by J. M. Lamp
Me: Is it bad that I just want to go to sleep right now? The flight was exhausting.
Oliver: You do you, bud. But yes, don’t be a pussy.
Me: Lol. We’re going to dinner, so I’ll talk to you later.
He sends me a winking emoji, and I put my phone back in my pocket.
“You ready?” Elliot says, leaning out the balcony door.
***
I look around the room, firmly planted in my seat in front of the slot machine, and wonder just how many people how spent their whole paychecks here. I’ve never really won at gambling, but I’ve also never really felt the need to spend enough to win a lot.
I look a few slots down at Elliot, and he shakes his head. I laugh, and I put another five-dollar bill into the machine.
“Winning?” I hear Ethan say over my shoulder. He sits down beside me and puts some money in the machine. “I’ve never had any luck at this shit.”
“I don’t think any of us are going home millionaires.”
“I’m glad you came,” he says. “I know I pissed you off last week, so I’m glad you still came.”
“You didn’t. I mean, you’re right.”
He presses the button on the machine and it spins.
“I need to think about what I really want. Either I want Oliver, or I don’t. I can’t keep doing this.”
“You guys winning?” Hadley says, leaning on Ethan’s shoulder.
“Nope,” I say. “I think I’m gonna go get a drink. Maybe several.”
Hadley shoves down on Ethan, and she says, “I shall join you, I think.”
An hour and a half later, Hadley and I are practically sliding off of the seats beside the bar. I look over at her and laugh. She’s flirting with the bartender, and I think in his mind he thinks he is getting her tonight.
“I’ll have what she’s having,” I hear a man say on the other side. He looks down at me, and he smiles. “Hi.”
“Sup.”
“Trying to have as much fun as you two are,” he says. “You’re girlfriend is getting a little friendly with the bartender it looks like.”
I put my hands in front of my face and shake my head. “She’s not my girlfriend. I’m gaaaaaay.”
He smiles again, and I smile back because he’s really attractive. Either he actually is attractive, or he just looks attractive because everyone does when I drink.
“My name’s Colt,” he says, extending out his hand.
I find it, shake it, and I say, “Sam.”
He sits down beside me, and the bartender passes him his drink. He looks over at me, and he smiles again. “Where you guys from?” He sticks his lips around the tip of his straw, and the way he looks when he sucks on it makes me wonder what he’d look like sucking something else.
I look at his lips again and force a swallow. “Chicago; friend of mine got engaged. You?”
“Friend of mine just got divorced.”
I laugh. “No shit?”
He nods. “He’s passed out up in the room, so I thought I’d come down and try to make new friends.”
“I’m sure you make a lot of friends wherever you go.”
He raises his eyebrows at me, and I realize what I just said.
“You’d be surprised,” he says. “A lot of women sure, but not a lot of men.”
I watch as his eyes skim down my chest and to my waist. He bites his bottom lip, sticks his straw back in his mouth, and meets my eyes again.
“You want to get out of here?” he asks me.
I think about the thought and then instantly feel guilty. I blink and look from him back down to my drink.
“I’m actually not feeling very good,” I say. I get off the barstool and force a smile at him. “I’m sorry.”
I tap Hadley on the shoulder, and I say, “I think I’m gonna go up to the room.”
She nods, says goodbye to the bartender, and encloses her arm through mine.
“You OK?” she says, both of us trying to properly maneuver up the steps.
“Yeah.” I tighten my grip on the railing going up the stairs and start breathing heavier. “Just drank too much. You didn’t have to leave.”
“Probably better I didn’t stay there,” she says. “I didn’t have any intention of getting with him, anyway. I have Ian. It was nice, though, to get some attention.”
We get to the top of the stairs, and I move to the right towards the wall. I slap my palm against it and slide it down as I fall out to the ground. Out of nowhere, I start bawling, and my eyes are filled with burning tears.
Hadley jumps over to me and wraps her arms around my shoulder. “What the hell, Sam. What’s wrong?”
I put my palms over my eyes, and the tears keep falling. I try to speak, but I can’t get calm enough to make enough sense.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I finally get out. I run my fingers through my hair and lay my head against my knees. “With Oliver. I know it’s dumb, and I don’t know why I’m crying, but I’m terrified with him. He makes me so happy, but the last time someone made me remotely happy, I got fucking cheated on and it broke me. I look back now and realize that I wasn’t extremely happy with Andrew, but if Oliver were to break my heart, I don’t think I could ever move on from it.”
She sits down on the floor next to me and lays her head on my shoulder. “It’s OK, Sam.”
“I’ve never felt love for a person like I do for Oliver. I’ve never been so comfortable and free and just myself around someone. With him, though, I feel amazing. There’s never a moment where I’m unhappy with him.”
“Do you think that he will hurt you? Do you honestly think that Oliver is someone who you can’t rely on?” I shake my head, and she smiles. “Then trust your heart, Sam. Our hearts are meant to be broken at one point or another, so we can meet someone who is good enough to put the pieces back together again. Oliver is that someone for you.”
“I don’t even know if he wants the same thing.”
“You won’t know until you bring it up.” She hugs me and helps me up off the floor. “I think it’s about bed time for you, maybe. You’re probably exhausted now.”
I laugh and wipe the wetness from under my eyes.
“I shouldn’t have drank so much,” I say, pushing the button on the elevator. I let out an obnoxious breath and laugh again. “I’m sorry.”
“That’s nothing compared to what I’ve been through with Ethan.”
“Shit,” I say. “Should we have looked for them first?”
She shakes her head. “I saw them on our way out. They were still gambling. I’ll text them once we’re upstairs. I’m pretty tired, too.”
We make it to the room, and I practically pass out on my bed. I flip from my stomach onto my back and look up at the ceiling that is spinning. I close my eyes and put my hands over my head, realizing how awful I’m going to feel tomorrow. This is one of several reasons why I don’t drink a lot when I do feel the need. Besides getting ridiculously emotional, I have the worst hangovers ever.
My phone dings, and I see that Oliver is gracing me with his presence.
Oliver: Are you filthy rich?
Sam: Filthy drunk! But I stopped. In bed. Tired.
Oliver: I’ve never seen a drunken-Sam. What’s he like?
Sam: Emotional and crazy. You’ll probably never get to see him.
Oliver: I’ll let you get some sleep. Was just thinking of you. Miss ya.
Sam: I miss you, too. More than you know.
***
“I can’t believe you won ten-thousand dollars,” Hadley says the next day at breakfast. “Seriously, what the fuck?”
“I know, right?” Ethan smirks. “A proposal from the hottest man alive plus a bunch of money. Life is great.” Ethan looks over at me, and he frowns. “For some of us, anyway.”
“I’m fine,” I say. “Just on the verge of puking all over this table.” I rest my head in my hands and push against my forehead. “The only thing I remember about last night is sitting on the fl
oor at the top of the stairs.” I look over at Hadley and look away. “And crying. Jesus, I’m sorry.”
She pats me on the shoulder, and she smiles. “It’s OK, Samuel.”
“What the hell were you crying for?” Ethan says.
“I get emotional when I’m drunk.”
“He does,” Elliot nods. “When he first moved in, we drank a lot one night, and it was like watching someone finding out that their mother just died.”
I laugh and attempt to swallow a piece of an egg.
“There wasn’t a reason?” Ethan persists.
“What’s on the agenda for today, little brother?” Hadley says, changing the subject and giving me an abundance of relief.
“I thought we’d just walk around the strip and buy stupid shit. That, and there is an indoor skydiving thing that I saw, but I don’t think we’ll be doing that.”
“I don’t have to go,” I say. “I’ll go with you guys on the strip, and I’ll come back home if you want to do that. I’m gonna feel like shit all day, so it’s fine.”
“The strip and skydiving while Sam sleeps, then.”
After a few hours on the strip, and a couple of vomits in trashcans scattered throughout the strip, we make it back to the hotel. I start to head up the stairs and hear running footsteps behind me.
I turn around and see Elliot. “Forget something?”
“I don’t really want to go skydiving. Heights and all that.”
“I’m really OK, El.”
He nods. “I just don’t want to go, I swear. I want a nap.”
I throw the keycard on the counter and sit on the barstool by the kitchen counter. My head is throbbing, but the nausea is gone. Elliot walks over to the fridge and grabs a bottle of water. He takes a drink and looks at me.
“What?”
“Nothing,” he says. “Feeling any better.”
I shake my head and rest it on my hands. “Just wish I wouldn’t have drank so much.”
“Why did you, anyway?”
“I don’t know. It was there, I guess.”
He leans on the counter. “Nothing else?”
I put my hands behind my head, close my eyes, and pull. “A guy hit on me at the bar, and I realized that all I wanted in that moment was to be around Oliver. But I also am terrified that he’s just going to hurt me if I fully give my all to him.”
“Ya know, when I first met Will, I wasn’t a hundred percent sure about any of it either. I thought he was sexy and smart and great, but I was still secretly not thrilled with the idea of dating again.” He leans off the counter and turns toward the living room. “It’s your choice what you do, Sam. I can tell you that the way Oliver looks at you, that’s the way that I look at Will: with want, comfort, love.”
I watch him walk into his room, and I make my way out onto the balcony. It’s hot as hell out, but the sun doesn’t hit me under the balcony’s roof. I sit down in the chair to the side and put my feet up onto the railing. I close my eyes and focus on the sound of traffic and voices, letting all the negative thoughts of my past leave me and trying to gain better ones of a possible future of happiness.
My phone dings, and I smile as soon as I see his name.
Chapter Sixteen
Oliver
T ONIGHT IS THE NIGHT THAT I’M GOING TO tell him. Whether he wants it or not, tonight is the night that Samuel Erickson is going to know that I want him in my life in more ways than just my friend-with-benefits.
I grab my keys off the counter and start making my way towards the front door.
“Where are you going?” Sadie makes her way into the kitchen and grabs a bottle of water from the fridge. She turns toward me and crosses her arms. “Well?”
I laugh, and I say, “To tell Sam that I love him.”
Her eyes widen. “No fucking shit? What brought this on?”
“It’s what I want.”
“And you’re absolutely sure that this is what you want?”
I squint my eyebrows at her and lean on the counter by the door. “Why the sudden questioning of Sam all of a sudden?”
She laughs. “I’m just messing with you. I’m glad you’re finally going to get what you’ve been deserving for months.”
“I just hope it works out the way I want it to.”
“It will,” she says. She sits down on the couch and turns on the TV. “If it doesn’t, which it will, then at least you can move on to something new.”
***
“Why are you all wet?” Sam asks me as I step into his apartment.
I shake off my jacket and kick off my shoes. “It’s raining. Hard.”
He sets his hands on my hips and pulls me into him. “Anything else hard?”
I smile. “My shirt’s a little wet.”
I reach down and pull it up and over my head, throwing it to the floor. He puts his hand inside my belt-loop on my pants, and he says, “What about these? Are they too wet to have on?”
I nod and set my hands back behind me on the counter as he drops down to his knees and gently shakes my pants down. He grazes my dick with his hand as he stands up, and I smile. He leans his forehead against mine and kisses my lips, sending a chill through me and getting me hard.
I lift his shirt up over his head and throw it down beside mine. Sticking my hands behind him, I grab an ass-cheek with each hand and coast him backwards towards the living room. He looks over and lies down on the couch, unbuckling the belt on his pants and tossing them, along with his underwear, across the room by the TV.
I move my body in between his legs and move into his chest, sucking on his neck as he drowns his fingers in my hair. He wraps his legs around my waist, and I moan as he reaches down and jerks my dick back and forth.
I spit into my palm and massage my fingers into him. I spit again and lather my dick, positioning it in place. He moans when I push into him and set my hands firmly on his chest. Swinging my hips back and forth, I force myself deeper and deeper into him. I throw my head back and close my eyes, relishing in the pleasure of being inside him.
He scratches down my chest with his nails and starts playing with my nipples. It heightens the pleasure, and I smile down at him. I set his legs up over my shoulders and start slamming into him quicker, jerking his dick back and forth in the process.
I pull out of him and lean onto my knees, sticking his dick in my mouth and making him arch back onto his elbows. He moans as I deep throat him and jerk him up and down, twirling my tongue around his tip. I look up and meet his eyes, his smile sending a chill through me and making me want him even more if possible.
“I’m close,” he moans, lying back onto the couch and playing with my hair.
I let off him, re-lather my dick, and ease myself back into him again. He rises up and wraps his arms around my neck, bouncing up and down onto me. The pleasure is unbelievable, and I can feel myself getting ready to explode inside of him.
He holds me tight, and I can feel the warm liquid on my stomach as he moans and unloads all over my stomach. Seconds later, I cum, and we sit there motionless.
He leans back and looks me directly in the eyes, pulling me in for another kiss.
***
“I can’t believe you’re going to be the new owner of Gregor’s in a couple weeks. It’s crazy.”
I take a drink and look past him towards the fight that just started at the front of the restaurant. A heavyset guy is on the floor while a smaller one is on top of him throwing punch after punch to his face.
Sam turns in his chair to see what I’m looking at and turns back around, laughing.
“That’s not very classy,” I say, smiling.
“We live in a classless society anymore, Olli. The sad truth.”
“I wonder what started it?”
He shrugs and turns in his chair again. “Probably about a woman. Maybe they’ve been drinking?”
I close my hands together and tap them against my forehead. “Or maybe, just maybe, they are time travelers.” He laughs. “They are
mortal enemies and came here from another universe in a chase. The big one ran from the little one and now he’s trying to murder him, but they stopped and decided that they were hungry for seafood.”
“Honestly,” he says, putting his hands behind his head, “that was my first thought, but I didn’t want to say anything because I know it was a long shot of a possibility.”
I laugh and go back to eating my food.
“I saw that Sadie has a book signing in the city tomorrow.”
“She’s excited,” I say. “She’s sick of traveling.”
“My sister loved her book. She still has no idea that I even know Sadie.”
“You should go tomorrow and get it signed for her. She’d love that, probably.”
He smiles. “You’re so fucking smart, Oliver Hamilton.”
This is it. This is the moment when I’m going to bring it up and either live happily ever after with Sam or watch as he leaves the restaurant and we never speak again.
“There’s something I’ve—“
His phone starts ringing on the table, and he looks down at it real quick.
“It’s Kelsey,” he says. “What’s up, Kels?”
I smile and go back to my food. After not hearing anything for a while, I look back up to him and see that his happy expression has completely faded into something darker.
“Love you, too.” He ends the call and sets the phone back down on the table. He meets my eyes, and he starts crying.
“What happened?”
“My Gram,” he says, trying to contain his emotions. “She died a few minutes ago. Kelsey’s been there all day visiting with her.”
“We can go,” I say, grabbing my coat off the chair. “I can take you there if—“
“No,” he says. “He throws some cash on the table and shakes his head. “Can we just go back home and watch a movie or something?”
I nod and follow him out of the restaurant.
We get back to his apartment, and he makes his way over to the couch. I grab a bottle of water out of the fridge and sit down beside him. He doesn’t say anything and looks straight ahead at the black mirror of a TV screen.