If We Fall

by K. M. Scott

  “No. I work for our son’s grandfather. If he asks where I was, I’ll just tell him I had to take you and Cayden to his doctor’s appointment.”

  Her eyebrows shot up into her forehead. “So you’ll lie?”

  “No lie. I drove you here. I never said I’d tell him I went in with you two,” I said with a chuckle.

  Serena smirked. “Funny.”

  Holding Cayden up in front of me, I pressed my forehead to his. “What do you say we take your mom to lunch to celebrate, little man?”

  He gurgled, which I took to mean he liked the idea, and Serena asked, “What are we celebrating?”

  I leaned over and kissed her. “The perfect life with the perfect woman and our perfect son.”

  She didn’t ask for a real answer, and I was happy she didn’t. I liked being away from the estate, just the three of us enjoying our time together. Returning to the house meant going back to that life, and for just a few hours, I wanted us to live like normal people.

  I didn’t want to think about how normal people didn’t usually get approached by the FBI about turning on their son’s grandfather, a man who had committed enough crimes to be put away for the rest of his time on earth. I just wanted to enjoy a sunny day with my wife and son.

  That wasn’t too much to ask, was it?

  Chapter Nine

  Serena

  Living a lie was a never-ending series of worries and fears, but I had to keep up appearances to live the life I wanted. At least for the time being. To my father, I looked like the perfectly happy and content mother of a baby boy and girlfriend of a man she loved. I smiled whenever I saw him, even as I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs what kind of monster he truly was.

  There would come a time when I would open my mouth and tell the world what life with him had been like, but not now. Now I’d continue to pretend because I knew if he learned where my mother was hiding, he’d hurt her.

  Or worse.

  So I waited. I’d spent my entire life looking to a future when I’d be happy, so this was no different, except now I had the man of my dreams and a baby I adored. True, we had to live on the estate, but that wouldn’t last forever. We had all we needed. Now we just had to wait for that one final piece to complete the puzzle.

  The time was coming when everything would change. I felt it. Someday soon, my father wouldn’t have the power he lorded over us anymore. And when that day came, Ryder and I would leave this place with our son and never look back.

  By the time Cayden was four months old, I saw my mother at least once a week and talked to her on the phone when I couldn’t sneak out to go to her house. I even considered taking Janelle with me someday soon. I didn’t feel ready to just yet, but I saw signs in her now that she’d lived through a bad marriage forced on her by my father that said she was changing too.

  I dressed Cayden in a pair of blue shorts and a red t-shirt that said Daddy’s Little Devil to go visit my mother and carried him downstairs to get him settled in his car seat. Since he didn’t enjoy riding in the car, getting him comfortable so he wouldn’t get an upset stomach took a while.

  Passing my father’s office on my way out, I didn’t look in to say goodbye, preferring to stay away from him when I had the baby with me.

  “Where are you going, Serena?” he yelled out as I grabbed the doorknob on the front door to leave.

  “Just out for a little while,” I answered, eager to get away before he wanted to have some long-winded conversation about something I didn’t want to talk about, or worse yet, hold the baby and keep us there.

  “Come in here,” he said in a sharp tone that told me it wasn’t a request.

  My chest tightened and my stomach instantly twisted into a tight knot. I’d tried to avoid my father as much as possible in the months since we’d brought Cayden home from the hospital. I intentionally spent most of my time hidden away in the nursery so I could make sure he didn’t see him. I didn’t know why just having him hold my son bothered me so much, but it did and now as I slowly walked toward his office, I wanted nothing more than to run away with Cayden and never come back.

  “We were just on our way out,” I explained as I stood outside in the hallway looking into his office.

  “Come in here and let me see my grandson,” he said, waving me into the room.

  Two large men stood in front of the bookcases and another stood just inside the door practically blocking the entrance. I didn’t want to take a baby into that room. The mere idea terrified me.

  “I think it might be better if Cayden wasn’t around your work, Dad,” I said quietly, pressing my cheek to the top of the baby’s head.

  He looked confused for a moment and then ordered the three men out of the room. Stepping away from the door, I watched as they dutifully filed out past me into the hallway. None of them gave either me or the baby the briefest look, thankfully, but they still made me feel uneasy.

  My father stood from behind his desk and walked over to where I stood, stopping so close next to me that his body touched my arm as I held Cayden. “Now come in. Let me see that grandson of mine. How is it I live in the same place as he does but I never see him?”

  Before I could say no, he reached down and took my son from me, as easily as a vulture swooping down to snatch up its prey. I stood there in shock as he walked away from me, turning his back so I couldn’t even see the baby anymore.

  “Dad, what did you want? I’m sure you’re very busy with work and everything, so if you can just hand Cayden back to me, we’ll leave you alone and not bother you,” I said as I followed him into his office.

  He looked back at me and grimaced. “You’re not bothering me in the least, Serena. Why would you think I wouldn’t want to take time out of my day to see my grandson?”

  I didn’t have an answer to his question. All I knew was every second I stood there watching him hold the baby, I felt like my world was spinning out of control. My emotions began to whirl inside me as fear and anxiety built higher and higher.

  “We were just leaving to go out for a while,” I explained, desperately hoping he’d give Cayden back to me.

  “Were you going out?” he asked Cayden as he took him to sit on his lap in his office chair. “Is today a day out for the little boy?”

  I hated the cutesy sound of his voice when he spoke to the baby. I never wanted my son to believe that tone meant he could be sweet or kind. He couldn’t. Or wouldn’t. Whichever it was, I cringed as he continued to pretend to be some doting grandparent.

  My father placed Cayden’s chubby hand on the top of his laptop and pushed down to close it. Turning his body so he faced him on his lap, he smiled down at him in a way a stranger might think was adorable.

  I knew better.

  “So now the bad work is put away, and I can spend time with my grandson. Right, Cayden?” he said, fawning over him as my stomach turned.

  “Dad, we really need to go,” I said in a voice that came out as pleading.

  Without even looking at me, he pointed his finger toward one of the chairs in front of his desk. “Sit down, Serena. I’m enjoying time with my grandson. Let me have this, at least.”

  Tears welled in my eyes as I felt my control quickly slipping away. I’d had nightmares about this from the day Cayden was born. When my father wanted something, he simply took it, and he’d taken my son.

  No asking. Just taking.

  My hands began to shake as I tightly clutched the baby bag and watched my father as he bounced Cayden on his lap. He didn’t smile because he didn’t like to be bounced. He hated moving like that. He wasn’t like other babies. Car rides made him cry.

  Don’t do that.

  Don’t do that.

  Stop bouncing him like that!

  I reached over his desk toward him. “Dad, Cayden doesn’t like bouncing like that. Please don’t do that. It makes him upset.”

  He didn’t stop moving his knee up and down but turned toward me with a look of disgust on his face. “Serena, what
the hell is wrong with you? Most mothers would give their eye teeth for a few moments of rest from a newborn. Take advantage of the fact that my grandson and I get along and enjoy it.”

  I couldn’t enjoy it. I could barely stand it. Just the sight of him holding my son terrified me. I didn’t want Cayden to get along with my father. The man was a monster. My father was the type of person Ryder and I would do anything to protect our son from.

  “He just doesn’t like bouncing, Dad. Please don’t make him sick.”

  My second request made him stop. “Fine. No more bouncing. You know, Serena, you can’t hover over boys like you are. You’re going to make him a sissy. Boys need room to be boys. Ask Ryder. He’ll tell you.”

  “I’m not hovering. I’m his mother, and because I pay attention to him, I know he doesn’t like to be bounced around. Some kids like that, but mine doesn’t. Ask his father. He knows.”

  My response made my father’s eyebrows rise in surprise, like he hadn’t expected me to have anything to say to his edict on how I should be raising my own child. Whatever he thought, I didn’t plan on just sitting by and letting my son be made sick simply because his grandfather had a penchant for bouncing children around.

  “As for his father, how is our Ryder doing? I haven’t had time to check on him down in that room with Johnson. Is he happy doing that now?”

  Our Ryder. The way he referred to him never failed to make me cringe. He wasn’t our anything. He was my Ryder. My husband. Mine. Not his.

  “Ryder is fine. He’s quite happy working as head of security here so he can spend time with me and Cayden.”

  “Why isn’t he taking you wherever you and Cayden are going?” he asked as he began to bounce the baby on his knee again.

  I glared at him and answered, “He’s working, Dad. And I can go out with the baby just fine. Would you please stop bouncing him?”

  Completely disregarding the frantic tone in my voice as I asked that question, he continued and said, “I don’t want you out without someone guarding you and my grandson.”

  Cayden’s pudgy little face twisted into the unhappy look he always wore right before he began to cry, so I quickly stood and walked around the desk to take him from my father. Just as the tears began to flow, I picked him up and cradled him in my arms.

  “We don’t need a guard, Dad. We have Ryder,” I said as I stepped back away from behind the desk.

  My father stared up at me with a look of surprise like he couldn’t believe I would ever take the child back from him. “Well, he’s busy now, so I want one of my other men to be with you to make sure you’re safe.”

  Horrified at his suggestion that I knew would keep me from seeing my mother, I shook my head. “Safe from what? We’re just going out for a drive. I don’t need one of your men for that.”

  That familiar and horrible crocodile smile spread across my father’s face, stopping me as I took another step back toward the door. “You just said he doesn’t like to be bounced. Why would you be going for a drive?”

  “I figured out a way to make him comfortable. We’re going out because it’s nice to leave the house every so often, Dad. We don’t need protection to take a short drive.”

  But he refused to relent. “I won’t let anything happen to you or my grandson, Serena.”

  My emotions began to spiral out of control again as I saw my chance to visit with my mother slipping away right before my eyes. “Nothing is going to happen. I won’t be watched like a child! I won’t have one of your men following me around watching my every move!”

  Cayden began to cry from my yelling, so I quickly pulled him to me and held him close. I knew coming in here would be a bad idea.

  “I have to go, Dad.”

  Instead of saying anything in response to my obvious desire not to be watched over by one of his goons, he picked up the phone and began speaking to someone. Taking my opportunity to leave, I turned around to find the door blocked by one of the men who’d been standing in front of the bookcase.

  “What is this?” I asked as I turned around to face my father. “Are you going to have him block my way out?”

  “I won’t be disobeyed on this point, Serena. If you’re leaving this house, one of my men is going with you. Period.”

  My mind raced to find a way around this new rule he’d imposed. “So even if Ryder is with us, we have to have one of your men come too?”

  He shook his head and waved away my suggestion. “Of course not. I trust Ryder more than anyone else to protect you and my grandson.”

  “Fine. Then I’ll wait until he’s finished with work and we’ll go then.”

  Turning on my heels, I took a step to leave and saw the ignorant giant still blocking the doorway. “Would you move? My son and I need to leave. Now.”

  He looked right over my head toward my father for the answer to whether he should move out of the way or not. I didn’t look back as tears of frustration began to well in my eyes again, and a second later, the man stepped out of the way.

  Over my dead body would I have one of those damn thugs around my son every time we left the house. I’d just have to find another way to get to see my mother.

  Can’t go today. Come up to the room when you can. Need to talk.

  I sent off my text to Ryder and called my mother as I paced back and forth across the carpeting in the bedroom. She answered the phone and without even saying hello, I began to talk, my utter frustration flowing out of my mouth.

  “He insists that I have one of his goons with me whenever I leave the house. I’m not going to let him do this to me, though. I will find a way to get to see you, Mom. His ridiculous rules aren’t going to stop me any longer.”

  My mother listened to me rant about my father, and when I finished, she asked the question that had run through my mind more than once since my father pulled me into his office that morning.

  “Do you think he knows you’ve been coming to see me?”

  I stopped walking and sat down on the bed next to Cayden as he slept like nothing was wrong in the world. Sliding my index finger into his hand, I watched him grip it with his chubby little fingers and tried to calm down.

  “I don’t know. I don’t think so. Ryder has been very careful, Mom. We only come to see you when everyone is gone out, and we always come back before they do.”

  “Oh, honey, I don’t doubt that Ryder is being as careful as he can be. This all just seems very sudden. It makes me wonder if your father knows something.”

  As Cayden squeezed my finger, I closed my eyes and tried to remember anything my father said that might tell us what he was up to. Nothing stuck out as an obvious clue as to why he suddenly felt the need for me to have a shadow whenever I left the estate.

  “He didn’t say anything that made me think he knows, Mom. I don’t know. I’m tired of wondering if he’s been spying on me or if he knows something I don’t want him to know. I’m just so tired.”

  I didn’t mean to make it sound like I had it harder than she did. For God’s sake, my mother was forced to hide out in a tiny two bedroom house in a strange town she’d never heard of before a few months ago. For all the awful things we had to deal with, she was suffering far more than either Ryder or me.

  But something about having to stand up to my father today just wiped me out. All I wanted to do was close my eyes and fall asleep with the hope that when I woke up, the nightmare of living in my father’s world would be over.

  “Honey, don’t worry. I’ll miss seeing you and Cayden today, but we’ll see each other soon. Just be careful, okay? And take it easy on yourself. You’re a new mother. This is all brand new, so it’s okay to rest a little more.”

  Resting sounded good, so I lay down next to the baby and wrapped my arm around him to make sure he didn’t find some way to roll off the bed. Ryder walked into the room and stopped dead at the sight of me lying down in the middle of the day, but I smiled to let him know I was all right.

  “Okay, Mom. I promise you’ll get to
see us real soon.”

  “I know, honey. Stay safe. I love you.”

  My emotions still a jumbled mess, they bubbled up to the surface when I heard her tell me she loved me. I choked back the tears and smiled. “I love you too. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  After everything I’d been through that day, I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. Ryder hurried over to the side of the bed and crouched down next to Cayden and me. His face showed as much worry as I felt.

  “What happened? Why didn’t you go to your mother’s today?”

  “Because my father has decided that anytime Cayden and I leave the house, we have to be chaperoned by one of his men, if you’re not with us.”

  That look of worry Ryder wore morphed into a far more serious expression as he drew his eyebrows in. “Why? I don’t see the reason for it all of a sudden.”

  “That’s what my mother said. She asked me if I thought he knew she and I had been in contact. I told her I don’t think so, but who knows? All of this today might have been just to see my reaction to when he said I had to take one of his goons with me wherever I go.”

  I rolled over and snuggled up to Cayden, who still somehow slept blissfully between his father and me. Taking a deep breath, I inhaled the scent of his hair and loved how pure it smelled as it filled my nose.

  “Do you think he knows?” I asked Ryder as he watched the baby and me.

  He thought about the question for a moment and then shook his head. “I don’t think so. I’ve made sure that you only go to see her when he and his guys are gone from the estate.”

  Reaching over Cayden’s belly, I slid my hand into Ryder’s, desperate for some feeling of security after all that had gone on that day. “But what about the guys who don’t leave, like you and Johnson? What about them? Or any of the staff? Maybe one of them has told him about me leaving?”

  “I don’t think so, Serena. Johnson doesn’t seem to care about anything but fishing, and who else does that leave? The cook? The maid? The gardeners? I don’t think in the two years I worked for him I saw him talk to any of them more than once, except the cook. They’re more loyal to you and me than they are to him. With the way he treats the staff, I wouldn’t be surprised if they wouldn’t even spit on him if he was on fire.”