Torn to Pieces

by Harper Ashley

  "Uh, what are you doing Cass?" I ask her, and she seems shocked that I'd addressed her.

  "I need a ride, what does it look like?"

  I clench my jaw tightly and shake my head, "Sorry, you'll have to find another ride."

  Cass narrows her eyes and looks to Alec for back-up. "Seriously, Alec? What the hell is wrong with this girl?"

  Alec looks at me with a sheepish grin, "She lives on the way, you don't mind right Jo?"

  I couldn't even look to Cass. If I’d seen the victorious smirk she’s sporting there’s a good chance I'd strangle her. And him.

  "Yeah, actually I do mind." I surprise myself with the admission, but I was standing by it.

  "Aw, come on." He takes a step towards the passenger seat. "It's not a big deal. I can show you how to get there."

  I can’t believe this is happening. Sure he’s drunk, but Jesus.

  Cass moves to reach for the back door and slides into the Jeep without giving me a second look.

  Still gritting my teeth together I get into the driver’s seat and slam my door.

  I listen to Alec's slurred directions and pull into Cass’s driveway. The icing on the cake is her essentially begging him to come inside with her. He declined, but I’m so angry at this point it didn't even matter.

  We drove the rest of the way home in silence. Well, I did. He made multiple attempts to talk to me, but I ignored each and every one of them. When I pull up to the house, I put the Jeep in park, removed the keys, and got out as quickly as possible. Stalking up to the house I leave him behind, not even swayed by the look of complete confusion on his drunken face.

  I head straight for my bedroom knowing that he’ll likely be right behind me.

  "Jo, did I do something to upset you?" Alec's voice is low as he sticks his head in my doorway.

  I let out a sarcastic laugh. "Oh, of course not. What could you have possibly done to upset me?"

  He takes a few steps towards me and shrugs, "I have no fucking clue, but I'd appreciate it if you filled me in."

  There’s no way he’s this clueless.

  "I don't know, maybe you call and ask me to come get you and then make me wait while you let some girl hang all over you right in front of my face. Then to top it all off you make me give her a fucking ride home even after I said no. How cute is it that you know exactly how to get to her house, by the way? So fucking adorable."

  Alec looks down at his feet, seemingly just now realizing that he screwed up.

  "She was clearly surprised that you decided not to accompany her back inside for some late night fun, I hate that you had to turn her down on my account."

  I didn't mean to get emotional. Hell, I didn't even know it until the tears were wetting my cheeks.

  Alec is at my side in an instant, his thumbs wiping away the tears that he knows are his fault.

  "Shit, I'm so sorry. I'm an idiot. I don't want Cass, you know that. I wasn't- I should have just left when you got there. I'm sorry."

  I take a step away from him and shake my head. "No, it's whatever. I don't know why I'm crying. Just- I just want to go to sleep."

  "Look, I said I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings. I called because I wanted to be with you tonight, not anyone else."

  I know he’s telling the truth, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

  "I know that. I also know that seeing her throw herself at you hurt really fucking bad, Alec. And you not shutting it down hurt even worse. I guess I just- I thought we were-"

  He cut me off, "Stop, okay? We are. She's nothing. You're right, and it won't happen again. I'm not used to this stuff. I'm shit at relationships and you know that, but you're right. I should have told her to take a hike, and next time I will."

  He said relationship, and I want to tell my heart to calm down with the skipping.

  We're still mad, heart. Okay?

  "Jo? I'm sorry. Don't be mad at me."

  He takes a step towards me and wraps his large hand around mine, rubbing circles over them with his thumb.

  "Don't pull any shit like that again, okay? I'm not kidding. That was messed up."

  He pulls me into him and lets out a sigh of relief.

  "I won't, I promise. You're my girl, okay? I'll tell everyone tomorrow if you want. I'll tell Cass, and anyone else."

  I shake my head. "You're drunk. Tomorrow that will be the last thing you want to do."

  He silences me with a kiss. It's a sweet one, one full of promise and intention.

  "I think you're wrong. I think even when I'm completely sober I'll want everyone to know your mine."

  If only life were so simple.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  The next morning, neither one of us mentioned Alec's sudden urge to out our feelings for each other to the world, and for now I’m okay with that. With the wedding so close it seems like an irresponsible and selfish decision to make.

  It’s becoming harder and harder to keep these feelings locked up behind closed doors. I crave him every moment of every day, and when it finally came time to get my hands on him... it was everything. We were addicts clawing, ravenous just to get one more fix.

  Every night when I tiptoe down those stairs into his bedroom it’s like a rush, and once I fall into his bed, it’s like I could finally breathe.

  Sometimes it was rough and hard, and others it was slow and gentle... but every single time it was pure passion. When our bodies fuse together it’s electric, like there are thousands of tiny sparks constantly igniting on our skin- lighting up the world around us, but only we could see it.

  "Only a few more days until the wedding," I say to him as we lie on his bed. "Then we have an entire week together while our parents on their honeymoon."

  He exhales and pulls me in tighter. "You know what I'm most looking forward to?"

  "What?"

  His deep voice right next to my ear gives me chills. "Spending the night with you. You in my bed when I go to sleep, and then getting to wake up next to you."

  My inner Goddess is reveling in this admission. "That sounds nice."

  I roll over so that our eyes meet and I can't help but smile. How did we get here? It feels like yesterday this beautiful man was the last person on the planet I wanted to be stuck in the same room with, but now I'd do anything to be by his side.

  "Just nice?" His words taunt me.

  I roll my eyes and let out a giggle, "Okay, more than nice."

  His hands began to roam my body. First my face, then down my neck. He traces my collarbones and then down the curves of my breasts. My breath catches and a small moan escapes my lips.

  "How is your skin so soft?" He whispers into my neck.

  My legs part for him out of pure instinct, and the devilish grin on his face lets me know that is exactly what he wants. His hand continues to slide down my body until his palm cups the place that needs him the most. A single finger slips inside my crease, while his thumb slides back and forth over the bundle of nerves sending me into the abyss.

  "Always so ready for me," he murmurs quietly.

  "Y-yes," I manage to choke out. "Always."

  His dark hair is disheveled, and his green eyes seem to be endless right now. The ink on his body tightens and contorts with every movement of his hard body as he pleasures me with his fingers. It shouldn't be legal for a man to be this fucking sexy. I think it’s the wild nature of our encounters that really gets me going. The pure primal lust, the dangerously taboo aura that envelopes us... it’s intoxicating.

  "Perfect." Alec groaned, "Absolutely perfect." His eyes rake over my body before his lips crash into mine possessively. Our bodies know exactly what the other is wanting now, and his fingers work magic inside me.

  As he takes control of my body I realize something. Something that makes the climbing climax so much more intense- I’m completely and utterly his. I’m falling hard and fast... and it terrifies me. The crash of clarity washes over me like a tidal wave simultaneously with the orgasm. Every inch of my bo
dy shudders around him and I fight to catch my breath.

  "You know what else I can’t wait for?" Alec rasps, pulling my body to where it fits perfectly against his.

  "What's that?" I say softly.

  He looks down at me with a need so strong it causes me to tense. "Making you scream my name. Getting to take you without holding back, and not giving a fuck who hears it."

  Oh.

  I bite my lower lip as desire creeps up my spine. "Allie will still be here, we won't be completely alone."

  "Let me handle that." He says before kissing me again. "Now, you need to get out of here before the sun comes up."

  I glance over at his phone on the nightstand and press the home button. It’s almost four AM.

  Letting out a groan, I roll off the bed. Instead of putting my own clothes back on I grab his black t-shirt from the floor and pull it over my head. It smells like him. I snag a pair of his briefs too.

  "I like you in my clothes." He says, placing his arms behind his head and admiring me.

  "You aren't getting them back either." I reply, flashing him a flirty smile before making my way up the stairs and back towards my room.

  ∞∞∞

  "It’s less than twenty-four hours before I walk down the aisle, can you believe that?" My mother exclaims as she twirls around the bedroom like a school girl. I’ve never seen her look so genuinely happy. Sean’s out with his business associates for celebratory drinks, but mom wants to stay in tonight. She’s a tightly wound bundle of nervous energy.

  "It's going to be perfect." I say, placing a kiss on her cheek.

  "You've hung up your dress, right? And laid everything out? Your shoes? What about-"

  "Mom," I interrupt her spiral. "Come down off the ledge a little, everything is going to be fine."

  She gives me a reassuring smile, "You're right honey, I'm sorry. I'm just so nervous."

  "Of course you are, but don't be. Just relax, we have everything covered."

  As I shut the door behind me and retreat into my own room, I replay the events of the summer so far in my mind. It's truly been a whirlwind, and tomorrow will be no different.

  The rehearsal dinner went well tonight, even though the best man had failed to show up. No one looked surprised when Alec was nowhere to be found, well except for me. I’d been disappointed, though I tried to mask it.

  The surprise came when Sean mentioned that since Alec is the best man, that he’s going to be the one to escort me down the aisle. I know my cheeks must have reddened because he gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

  "Look, he will show up. He may try to fight this up until the final hour, but I know my son would never miss my wedding." I try to muster a smile, even though it’s forced. "In the event that he doesn't, you'll just walk with my business partner Bill. He's escorting Allie, but I know he'd be happy to have both of you on his arms. Either way, it’ll work out."

  Sean thought my rosy cheeks were because I worried I'd end up walking alone, when in reality it was because the thought of doing something so intimate... so romantic with Alec made my heart feel like it was beating out of my chest. We'd be touching in front of everyone, arms linked and walking side by side. We'd be surrounded by literal hearts and flowers.

  "I'm not worried, it will be fine. I'm sure he will show up." I say to Sean, and he places a quick peck on my cheek.

  Now, as I lay in my bed, I fight the urge to walk downstairs to Alec's empty bed. Instead, I take out my phone and type a quick message out to him.

  Jo: Missed you tonight at the rehearsal. You’re supposed to escort me tomorrow, don't leave me hanging.

  It takes a few moments before I get a response.

  Alec: I didn't think walking in a straight line required too much rehearsing.

  A smile creeps onto my lips.

  Jo: True, it's hard to mess up unless you have one too many shots before the big moment.

  Alec: Now that I can't promise. I'm going to need a little help getting through the whole circus act.

  I roll my eyes.

  Jo: You'll have me.

  Alec: I'll be there.

  That was enough, for now.

  Jo: Good. See you tomorrow.

  Alec: Sweet dreams, baby.

  When he called me r that it never ceased to make my heart skip a beat. Full of happiness, satisfaction, and hope- I drift off to sleep.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  So far today I had learned two things about weddings; One, they are stressful as hell. I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off for the last four hours trying to make sure everything is in order. Two, everyone cries. Like constantly. The bridesmaids cried when they saw my mother in her wedding gown, and they cried again when she read aloud the letter Sean had written. My grandmother cried when she saw everyone else cry, and my emotionally stunted ass tried to stay as far away from the tears as possible.

  When I found a moment to escape from the room, it was slowly beginning to feel like it was losing air supply, I took the chance without a second thought. Bracing myself against a column outside I took a few deep breaths and tried to center myself.

  "Jesus Christ, why is everyone so fucking emotional." I say under my breath.

  "It's a wedding, it's kind of meant to be a heartwarming occasion."

  The sound of Nate's voice surprises me, and I jump.

  "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. I was walking by and wanted to make sure you were okay."

  "No- No, I'm fine. Thank you, I just needed to catch my breath. What are you doing here?" I ask.

  "I told you that Alec and I had been friends since diapers. My dad and Sean have been friends since college, he's in the wedding too." Nate explains, and I nod.

  "Oh," the awkward tension filling the air. This is the first time we'd spoken since the fight between him and Alec.

  "Look," We both said at the same time, followed by laughter. Thank God for that, the tension seemed to ease a bit.

  "I'll go first, I'm sorry about what happened that night. I'd had a good bit to drink and I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I also had no clue that the vibes coming off Alec had nothing to do with hating you, I should have seen it sooner."

  I still.

  "He- he told you?" I stammer.

  "No, he didn't have to. We've come to blows twice in all the years we've known each other. The first time was right after he lost his mom, and he just needed someone to take it out on. The second was over you. As soon as I saw the way he reacted when I touched you, I should have known. He's very possessive over you, very protective. I knew when he lunged at me that you were important, that he gave a shit no matter how hard he was trying to hide it."

  I considered his words, still not speaking. What could I possibly say?

  "No one else suspects anything, at least not that I know of." He says, in a reassuring tone. "I do have to ask though, what do you see coming out of this? I care about you, Jo. I really do. I get that you may not feel the same way, and I'll respect that. Just- just be careful okay?" His eyes are full of sincerity as he speaks.

  "I care about you too, Nate. You have become someone I really depend on, and I don't want to lose that. I don't have many real friends, and I want to keep you in my life. I didn't mean for this to happen with Alec, honestly. As cliche as it sounds, it just did. I have no clue what is going to come out of it, but at this point I'll never forgive myself if I don't see it through."

  He nods and wraps an arm around me. "Fair enough. Like I said, I'll respect it. I'm here though, okay? If shit turns bad, just call me."

  "Thanks, Nate. I will." I hug him back, and let him hold me a little longer. It’s nice to have yet another friend know the truth, and even more so that it’s someone I'd been so scared of losing.

  "I need to get back in there, it's almost showtime." I say to him as I break away from the embrace.

  "Alright, and Jo?" He calls out.

  "Yes?"

  "You look beautiful."

  And then
he turns and heads back towards the cabin where the groomsmen are preparing.

  I look down at the blush pink silk gown that hugs my curves like it’s been created specifically for my body. I really do love this dress, and the compliment from Nate has given me a confidence boost that I needed going into today.

  I take in one last deep breath before pushing my way back into the bridal room.

  "There you are!" my mother exclaims, rushing to my side.

  "Sorry, I needed some air." I say, apologetically.

  She wraps her arms around me and spoke softly, so that only I could hear her. "I know there is a lot going on, honey. Thank you for everything. Today wouldn't have been possible without you." She presses her lips to my cheek and then giggles as she tries to smudge off the imprint from her red lipstick.

  "You are a beautiful bride, Mom. Really, you look incredible."

  Tears prick at the corners of her eyes, and causes a lump to form in the back of my throat.

  "God, please don't cry again. The makeup artist is going to kill us."

  We both laugh and hug for a few more seconds.

  The photographer sticks her head in the doorway to tell us it’s time to line up.

  "Are you ready?" I ask her.

  "Yes. So very ready." She answers.

  ∞∞∞

  The sound of Canon in D played by a string quartet fills my ears. I stand on my mark and wait for the signal to start walking. I feel him at my side and slide my arm into his.

  "You made it." I whisper, not even trying to hide the smile on my face.

  "I said I would, didn't I?" He replies.

  I want to lean into him. I want to make it clear that he was mine, but I couldn't. Instead, I’d just have to play pretend. I imagine that everything is different. I imagine that he’s my date, and that every time someone stops to tell us what a beautiful couple we make, that he’d squeeze my hand proudly.

  "Ready?" he asks as the doors began to open slowly and the music approaches our queue.

  "Let's do it." I respond.

  We walk down the aisle covered in flower petals and when we reach the end he releases me. We take our places on each side of where our parents will soon stand.