re sure she’ll be fine.”

  “And Evans?”

  “They don’t know where he is.”

  “You’ll shut this down?” I ask Jed, pointing to the horde outside the door.”

  “Already on it.”

  I turn to Landon. “Come on,” I tell him, “Let’s go up, and decide what we’re going to do.”

  He follows me to the elevators, silent. I don’t need anyone to tell me that he’s blaming himself for what happened to Ava.

  In the apartment, I fix him a drink and he takes it from me, his face drawn. Esmeralda is already in our room unpacking our things and I realize that I probably need to ask her to pack for another trip. I still have one day before I have to go back to work. I’d thought I would spend it with Landon, but now that doesn’t seem likely.

  I watch him drink some of the scotch I gave him. “Please don’t blame yourself,” I urge, recognizing the note of pleading in my voice. “There’s already so much you feel responsible for.”

  “But I am responsible.” His voice is tight with emotion. “She was meeting him, probably trying to talk him out of his insane vendetta, and he stabbed her, his own sister, because I put her in a position where he saw her as an enemy.”

  “Landon, he’s clearly insane. You can’t blame yourself for that.”

  “Can’t I?” he downs the Scotch. “He wasn’t insane before I bought the Gold Dust out from under him. He was happily running it into the ground, but at least he was sane.”

  “Landon…”

  “Don’t you see how messed up everybody around me is? Evans is crazy. Ava is fighting for her life. Aidan is dealing with severe depression… did you know that?” His eyes are dark with pain. “Sometimes he goes off the rails and disappears for days.” He laughs bitterly. “You already know about my mother and my father… That miserable… We might as well have killed him, you know? Me and Aidan. That’s why Aidan can’t bear to look at himself at times. The last thing he told our father was that we were all better off without his alcoholic, useless presence, and I stood there and said nothing, because I felt the same. Maybe I thought there was some truth in the stories that drove my mother to her death. Maybe I was sick of watching him drink himself to death while ignoring his sons.” He shakes his head, “But I stood there while Aidan shredded him, and the next morning he was dead.”