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Unfaded

Page 5

by Sarah Ripley


  “I screwed up,” I told her and then I filled my friends in on what I’d done.

  “That’s not such a big deal,” Amber reassured me once I finished. “It’s not like he’s never stood you up before. Remember the time he forgot about taking you skiing. You didn’t even get mad.”

  “It’s different,” I said. “He’s upset with me over what happened the other day and I think Breanna is spreading rumours about me. You know how catty she is. She caught me talking to Kian.”

  “Oh, he’s so dreamy,” Amber said.

  “What’s the big deal?” Claire asked. “It’s not like you haven’t talked to boys before. Connor’s never struck me as the jealous type.”

  “Me neither,” I said. “But haven’t you noticed? He was acting really weird yesterday.”

  “He’ll be fine,” Claire said. “Just give him a bit of time. Eugene’s acting weird too. I don’t think the guys are used to competition.”

  “Speaking of competition, I was talking to Kian earlier and I’m pretty sure he’s single,” Amber said. “There was no mention of girlfriends and I kinda dropped some hints about it. I’m thinking of asking him out to a movie next week. Wanna come? We could double date.”

  “Who cares what Breanna does,” Claire said. “You’ve been dating Connor for four years and you’ve known him your entire life. He’s been in love with you since kindergarten. There’s no force in the world that could split you up. She’s just jealous.”

  I nodded but I had only half heard her. I was more focused on what Amber had just said. Double date? Kian and her? Why did the thought of that annoy me so much? Why should Amber date him? She went through guys like water; Kian didn’t deserve to be treated like that.

  It slowly dawned on me, what exactly was I thinking? I wasn’t like this. Mean. Why on earth would I think such bad things about Amber? She was my closest friend. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a negative thought about her. Was I jealous? I searched my brain, trying to remember the last time I’d been envious another girl and I couldn’t focus on any single thought. It just wasn’t in my personality. I guess in a way I was lucky, I was usually the type of girl others were jealous of. I had a great boyfriend. I got decent grades. I always came home on time and never got into trouble.

  I was boring.

  Predictable.

  But this was new. This fiery enchantment brewing inside of me. This desire to grab Amber and tell her to keep her paws off of Kian. There was something stormy brewing in the darkest pit of my soul and it was itching to break free and cause chaos. But why was it suddenly popping to the surface now? I didn’t want Kian. I wanted Connor. I knew this.

  Maybe it was the weird fainting spells causing this. Perhaps there really was a brain tumour sitting on my frontal lobe somewhere and it was the cause of all this new found aggression. We studied that in psychology class. There was a guy who had damage done to his frontal lobe and his personality completely changed. He became aggressive and said lots of nasty things. His wife left him over it. His friends stopping hanging out, even his family wanted nothing to do with him. Eventually he ended up all alone because people couldn’t handle the new, less improved him.

  Maybe that was it? A cold tingle moved up the back of my spine and directly into my hairline causing goose bumps to appear on my arm. Was this my future? Would I continue to have these weird spells and say and do nasty things to my friends? Would they all end up alienating me and forcing me away? Would I end up the crazy lady living at the edge of town with only seventeen cats to keep me company?

  * * *

  When I walked into English class, Kian was waiting for me, sitting on the edge of his desk, his foot resting on my seat. He was surrounded by a couple of girls which wasn’t really surprising: his new guy status would probably hold strong till the end of the year. Breanna was one of them, shadowed by Sue. I stopped before them, and I couldn’t help but give him a silly grin. What was it about him that made me feel as if I’d just won the lottery? No, that wasn’t quite the way to describe it. My stomach felt as if butterflies were fluttering around and a group of alley cats had decided to pounce at the same time.

  “Hello, fair maiden,” Kian said and he bowed deep in a way that made Breanna laugh as if it was the most ridiculous thing anyone had ever said in her presence. Neither Kian nor I paid her any attention. Removing his foot from my seat, he brushed off any imaginary dirt with his hand and bowed again.

  “I suppose you’ll want to be called a Knight from now on?” I said as I dropped my bag on the table. “Tis a shame there’s no dragons for you to be slaying.”

  “Dragon’s are for chumps,” he said.

  The edges along Breanna’s mouth hardened. She didn’t like the fact that she was no longer the centre of attention. “Where’s Connor?” she said loudly.

  I gave her a look. “Probably in Algebra. Would you like a copy of his schedule?”

  “Connor’s her boyfriend,” Breanna said a matter of factly.

  “Lucky guy,” Kian said but he didn’t look too bothered by it.

  I sat down in my chair, contemplating the millions of ways I could humiliate Breanna back but none of the ideas I came up with sounded legal. That was a really petty thing she’d just done. What exactly was she implying there? I wasn’t sure if it was more to dissuade Kian or remind me where my place was.

  Either way the bell rang and Breanna and Sue sauntered back over to their desks while Ms. Gray fiddled with the DVD player in order to give us another hour of a terrible BBC classic. She was sick today; her eyes were watering and red. A box of tissues was on her desk and every other second she was grabbing one and loudly blowing her nose. I think the main reason she was making us watch this dreadful movie was because she was too sick to teach.

  I opened my notebook, keeping my eyes as far away from Kian as possible. Once the lights were turned down and the movie turned up, he reached out and tapped me on the shoulder. A jolt travelled through my entire body and I swear, each and every butterfly multiplied.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “But I already know you have a boyfriend.”

  “You do?”

  “Sure, small school,” he said and I could hear the annoyance in his voice even if I couldn’t quite see his face. “Just about every single student has made a point in mentioning it to me.”

  The butterflies were instantly killed off by the cold that swept through my gut. Were we that obvious? Was there something going on between us that everyone else was noticing? But that wasn’t right, as far as I was convinced, Kian and I were just friends. Sure, he was gorgeous but that didn’t mean much. Connor was beautiful too. I was happy with Connor.

  “Kian, I...”

  He’s got a scar on his stomach that stretches past his bellybutton about the length of a pencil.

  He did?

  Where did that come from? The voice was clear in my head as if someone had spoken it out loud. I actually looked around even though I knew there was no one in the room that had just told me that. No, it came from my head. My thoughts. But I had no memories of Kian. I was sure of that.

  Just in case, I decided to ask a few questions.

  “What do you think of Addison so far?” I asked.

  “It’s nice,” he said. “It’s a good change for me.”

  “How so?” I glanced back at the front of the room but Ms. Gray was busy watching the movie and blowing her nose. The garbage can beside her was rapidly filling up with tissues. Her red face glowed in the dark. She must have really been hurting because she wasn’t paying attention to the class in the slightest. Everyone else seemed to be doing other things. Breanna and Sue were deep in conversation. A few kids had put on their Mp3 players and nodding off to another beat. Others were writing in their notebooks or chatting. Apparently Chaucer wasn’t working for anyone today.

  “Where else have you lived?” I asked.

  “That’s a tall list,” he said. “I’ve travelled around a lot. LA. Seattle. Spent some time i
n Madison, Wisconsin. London. Most of Europe.”

  That would explain his beautiful accent.

  “I lived in Dublin for a while,” he continued.

  “That’s where I was born,” I said. “Where else?”

  “I spent a bit of time in Hong Kong. Tokyo. I’ve travelled through the states but not really settled anywhere. Did an entire summer in Mexico. Canada.”

  “Wow,” I said and I was impressed. He’d just listed off all the places I dreamed of seeing. He’d done all the travelling I wanted to do. It also explained why he appeared to be more mature than most of the kids my age. He was worldly. “How on earth did you do all that? It takes time to travel. What about school?”

  “Home schooled mostly,” he said. “Micah taught me everything I need to know.”

  “Micah? You call your Dad by his first name.”

  “Yes.”

  I nodded as if that was normal. He didn’t seem to notice. It explained the sarcasm in his voice when he’d called him Dad. I guess they just did things differently. Maybe when you spent all that time travelling the world together, calling your Dad by his first name just became more natural. Maybe Micah was one of those parents who didn’t want to feel old. I wondered what Dad would do if I suddenly started calling him Larry? The thought made me smile.

  “You’re very lucky,” I said. “I’d love to be able to travel like that. There’s so much in the world I’d like to see.”

  Kian leaned his head on his hand and tilted his chin towards me. “What do you want to see?”

  I sighed. “Where do I begin? I guess, London. That’s where I want to go to university. I’ve been looking into the schools there. But it’s costly. I’d also like to see Dublin where I was born. My mother was Irish. My Dad met her while he was backpacking through Europe.”

  “London’s a fantastic city,” Kian said. “One of my favourites. I used to watch Shakespeare plays along the Thames riverbank. I’ll tell you what. I’ll make sure I’m back in England when you go to school. That way I can show you around.”

  My heartbeat pounded just beneath my skin. “Sounds good.”

  “It’s a date.”

  “You might end up waiting a long time,” I said. “At the rate my savings account climbs, I’ll be at least thirty before I’m able to go.”

  “All good things come to those who wait,” he said. “And if anyone has experience in that department, it’s me. I’ve waited a great deal in the past.”

  “What for?”

  “Now that’s my secret,” he said, giving me a wink.

  I grinned. “I’m terrible at being patient.”

  “Sometimes you have no choice,” he said. Even through the darkness I could see the distant look on his face. His eyes were downcast and thoughtful. “Sometimes waiting is your only option.”

  “Was it worth it?”

  “It’s always worth it.”

  * * *

  Dad and Marley went to movie that night so I stayed home with Granny and watched television. Connor still wasn’t picking up his phone and his Mom said he was out when I tried calling him at home. I didn’t know what to do. I thought about calling Eugene but ended up doing nothing. I didn’t want to come off as the crazy girlfriend, constantly needing to check up on her boyfriend when he didn’t call.

  So Granny and I watched television with the sound down and ate popcorn. I made some tea and I patiently explained to her again about how she needed to wait till it cooled before she gulped it down. I brought some ice cubes from the kitchen to make sure she didn’t burn herself.

  “You seem sad, Helen,” she said. “You shouldn’t be. Tomorrow we’re going to the beach and you can wear your new red swimsuit. Donabate is beautiful this time of year and the weather is supposed to be lovely all week long. Maybe that handsome young man will be there again.”

  She was talking about when Mom met Dad. They had met at the beach near Dublin and he’d gone back there every day for the rest of the summer just so he could court her. His tour of Europe pretty much ended there. He had planned on seeing Spain and Portugal but in the end, he only made it to France where they were married in a small Cathedral on the outskirts of Paris. Dad said it was worth it.

  “I see the way you look at him,” Granny said. “But I can also see the pain he’s causing. Love is a gift, if it’s hurting, he may not be the one for you.”

  “I’m Ok, Granny,” I said. “Just a little confused.”

  “Is he good to you?” she said. “Does he make you feel like the only girl in the world? When he speaks your name do you get butterflies in your stomach? Does time stop when he takes your hand?”

  I smiled. For someone who couldn’t remember my name half the time, she sure was good at reading my mind. Did Mom feel those things when she’d looked at Dad? Had she dreamed of him at night and waited anxiously until she saw him? How I wished she was still around so I could ask her.

  “If it’s love, he’s worth waiting for,” Granny said, squeezing my hand with her frail fingers. “If it’s meant to be, he’ll be at the lifeguard station tomorrow. Nothing in the world can keep true love apart. Just wait and see.”

  “Thanks, Granny,” I said.

  She fell asleep halfway through a program on the Discovery Channel and I had to wait till Dad came home to help me carry her to bed.

  * * *

  I finally managed to corner Connor during Biology period. I’d missed it yesterday since I’d been so concerned about getting him his gift. The good thing about sharing a class with him meant I was guaranteed to run into him, unless he took the coward approach and skipped class for the rest of the semester.

  “What are you doing tonight?” I asked him, pretending as if nothing had happened. “Want to hook up at Beans? I’ve got something for you.”

  “I don’t know,” he grumbled. “How do I know you’ll show up?”

  “Because I’m not a jerk?” I said a bit too loud and a few other students snickered. “Come on, Connor, how many times can I say I’m sorry? It’s not like I’m always standing you up.”

  Connor nodded and I wasn’t sure if that was a yes but I decided to let it go. Normally we partnered up but today he chose Eugene and I was stuck with Ken Blightman who was also on the basketball team. But we were all at the same table so I guess it could have been worse. Connor appeared to be in a better mood and he joked around with everyone and even gave me a grin or two. He was melting, it was just taking a bit of time. Once he saw the gift I’d gotten him, everything would be fine again.

  I just hoped this anger spell would end soon so we could get back to enjoying our lives.

  * * *

  I had a surprise after lunch. English was cancelled. Apparently Ms. Gray still wasn’t over her cold. Since it was my only afternoon class I could have gone home but I had promised Dad I’d work for a few hours. I had no desire to go in early to the shop so I headed to the library to work on my English paper. Apparently I was the only one willing to use my free period to actually study. The library was empty. Grabbing a table at the back, I opened up my copy of the Canterbury Tales and started reading.

  “Can I join you?”

  I looked up and Kian was standing in front of me. My stomach did some funky little summersaults which both annoyed and thrilled me at the same time.

  “Sure,” I said, picking up my backpack off the chair so he could sit down. “But you’ll have to be quiet.” I waved my hand around the empty room. “As you can see, everyone’s studying hard.”

  “I’ve seen cemeteries with more action.”

  Kian sat down but he didn’t seem to have any books. “I’m guilty like everyone else,” he said. “I wasn’t planning on studying. I just wanted to check out the books and I saw you here. If you’re busy I can leave.”

  I put my book down on the table. There wasn’t a single girl in the world that would turn him down. “No, it’s cool.”

  We sat in silence for a few minutes, neither of us seemingly wanting to start the conversatio
n. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to talk; I was just too intimidated by the way he looked at me. I had a million questions but they seemed so unimportant. It was as if he was saying enough without even opening his mouth.

  “What are you going to do your paper on?” I finally asked. “I’m choosing love. I know that’s cheesy but I’ve always liked the way Chaucer portrayed love through his characters. He doesn’t stick to one type and I think the world’s kinda like that.”

  “Which kind of love would you want?”

  My cheeks burned. “I guess a combination of all of them. I mean, I don’t believe all love is just about passion. That’s great in the beginning with the whole ‘love at first sight’ stuff but it can’t last, right? But I also like the idea of growing old with someone and having that passion turn to comfort. Who wouldn’t want to spend their life with their best friend?”

  “Love throughout the ages,” Kian said. “I like the idea that there is one person in the world that is your soul mate. The one person you can’t live without. You live and die and breathe only for them. Even if you lose them in this life, you’ll find them again later on in the next.”

  “There are a lot of people in the world. How would you know if that person’s the one? What if they’re on the other side of the world? You might live your entire life and never meet them.”

  “That’s what fate’s about,” Kian said. “And that’s what I’m doing my paper on. People are destined to find each other, no matter what the odds and consequences.”

  “Do you believe in fate?” I asked.

  “Yes. Do you?”

  Staring into his blue eyes I wanted to nod my head. How could I not look at him, thinking about how familiar he was and how I was completely positive I’d known him before? Was this what he meant? Were there people out there we’d met before that we were bound to recognize even if we’d never known they existed until that very moment? Would that be destiny? But what if fate had come knocking on my door but I had made my choice? Did that mean I would be destined to be unhappy for the rest of my life?

 

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