Torn to Pieces

by Harper Ashley

  My eyebrows are raised so high that it’s entirely possible they’ve become one with my hairline. "What the hell was that about?" I ask, and he says nothing. Instead slamming the door to the boat house and locking it.

  "Alec?" I try again, and again but am ignored. His long legs take quick strides up towards the house, and I do exactly what my brain is screaming at me not to do.

  I follow him.

  When I come face to face with the dark staircase that leads to the unknown, I take a few deep breaths before making my descent.

  Okay. You can do this.

  He's just a guy, and he's in pain.

  He needs a friend.

  I can be his friend.

  My feet creak against the wooden stairs. "Alec? It's Jo..."

  His deep voice cuts through me. "I know who it is, no one else is stupid enough to come in my fucking room."

  Stay calm, don't get angry.

  "Are- are you alright? You seemed upset outside."

  Laughing, he’s laughing. It isn't a pleasant laughter either, it's harsh. He’s laughing at me.

  "Seriously? Do you think you can just walk down here and I'll crack wide open for you? Tell you all my deepest, darkest secrets? Tell you about what keeps me up at night?"

  No. I didn't think it would be that easy.

  I take a step towards him and he stills. "I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. I don't know what you’re going through, and I won't pretend to. I also won't pretend that I don't see you hurting. You don't have to like me, hell I don't give a shit either way."

  Lie number one.

  "We do live in the same house though, and we're going to have to see a good bit of each other. I don't want to be enemies, Alec. I know some shit has gone down between us, and I don't know how to feel about any of it. I do know that I don't want to walk on eggshells in my own home though. Can we at least try to be friends?"

  Lie number two. I don't know what I want from Alec Miller, but just friends isn't it.

  "Friends?" he asks, clearly not convinced.

  "Would that be so bad?"

  He takes a few steps towards me, and this time I’m the one who can't move.

  "I don't do well with friends I want to fuck, even if it is just a hate fuck."

  I cough, choking on the words he just so nonchalantly spoke.

  "Yeah, that's right. I don't want to be your friend. I want you and your mother out of my house and away from my family. I want you to stop playing footsie with my best friend before I have to beat the shit out of him, and I want you to stop looking at me like some puppy you want to adopt from the damn shelter. I’m not your project. I’m not yours to fix. Now if between now and you getting the hell out of here you want a good, hard fuck- well you know where to find me. If not, then just stay the hell away from me."

  My skin heats up, and a lump forms in the base of my throat. Tears prick at my eyes, but I fight them back. I fight them with everything I have inside me.

  "I don't believe you. I don't believe that you are as heartless as you pretend to be. If you want to act like my mom and I are horrible people, fine- whatever. I can't force you to see us for who we really are. I can however, refuse to just lay down and give up, and I won't. I’m not a quitter. You are battling some serious demons, Alec Miller. Whether you like it or not, I'm here for the long haul."

  Silence fills the room save for the sound of my ragged breaths and pounding heart. He stares at me with wild eyes, and I can't tell if he wants to kiss me or kill me. Probably a little bit of both.

  "I don't know what all happened with your mom, but I do know that you stepped up and were there for her and Allie. I also know that means there is more to you than this surly dickwad facade you put on for everyone around you. I see right through you, Alec."

  Jesus Christ, I wish he'd say something.

  "If you think you can fix me...well, you’re going to end up very disappointed at the end of all this." His voice is low, tortured.

  I shrug, and what I say next earns the tiniest trace of a smile from his hard-lined lips. "I'm used to disappointment, maybe for once I'll be pleasantly surprised."

  I decide to press my luck, "So, friends?"

  He scoffs, "Woah there, Sally. How about for starters I try not to be such a... what did you call me? A dickwad?"

  I laugh awkwardly, "Okay, that sounds like a good place to start. And... uhm maybe don't talk about fucking me?"

  He closes the space between us. "Eh, I don't think so. I like watching you squirm."

  "That's pretty dickwad-ish, Alec." I deadpan.

  "Baby steps, Jo. Baby steps." He palms my cheek with his large hand. "Don't act like you don't want it too."

  There goes my heart again, pounding in my chest.

  "That’ll have to wait, though. I got to take care of something." He drops his hand and crosses the room, grabbing his keys from the dresser.

  "Wh-what? You're leaving?" I hate the desperation in my voice. I sound like Cass.

  "Yeah."

  That's it? Yeah?

  "Uh, where are you going?" I ask, knowing good and damn well he isn't going to tell me.

  That mischievous smirk graces his lips. "None of your business, Jo. Run along."

  "You lasted all of thirty seconds without being a dickwad. Congratulations." I spit out as I make my way towards the stairs. His hand clasps around my wrist and he pulls me back towards him.

  "Shooter's, with Nate. We're meeting for pool. Try not to miss me too much."

  Satisfied I nod, "Don't worry, I won't."

  Lie number three.

  I’m going to miss him. I’m going to miss the electricity ripping through my body every time he’s near me.

  He lets go of my wrist and tilts his head towards the stairs, signaling for me to take my leave. And I do, I walk up them without another word.

  When I reach the safety of my own room, I let myself come apart, reeling over my latest interaction with him.

  Collapsing into the bed I can’t seem to wipe the massive shit-eating grin off my face. Alec Miller was trying to be nice to me, and that alone is enough to make me feel like I'd accomplished something miraculous.

  Chapter Eleven

  Today is my birthday, which also means Drake will be arriving any moment to spend the weekend with me. Sean has no problem with it, and Allie helps me prepare the guest room with fresh towels.

  "So, is this your boyfriend?" She asks, that spark of curiosity alive in her eyes.

  "Hell no, we've been really good friends for as long as I can remember."

  She doesn't look convinced, "But he likes you?"

  I stifle a laugh, "Not like that. We’ve hooked up before, but that was just a combination of boredom and loneliness. We keep things clean and simple."

  Allie lets out a hmmm but drops it. I understand that people don't think it's possible for a guy and a girl to have the type of relationship we do, but it works for us. Plus, we'd agreed when I moved that there would be no more casual sex... only friendship.

  "What's this about?" Alec asks from the doorway, gesturing towards the folded towels at the foot of the bed.

  "Jo's not boyfriend is coming to stay with us for the weekend, for her birthday."

  I blush immediately at her words and regard him carefully... trying to gauge his reaction. His gaze meets mine and I can see the muscles around his jaw tensing. He said nothing, instead turning away and retreating down the hallway.

  A few hours later a honk from outside alerts me that Drake has arrived, and I run outside to greet him. I jump into his arms and he swings me around in a circle before planting my feet firmly back on solid ground. "Jo! Nice digs, can I move in?"

  I laugh and bury him in a massive bear hug. "I missed you!" I turn to look at my home, "It's pretty great, huh?"

  Allie appears on the patio and I introduce her to Drake, and then lead him inside to meet Sean. My mother is thrilled to see him and spends the next several minutes asking how his parents are holding up with the new
and less awesome neighbors.

  As predicted Alec remains in his dungeon, refusing to play nice and introduce himself. "Sean's son lives downstairs, he's not exactly a people person. Don't take it personal if he doesn't speak to you." I find myself trying to explain and make excuses for his shit behavior.

  "No worries, I'm here for you JoJo. How's about a tour?" Drake's face is permanently stamped with a mega-watt smile that makes my heart burst. I had made friends since arriving here, of course... but there’s nothing like the company of one of my truest and oldest friends. As we make our way through the house he oohs and ahhs over the grandness of it all.

  "This is seriously incredible. How the hell did you get so lucky and wind up living with Daddy Warbucks?" I know he’s kidding, but Alec's comment about us being freeloaders immediately flashes in my mind.

  "Hey, uh... maybe tone down the comments? Alec is pretty sensitive about shit like that. I think he's already convinced himself mom is a gold-digger up to no good."

  A mixture of shock and anger registers on his face, "What the fuck? Your mom is a saint."

  "I know, but he doesn't know her yet. He will though, it’ll just take time. Try not to make any more holy shit your new family is so rich comments please."

  "Noted, sorry JoJo."

  That name, God I hate that nickname. Drake knows that though, and it explains the boyish grin on his face when I narrow my eyes at him.

  "Wanna watch a movie?" I ask, directing him into the den.

  "Only if it's Indiana Jones." He responds.

  "Well, duh. What’d you expect?"

  This has been a tradition since we were in middle school. The day of my birthday is always spent binge watching the Indiana Jones movies with popcorn and ice cream. Even though we’d graduated into more illicit recreational activities, this is one tradition we always stuck to.

  "Jock, start the engine!" Drake called out as he plopped onto a large white sofa.

  Laughter filled the room and I allowed myself to relax completely. This is exactly what I needed.

  ∞∞∞

  "Dinner!"

  My mother's voice trailed up the stairs as she summoned us to the table. She'd made my favorite, breakfast for dinner. My plate was covered in scrambled eggs with cheese, bacon, and two waffles.

  "Thanks mom, it looks amazing."

  Drake nods enthusiastically, "Yes ma’am, this is perfect."

  Everyone is here at the table, everyone except Alec. I keep watching the door, waiting on him to bust in late. Late is better than not showing at all.

  When my mom brings out the cookie cake decorated with my name in chocolate icing I hesitate before blowing out my candles. "Where's Alec?" I direct the question at Sean, but he shrugs.

  His face loses the bright smile that’d been there only seconds before. "I don't know, Josephine. He should’ve been here."

  "Oh, its fine, I was just curious." I don't know why I expected him to come. I tried not to be disappointed, but it’s impossible. He hadn't made me any promises, and he sure as hell didn't owe me anything. What hurt is that he didn't want to be here.

  I blow out the candles and laugh when Drake wipes a bit of the icing on my nose.

  Eighteen. I’m finally an adult. Even though I'd acted a good bit older than I really was for a while now, it’s official.

  I knew Drake was tired from the drive today, and to be honest I just wanted to spend my night at home. We settled back into the den on one of the sofas and put in The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and it didn't take long for us both to doze off.

  I have no clue how long I’d asleep, but when I wake up from being gently shaken, the DVD menu is repeating on a loop.

  "Get up."

  Dammit, Alec.

  "What? What are you doing?" I ask him, my voice sounding obviously groggy.

  "Come with me."

  I’m not going anywhere with him. "No, let me go back to sleep."

  "Hurry, it's important." His words are slurred, and I know he’d been out drinking.

  I sit up from the sofa and stare daggers at him, "Alec, you're drunk. And you missed my birthday dinner. In fact, your sorry ass didn't even tell me happy birthday. Screw off."

  His hands are on my waist, hoisting me into his arms as if it takes not a bit of effort. "Alec, fuck. What is-"

  "Shhhh... You're going to wake up your boyfriend."

  The way he lingers on the word boyfriend sends a chill down my spine. "He isn't my boyfriend, you know that."

  He doesn't put me down, instead he cradles me in his arms and walks out of the room. I want to keep asking questions, but something tells me to keep my mouth shut. He walks me down the first flight of stairs, and then down the next into the basement.

  "Are you mad at me?" He asks before setting me down on his bed.

  Fuck. I’m on his bed.

  "Yes." I answer honestly.

  He bites his lip, "Why?"

  Why am I mad? I’m mad because my dumb ass set expectations for someone who very plainly told me not to ever have any. "You missed my birthday."

  "No, I didn't." He held up his phone and showed me the time.

  11:56

  "Happy Birthday, Jo."

  Such a small gesture in the grand scheme of things, but nonetheless it meant the world to me. Alec is an inherently selfish human being, or at least that's what he wants everyone to think, but he'd thought of me. He'd wanted to give me this one small thing, to prove that he was trying.

  Chapter Twelve

  You could’ve heard a pin drop in his room. I’m speechless, and he’s clearly waiting on me to break the silence. My heart might explode, and it’s taking every ounce of self-control not to launch myself at him. I want to kiss him. I want to feel the way he'd made me feel at the bar and in the boat house. I want him to make me feel alive.

  "Th-thank you. I don't know what to say."

  "Then just don't say anything. I'm better with action than words anyways." He takes my face in his hands and when his lips press against mine, I melt. I melt into him not giving a single fuck how wrong it is, not caring that the only reason he’s giving me this level of intimacy is because he's drunk.

  This kiss is different than the ones before. This one was softer, but at the same time more intense. His grip isn’t strong, but gentle... like he doesn’t want to hurt me. I crave more. I need more.

  Alec pulls me into his lap without breaking contact. The tenderness in his touch this time is intoxicating.

  When he pauses for a moment I try to pull him back into me, desperate for this to not end. His lips turn up into a smile. He's happy.

  A noise from upstairs breaks us apart and both our bodies go rigid. Someone is rustling through the refrigerator, and I let out the tiniest giggle. The risk... the fact that we can be caught at any moment is exhilarating. He silences me with another kiss.

  "You should go, before someone finds us like this. I don't think this would be easy to explain."

  I know he's right, but the thought of walking up those stairs and away from him right now seems impossible.

  When I don't move immediately, he lets out a deep breath.

  "Alec, what does this mean?" I ask, my voice barely audible.

  "I don't know." He answers honestly.

  For tonight that’s the best I can hope for.

  ∞∞∞

  When I join Drake at the table for breakfast the next morning I can't help but watch the stairs. It’s early, and Alec is probably not going to be awake any time soon. Still, my stomach is doing flips at the thought that he may waltz into the room at any moment.

  "So, the beach?" Drake asks with a mouth full of cereal.

  "Yes, you neanderthal."

  I invited Allie to join us too, and she'd agreed. After placing my bowl in the sink I start up towards my room, "Going to change."

  Drake said something that sounded like "Okay," but it was hard to tell. As disgusting as his eating habits may be, I still love the dumbass.

  I decide on
a basic black bikini and slide on a pair of high waisted blue jean shorts over the top. I tie my hair in a loose braid and apply a thin layer of make-up to my face.

  Not too shabby. I think to myself, taking in my appearance in the full-length mirror.

  I bound down the stairs and run smack-dab into Nate. "Shit, sorry. I totally wasn't paying attention."

  He flashes his signature smile and shrugs, "Hey, I'm not complaining. Why are you in such a hurry?"

  I take two steps back, putting a safe distance between us. "One of my friends is in town from Florida. We're going to the beach."

  "Oh, you weren't going to introduce me to her?" He feigns hurt.

  I giggle, "His name is Drake, but I'd be happy to introduce you."

  Nate scrunches his nose up, clearly disappointed that I'm not having a girly slumber party. As if on cue Drake enters the room and one bro-shake later he and Nate are chatting it up about some obscure sporting event that I could care less about.

  "Nate, what are you up to today?" I ask him.

  "About to wake up Prince Charming down there," he gestures towards the basement. "He got pretty lit last night."

  Yeah, I know.

  "Oh, really? Did you guys go to a party?" I try to make my questions seem like normal conversation and not give away that I just want to know what Alec had been up to.

  "Yeah, at Cass’s place. Shit was crazy."

  My stomach drops.

  "The girl that was over here, right? That you took home?"

  Nate nods and kicks off his sneakers by the door. "The very same."

  He isn't giving up much information, and I don't know how to press for more without being obvious.

  "It didn't seem like her and Alec left on good terms that day," I say with a laugh. "I guess I'm surprised he wanted to hang out with her."

  Nate seems oblivious, but Allie's eyebrow raises. Smooth, real smooth Jo.

  "Nah, everyone knows Alec is a moody bastard. You have to take his tantrums with a grain of salt. He seemed to have forgiven her last night, if you know what I mean." He gives me a wink and I want to throw up.

  "Since when do you gossip like a girl, Nate?" Alec appears out of nowhere.