Torn to Pieces

by Harper Ashley

  "Morning, Sunshine. Just swapping war stories from last night. How's your head?" Nate responds with a laugh.

  Alec's eyes meet mine and I can't read him at all. Did he hear me asking questions? What had he done with Cass? Had he been with her before coming to me? I need to get out of here before my mind wanders wild with what-ifs.

  "Anyways, we need to get going. Don't want to miss the sun." I spit out and pick up my bag from the table.

  Alec's gaze catches mine one last time before I make it out the door and it looks like he wants to say something to me... but he doesn't. Instead he turns and walks in the opposite direction. Nate calls out that he wants to do something tonight, and I nod. Once we're outside Drake nudges my arm.

  "So that must be the elusive stepbrother?"

  That word, stepbrother. It makes my skin crawl. "He isn't my stepbrother."

  "Yet." He corrects.

  As if she read my mind Allie comes to the rescue, "So Drake, are you a senior this year like Jo?"

  I flash her a grateful smile. The two of them exchange small talk the entire way to the beach and I am thankful for the chance to be alone with my thoughts.

  I have no right to be upset with him for hooking up with Cass. He wasn't mine, and I wasn't his. I have no authority to tell him who he can and can’t screw. I could, however, be upset that he'd come to me afterwards like some pathetic back up plan.

  My brain won’t shut up as we walk towards the shore. It’s hard not to let this latest revelation overshadow the kindness he'd shown me last night. If he wants to fuck someone else, then why’d he come home? Why’d he wake me up to show me that he hadn't forgotten my birthday? Why had he kissed me with such tenderness and longing? I have so many questions.

  "Jo?" Allie's soft voice brought me away from my racing thoughts.

  "Yeah," I respond equally as soft.

  "You’re playing with fire. I’m only saying that because I care about you, and I know my brother. Just- Just be careful. Okay?"

  Fuck.

  "I don't know what you’re talking about. We're not-"

  She holds up one of her tiny hands and then places the other on my shoulder. "You don't have to tell me anything, I understand. I just needed to tell you to be careful. You’re a tough one, but he can break even the strongest of them."

  You’re playing with fire. Her words echoed in my mind the rest of the afternoon.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Seeing his black car in the driveway while walking back up to the house makes the butterflies in my stomach go wild.

  "I think I got too much sun," Allie complains after peeking underneath her bathing-suit strap.

  I catch Drake's eyes lingering on her bare skin for a moment and I nudge him playfully. He rolls his eyes and tries to play it off, but I can tell he’s starting to have a little crush on her. You’d think this would spark some sort of jealousy over our history together, but it didn't. What we had was completely platonic, our romps in between the sheets hadn't changed that.

  I find Nate and Alec lounging lazily on the living room sofa watching a show about a group of men mining for gold. "This is entertainment?" I ask flatly.

  "New girl!" Nate snaps his attention away from the television and onto me. "Hey, this may not be grade A quality programming, but it fills the void as we waited for your return." He winks and I can't stifle the laugh.

  "You’re ridiculous."

  A phone vibrates on the coffee table and Alec picks it up, "We gotta go, Kurt needs a ride." He’s addressing Nate and completely avoiding any and all eye contact with me. Okay.

  Nate looks to me and shrugs and heads out the door. I stand there, waiting for Alec to walk past me. Right when he does, he pauses. His knuckles graze my arm ever so lightly, and he whispers something in my ear that sends chills over every inch of my body. "I didn't fuck Cass."

  So, he had heard the conversation from earlier.

  "Alec," I breathe out.

  His green eyes find mine and there’s a hunger in them that pierces me to my core. A boyish grin washes over his face and he winks at me. He fucking winks at me, mimicking what Nate had done only moments before.

  "We're coming back here tonight, see you then."

  With that he's gone, and my feet are cemented to the floor... heart pounding. I finally release the breath that I wasn't even aware I'd been holding.

  "JoJo?" Drake calls from the kitchen.

  "Uh, yeah. Coming." I gather myself and join them.

  Allie is biting into a juicy strawberry and Drake is looking at me like I have three heads. "Dude, what's up with you? Your face is about as red as that strawberry." He gestures to the ripe fruit in between Allie's lips.

  "Nothing, I'm fine." I lie.

  "Yeah, Okay. And I'm the Queen of England." He retorts in a terrible British accent.

  That’s his go-to line, and as cliche as it is, it always makes me smile. There’s something about picturing my best friend in a dress rocking the crowned jewels that’s hard not to laugh at.

  I curtsy, "Your Majesty."

  "Whatever, I'll leave it alone."

  Bullet dodged, at least where Drake was concerned. Allie on the other hand... Let’s just say the look on her face made it very clear this conversation was not over.

  I attempt to regain control of the situation. "Alec mentioned they were coming back here tonight, I'm guessing to the boat house. Maybe we can all hang out?"

  Drake shrugs in a non-committal way and looks to Allie for confirmation.

  "Sure, if I don't invite my friends he may let me hang out."

  That seems as good a plan as any. I want her to be there, even if she’d be staring daggers at me after every interaction with her brother.

  "Jo, help me with something really quick?" She asks, nodding towards the stairs.

  Shit.

  "Uh, sure."

  "Drake, we will just be a sec." She smiles at him sweetly and he returns it. He’s completely oblivious and digging into the strawberries she'd set out.

  "Spill." She demands once we were inside my room.

  I bite the inside of my mouth, trying to figure out what the fuck I’m about to say.

  "Well, I don't really know what to spill Allie... I'm so confused right now. Alec, he's- well he's screwing with my head."

  She looked exasperated. "He does that. Elaborate?"

  "Uh, I feel really awkward telling you this. We seem to be- well we seem to be attracted to each other." I finally get the words out. "Like, a lot. Very attracted to each other."

  Allie scrunches up her face in disgust, "Why?"

  "I have no clue, but if you figure it out please let me know." I say, plopping down onto the bed. "I know he isn't a nice guy, and I know there is no hearts and flowers with him. Even worse, I also know that his father is about to marry my mother. I have no clue what is wrong with me."

  As much as I’d been dreading having this conversation with anyone but my bathroom mirror, it’s amazing to finally get it off my chest. She joined me on the bed and placed her palm against my shoulder.

  "Jo, I don't know what has happened between you two behind closed doors and to be honest I have no desire to. You are right and wrong about him. He can be a nice guy, he used to be a nice guy. He went through some things... some things that he shouldn't have had to deal with alone."

  Nate's words echo in my mind as she speaks.

  "When our mom died... it hit him the hardest. Maybe even harder than dad. Alec never accepted her fate, he always believed that somehow she'd end up beating it- that she'd be the miracle you always hear about when it comes to terminal cancer patients."

  The lump in my throat is rising.

  "You’re right about the other part though, he doesn't do hearts and flowers. I don't know if he ever will. I won't say my brother can't love because that isn't true. He loves so fiercely that when things fall apart it shatters him. I know he is capable of that kind of love still, I just don't know that he will ever make himself vulnerable enough
to feel it again."

  There are tears in her eyes now. "Allie, I don't mean to bring up these feelings for you. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

  "Look, Jo. I like you, and I want this to work. For all of us. My dad is really happy, and I think your mom is too. If they knew about whatever is happening between you and Alec things would get really weird really fast. Just promise me you won't risk messing everything up to be another one of his conquests. You are better than that. He can be charming, and God knows I love my brother. I love him more than anything in the world- but I also know that he wants to stop this wedding from happening."

  The realization of what she’s trying to say hits me like a brick wall.

  "Please don't be angry at me for saying this, but hasn't a single part of you wondered if this is his plan to stop them from getting married? If it got out that you two were fooling around... it would be the scandal to end all scandals. Especially around here, in this small town? People would never stop talking about it. Dad's career could be seriously damaged. Step-sibling affair? Imagine what that would do to your mom."

  I want to tell her that she is way out of line, that he would never do that to our parents. But would he? The truth is I barely knew Alec Miller. I have no clue how far he’d go to get what he wants.

  She continues, "He's not a monster, but he's got a damaged heart. I just don't want to watch this all blow up around us."

  My heart hurt, as in physical pain shooting through my chest. Is this all a game to him? Am I just another pawn helping him get his check-mate?

  I need answers, but the only way that’s going to happen is to have a very serious conversation with someone whose heart is locked up tight like a fortress.

  No matter how tonight goes, I have a feeling I’m about to open up Pandora's box.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The sound of Alec and his friends arriving outside makes it hard to focus on the documentary we were watching in the living room. They never came inside, instead heading straight down the pathway towards the boat house.

  "Does your dad just not give a shit about him having people over?" Drake asks, addressing Allie.

  She shrugs and answers nonchalantly, "Dad doesn't really mess with Alec much."

  I knew this is because he probably holds some intense guilt over checking out when his wife was dying and leaving his son to handle the heavy shit.

  "Must be nice." Drake mutters under his breath.

  If only he knew just how deep the wounds ran around here.

  "So are we going out there?" This time Allie was looking to me for an answer.

  I’m not sure what I want to do. I want to face Alec, but this conversation isn’t exactly one I can have in front of everyone. We could always stay here, watch documentaries and eat pizza rolls... put off the inevitable.

  "New girl!" Nate's voice yelled into the house. I turn and his head is poking through the open back door. "Get out here, you're my partner for beer pong."

  Well, I guess that solves this dilemma.

  "Looks like we're going out there." I say to Allie and Drake.

  My mom and Sean have been locked up in their bedroom since they got home from dinner, no doubt spending 'quality time together'. Mom has never been the overbearing type, but since moving here, her parenting has been straight up nonexistent. I know it's only because she's stuck in her little bubble with her future husband, but damn.

  On the deck, there’s now a fold-out table equipped with two groups of red solo cups shaped like pyramids. I join Nate at one side and try not to make it obvious that I’m looking for Alec. Opposite of us is Conner and V, and I can tell they'd already been drinking for a while. I’m definitely the most sober in this crowd, except for Drake and Allie who’d disappeared into the boat house.

  "Don't let me down, Jo. I'm counting on you!" Nate says as I prepare to throw the small white ball towards the cups. He’s letting me do most of the drinking to play catch up, and the more buzz I get, the better my aim seems to be.

  Conner waves his arms in front of the remaining cup trying to distract me to no avail.

  "Score!" I yell when the ball falls in.

  Nate throws me over his shoulder and does a victory lap around the yard, and I laugh harder than I think I ever have before. When he finally releases me, I notice Alec leaning against the door frame, his eyes on me. Wearing his signature black skinny jeans with holes at the knees and a loose fitting black tank he looks hot. Really hot. The ink that covers his skin is just the icing on the perfectly delicious cake. The heat rises to my cheeks, and other parts of my body. The instinctual reaction I have being in the same general vicinity as him is cruel and unusual punishment. All I want to do is pull him back inside and let him have his way with me, but that’s pretty much out of the question at the moment. No, instead I have to keep my distance which is pure torture.

  "Round two?" Nate calls out to me as he races back to the table.

  "Sure, why not?" I answer back, looking forward to downing a bit more liquid courage before my talk with Alec.

  ∞∞∞

  We ran the table all night long, easily becoming the undefeated champions. "What other secret talents are you hiding under there?" Nate teases, hooking his finger underneath my t-shirt.

  Oh.

  "Um, none really. Beginner's luck, I think." I’d played before, but in the past had been average at best. "Maybe it was just a great partner."

  That put a smile on his face. It was hard not to fixate on Nate's smile. It was warm and genuine, the kind of smile that made you feel like none of your problems existed. He was a good looking guy, but his personality took it to the next level. Not many guys looked like him and were so fucking nice.

  "Pretty sure I'm the lucky one." Suddenly, there’s something new in his eyes. Nate and I have had several little moments, but they’ve mostly stayed in the platonic safe-zone. He takes his thumb and gently brushes it across my cheek, causing the hair along my arms and back of my neck to stand. "You're something else, you know that?"

  ”What do you mean?" I ask with a shaky voice.

  He lets out a breath. "You are so much different than the girls around here, it's refreshing." He takes in my oversized Nirvana tee and leggings. "Look around, all these other girls try so hard to get our attention... and instead all eyes are on you."

  I scan the people scattered around the yard. The girls are all dressed to turn heads in tight clothes and heavy makeup.

  "I don't think all eyes are on me, Nate. That's sweet though."

  He takes a step towards me, "Well mine are. Have been since that night at Shooter's."

  There’s not enough space between us anymore. As right as this should feel, I can't help but pull back.

  I don't even need to look to sense his presence. His eyes are zeroing in on us like a laser. "Are you really trying to fuck with her, man?"

  Alec's accusation makes me jump.

  "What is your problem? I get that you're pissed your dad's getting married but back off Miller." Nate fires back at him and protectively takes a step in front of me.

  Alec's eyes lock onto mine and I’m frozen. "Jo, go inside."

  "Are you serious? You aren't her keeper. I don't know what has been up with you lately, but you need to get a fucking grip." Nate is not backing down. "Who do you think you are ordering her around?"

  I look away from them and realize mostly everyone is staring. Great, just great.

  "Hey, both of you... chill out. Okay? I'll go."

  Nate stares at me in disbelief, "You are not going to let him tell you what to do, Jo. Fuck that."

  "She isn't interested, Nate. Take the hint. Jo, just go." Alec grits through clenched teeth.

  I need to get out of here before something bad happens, I need to diffuse this situation. Just as I take the first step, Nate shoves Alec, hard. He stumbles back, but it only takes a second or two for him to regain his footing.

  "What the hell is going on?" Allie runs to my side.

  "I- I don't kno
w. Just help me calm them down, please." I plead, and she shakes her head in frustration when she sees her brother launch towards his best friend.

  "Alec! Stop, just walk away." She reaches out for him but he pulls away and slams his fist into Nate's jaw.

  Conner, Nash, and Kurt come barreling towards the boys trying to rip them apart. Nash finally gets a grip on Nate with the help of Drake. This allows Conner and Kurt to pull Alec away from him and off towards the boat house.

  Allie grabs my hand, "I think we should go."

  I nod, and follow her up to the house. As we near the door I hear Alec yelling, "Stay away from her. Stay the fuck away from her."

  Drake closes the door behind us and looks at me with a million questions in his eyes. "JoJo, what was that?"

  I can't get a word out before the door opens and Alec stumbles inside. His wild eyes stare into me, causing my breath to hitch. "I told everyone to get the fuck out of here."

  "Probably a good call. What the hell, Alec? Nate is your best friend." Allie says to her brother, but his gaze doesn't move from mine. After a few seconds of silence he turns and disappears down the stairs into the basement.

  "Alright then, Asshole." She mutters.

  It seems like Drake is finally beginning to grasp what has transpired outside. Slowly, but surely, he’s putting the pieces together. He reaches for my chin and forces me to look into his eyes. "Please tell me this isn't what it looks like. You’re not with him, right?"

  I can't lie to him, not to Drake. "I don't know what we are."

  "Jesus, Jo. What are you doing? Your parents are getting married, and he's clearly unhinged."

  It takes everything within me to not let the tears pricking at my eyes begin to fall. "He's not- It's not-" I can't get the words to come out.

  Allie wraps an arm around me, "Let's not talk about it anymore tonight."

  I nod, and Drake lets out an exasperated breath. "Whatever, but we are finishing this tomorrow. Okay?"

  I nod again, saying nothing. Instead, I look towards the stairway and know that my mind is already made up. Allie must see it on my face because she takes Drake's hand in her own and asks him to go upstairs with her to watch a movie. He doesn't protest, and once they are out of sight I cross the kitchen and make my way down to Alec.