If We Fall

by K. M. Scott

  A noise from the baby monitor interrupted us, and Janelle excitedly pointed at it. “Does that mean he’s awake and ready to see his Auntie Janelle?”

  “Yep. We can go see him now.”

  My sister jumped up from the bed and was out the door into the hallway before my feet hit the floor. For all the horrible things I’d thought about her through the years, she certainly seemed to love my son.

  For that, I had to admit I liked her a little more these days.

  * * *

  Ryder slid his arm around me and kissed my neck. “So how bad was it with your sister today?”

  I rolled over to face him and looked into his eyes as what she said about us replayed in my mind. “I love you. You know that, right?”

  A look of confusion came over him. Nodding, he said, “Of course. Did Janelle say something about us that made you upset? Is that where this is coming from?”

  Cradling his face, I stopped his talking with a kiss. “No. I just don’t want you to ever think I don’t love you more than I can even say.”

  “Okay. I don’t think that, though. What’s going on, Serena?”

  I hesitated to say anything about what Janelle and I talked about, but finally I said, “My sister asked me if the reason we aren’t married is because I don’t love you. It bothers me that she might think that because she doesn’t know we already got married.”

  My confession made him smile. “I thought we agreed to keep things quiet for now. I don’t care what the rest of the world thinks. I care what you think. I know you love me, Serena, just like you know I love you.”

  He kissed me and pulled me close to him, and I knew he was right. It didn’t matter what anyone thought we had together. All that mattered was we knew how we felt about one another.

  “I do know you love me, Ryder. I’ve never doubted it for a single moment.”

  “Good. So about that baby making? I think tonight we might give Cayden a little brother or sister.”

  When he said things like that, I couldn’t help but love how cute he could be. “You think?”

  He smiled a devilish grin as he slid his hand between my legs and stroked my tender skin. “I don’t think it could hurt to try.”

  Closing my eyes, I pushed away everything from the day—my time with Janelle, thinking about my father, and even being Cayden’s mommy—and just let myself enjoy being with the man I loved. Ryder kissed his way down over my ribs as his fingers slid inside me, making my body come alive.

  “Ohhh, that feels so good. I love when you do that.”

  He looked up as he kissed across my belly and smiled. “This is just the prelims. Babies don’t get made this way.”

  I pulled him on top of me and kissed him hard on the mouth. “I know how they get made, sir. This isn’t my first rodeo, you know.”

  Staring down at me, he smiled. “Rodeo? I like the sound of that. Maybe we can do the bucking bronco.”

  “What is that? On second thought, don’t tell me. I don’t think I want to know.”

  I opened my legs and wrapped them around his waist, urging him inside me. The tip of his cock nudged me open, and in seconds, he was buried inside me, completely filling me.

  “No bucking bronco tonight then,” he said as he began to slide in and out of me. “Another time maybe. For now, I’m liking the idea of just making love to my wife.”

  Moaning with each time his cock hit that place inside that felt so fucking good, I thought to myself that I liked that idea too. I didn’t need anything more than Ryder’s love. I never had.

  Tonight was about the love we shared, and as we slowly inched each other toward that delicious edge, we joined together maybe to make a child or maybe to simply enjoy one another. Whatever happened, we’d get through what the future held for us.

  We always had because of our love.

  Chapter Eight

  Ryder

  A stream of cars raced by as I searched for a parking space in front of the medical arts building where Cayden had his three month checkup. Serena clutched the baby’s diaper bag and impatiently tapped her foot with each moment that passed and I still hadn’t parked the car.

  “Ryder, we’re almost late. We need to get in there.”

  Cayden chimed in with his own complaining and began to cry, completing the dissatisfaction of the two people I cared about in this world.

  I shifted the car into park and turned to look at Serena. “I’ll drop you off and find a spot.”

  “You’re coming in, right? I want you to be there with us.”

  Serena had been worried for days, and I’d tried to convince her everything about Cayden was perfect, but each time he fed, she became more stressed that something was wrong with him. Thankfully, his checkup was today, so I hoped the doctor would help her see what I saw—that our son was a normal and happy baby boy.

  “It’s okay. You don’t have to be worried. Cayden’s a healthy kid.”

  She began to protest but then stopped and blew the air out of her lungs. “I just want the doctor to see he’s doing fine, but he doesn’t seem to be growing like all the books say he should be. And lately, he doesn’t want to eat as much. I think he doesn’t want breastmilk anymore.”

  I kissed her and pushed her hair behind her ear. “It’s going to be okay. Don’t worry, all right?”

  With a heavy sigh, she nodded and forced a smile. “Okay. We better get inside or we’re really going to be late.”

  Looking out at the side mirror, I saw a line of cars coming toward us. “Just give me a second and I’ll get out and get the baby.”

  “No, you’ll get run over, Ryder. I’ll get him, and you come up as soon as you find a spot, okay?”

  I smiled at her, loving how thoughtful she was. “Give me five minutes and I’ll be there with bells on.”

  She leaned over and kissed me quickly before jumping out of the car. In seconds, she had Cayden and his carrier out, and I watched as she lugged it and the diaper bag up the sidewalk before she disappeared into the building.

  Everybody in the world seemed to be in this part of Baltimore at the same time we had to be, so I finally gave up searching for a space and parked the car in a parking garage. I’d have to walk three blocks to get back to the doctor’s office, but if I hurried, I might not miss the whole appointment.

  I headed toward the elevator and pressed the button to go down to the ground floor just as two men in dark suits walked up to stand behind me. Eager to get to the doctor’s office, I pressed the button again and heard one of the men say, “Mr. Rhodes, we’d like to talk to you. Do you have a moment?”

  My blood ran cold at the sound of the stranger saying my name. Slowly, I turned around and looked at both men. They didn’t look like the kind of guys Robert kept around him. They had a stiffness and a classiness Robert’s men lacked. Neither one looked big enough that I couldn’t take him, but two was a different story.

  More importantly, if they weren’t Robert’s men, who were they and how did they know my name?

  “You must have me mistaken for someone else,” I said, turning back to face the elevator doors. Not that the elevator coming would give me any real escape since I had a feeling they planned to ride down with me.

  “No mistake, Mr. Rhodes.”

  Staring straight ahead, I didn’t answer. For a moment, there was silence behind me, but then the man began speaking again. “Prostitution, gambling, illegal underground fighting—these are all part of the world your son will grow up in. Is that what you want? You’ve seen that life firsthand, Mr. Rhodes. Do you want that for your son? For your wife?”

  His words stopped my breathing for a moment. I never wanted that for Serena or Cayden. Both were more precious to me than my own life, and I spent every waking moment thinking of how I could protect them from all of that ugliness. I wanted to believe that maybe my son would grow up untouched by it all like his mother had, but I knew better. I’d wanted to get Serena away from that world the minute I realized what it was.

>   Staring straight ahead at the black elevator doors, I answered him. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  The two men stepped around me so I couldn’t avoid facing them any longer. They looked at me with steely eyes that said they knew everything. I didn’t have to guess who they were anymore.

  “We’d like to talk to you about your son’s grandfather. We think you know what we mean. The FBI knows all about what’s been going on.”

  I nodded, but I couldn’t help them. I wasn’t going to be the one who’d turn Robert over to the authorities.

  They waited for me to say something, and when I didn’t, the man on the right reached into his suit coat and pulled out a card. Handing it to me, he said, “When you’re ready to talk. But know this. Right now, you’re part of his world and as guilty as he is. You’re not who we want, though.”

  I looked at the card and then back up at him, meeting his hard gaze with mine. “I can’t help you.”

  His mouth stretched into a tight smile. “Keep it for when you can. But don’t wait too long.”

  The two men walked away just as the elevator doors opened, and by the time I stepped in and turned around to look out, they were gone from sight. Alone in the elevator, I watched as the doors closed and the car jolted on its down to the ground floor.

  I tried to imagine a world without Robert in control. A world where Serena and I could leave the estate with Cayden and go anywhere we wanted to. We could go to that little house she dreamed of with the white picket fence and a yard for our son to play in. Or we could go to that place in the mountains where we could be alone and never have to deal with the demands of others again.

  We’d wished for those things for so long. Now it seemed like that chance had finally come, but could I do that to the man who’d called me his son?

  I knew what he meant when he said I was his adopted son. Every time the words left his mouth, they were his not-so-subtle way of forcing Serena and her sister to understand how little he thought of them because they had the misfortune of being born the wrong sex.

  The bad luck of being born female.

  But I, some stray he found hiding away in his warehouse, was given the title of son, even though I didn’t deserve the respect that came from the name. The respect that rightfully belonged to his daughters but had never been given because they weren’t male.

  I knew all this and still couldn’t imagine being the one to deliver the final blow that would end him. Even though doing so would free Serena and Cayden from him, I still couldn’t fathom doing that.

  What the fuck was wrong with me? I should have jumped at the chance to rid my life of Robert Erickson. He’d tormented the woman I loved and had me beaten senseless. He’d done everything in his power to keep Serena and me apart. And I suspected at some point he’d order my death as he’d ordered so many others.

  And yet still I couldn’t bring myself to do what it took to take him down.

  I tried to remember all the bad I’d experienced since meeting him, but every time I did, all that flooded my brain were thoughts of all those times he didn’t send me away when I betrayed him. Sure, he’d made sure I fought an opponent I had no chance of beating, and he’d had me beaten senseless for what I’d done to Oliver.

  But when I needed him most to let me be there for Serena and our son, Robert moved every legal mountain and even agreed to support that fighter for the rest of his life after the mistake I made while I was fighting behind his back. He could have made sure I went away—away from Serena, away from his life, away forever—never seeing my child.

  He didn’t do that to me. It was because of Robert that I got to stand over Cayden’s crib and watch him sleep so peacefully at night. It was because of what he did that I had the chance to be with the woman I love.

  How could I turn around and hand him over to the Feds? He’d done terrible things, but still all that stood out in my mind was the good.

  I sat down on a bench outside the doctor’s office and wondered if I was losing my mind. Those two had handed me a get out of jail free card. All I had to do was use it. So why couldn’t I even bring myself to think about doing that?

  My mind went back to one night a few months after Serena left and I came back to work for him when he turned to me as I stood in my usual place near the bookcase. His eyes narrowed and he stared at me like I’d said something that had angered him. I waited for him to bark at me about whatever he thought I’d done, but he simply stared for a few moments longer before he closed his laptop and walked over to the bar to make his usual bourbon and branch.

  When he finished dropping the ice cubes into his glass, he looked over at me and I felt his intense gaze on me like a laser burning into my cheek. I turned to face him, expecting some reprimand, but still he said nothing.

  Only after he’d downed half a glass of his drink did he finally speak. In a low voice, he asked, “Do you think I would know if one of my men was speaking to the Feds, Ryder?”

  He rarely talked about the police at all. The local cops enjoyed being in his pocket, mostly because they got preferential treatment at the strip clubs and with the girls, and even the Baltimore cops seemed willing to look the other way when it came to the fights. So to hear him ask about one of us talking to the authorities felt off, like he was testing me.

  “I think you know everything that happens with every one of us, Robert.”

  I’d only been working as his security for a few months then, so I hadn’t realized by that time that while he knew a lot about what went on with his employees, he didn’t know everything. Then I still believed in him as some all-knowing type of boss.

  “You think so, son? You think anyone would be stupid enough to cross me like that?” he asked sharply, making me wonder if I’d given the wrong answer.

  Hoping to soothe his anger, I nodded. “I do. We know better than to fuck with you, Robert. You’re not the type of man to let disloyalty go unpunished, and for opening our mouths when we shouldn’t, you’d kill us.”

  He laughed at my answer and walked back to his desk, chucking me on the shoulder as he passed me. “I like the way you think of me, Ryder. I just wonder if the rest of my employees think that way.”

  My mind raced with thoughts of who he could be talking about. Had one of us gone to the authorities? Why would any of us talk to them? Each person I thought of I dismissed out of hand. None of us were that stupid.

  “I’m sure they do, Robert. Loyalty is something expected. We all know that.”

  He nodded, smiling like he liked my answer. After taking another sip of his drink, he set the glass down on his desk. “I think I would know if any one of my employees was betraying me to the FBI, and as soon as I found out about it, I’d do the only thing I could to protect myself. I’d kill them.”

  Hearing Robert threaten to kill someone had become a daily occurrence once I began working for him as one of his men, but it never ceased to bother me how effortlessly that threat came out of his mouth.

  I didn’t know if I was expected to say something after that, but saying he’d kill anyone who dared to be disloyal made me unsure what my next sentence should be. He didn’t seem interested in continuing the conversation, though, and returned to working on his laptop, leaving me alone with my thoughts about what the hell all of that had been about.

  Robert had always been so careful in the past, but now as I sat outside Cayden’s doctor’s office, I wondered if things had changed in the months I’d been sitting in that security room with Johnson. Had Robert gotten sloppy in that time and given the FBI a way inside his organization?

  No matter how much I might want to know, I couldn’t be the one who turned on him. Not after what he did to save me from going to jail. He was the only reason I got to hold my son every day and sleep in the same bed next to Serena at night. I wouldn’t stand in the way of someone else betraying him to the FBI, but it wouldn’t be me.

  I stood to head into the doctor’s office to join Serena and
the baby but saw her carrying him, the carrier, and the diaper bag out through the glass front doors. Rushing toward her to help, I grabbed the bag and the car seat as she held onto Cayden.

  “What happened to you? I thought you were going to come in for the appointment?” she asked as she sat down on the bench I’d just left. Her tone and knitted brows told me she was none too happy I hadn’t done as I said I would.

  “It took me a while to find a parking spot. I had to go to a garage a few blocks away, and by the time I got back, I figured I missed the whole thing anyway.” I bent down to kiss her and then Cayden. “What did the doctor say about our little guy? He’s perfectly healthy, right?”

  “You looked like you were a million miles away sitting here basking in the sun. Next time, you get to take the baby and all his stuff into his appointment,” she said, pouting.

  “Don’t be mad at me. I was just thinking about how much I love my wife and son.”

  Serena rolled her eyes and laughed. “Nice try, pal.”

  I took a seat next to her and kissed her on the cheek. “Well, I was. So tell me all about what the doctor said about our son.”

  For a moment, she hesitated, like she couldn’t decide whether to stay angry at me or not, but she chose to tell me what had happened in the appointment. “He’s in the ninetieth percentile for his height and the eightieth percentile for his weight. Doctor Sanders says he’s growing just like he should be, and if I want to continue breastfeeding, I should. But he told me if I can’t or Cayden doesn’t want to anymore, it’s not a sin to use formula.”

  I smiled, happy that both the people I loved more than life itself were doing just fine. “See? I knew everything would be okay. Both mommy and baby are perfect.”

  “I’m still a little angry that you didn’t come in to the appointment, Ryder.”

  “How about I make it up to you by taking us all out to lunch?” I asked as I took Cayden out of her arms.

  “You don’t have to get back to work immediately?”