by Dixon, Ruby
Nassakth pauses, dripping dirt on the clean floors. “Are you afraid of me?”
“No,” I admit honestly. “I’m not. Nor am I angry that you killed those men. Now that I’ve had time to get my head straight, I’m not mad about that. The only thing I’m mad about is that you never told me any of this.”
“I told you. I still think like a slave who must protect his secrets.”
“I understand that.” I put a hand to the small of his back and steer him toward the showers in the bathroom. “I didn’t say that they didn’t deserve killing. I’m mad that you’ve been telling me to trust you, to put my trust in you, and you didn’t do the same for me. Marriage is a two-way street, Nassakth. If we’re going to be in this together, we have to be on the same page. Right now we’re not even in the same book.”
He lets me steer him, and when I glance down, his tail has a bit of a lively flick to it again. The long, luxurious fur is crusted with dirt and mud—and leftover soap—but at least it’s got a spark to it again. “What would you have me do, then? If I confessed all my secrets the moment we met, you would have run from me. You would have been terrified.”
“This is true,” I admit as we cut through the bedroom and move into the still-steamy bathroom. We sure are spending a lot of time here lately. I guess it’s become “our” place in the house. “But there have been other opportunities. There are ways to bring these things up. Especially after what we’ve shared lately.” I blush, thinking about last night and how I ground certain unmentionable parts of myself against his mouth and talented tongue. Lots and lots of grinding. So much grinding.
I turn the shower on and then strip my tunic off.
Nassakth remains in the doorway, his brows furrowed. “What are you doing?”
“Getting undressed?”
“I thought…” He pauses. “I do not know what I thought. Am I not the dirty one?”
“You’re very dirty, actually.” I blush at how “dirty” that sounds, too. “But I’m going to wash you.”
“You are?” His voice drops a husky note, and I can hear the purr starting in his chest.
“I am. Because we need to figure out where we’re at in this relationship, and apparently we both think best when our hands are on each other.”
Nassakth rumbles, and it almost sounds like laughter. “Or we just think of excuses to get our hands on one another.”
I feel my cheeks heat. It’s not that. It’s absolutely not…is it?
Well shit. Now that I think about it, maybe it is. “Just get in the damn shower,” I grumble.
52
NASSAKTH
It has been the longest of days, and it is not yet noon.
I look at Kim, my mate, my everything, and I am tired. Very tired. It is not just because of the noli-storm we weathered last night. It is knowing that I have come very close to losing her. I might still lose her. She is talking to me now, her hands gentle as she guides me into the shower, but I am utterly aware that we are fragile in this moment.
One wrong move and she will scurry away from me forever.
It makes me hold my tongue. I am wary of saying the wrong thing, so perhaps I should say nothing at all. She is right to be angry at me. I have withheld big secrets because I knew she would not like them. For her to find out from Bethiah instead of me has wounded her. It is only because of her kind and loving spirit that she is with me right now.
I watch her as she soaps up a washcloth, her movements brisk and determined. Even though she was freshly bathed and dressed, she has removed her clothes and joined me in the shower. When she reaches out to scrub my chest, I hold still for her ministrations.
“I know I said some strongly worded things, Nassakth. It was a little shocking to hear everything you were telling me. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.” The soapy cloth moves over my chest and across my arms, and her movements are brisk, not sexual. She washes me with fierce determination, as if concentrating on cleaning me somehow gives her strength. “It’s just…here’s the thing. You’ve been pushing me to trust you, and then I find out that there was a body buried in the backyard. Put yourself in my position. It doesn’t matter how awful a person he was. That’s just not something you move on from right away.”
“I understand.”
Kim lifts one of my hands and scrubs at the dirt caked around my claws. “Now that I’ve had time to think about it, I wanted to say thank you, though.” She pauses and looks up at me. “For protecting me, even when I didn’t realize I needed protecting.”
It is not what I expected to hear. “I…understand?”
Her fingers move lightly over mine, slick and wet, and even though I am trying to think pure thoughts, my cock surges at her touch. “I know you were acting to save me. Thank you. And I just want you to know I’m not mad about the whole “you killing your master” thing. If someone would have handed me a knife and opportunity, I would have killed mine, too. I very much understand that.” Her mouth tightens, and then she shakes her head and goes back to scrubbing me. She drops my hand and switches to the other. “I’m not mad.”
“You…are not mad,” I echo, because her words say this, but her brisk actions are not the gentle, loving Kim of yesterday.
“I’m not mad, but I am conflicted,” she clarifies, scrubbing my other arm. The hot water pours down her skin, making it gleam, and I want nothing more than to tease one of those pink nipples with my tongue and feel her squirm. My cock is rising painfully despite the long battle of last night, and Kim notices this, too. She clears her throat and gestures. “Turn, please.”
I turn. I suspect I am turning to appease her sensibilities. It is not as if my back is covered in dirt. But I turn because Kim has asked, and I will do anything for her.
“While I’m not mad at you,” Kim continues. “I feel we’re back to square one. I don’t trust you anymore. It’s going to take some time to get back to where we were before.” Her hands glide down my back slowly, practically a caress.
I want to point out that when she was terrified of me, she did not touch me, and she certainly did not stand naked in a shower with me and slide her wet, soft hands all over my backside. Kim is hurt, I realize, but she is wrong. We are not back to “square one.” But I do not point this out, because then she will stop touching me. “What would you have me do?”
“Earn my trust again,” she says simply as she washes me. “Prove to me that I can trust you again.” She pauses, and her voice grows soft. “I want to trust you, Nassakth. I just…I’m scared. What I need most is someone to rely on, and if that’s not you…”
I turn and face her, ignoring the throb of my cock. Her head is bent and she looks so sad, so alone. I take her hands in mine. “I am sorry. They were big secrets and I did not know how to tell them without making you run away. I need to realize I am no longer alone, too.”
Kim squeezes my hands. “I think we can come back from this.”
“I know we can,” I tell her confidently. Already she trusts me far more than she thinks. I simply have to woo her again.
She nods and steps out of the shower. I watch her go, full of longing. “You can wash the rest of you.”
“You will not scrub my cock for me?” I cannot help but tease. “What if it is terribly dirty?”
“Then I’m going to wonder what the hell you were doing out in that field,” Kim says tartly.
I bark a laugh, and because she is still looking at me, I stroke a soapy hand up and down my length. It feels good, but what feels better is that Kim’s gaze locks onto that motion and her lips part. “I was not digging with my cock, if that is what you are asking.” I repeat the motion, twisting my hand as I reach the tip to work the crown, and she blushes and turns away.
So much for that. I bite back a sigh. I am patient, though. I will not give up.
“I need you to do a few things for me, Nassakth,” Kim says, her back to me.
“Anything. You know this.”
“If I make food you don’t like,
I need you to tell me. Don’t just eat it because I worked on it. We’re from different species. I’ll do the same for you.”
“I understand.”
“And I think I want you to sleep in another room for a few days. Not because I’m angry, but just because it helps me think to have space.”
“I understand this as well.” Sort of. But if Kim needs space, I will give her space.
“Also, I want you to wear clothes around that bounty hunter.”
My brows furrow. This seems an odd request. I slide my soapy hands over my stomach. “Gladiators are often naked. It is so the enemy has nothing to hold onto—”
“Yes, but that isn’t an enemy. That’s Bethiah…and I didn’t like it. I didn’t like you being naked around her.” There’s a curious note in Kim’s voice that almost sounds like…irritation?
Is she jealous?
Hope blooms in my chest. It will not take long to win my Kim back at all. “If you are asking if I will cover my warrior so she is not overwhelmed with the magnitude of it, then I agree. This is wise.”
“Thank you,” Kim says.
“I do not want her falling in love with me,” I add boastfully.
My mate shoots me an irritated look over her shoulder that makes me laugh. Ah yes. There is my Kim. And she IS jealous.
53
NASSAKTH
Kim asks for her space that afternoon, and so I busy myself with my plants and with exercise. She spends her time in the bedroom, and I suspect she works on her story. I am curious what it is about, but Kim will tell me if she wishes for me to know. We eat dinner together, and while it is not entirely comfortable, it is not bad, either. After dinner, Kim teaches me a new card game called “I must go fish” with more complicated rules. I prefer Slapjack, but Kim does not want to play.
I think it is because if I put my paws on her, she will not be so resolved to keep this distance between us, and she wants to be strong.
I will let her be strong, for now. But I am crafty. I can wear down her defenses again, make her realize I am good for her. That she can trust me.
I do not protest when she sleeps alone. I sleep on the floor in my workout room, and when I wake up early the next morning and make breakfast, I am perversely pleased to see that my Kim looks as if she did not sleep well. "Tired?" I ask innocently.
"Not at all." She spoils these words with a jaw-cracking yawn.
"You would sleep better if I was there," I cajole, serving up a bowl of noodles.
She grumbles something under her breath and I grin.
We eat our meals, and when Kim turns to retreat back to the bedroom, I stop her. "Have you forgotten? It is time for our lessons."
Kim makes a face. "Nassakth, I'm tired and sore—"
"All who begin are tired and sore. You will build muscle soon enough." I gesture at the war room. "Come. We will practice your sword work."
She groans. "I don't want to."
"I did not ask if you wanted to," I tease. "I said we are going to."
My mate stomps her feet adorably, like a child, but turns and heads for the war room. She makes even more protests when I insist that we practice naked, but I am resolute. This is how it is done for every youth, I explain, and I see no need to break tradition.
Plus, I like watching Kim's rounded backside jiggle as she practices her swings. In this way, training is far more pleasant for the teacher than the trainee.
When my small mate is panting with exhaustion and her skin drenched with sweat, her arms trembling with every strike of her sword, I deem this enough for the day. "You have done well," I tell her. "We will pick up again tomorrow."
She wrinkles her nose and makes a face at me. "Are you sure you can't just teach me to use a blaster or something?"
"I will. I will also teach you how to fight barehanded. I will teach you how to use a bow. And a shield. And a two-handed sword. But for now, we learn this." I pat her back as she heads past me toward the showers. "You will thank me later."
"I am pretty sure I won't," she calls back.
That evening, we play cards and I show Kim battle vids of some of the more famous arena fights so she can see their techniques. I deliberately avoid showing her my fights, because she is already mistrustful. I avoid lrulti gladiators, too, and settle upon a fierce match featuring a drakoni warrior. It is a rare race I have only fought once in the arena, but I remember the match fondly. I love watching Kim's face as the match takes its twists and turns, and when the drakoni's collar chimes and falls off his neck, I see the unholy glory on the male's face a second before he shifts to his ferocious dragon form. Kim gasps in surprise, clutching at my arm, her gaze locked on the screen. "He shifted forms!"
"I know. Most owners keep their drakoni collared at all times because once they shift, they are near-invulnerable." I grunt as the dragon lands upon his opponent and tears him to pieces, and Kim claps a hand over her mouth.
"Oh my god."
The vid should end, but instead, the dragon takes to the stands, breathing fire and using his claws against the watching audience. This is my favorite part, because how many times did I have rotten food pelted on me from a surly audience? How many times did they call rude things in my direction when a fight took a bad turn? Those that pay to watch such fights up close are there simply for the blood spray and get everything they deserve.
But Kim's reaction is not one of pleasure. The look of horror grows on her face, and when she turns to me in shock, I decide that this was a bad call. I click the vid off, grimacing. "I am sorry, Kim. I did not realize that would be unpleasant for you."
"You liked it? He—he attacked everyone in the stands!"
"He did," I agree. "It must have felt good. I have been in his place many times before and wanted to attack those that get pleasure out of watching two males fight for their lives."
Her expression softens a bit. "I guess that would be awful. But…aren't we just as bad, watching the videos?"
"I do not know," I answer honestly. "I cannot say yes or no because most of my life has been involved in the arena in some fashion. I watch a great many fights to appreciate the prowess of the fighters, and to learn their moves. Those that watch in the stands are there for the blood, and they bet upon who will win. I do not care if they die."
She makes a soft noise in her throat. "In other words, it's complicated."
"Like everything else," I agree.
"Okay," she breathes and then gives me a firm nod. "I'm going to tell myself they're all bad guys and not let it bother me too much. It's just…very different. Even now, when I think I've seen the depths of depravity that the universe can offer, I'm always surprised again."
She thinks she has seen all the evils this galaxy has to offer? My innocent, sweet Kim? I hope I must never prove her wrong. I want to protect her innocence and optimism always. "We should probably go to bed. It is late and you have training in the morning."
"Right." Kim looks thoughtful.
I reach over and pat her hand. "Do not worry. I am not asking to sleep with you. I will sleep in my workout room."
"Right. Of course." Kim offers me a halfhearted smile and gets to her feet. "Pleasant dreams, then. I'll see you in the morning."
"Until then."
Perhaps it is just my imagination, but it seemed as if Kim did not wish to sleep alone. I go to my hard, lonely bed, pleased. It will not be my lonely bed for long.
* * *
54
NASSAKTH
Things are falling into an easier pattern between myself and Kim, but there is still too much distance between us. She sleeps alone at night, she showers alone, and she works on her book in the afternoons. This is far too much time away from me, and I am a selfish sort of mate, so I look for ways to insert myself into her day.
I finish a brisk workout one afternoon and hunt for Kim, only to find her pursing her lips and glaring at the datapad's tiny screen. "What are you doing?"
She looks over at me and her face goes crimson. "Nothing.
"
Mmm. If it is nothing, it is an odd reason to turn so red. Curious. "You are writing in your story, yes?"
She relaxes a bit, her hand going over the screen. "Yes. I'm just trying to figure out this next scene."
"One that makes you unhappy? You were frowning."
Her face turns red again.
My ears prick. "You have never told me what this book is about."
"Haven't I?" she asks lightly, closing away the file and tossing the datapad aside oh-so casually. "I'm pretty sure I have. I told you, it's a romance."
"It is about a male and a female that mate, yes?"
"Marry," she says in a huffy voice. "They marry."
"Will you read it to me? What you are working on?" I move to pick up the datapad, intending to offer it to her.
To my surprise, Kim snatches it out of my hand. "No! It's private."
"But you said you post it for other human women to read—"
"That's different!"
She is acting very suspicious. "How is it different?"
"It just is!"
"You will not share it with me?" I narrow my eyes at her. She looks distinctly uncomfortable, the awkward expression on her face similar to the first time she fought with me in the war room, naked. Something about this is making her shy. "I can have the system read it aloud if you are uncomfortable—"
"No!" she yelps, clutching the pad to her chest. "Nassakth, NO." Her face is bright pink as she holds it away from me. "It's a love scene, all right? I'm writing a love scene."
"You write out…how they pleasure each other?"
"Maybe," she grumbles.
This is fascinating to me. "Do you…write of how I pleasure you with my tongue?"
My Kim hisses at me like an angry praxiian dam. "It's fiction. It's not about you."
"Do I inspire you?" I ask hopefully, and when she turns pink, I am pleased. "Do you need more inspiration?"
"Not right now, no." She glares at me ferociously. "You—"