Chariots on the Highway

by Limor Moyal

  They laid in bed naked and hugged, and shared body warmth and little tender kisses, Tom looked at him and suddenly a huge smile, the smile with the dimple, was spread across his lips.

  “How did I do for the first try? I’m assuming it was good, considering the smile on your face.”

  “You get a doctorate in cock-sucking! Your learning curve is the fastest I've ever seen! You’re amazing, it’s hard to believe it’s your first time!”

  “I had a great teacher, Tom, Lena was a great teacher about how not to please a man with oral sex, and the lesson was very quick and included a lot of teeth, a little saliva, and minimum touch. I'd say I learned by elimination.”

  Tom laughed out loud and hugged Dan.

  “Whatever it was, Dan, it was amazing and if you wouldn’t get ahead of me and come on your own from the excitement, I'd gladly return a favor!”

  “Here’s something that’ll make me wait for you even more, Tom,” said Dan and tightly hugged him. When he was very close to Tom’s ear, he whispered, “Next time you come home, it’ll be you to swallow me!” Tom skipped a beat from the excitement, both halves of the sentence excited him almost equally.

  Home! He missed his home with Dan and wanted this “home” feeling more than anything. And the second part which included more sex with Dan, immediately erased the doubts about the possibility of this experience being a one-time event.

  Now, he thought, he can finally sleep.

  They fell asleep with Tom's back curled up against Dan, who held him close. It was the first night of deep, good sleep for the both of them. They dove into a great depth of rejuvenating sleep, a special kind of sleep that came with a before and after, a sleep from which you awaken into a new, better, different reality, a sleep without fears or dreams.

  They had made their dream a reality before giving themselves to the night.

  Dan woke up to an empty bed. The Arctic Monkeys were playing I Wanna Be Yours from his smartphone, and he smiled to himself. Another musical choice by Tom that was meant to say something.

  He wanted to be his, he was his, ever since they’d met.

  He touched the wrinkled sheet next to him, a phantom presence of Tom was still there. The empty pillow next to him was warm. He put his head there and breathed what was left from the night’s scents, of Tom’s, of them….

  He remembered the dream that wasn’t a dream but reality, and the memories that rose as erotic images in his mind intensified his morning erection. He smiled to himself.

  He knew that Tom had probably gone back to the base early in the morning, and that he wouldn’t see him for the next week or even more, but the serenity, satisfaction and calm he was soaked in from last night’s events overshadowed everything else.

  Even the parting from Flora seemed less tragic, she only smiled at him from her secret residence, sending her quiet approval, to what he knew, she’d hoped would happen.

  18 Four Rings, Three People

  Everything went smoothly all of a sudden.

  The morning went by efficiently, the rebellious mane was quiet and gave in to the comb.

  Even the blue eyes shone, and for a change, the blue that reminded him of the color of a garbage bag in the passing weeks, shined in the blue shade of a summer day.

  The birds were singing above him, or maybe he simply heard them for a change, and the smile that had been plastered to his face since waking refused to leave.

  Gush Dan, the area that encompassed all of central Israel, including Tel Aviv, and was home to the great Ayalon highway, was kind to him that morning; despite leaving the house at an early hour, he had smooth sailing all the way to the office. He drove towards his destination, went by the interchanges and could feel how the wheels, for a change, were not stopping.

  Even his pessimistic anxiety, the feeling that a disaster was just around the corner, was absent that day.

  A shining colorful soap bubble was floating around him and this time he could see it, crystal clear.

  He arrived at the office and started going through his e-mails when Sharron arrived and stood by the door, “Top of the morning to you, boss. I can’t remember the last time you arrived before me!” she festively declared.

  Dan looked up at her with a smile and replied, “Ayalon was nice to me this morning.”

  “By that smile he wasn't the only one that was nice to you,”

  He didn’t reply to that, but kept the smile and went back to checking his e-mails.

  She kept going.

  “You know, I've always thought of myself as intuitive woman, and that I can read people with a single glance, but every time, you make sure to shatter that idea with your unexpected behavior.”

  Dan sent an interested look towards her, “Explain!”

  “It’s like an equation with you, just the other way around: When you’re supposed to be all happy, because everything’s smooth, you’re walking around here all down like someone killed your cat, and a day after Flora’s funeral, you’re glowing like Netanyahu on his election speech,” Dan laughed.

  “I can forgive you for bringing up Flora and stepping on an especially painful wound, but Netanyahu? Dear God, Sharron! You have no boundaries!”

  “I knew I could get a reaction! So, what’s her name?”

  Dan rolled his eyes at her, “Please don’t start again with the sex theories and your smiles. For a change you’re actually right, though, I'll give you that one, but come on, Sharron, let’s wrap this up, I’ve got work to do.”

  Sharron smiled victoriously, but she didn’t let go, “If that’s what she does to you, she’s like a real magician. I'd take her for a go too, but I'm not into women!” she declared and sat in the chair in front of him.

  He almost replied with ‘Me neither, apparently’, but stopped himself from it. The issue about coming out from the closet that never really existed, required some thinking, and he didn’t want to ruin his current mood.

  “Is there a special reason why you parked in the chair in front of me?”

  “Yes, updates, you left early yesterday and I didn’t get to sum up the day for you.”

  They sat and discussed business. Dan was much more focused than he’d been in the last few weeks and many subject that were neglected or forgotten, due to his fragile mental state, came up to the surface and were fixed with surprising ease.

  The huge emotional weight that was taken off of him enabled him to get back to himself, to leverage himself again, go back to being ‘Dan the business shark’, that Dan he’d always been. Although now there was tenderness, something calmer, more forgiving, something less aggressive in his behavior.

  During the day, he could feel how the new pleasuring sound that joined his life last night completely changed his life’s chorus, not only personally, but in every aspect of his life.

  He smiled to himself and sighed with satisfaction.

  It was towards the end of the day that the longed-for text message sound from his phone came. He’d texted Tom in the morning and was anxiously waiting for a response.

  Dan: “Morning, the bed’s empty without you…”

  Tom: “Sorry I'm only texting back now. It’s tense here today. Your bed will never be empty again, if it’s up to me, Dan.”

  Dan: “I miss you, I can’t stop smiling like an idiot since the morning, and there were even a few flickers of niceness, I'm starting to worry…”

  Tom: “Haha… I'm not worried! You were and will always be the most pessimistic and cynical person in the room, in every room! But I'm glad you're happy, I'm walking on a cloud myself, and dying to get home.”

  Tom: “To you…”

  Tom: “The second I know when my next leave is, I'll let you know. I'm sending a (steaming hot) kiss in the meantime, over….”

  Dan: “Take care of yourself for me, Texas… Don’t be a hero! There’s a ‘Heisenberg’ kiss on its way to you ;)”

  Dan was still holding his smartphone, blushing and smiling, when Sharron came into the office and caught
him red-handed. She looked at him and chuckled, “It’s even worse than I thought, you look like a kid in high-school with the secret texting and the blushing cheeks. The lady got you tight!”

  Dan nodded, yes he was caught ‘tight’, no it wasn't a lady, it was a dude, and it wasn’t the first time in the last day that he felt like a school boy.

  But Sharron didn’t have to know how accurate her diagnosis was.

  “What did you want?” he asked, trying to turn serious and push himself forcibly into his business-like persona.

  “Gideon called and said he’s on his way, he said he needs to bring you something, I'm leaving early today because of Amram’s grandkid’s circumcision party, the one you told me to get an excuse for you to bail from. So, just don’t leave until Gideon gets here.”

  “What excuse did you get for Amram?” suddenly he felt a little bad that he was avoiding the company’s finance manager’s family event. Not bad enough to actually go, but a little bit.

  “Oh, that was easy, your stepmom passed yesterday. For a change, this excuse actually has some truth in it! I swear to you that if you gave me all the checks for the events I spared you from attending over the years, I'd be rich today.”

  “Even if I had to pay you twice as much for the service, there’s still no chance I would’ve gone, I hate weddings, circumcisions, bar-mitzvahs and happy occasions in general!”

  “I know, grumpy. I'll go suffer on my own, I'll see you tomorrow, boss.”

  “Bye, Sharron, thank you,” he hesitantly said, the woman was an asset. Maybe she did deserve a fat bonus.

  Gideon arrived with two boxes and a depressed look on his face. He heavily sat in the chair in front of Dan, put the boxes on the table, got comfortable in the chair and sighed.

  “Coffee?” asked Dan.

  “No thank you,” answered Gideon.

  Silence.

  “Whiskey maybe?” tried Dan.

  “Whiskey!” answered Gideon.

  Dan pulled out an emergency ‘blue label’ bottle that hid in the cabinet under the table and poured the whiskey into two disposable cups. A little blasphemy but he didn’t care. They had their little toast and quietly sampled the whiskey.

  “I don’t feel like talking today, Dan, so let’s agree not to talk about Flora.”

  “Whatever you want. Gideon,” replied Dan. Identifying with the pain on Gideon’s face, sharing his ache. But to his surprise, he wasn't feeling the sorrow he felt yesterday.

  He felt at peace with Flora’s loss and that sensation made him happy. He knew that’s what she hoped he would really feel.

  Gideon gave him a suspicious stare, “You seem weird!”

  “Weird?” answered Dan and tried to become serious and hide the joy underneath an indifferent appearance.

  “Fresh, calm, I don’t know…” he said and sipped his whiskey.

  “I think I'm at peace with it, and actually, this is a good time for me, I admit I feel good today,” answered Dan.

  “You looked terrible yesterday, even before I gave you the news. I was scared that you’d faint! I'm guessing this change has something to do with that soldier, Tom,” Gideon, like a good lawyer, knew how to ask questions disguised as statements, and this question wasn’t any different.

  Dan wasn’t going to make his life easy, “You guess correctly,” he answered and took a sip of his own whiskey, without giving up any more details.

  “I hope that with time, you’ll feel comfortable enough to share this with me,” and there it was again, thought Dan, a hidden question. He smiled at Gideon, a wide smile, “With time Gideon… With time.”

  They shared a few minutes of silence, whiskey and pondering, before Gideon started explaining, “I brought the things she left for you and Tom, I guess you’ll make sure to give it to him. This is the key to the house, the one she left for you under the Begonia plant by the door. I prefer you keep it until you decide how to proceed with the house. I'll be in touch regarding the will arrangements and transferring ownership.”

  He got up from the chair, heavily, “Take care of yourself, Dan,” he hushed for a moment and then continued, “You’ll be in touch soon, right?”

  Dan smiled and thought how funny this man was, asking an actual question in the only place where it wasn’t needed.

  After Gideon left, he looked at the two boxes that were wrapped in brown paper.

  On the rectangular big box there was the name ‘Tom’ written with Flora’s handwriting, and on the smaller box in the same hand writing, he saw his name, ‘Dan’.

  He tore the wrapping apart and revealed a shiny wooden box, he opened it, and inside laid a closed envelope, “Not today Flora”, he silently whispered and put the letter into his private drawer.

  He went back to the box, picked up the velvet covering on the bottom and underneath there were four rings. He recognized them, and the memories melted his heart.

  He carefully picked up the first ring and felt it with his fingertips. A symmetrical gentle golden hoop with carvings that looked like a braid. His mother’s wedding ring. He remembered it and smiled. He was having a hard time putting it back into the box, and part with the memory of her. He looked at it for another moment, kissed it, and said goodbye.

  He picked up the second ring. A golden ring with flowers in different sizes carved on the surface. Flora’s wedding ring. He thought about Flora and flowers, he thought about her parting, he thought about freedom. He lightly kissed the ring and put it back in the box.

  At the center of the box there were two platinum rings, he looked at them, they were almost the exact same size, weight, and the elegant masculine style. His father’s two wedding rings were laying there, and reminded Dan of the stubborn man that raised him. The one that refused to accept the fact that people change. That not everyone thinks the same, not everyone thinks like he does. And if they dared, they immediately were wrong.

  He couldn’t tell which ring belonged to the first marriage and which to the second marriage, and without knowing why, this upset him immeasurably.

  He shut the box’s lid strongly, and the door on the memories that rose up to his mind. Now, especially, he didn’t want to think about David Greenberg, about the disappointed broken look he would give Dan, had he known he was in love with a man, fucking a man.

  Four rings for three people that had walked beside him during his life at different periods. Four rings for three people who were dead, each one of them so different than the others.

  Four rings, for three different people, and each one of them resided within him.

  He was those three people, he was the sum. He was the whole, trying to let their good shine out of him. Today, he thought, he might have succeeded a little.

  19 Timeout

  Tom arrived at the military base smiling and happy, but the tense atmosphere around him immediately thinned the happiness level.

  Even before he could unpack his equipment and settle in, Shai rushed him to join the unit for exercise and then straight to the training field.

  As the cherry on top they gathered for a briefing with Giora, the head of command that showed up for a visit.

  Only after a quick lunch could he find a few minutes to sit on his bunk in the tent and think.

  He smiled to himself while remembering last night events, and his body responded to the memories with an embarrassing erection.

  “What’s going on, Texas? How was it? Shai said you went out for a funeral. Anyone close?” asked Eran and sat on the bunk in front of him.

  The surprising presence, and the sudden subject change, immediately softened him.

  “It’s a woman. Not related, not family or friend. It’s someone I met only once, but she will always stay with me.”

  Tom explained to himself and Eran how he saw Flora.

  “Young woman?” wondered Eran.

  “A sixty-seven year old, but she was full of life and so vital, amazing energies. Cancer took her”.

  “How did you know her?” quite the
simple question, but Tom was stuck.

  “A close friend’s mom,” he answered, mad at himself. Here it is again, he’s closing up from exposing himself to his best friend in the unit.

  “What about your parents?” asked Eran, probably to continue the moment of sharing that the five-minute break gave them?

  “They’re okay, still far away, which is great. They keep writing me letters that I don’t want to receive or open, they keep hounding me and asking me to come back home,” answered Tom, while going through his duffel bag looking for his toiletries.

  Eran may have not known anything about Tom’s sexual preferences, or his love life, but he was the only one who knew what had really brought Tom to Israel, and the very complicated family issue that pressured him to leave Kansas for the sake of flying bullets and roadside bombs.

  Circumstances that Tom didn’t share with anyone except Eran, and even that was after great pressure on his side.

  Every time Tom would get a letter from home, he’d hold it as if the envelope contained a dangerous poison, hide it in his bag and frown. Eran was aware of this ritual more than once, and understood that between Kansas and Texas, there wasn’t much harmony, and he wondered why.

  He’d confronted Tom more than once, tried pressuring him to share, but what tilted the scales eventually was a sentence Eran told him, “If I'm really you’re friend, you shouldn’t keep secrets from me.” Tom knew he was keeping a secret much bigger than his family from Eran, but the family story he could share somehow. It was the least he could do for Eran.

  “You know that eventually you’ll have to answer them, you’ll need to tell them where you stand,” Eran said.

  At that very moment, Tom came across a surprise hid in his duffle bag a ‘Timeout’ bar hidden between his clothes. Tom laughed to himself a little, a literal timeout was exactly what he needed.

  The candy bar had a note attached to it, “I'm thinking about you each and every moment”. Tom smiled when a sneaky hand stole the treasure from him.