Born Bad

by Josephine Cox

  He went on, going over it all in his mind. ‘It had to end. Afterwards I felt bad about the way it finished. All I could think of, was that she had lied to me. There was no trust left between us, so I walked away … just walked away.’

  Ever since that day, he had wondered how it might have been if he had stayed, though always at the back of his mind was the question: if Judy had lied to him about her age, what else had she lied about?

  He concluded the story. ‘I came here after the war to Weymouth to visit an old Army friend, met Sara, and stayed. I never saw Judy again, until after Sara was taken from me.’

  ‘You’ve had a lot to deal with,’ Father Connor acknowledged. ‘The untimely death of your parents, then losing Judy, fighting during the war, being in constant danger, and more recently, losing Sara. You may not think it just now,’ he said gently, ‘but you have been blessed in other ways. You have a strong heart, good health, and you have a wonderful son.’

  ‘I do know that,’ Harry said sombrely. ‘I also have my adopted mother back, and I’m home, where Sara so much wanted me to be. When she was ill, and all hope was lost, she was the one who made me promise that I would go back, and she was right …’

  He did not finish what was on his mind, though Father Connor finished it for him: ‘… if it wasn’t for Judy?’

  Harry nodded. ‘I’m not sure what to do, Father. I feel in my heart that she’s in desperate trouble. After I left, she went through a lot of bad stuff. Her family disowned her. Apparently, she went a bit wild, then she got married to a known troublemaker. By all accounts he’s been in jail for violence. There are rumours that he beats Judy, but I don’t know for certain.’

  He recalled the incident like it was only a moment ago. ‘All I know is what I saw that day when she came to the store where I work in Bedford. She was so pale and waiflike, and when she looked across at me, it was as though she was crying out for help.’

  He confessed, ‘I want to get her away from him, but I’m not sure if that’s the right thing. Since I’ve been down here, I’ve been asking myself: if he really is beating her, why doesn’t she leave him?’

  ‘Are you asking my advice?’ Father Connor could see Harry’s dilemma.

  ‘I would welcome some advice, yes, Father.’

  After a moment’s consideration, Father Connor outlined his thoughts. ‘Firstly, I think Sara was very wise to send you back to your roots. To my mind, it was the right thing to do. It’s very plain to see you have never stopped loving this girl, Judy. Oh, and that’s not to say you didn’t love Sara. I know you did.’

  ‘Oh, yes! Sara was the saving of me and I loved her for many reasons.’ But it was a different kind of love. ‘Sara was beautiful in every way,’ he said, ‘and I will never stop loving her.’

  He turned to ask the priest, ‘I expect you think that’s a strange thing to say, being that I love Judy as well?’

  ‘No,’ Father Connor said gently. ‘There are many kinds of love. There is the love of a parent, a friend, or a child. Then there is the love of a partner, a deep abiding love that protects and holds and keeps you safe; a love that shares and gives, a comfortable love that will always be cherished.’

  He concentrated his gaze on Harry. ‘If we’re very blessed, there is that one, amazing love. It takes hold of your heart, it opens a world of emotions, it awakens your every sense … entwines itself into every fibre of your being, almost as though you’re living and breathing it. Some people will never know such a love. Others will live their every moment, holding it in their hearts, until that heart stops beating and then maybe, for all we know, it may even transcend life itself.’ He smiled. ‘I’ve heard some people describe it as having a soulmate.’

  He looked at the cross above the altar. ‘A priest might say it’s the love for the Almighty. In your case, it’s Judy. Through your very real love for Sara, for your son and the life you built here, through all your trials, Judy never left you.’

  His amazing words touched Harry deeply. He felt the truth of them, and he accepted it had been and would always be that way. Judy really was his soulmate. He had only had to look at her that one time in the store and he knew her every thought. He felt her deep unhappiness and her need of him.

  ‘I don’t know what to do,’ he whispered now. ‘I’m so lost.’

  ‘So, what do you think you should do?’

  ‘I’m not sure.’ Harry had agonised over it. ‘Judy is a married woman. What right do I have to interfere? Should I let Judy decide, or should I help her as best I can?’

  ‘Has the young woman actually asked for your help?’

  ‘No, not in so many words.’ Harry tried to justify his concern. ‘She doesn’t need to ask. I can tell she’s in distress. I have a bad feeling about it. Phil Saunders was always paranoid about Judy. He even stalked her when Judy and I first got together. He threatened me all the time. I’m concerned that he might assume that Judy and I are meeting up for old time’s sake.’

  ‘And are you meeting up?’

  ‘No!’ Harry assured him. ‘I’ll admit it did cross my mind to find out how she was, but no! I saw her just the once at the store. I didn’t even talk to her. One minute she was there, and then she was gone.’

  ‘Do you think she came to see you?’

  Harry smiled. ‘I thought about that. I hoped she had, but she didn’t stay, so I can’t be sure.’ He searched for an answer. ‘I can’t forget how sad she looked,’ he said softly. ‘She was much thinner than I remember, and there was something about her that worried me – I mean really worried me.’

  ‘I see.’ The older man understood. ‘And she never came back?’

  ‘No. She never did.’ He turned to look into the priest’s eyes. ‘What should I do, Father?’

  Father Connor looked up towards the altar. He bent his head in silent thought, and then he spoke to Harry. ‘Follow your conscience,’ he told him. ‘That’s what you should do.’

  He then softly got up and left.

  Harry watched him leave. Father Connor did not look back. Where Harry Blake was concerned, his work was done.

  It was very late at night when Harry arrived home. He parked the car outside the house on Fisher’s Hill.

  Kathleen came out to greet him. ‘It’s good to see you back safe and sound,’ she cried, throwing her arms about him. ‘I thought you would never get here, and where’s the boy?’ Going to the back of the car, she called his name. ‘Tom! It’s Kathleen, wanting a cuddle!’

  Tom’s weary face appeared at the window. ‘I’m tired,’ he yawned. ‘I fell asleep.’

  ‘Ah, the poor wee soul,’ she sighed. ‘He’s asleep on his feet, so he is.’

  Harry swung the boy into his arms. ‘He’s not the only one,’ he said. ‘I’ve never seen so much traffic! We got stuck behind a lorry for ten miles, then a tractor turned out of a lane and kept us dawdling for another half an hour.’

  Kathleen was sympathetic. ‘Sure, it’s no wonder the pair of youse look done in.’

  ‘Then, when we finally did get underway, Tom decided he wanted the toilet, and we had to find a café. I thought that while we were there with still a way to go, we might as well get something to eat, so that made us even later.’

  He gave a guilty look. ‘Mind you, I was starving hungry too, so it wasn’t Tom’s fault. Anyway, we’re here now, so once I’ve put this young man to bed, you can tell me all the news.’

  ‘There isn’t much to tell,’ she informed him as they went inside.

  ‘Well then, I’ll tell you my news,’ he replied.

  After Tom gave her a cuddle and a kiss goodnight, Kathleen went into the kitchen to make a drink, while Harry put the boy to bed.

  ‘Best not tell him I went to see Judy,’ she muttered as she went about her work. ‘Not that it did me any good, because either she wasn’t there, or she did not want to talk to me. I’ve done all I can, and I can’t do no more,’ she chatted on. ‘The thing is, how do I stop Harry from going round there?’
/>   ‘Hey! Talking to yourself is bad news,’ Harry chuckled as he entered the kitchen. ‘What’s that all about?’

  ‘Aw, take no notice of me. ’Tis simply an old woman’s ramblings. I’m just so pleased you’re back safe and well, so I am.’

  Kathleen wisely moved the conversation on. ‘Now then, Harry me darlin’, what have you got to tell me?’ Plonking the two cups of steaming hot tea onto the table, she drew out a chair and sat opposite him. ‘Did it all go as you wanted? Is everything all right down there?’

  Harry calmed her down. ‘Hang on a minute,’ he laughed. ‘Let me get through the door.’

  ‘It’s good news, I can tell,’ Kathleen said. ‘You’ve got a smile a mile wide on your face.’

  ‘You’re right,’ he informed her. ‘It is good news. Mr Sparrow is on the mend, and his mate Arthur is a thoroughly decent man. My Sara will be safe in their hands.’

  Kathleen was thrilled. ‘Aw, that really is good news. Now what about young Tom? He didn’t get upset at going back there, did he?’

  Harry shook his head. ‘Not a bit of it. He talked to Sara as though she had never gone away. I think he doesn’t altogether understand. There was one point when he went very quiet. I thought we might have tears but when I told him his mammy could hear what he had to tell her, he seemed to get over it. He told her about you, and the house, and how he likes his new school. Yes, he’s doing fine. I’m really proud of the little fella.’

  Kathleen was greatly relieved. ‘Did ye go back to your old house?’

  ‘No,’ Harry said quietly. That would have been too upsetting.’

  ‘You seem to have been gone an awful long time.’

  ‘The travelling took such an age. Then we went to the hospital to visit Roland, and met Arthur, and later Mrs Sparrow. Tom and I got more flowers and we spent quite a while with Sara.’

  He wasn’t really sure if he should tell her about the priest.

  She seemed to sense he was holding something back. ‘Sure, half a tale is worse than no tale at all’ she commented.

  He laughed. ‘Kathleen O’Leary! You’re too canny for your own good,’ he joked.

  ‘So, what else then?’

  ‘I saw the priest, Father Connor. He was there for us, when we lost Sara.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘He gave me some good advice.’

  ‘Concerning what?’

  ‘Concerning Judy … and the way things are.’ Harry looked down as he recalled Father Connor’s wise words. ‘He said there are many ways to love someone. You can love a parent, or a child, or a partner … all very different kinds of love. He said he knew I loved Sara deeply, but that I had also been blessed with another, more powerful kind of love.’ He felt it now, in his bones and in his being.

  ‘Go on, Harry.’

  ‘He said some people called it the love you have for a soulmate. It is a kind of love, different from any other. It winds its way into your soul, and fills your senses; it touches every fibre of your being, and you will never forget it until your heart stops beating, and maybe even beyond that.’

  Having told, he fell silent, thinking how wondrous it seemed. Yet in his deepest heart he knew what Father Connor was saying, for he had lived with Judy’s love inside him, for all these many long years.

  Kathleen also fell silent.

  She too had known that other kind of love; with her husband, taken from her just when she needed him the most. Yet he was never far away. As Father Connor had told Harry, a love like that is in your blood for evermore. She still felt her husband’s presence, every moment of every day and night; keeping her safe, watching over her and inspiring confidence whenever she began to doubt herself.

  ‘Father Connor is a wise man,’ she said softly. ‘Every word he says is true. If you are fortunate enough to find your soulmate, then you really are blessed.’ She guessed where all that had come from. ‘You told him, didn’t you?’ she urged. ‘You told him about Judy, how much you loved and missed her.’

  ‘I told him everything,’ Harry confessed. ‘How very much we had loved each other right from the start, then how certain things happened and I had to leave.’

  ‘Did you tell him you were worried that Judy might be in danger?’

  ‘Well, I told him what kind of man Saunders was, and that I had seen Judy from a distance and was concerned for her.’

  Then doubts overrode his instinct. ‘The thing is, Kathleen, I’ve had time to think. What if I’m wrong? What if I’m jumping to conclusions? I don’t know for sure that she’s being knocked about, and she hasn’t said that she is. Judy hasn’t asked me for help, has she? Saunders is still the hard man he’s always been, that’s clear enough, and there’s been talk that he ill-treats Judy, and because of it, maybe I’ve been too quick to think the worst. I love Judy, I always have, so am I using any excuse to get her back – is that what’s happening? After all, Judy willingly married Phil Saunders, so it follows that she must think a great deal of him. So, however much I love her, do I really have the right to track them down and go barging in heavy-handed?’

  Kathleen took a moment to dwell on his words. ‘When you put it like that …’

  ‘I do! We have to look at the cold facts, Kathleen. It’s all we have – except for idle tittle-tattle from people who might have their own grudge against Saunders. I know from experience he can be a nasty piece of work, but then I might be the same if some old boyfriend turned up out of the blue and was trying to move in on my wife.’

  The more he examined the situation, the more Harry wondered about his own motives. He desperately wanted Judy back in his life, and that was the truth, but was his love for her colouring his judgement?

  ‘It might be a different matter if Judy had come to me for help, but the very fact that she has not should be enough to tell me two things. Firstly, that she is in no danger, and secondly, no matter what I feel for her, I should keep my distance. And what about her family? If Saunders was hurting Judy, surely they would deal with it?’

  Kathleen had not thought of that. It was strange though, how Judy had not even mentioned her family that day at the café.

  For a long moment they were quiet in thought, remembering Judy’s family, her mother and father, and sister Nancy. They recalled what a close family they had been.

  ‘You’re right,’ Kathleen remarked thoughtfully. ‘They kept themselves very much to themselves. As I recall, the mother was a formidable character, but the father seemed kindly enough – and the older sister … what was her name? Noreen?’

  The name escaped her for the moment. Then ‘Nancy – that was it, I remember how she and Judy often used to walk down the street talking and laughing together.’

  She agreed with Harry. ‘Yes, you’re right. If Judy was in trouble, I’m sure they would have stepped in, her being the younger and all.’ But then, as Kathleen reminded herself, there was the business of Judy being with child, and soon after Harry had joined up, the Roberts family had left Fisher’s Hill. It was strange, how they were here one minute and gone the next.

  Returning the subject to Harry, she asked, ‘When you spoke to the priest, did he have any advice for you?’

  Harry drew in a long, deep sigh. ‘He told me to follow my conscience, and I’ve been thinking about that all the way home.’

  ‘And …?’

  ‘If Saunders really does beat her, I can’t help but ask myself why Judy doesn’t leave him. She knows I’m here now; she knows she only has to ask, and I’ll move heaven and earth to make sure she’s safe.’

  ‘So, what do you intend doing?’

  Harry had decided. ‘To stand back for a while, and not go hot-headedly looking for Saunders. I shall watch and wait, keep my eyes and ears peeled, and if I see her again, I’ll look into her eyes and I’ll know if she’s in trouble.’

  Of one thing he was adamant. ‘If Judy really is in danger, I’ll have her away from him, whatever it takes! Until then, I mean to tread carefully. One way or another, I intend gettin
g to the truth; only I won’t be so much a bull at a gate.’

  Kathleen was torn two ways. Unlike Harry, she had looked into Judy’s eyes that day at the café, and she was close enough to see the sadness there; although in truth Judy had never once said she was being ill-treated. Nor did she run Saunders down or ask for help,

  ‘I’m glad you’ve decided to take a step back,’ she said, considering. ‘I’ve been thinking myself that it might all be moving too fast. After all, what we think we know is mostly hearsay and gossip, and maybe a part of it has come about simply because she’s married to a monster like Saunders.’

  She was ever conscious of what Pauline had to say, and her fears were still very real. But, like Harry said just now, how could they be sure – unless Judy herself confirmed it?

  ‘If I can just get to Judy, I’ll be able to find out the truth,’ she promised. ‘Once we know how the land lies, we can decide what to do.’

  In spite of falling in line with Harry’s thinking to a certain extent, Kathleen decided that she would pay Judy another visit, but not until the heat had died down. So she would go back to Jackson Street – not today or tomorrow, but soon.

  If it turned out that the rumours were true and Judy really was in danger, then the priority was the same as before. To get Judy away to safety.

  While they talked and planned, with Judy at the heart of their conversation, neither Kathleen nor Harry could have foreseen how events were already moving on.

  Much faster and more dangerously than either of them could ever have anticipated.

  PART FIVE

  Bedfordshire, Late Autumn 1956

  The Price of Sin

  Chapter Twenty-One

  THAT NIGHT, AFTER Phil had told her his secret plan, and of her part in it, Judy had cried herself to sleep. She woke to find Phil standing by the bed, looking down on her with a smirk on his face. ‘Time to get up, my beauty,’ he said. ‘You and I have a busy day ahead, don’t we, sweetheart?’