Unfaded

by Sarah Ripley

  “I like Chaucer,” he simply said.

  “Shhhh,” I said. “Don’t let any of the cool kids hear you say that. You’ll end up sitting alone in the back of the cafeteria for the rest of the semester.”

  He laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  I smiled and busied myself for the next few minutes pretending to search for something in my backpack. It wasn’t that I was trying to ignore him. Breanna Johnson had just walked in and was staring at the two of us as if there was something worth gossiping about. I didn’t need it getting back to Connor that I was being cosy with the new boy. Breanna liked Connor and didn’t like me. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d made up some sort of story to try and break the two of us up. Normally this sort of thing didn’t bother me. I was pretty secure in my relationship and didn’t believe for a second I’d ever lose him. But I’d also seen the way Connor had stared at Kian earlier.

  Kian tapped at the book on my desk. “You must like him too.”

  “What makes you think that?”

  He meant Chaucer of course.

  “Because you’ve got the entire book marked,” he said. “Certain passages that the class hasn’t even read yet. I’ve had the honour of meeting Ms. Gray. She said you’re just finishing up with the prologue and you’ve got parts bookmarked way beyond that. Plus, you recognized my quote. Most girls your age would have just smiled and tried not to look confused. They probably think the Knight’s Tale is that movie with Heath Ledger.”

  I gave him the best, most deliberate smile I could. “Maybe this is a used book. It could be someone else’s markings.”

  He reached over and picked up my pen. “Yes, but how many students use green ink?”

  “OK, you’ve got me, I’m a book geek,” I said. “You’re quite the detective.”

  “No,” he said. “I just notice things.”

  The bell rang and Ms. Gray entered the room, her arms full of books. No one read as much as her. I knew this because she lived down the street from me and she spent her summers on her front porch with a different book each day. It was one of the things that made her my favourite teacher. She was probably the only one at the school who truly loved the subject she taught.

  But today she decided we needed to spend the first part of the class watching the movie version of the book. The class applauded. Anything to get out of reading. Someone immediately turned down the lights and the BBC modern version came on.

  “So how come you didn’t tell me yesterday that you’d be starting school here?” I whispered. “I got the impression that you were just passing through.”

  “We decided to stick around,” he said.

  “If you’re going to spend the semester at Thelma’s motel, ask her to show you their book collection,” I said. “They have just about every single book written. Some of them are first editions too. Really rare stuff. They’ve got more than the public library.”

  “Really?” he said. “You sound like you know a lot about it.”

  “Thelma’s like family,” I said. “I spend a lot of time at her place. Book geek, remember?”

  “I guess we made a good choice then,” he said. “Dad and I have struck a deal with her. We’re renting on a month to month basis. Hopefully this way I’ll get to see more of you.”

  I had to turn away and go back to rummaging through my backpack. I didn’t want anyone to see the blush that I knew for certain was betraying my cheeks. Of course the room was dark but I knew that Breanna had eyes like an eagle. Sure enough, when I finally looked up, I noticed she was watching me instead of the movie. The look on her face said she had just witnessed something juicy and couldn’t wait to go share it with the rest of the school.

  I spent the rest of the movie with my face staring straight at the screen. I didn’t dare glance beside me.

  I loved Connor. I really did. The last thing in the world I wanted to do was hurt him. But if Breanna got her way, that just might happen.

  * * *

  I pulled into the shop parking lot a little after four. Dad was out the door before I’d even managed to turn off my car.

  “What is this about some sort of fainting spell last night?”

  “Hi Dad,” I said. “It was nothing. I’m fine.” Well, fine enough, aside from feeling like a broken record. I gave him the short version of what happened while we headed back inside the shop, keeping out the part about the weird vision of course. No need to have my father thinking I’m heading towards the deep end of insanity.

  “You should have woken me up,” he said as he picked up some paperwork and shoved it into a folder. There were some tools scattered across the counter and he gathered them up. “Seriously, Mai, I know you think I’m probably overreacting but you could have had a concussion. We could have at least just checked on you during the night to make sure you were alive.”

  I made a face. “I’m fine,” I said as I pulled back my hair to try and show him the back of my head. “See! No lumps, bumps, or wide open gashes.”

  “You can’t blame me for wanting to protect my only daughter,” he said with a gruff voice. Holding the tire wrench in his hands, he looked the part too. When I was younger a lot of boys didn’t want to talk to me in fear of my father. He still looked like the football player he used to be. And a dad with wide shoulders can be terrifying to a teenage boy. It took Connor about six months before he finally came to my house for dinner. I remembered he stammered whenever Dad asked him a question. I didn’t think he’d ever willingly come back again.

  “Trust me,” I said. “I’ve got more than enough knights in shining armour.” Of course I was thinking of Connor when I said this but I’ll also admit a certain blue-eyed boy also crossed my mind. It wasn’t my fault that knights kept popping up in topic conversation.

  “Just promise me next time,” he began and then paused. “Let’s just hope there isn’t a next time but promise me you’ll tell me.”

  I nodded.

  “Good, that settled,” he said. “Now I need you to man the phones, I’ve got a lot of work to do before I can call it a day.”

  I tossed my backpack on the counter. “Sure thing.”

  Pulling out my laptop I decided to check my email and maybe do a little surfing instead of immediately starting with homework. I was just in too good of a mood to study. A girl’s gotta goof every now and then.

  I had no sooner clicked on my gmail when I found myself staring past my screen and out the window in the direction of the motel. I wondered if Kian was there and what he might be doing. I’d never admit it to anyone I knew but I had been impressed by how easily he’d recited Chaucer. Everyone has their own geeky secrets and mine was the love of old books. Kian was the first guy I’d ever met who actually had read some of the classics without being forced. Was it wrong that I found that incredibly attractive. Most of the guys in Addison were more interested in basketball or skiing. Connor’s idea of an intellectual evening was going to a movie that didn’t have blood and violence in the opening five minutes. I was right about Kian, he’d be the kind of person you’d find wandering the museums in Europe and he’d be the type you could have a real conversation with.

  Someone came out the front door of the motel and my stomach fluttered before I realised it was just Thelma on one of her walkabouts. With an exaggerated sigh, I closed my laptop.

  As if on cue, my phone began to ring. It was Connor.

  “Want to come over and watch a movie tonight?” he asked. “Mom’s at work and we’ll have the house to ourselves. I’ll even make you microwave popcorn.” For Connor, that was about as far as his expertise went where cooking was involved.

  I frowned. What was I doing? Staring at motels and thinking of other boys while my boyfriend was thinking of only me. Tearing my eyes away from the window, I forced myself to study the first thing that my eyes fell upon—a Toyota manual. Oh great, that’ll keep me focused.

  “Sure,” I said. “A movie sounds great. I’m here till six. What time should I come over
?”

  “Seven?” What a guy. He knew I’d want to stop by the house first and check on Granny. He was always prepared to give me all the time I needed.

  “OK, see you then.”

  “Love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  I put the phone back in my bag and went over to the window. I thought I’d seen something but it was only Thelma again. She was wearing her husband’s grey parka which was about twenty sizes too big for her. She caught me watching and raised her gloved hand.

  I waved back and watched her disappear. It had been a while since I’d gone over to her place. One of these days I would have to stop by and visit.

  It was beginning to snow again so I watched the flakes float down from the sky. Maybe it was because it was growing dark or maybe it was the sky but the snow didn’t really look white. It had a greyish tinge to it, like ashes. It made me think of fire. A forest fire.

  And suddenly I was there. Or I was no longer where I once was.

  I stood in the middle of a forest. Around me the trees were burning. Bright red and yellow colours burned high as flames leapt from branch to branch. The sky was orange and dark at the same time. Smoke filled the air and ashes fluttered around my face, embers stinging my skin. Wood popped and cracked as the fire ate away at it.

  My chest was tight and when I tried to inhale, my lungs burned as the soot slid down my throat. I stepped forward, nearly tripping over my two feet. I was wearing a dress that reached all the way to the ground with fabric that was softer than babies’ skin. The hemline was torn and shredded as if I had been running wildly through the bushes. My sleeves were ripped too where I must have been pulling back branches in a hurry to escape.

  My breathing wasn’t getting any better. I couldn’t do more than take shallow gasps. Putting my hands on my chest, I found hard rods which I realised were spring steel. I was wearing a corset which was tightly laced behind my back and shaping my waist into an unrealistic hour glass shape.

  “I told you to leave that infernal thing behind. No wonder you can’t breathe. They were created by men for men, you know. To keep the little ladies from running away.”

  I looked up to see the girl with the black hair holding out her hand to me. Her hair was piled neatly up on her head with curls eloquently hanging from clips. Her mouth was red and shiny and I could see the flames reflecting in her blue eyes.

  “Who are you?” I asked between gasps.

  She frowned and then reached out and grabbed me by the shoulders. “I’ll tell you all about it once we get out of here.” Spinning me around, she reached behind my back and yanked on my dress. The buttons gave, revealing the corset. Quickly she began to unbind me, twisting and puling on the ropes. Bit by bit the fabric loosened and the spring steel stopped digging into my skin. Finally she yanked hard; pulling the corset free and she held it up triumphantly and tossed it into the closest fire. My bare back grew hot, blistering.

  “We need to keep moving,” she said. “They think they have us but we’ll show them.”

  “Them? Who are you?”

  “Listen,” she said and she grabbed me again and drew me close. She wasn’t paying attention to my questions. Instead, she continued on as if I’d given her a different dialogue. “I know what’s in your heart. Leaving him behind must have been hell but they won’t kill him. It’s us they want. Trust me, I lost you before, I won’t lose you again. We’ll be free soon enough.”

  Holding my hand tightly, I allowed her to pull me through the woods. She did all the work, dragging me along like I was nothing more than a rag doll. Something sizzled and it took me only a second to realise my hair was on fire. I screeched and pulled away, frantically beating on my head.

  “It’s just hair,” she said. “It’ll grow back. Come on.”

  “Who are you?” I asked again.

  Although she didn’t answer me, the answer was suddenly as clear as day.

  Your sister.

  A loud crack came from above us. I looked up just in time to see the gigantic tree branch pummelling towards us. I screamed and she shoved me backwards. I hit the ground, my body smacking against the burning earth. The blow forced all the air inside my body out of my mouth. I wanted to scream but my voice was no longer working. The flames were eating my skin and bits of blonde hair disappeared before my eyes.

  I gasped and suddenly it was no longer hot. The ground beneath me cooled and I was back inside the shop and once again, lying flat on my back and staring up at the fluorescent ceiling lights.

  I pulled myself to my feet since there was no one around this time to help. From the garage I could hear the sound of the electric drill as Dad worked on a car.

  There was something wrong with me. There had to be. People just didn’t go around dropping to the ground every other minute. No one had visions like this. It had been so real. I carefully sniffed the air and found it acidic. The smell of burning. It was still in the room. I raced over to the counter and pulled out the bottle of air freshener. I had to get rid of that smell. Pulling off the lid, I sprayed the foul smell of canned scent into the air. I emptied half of it but I couldn’t smell the pine fresh scent.

  Then I remembered the burning hair. I turned and rushed into the bathroom, pulling at my hair with my fingers to see if any of it was gone. The fluorescent lights were hard on my skin but my hair was all there. Long, brown and no signs of singeing. Exactly the way it was supposed to look and since when had I ever been a blonde? I twisted and pulled on the strands until I was positive that everything was all right.

  Back in the shop Dad continued to work away on his car, oblivious. At least no one had witnessed my fainting spell. I had a new secret and I fully intended to keep it until I had visited a doctor to find out what was wrong with me.

  Dad and I closed the shop at six. I went home and ate dinner as quick as I could. I used homework as an excuse to head up to my room. I must have been exhausted because I was asleep the second I laid down. I awoke shortly after eleven and it was around that time I remembered I was supposed to be over at Connor’s. Fishing my phone from my bag I discovered he’d called four times and sent me a few text messages. I tried calling him back but he didn’t pick up so I sent him a text apologising and explaining that I’d fallen asleep. Still no answer.

  He was mad at me. It was going to take a lot of grovelling tomorrow at school to make up for it.

  I went downstairs and grabbed an apple and a piece of cheese. Dad was in the den watching television and I could hear Granny chattering away as Marley was trying to get her ready for bed.

  “Where’s Helen?” Granny’s muffled voice was still strong despite her disease. “We’re going to the beach today. I need to get her into her red bathing suit. Helen? Where are you hiding, my darling love?”

  Everything was completely normal in my house. Why was I the one behaving so differently?

  Back in my room, I closed the door and sat down at my desk by the window. I had a perfect view of the backyard which at this time of year was nothing but mounds of snow and a few pine trees. It had stopped snowing and the sky had cleared up. The moon was full and the light reflected off the drifts, making the night a lot brighter than normal.

  Just beyond my yard and further back in the bushes, I saw a light flicker as if someone was sparking a match or a lighter. There was a tremble of branches as something moved further into the bush. It was instantaneous and gone so quickly I wasn’t quite sure I had even seen it in the first place. I quickly turned off my bedside lamp and waited in the darkness to see if it would happen again.

  It didn’t.

  Four

  I skipped second and third period and got Connor a jar of sand. I know that might sound weird but it was one of our little things. All couples have them. Jars of sand just happened to be ours.

  Back when we were in the early stages of dating, I told Connor one chilly evening that I wished it were summer so we could take the three hour drive to the beach and spend the day sitting on the sand.
The next morning he conned his father into driving him and they took the long trip to the coast where he scooped up some sand from the beach and brought it back in a canning jar. That night, he picked me up and took me to the community pool. Because his mother was the manager, he was able to sneak us inside where I placed the jar of sand by the hot tub and we spent the evening lying about and pretending we were in Hawaii or Mexico or somewhere equally warm.

  After that it kinda became our thing. When we finally took that trip later that summer we collected sand and placed it in matching jars which we both kept by our beds. When Connor sprained his ankle playing football I presented him with one of those Japanese miniature sand gardens complete with a few pebbles and a rake to push everything around. On our first anniversary he gave me a bottle full of multicolour sand that sparkled when the light reflected off the jar. On our second anniversary he gave me a miniature jar filled with green sand to wear on a necklace. It was my most favourite piece of jewellery. As the years passed my desk grew heavy with the various bottles and jars. I loved it.

  Connor was mad at me. I needed to show him that I was sorry for screwing-up. I was hoping this would make things better.

  It took me a while but eventually I managed to find some packaged red sand at the craft store at the mall. Next I found a cute little jar shaped like a heart. Once filled, I had the perfect ‘forgive me’ gift. I placed it in a gift bag and decided I’d hurry back to school so I could present it to him during the lunch hour in front of everyone.

  I’d probably look more sincere if I was willing to grovel in front of an audience.

  But Connor wasn’t in the cafeteria when I got there. Only Amber and Claire were sitting at our regular table.

  “They decided to go throw some hoops in the gym,” Claire told me when I enquired about where the guys were. “He’s acting kinda strange this morning; did the two of you have a fight or something?”