“Where are you?”
“Got held up,” he explained. “Hey hold on, I have a call coming in.”
I waited patiently while Nolan took the other call and a few minutes later he was back. “That was Adam,” he said, his voice not portraying any emotion.
“What? What did he want?” I felt my heart speed up. Adam had been behaving himself lately as far as Nolan was concerned, but I didn’t trust him completely to continue with that.
“His car broke down.”
“Where?”
“In the driveway.”
“How? It’s not even that old.”
“No idea but he went out and tried to start it and it wasn’t happening. He wants me to give him a ride into town.”
“For what?” I could feel my anxiety starting in my stomach and struggled to keep it down.
“I didn’t ask. But I’m in town already and it’s not so bad, so I told him I would.”
“Nolan –”
“Lainey, it’s okay. Did it not ever snow in Oregon? You’re acting like we’re having a blizzard or something.”
“No, it never snowed when I lived in Oregon,” I said with a frown. “And I know this isn’t a blizzard but there’s still a lot of snow, especially for someone who isn’t used to driving in it.”
“I’m being careful, I promise. And I’ll be even more careful with Adam in the car. Do you want me to bring him back to the apartment with me?”
“No,” I said without thinking first. Things had been a little awkward between us at the party yesterday. We hadn’t talked after I went to the den with Nolan except to say goodbye. I wasn’t really sure I wanted to face him again just yet. He seemed determined to get our relationship back and I just wasn’t convinced yet.
“Okay, I get it. I’ve got to go though, okay? I’m actually driving right now.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that?” I demanded. “I never would have stayed on the phone in the first place.”
He laughed. “That’s exactly why,” he said. “Do you need anything while I’m out? I have a feeling you’ll be hiding my keys when I get home so you might as well make a request while you can.”
I smiled at the fact that he knew me well enough already to know I’d already been planning to do just that. “Actually, can you stop somewhere and get some infant cold medicine? Harper’s been coughing a little bit and I want to try to get some in her system before it turns into anything more.”
“She seemed fine this morning,” Nolan pointed out.
“I know but she’s been sniffling and I don’t want it to get worse,” I insisted. Harper hadn’t really gotten an actual cold yet and I wasn’t ready for that to change.
I’ll be back as soon as I can, okay?”
“Okay. Are you sure you don’t mind?”
He laughed. “I don’t mind, Lainey. Someone once told me that when you love someone enough, you’ll do anything for them; even if that means driving through a storm to get medicine for a baby that probably isn’t even really sick.”
I smiled. “Thank you.”
“No problem. See you soon.” He hung up and I slid my phone into the pocket of my jeans.
Harper was getting fussy so I took her into the bedroom and laid her down on the bed. Climbing in beside her, I decided it might be a good idea for both of us to get a nap. The Christmas rush was finally over; my very first Christmas as a mother. I took my phone out of my pocket and placed it on the night stand.
We snuggled up under the covers and fell asleep. It felt like mere minutes before I heard my phone ringing.
Nolan, I thought, bringing myself from my sleep-filled haze and rolling over so I could reach my phone. He’s probably calling to say he couldn’t find make it to the store. Or to say he was on his way.
I answered without checking the Caller ID. “Hello?” I said sleepily.
“Lainey? Are you awake?” It was a man’s voice, but not Nolan’s.
“No. Who is this?”
“It’s Ned, Lainey. Wake up.”
“I’m awake,” I said, shaking my head. I glanced over at Harper, who remained fast asleep.
“Okay, good. Now listen to me carefully. I’m leaving the house as we speak and I’m going to be there within a few minutes or as fast as I can, okay?”
“Um, okay. But why?” I had no idea why Ned was calling me, let alone coming over. We’d talked briefly at the Christmas party and he didn’t seem like he had much to say then. Still half asleep, I wondered if maybe he’d sent Hannah to the wrong David Johnson. Maybe this David Johnson was actually a serial killer and she was in immediate danger.
“Lainey, there’s been an accident.”
“An accident?” I repeated, still thinking of Hannah and her serial killer father. “How? Who?”
“Adam and Nolan. I don’t have many details right now but we need to get to the hospital. Julia’s already on her way over, Greg drove her. I wanted them to get there as soon as possible to find out the details, so that’s why I’m coming to get you now. Do you want to try and drop Harper off with Mason first?”
He lost me after he said their names. An accident? How was that possible? I stood up and walked to the window and nearly collapsed when I saw outside. The snow had almost doubled since before I fell asleep. I looked at the clock; it had been more than two hours since I’d last talked to Nolan.
“Lainey?” Ned’s voice brought me back to reality. “Are you listening to me? I’m leaving now. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Okay,” I choked out and dropped the phone. Harper woke up and began to cry.
Chapter 33
Nolan didn’t make it.
I was sitting with Greg, our hands intertwined without a word spoken between us when we heard. The doctor came out pale and looking exhausted and told us. His parents were still out of town. Ned was the one who made the call.
Adam was going to be okay. He had a broken arm and a concussion. Some scrapes and bruises. He’d have to stay at least one night, but the doctor wasn’t concerned.
I didn’t understand why Adam was going to be okay and Nolan wasn’t. I didn’t ask. I would find out later that the car rolled after being hit by another car and going over an ice patch. The person who hit them was mostly uninjured. They didn’t even have to stay overnight.
Julia asked me if I wanted to see Adam, but I said no. Part of me was angry at him. Angry that he’d asked Nolan for a ride knowing there was a storm. His parents had to have been home at the time and even so, everyone in that family had a car. He could have asked for a ride or to borrow their car or wait until another day. He didn’t have to ask Nolan for a ride. Despite my better judgment, in those few moments in that hospital waiting room, I blamed him for all of this.
But I knew that as much as it was his fault, it was also my fault. I shouldn’t have asked Nolan to pick up medicine for Harper, especially since she hadn’t coughed once after I asked. Not that I could remember. The nap we’d taken together was already a blur, I could barely remember waking up. I just knew she woke up crying and that I’d held her until suddenly Mason was there, taking her from me. And then I was in a car, coming to the hospital.
I had no idea what to expect.
What if Adam had died? I found myself thinking. What if it had been Adam instead of Nolan? The thought made me sick. I stood up, pulling my hand from Greg’s and ran into the nearest restroom, not even bothering to check first to make sure it was the right one. I ran into a stall and bent over the toilet and threw up until I knew there was nothing left. And then I threw up again.
I cried for the first time since the phone call right there in the bathroom. I sobbed until I felt empty and then sobbed more and more. I heard the door open and didn’t care to check. I felt someone pull me from the ground, but didn’t bother to see who it was. I’d find out later it had been Greg and that he’d followed me right into the bathroom. I’d been there a total of two minutes.
We stayed for a while longer before going home.
I didn’t go back to the apartment. I wanted to see Harper, but I couldn’t bear to go back there. I slept in the guest room at the Montgomery’s house, the same bed I’d slept in the entire time I’d lived there. But it didn’t feel familiar and it didn’t feel comforting.
Nolan was gone. Just like that. Wiped from the life we’d shared together as of recently and his future, the one he’d been planning to have with Hannah. He wasn’t coming back. He wasn’t going to open the door and flash me that crooked grin of his and say it was all a joke, he was just keeping me on my feet. He was never going to joke about being Harper’s stepfather or tell me that I should have picked him in the first place. He’d never hold me against him again or kiss my forehead. He’d never give Hannah the gift he’d gone out to get her that day. He’d never kiss her again or tell her that he loved her. Hannah would never know firsthand what it felt like when Nolan Reeves told you he loved her. It was so unfair. I’d been a part of his life for a month and I knew how that felt better than she ever would.
Hannah. No one had told her, I was sure. Mason wouldn’t be the one to do that. I wasn’t even sure he knew.
I was going to have to be the one to tell her. She’d been so upset at first when she found out about us. But she’d gotten over it because that was how Hannah was. She’d been so excited when it seemed like maybe things between her and Nolan could possibly work out. She didn’t want to admit it, but I knew because if there’s anyone in this world I know for sure, it’s Hannah.
I don’t remember if I slept that night at all but suddenly it was morning and Greg was sitting at the edge of my bed. I sat up, dazed and still in my clothing from the day before. I felt even worse when I realized it was one of Nolan’s shirts; I’d taken it over when I’d first moved in. It had that extra soft cotton feel to it, perfect for sleeping. I held it to my nose and breathed in, but it didn’t smell like him anymore. I began to cry and without a word, Greg’s arms found their way around me.
Amazing what grief does to people. A year ago he could barely stand to look at me. Now it seemed his purpose in life was to comfort me, make sure I didn’t fall apart completely.
“Mom wants us to go to the hospital,” he said when I’d finally calmed down a little.
“Go ahead,” I said. “I’m going to call Mason.”
“She really wants you to go, Lainey. She’s as upset as you are.”
“No,” I shook my head. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Lainey, please. Adam’s been through a lot and he was asking for you last night. Please just go see him.”
“No.”
Greg’s jaw clenched but he said nothing else. He got up from the bed and left, slamming the door behind him. Julia came to check on me a few minutes later but I pretended to be asleep, burying myself under the blankets.
They left ten minutes after that.
I pulled myself out of bed and didn’t bother brushing my hair or even looking in the mirror. I slid my shoes on, grabbed my coat from the floor and walked downstairs. I wasn’t expecting anyone to be home so when Ned said my name, I screamed and nearly jumped out of my skin.
“What are you still doing here?” I asked, placing a hand over my chest.
He looked at me calmly. “Julia and Greg went to the hospital. I stayed so I could take you.”
“I’m not going,” I said.
“Yes you are,” he replied, and his voice was firm. I shook my head, tears building up again.
“I can’t, Ned. I’m sorry.”
“You have to,” he repeated. “My son needs you right now. And regardless of whether you’re together or not, that little girl you made together makes you family and so you’re going to go to the hospital and you’re going to do whatever it takes to help him get better.”
“I can’t,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
“Lainey,” he said, coming towards me, his voice softening. “I know this is a shock to you. It’s a shock to all of us. And I know that what my son did to you was terrible and I don’t blame you a bit if you hate him right now. But Nolan was his best friend and he was there when it happened. He’s going to need all the support he can get right now and you need to help give it to him. Once he’s healed, you can forget he exists except when it comes to your daughter for all I care. But for right now you need to be there for him.”
I found myself nodding almost against my will. He put his arm around my shoulder as we made our way to his car. The snow was already beginning to melt and I started to cry again. Soon, the very reason Nolan wasn’t here anymore would be gone too. Like neither of them ever existed in the first place.
The ride back to the hospital was silent except for my tears. I followed Ned into the hospital and then onto an elevator then down a hallway until we reached Adam’s room. Julia and Greg were inside but when they saw me, they got up and immediately left. I think Julia might have smiled at me, but I wasn’t sure. I didn’t smile back.
Ned left with them, leaving Adam and I alone in the room. He looked bad. He had a bruise under his left eye and a cast on his right wrist. But he was sitting up and he was dressed in regular clothes. I stepped towards him but stopped with still a few feet left in between us.
“Why?” I asked softly.
“I don’t know,” he said, looking at me sadly.
“Why did you make him give you a ride?”
“Please don’t blame me for this.”
“I need answers. I can’t do this.”
“It was an accident. The roads were bad. It would have happened anyway.”
That didn’t help. I started to cry and Adam started to walk towards me. I backed away until I was pressed against a wall. I felt so small, so helpless. This was the worst pain I’ve ever been through in my life. Worse than when my mother left for the second time. Worse than the pain of giving birth to Harper. Worse than the night I found out Adam had cheated on me.
I loved Nolan. Maybe we would never amount to anything more than friends and maybe we hadn’t gotten off to a great start, but I loved him. It wasn’t a romantic love, not really. It went deeper than that. We found each other when we needed someone the most and became that person for each other. And now he was gone, ripped from my life forever. Ripped from Hannah’s life, Adam’s, his parents. Ripped from Harper’s life long before she could have a real memory of him.
For whatever reason a quote I’d read somewhere before drifted into my mind. It was about people entering your life for a reason, even if you didn’t always know that reason beforehand. Sometimes they left quickly and your life went back to normal. And other times they left footprints on your heart and you were never the same again. That was Nolan for me. He was unexpected and our connection was quick and new, and now he was gone. But I’d never be the same again.
I sobbed so hard I nearly fell over and Adam caught me. This was unfair. He was the one in the hospital, the one beat up and injured. The one that survived the crash with the knowledge that Nolan died. And yet here he was, holding me up. Keeping me from falling to the ground. Maybe that would be Adam’s role in my life. Maybe no matter what we each did to each other, no matter how much we both hurt, we would always be there for the other. We’d always catch each other before we fell to the ground.
I didn’t realize he was crying until I became aware of how wet the top of my head had become. I clung to him tighter, no longer wanting to place the blame on him. It wasn’t his fault. Like he said, it was an accident. It probably would have happened regardless. Maybe it was fate, I don’t know. I’ve always had such a hard time believing in that but right now I almost wanted to. I didn’t want Nolan’s death to be for nothing.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault,” I whispered back. “I’m just angry and confused and scared and I needed someone to blame. If anything, it’s my fault.”
“No it’s not, Lainey. He wasn’t even going to get the medicine. The roads were getting too bad so he was just going to go hom
e without stopping. So don’t blame yourself, please.”
“Where did you have to go, anyway? Where did you go that was so important?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he said and even though it did, I didn’t press the subject. I didn’t need to know, just like I didn’t need to know the details on exactly how Nolan died.
My phone rang and my heart sunk when it was Hannah. She still didn’t know. I hadn’t answered the day before, when we were supposed to talk and compare our list of Christmas presents.
“I have to take this,” I said and Adam understood what I meant when he looked into my eyes. Kissing the top of my head, he walked back to his bed and I left the room.
Hannah hung up on me two minutes later. I wasn’t surprised. She had no way of knowing how to deal with this. It went above and beyond anything either of us had ever experienced before. I had a feeling it might be a long time before I heard from my Hannah again.
Chapter 34
I never went back to Nolan’s apartment.
Adam was released from the hospital two days after the accident and insisted on going back to the guest house despite Julia’s pleas for him to stay in his old bedroom. I contemplated moving back into Bella Vista but after a discussion with Mason, it was decided I’d move back into the guest house with Adam.
I was worried about how Adam would take the news, afraid he’d get the wrong impression. We weren’t getting back together as far as I was concerned. I would move back in, put a cot in Harper’s nursery like I’d originally planned and take care of both of them the best I could. With his arm in a cast up to his elbow, I wasn’t sure he’d be able to go back to work yet and he might need help around the house. I knew Julia or Sylvia could easily do it but for some reason I felt obligated.
Cynthia still had a few days left in Haven and they offered to take Harper until Adam was settled in. My first instinct was to say no. There was no way I was going to go a few days without my daughter. The night of the accident was the first night we’d spent apart, ever. But Mason reassured me she was fine. A little fussier than usual, maybe, but fine. She could last a few days without me and I could visit her if I needed to. But Mason and Cynthia could offer her their full attention, something I wasn’t able to do.
The Heart of a Girl (The Haven Series) Page 20