If We Fall

by K. M. Scott

  “Why does he have to do things like this? I just want my mother to see her grandson. Why do I have to sneak around like I’m committing some crime by taking our son to see her?”

  Ryder crawled onto the bed and lay down next to Cayden. Leaning over him, he pressed a soft kiss onto my lips. “Because he’s a tyrant, and tyrants have to control everyone around them.”

  “I couldn’t stand having him even touch the baby today. I don’t know why, but it terrified me. I hated it. Then he started bouncing him up and down so fast that I wanted to scream. I don’t know what happened to me when we were in his office, but if I could have, I would have taken Cayden and just run away. I would have gotten into the car and driven as fast as I could as far away as possible.”

  “For what it’s worth, I don’t think your father would ever hurt the baby, Serena. Not physically, at least. If anything, he’s overprotective of him. He stops into the security room nearly every day to ask me about him. If he’s eating right, if I think he’s happy with the nursery. I tell him everything’s fine, which I think has kept him at bay, for the most part. I just think he’s become with Cayden like he used to be with you and then with me.”

  I looked into his green eyes and saw the fear he felt at that idea. My father’s obsessions never turned out good, especially for the objects of his obsession. I wouldn’t let our son become another victim of Robert Erickson’s need for control.

  “We can’t let him do that to him, Ryder.”

  He cupped my cheek and smiled like everything would be all right. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to let that happen.”

  Like every other time Ryder promised to protect me or our child, I believed him with every fiber of my being. More than anything else, the man protected those he loved. He’d proven that time and time again.

  “When do you think I’ll be able to take the baby up to see my mother again?”

  Ryder bent his head down and kissed the top of Cayden’s head. “I don’t know when he and his men will be leaving again anytime soon, but the solution to making sure none of his men go with you is me going instead. I’ll just have to make sure nobody follows us when we leave.”

  The prospect of my mother finally getting to spend time with Ryder thrilled me. Except for that night when he got her and Michael away from Jesse, they’d never gotten to know each other. The mere thought of him coming with us next time made the terrible events of that morning fade into a distant memory as I lay there beside him and Cayden.

  “I’d love that, Ryder. My mother thinks the world of you, and I know she’d love to see you too. Do you think that can happen soon?”

  He wrapped his arm around me and pressed his forehead to mine. “I promise it will happen just as soon as I can be sure it will be safe. Trust me. I’ll get you there.”

  Of all the things I felt for him, none was as strong as the trust I had that he would always be the one to make sure Cayden and I were safe and happy. No matter how hard my father worked to make sure that didn’t happen.

  Chapter Ten

  Ryder

  I knocked on the door and rubbed my hands together, hoping to get rid of some of the dampness. All the way there, I’d grown more and more nervous over meeting Serena’s mother. Yeah, we’d met that night when Robert had sent Jesse after her, but tonight was different.

  “Hey, what’s wrong? Do you think someone saw us?” Serena asked with fear in her eyes.

  “No. That’s not it. Don’t worry. No one saw us. We’re okay.”

  “Then what’s wrong? You look like something is wrong, Ryder. Tell me, please.”

  I hesitated, unsure how to explain what I was feeling, but finally just said it. “It’s meeting your mother. I’m a little nervous.”

  “Why?”

  “The first time I met her I was there as one of your father’s men. I know what she thinks of them. She has every right to after what Robert’s done to her, but I’m worried she’s going to think I’m not good enough for you.”

  I hung my head and said what else was in my mind. “That I am just that stray he thinks I am and you can do better than me.”

  “Ryder, look at me. Please. This is important.”

  Lifting my head, I saw a look of pain in her eyes. I hated that. Once again, I’d put that there.

  She took my hand and brought it to her mouth to kiss my knuckles. Knuckles that had slammed into the jaws of opponents in the ring and the faces of those men who Robert sent me to rough up. Knuckles that had no place near her gentleness.

  I moved my hand to pull it away, but she refused to let go and held tight. “You are not just some stray my father brought home. You are a good man who has never wanted to do anything but protect me. You saved my mother and Michael. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Do you hear me? Nothing. My mother judges people on how they treat her and the ones she loves, and on that, you’re the best man in the world.”

  Cayden made a squealing sound like he wanted to second his mother’s comments about me, and I couldn’t help but smile. I still worried I wasn’t good enough for her, but I wanted to believe I would be someday.

  Serena kissed me softly on the lips and whispered, “I love you. All of you. And my mother’s going to love you too. You’ll see.”

  The door opened and Alita stood smiling, her arms open to take Cayden into them. “Come in, and let me see that grandson of mine. Did you miss Grandma? Because Grandma missed you.”

  Happy to go to her, Cayden cooed liked he did whenever he was content. “Is everything okay?” she asked, “Did you have a nice drive here? I know this little guy doesn’t like the car so much,” Alita said as she ushered us into the house.

  “It was fine, Mom. He slept most of the way,” Serena said as she slipped her hand into mine. “So I think official introductions are in order.”

  Alita shifted Cayden from her right arm to her left and smiled. “I don’t think it’s necessary to introduce us, honey. It’s not every day someone saves your life. I don’t think I’ll ever forget Ryder.”

  Turning to look up at me, Serena once again brought my hand to her lips in a kiss. “Well, I think it’s only right. Mom, this is Ryder, my husband.”

  I watched to see Alita’s reaction, looking for judgment in her expression, but I saw nothing like that when she gave me a warm smile so much like her daughter’s. Still holding the baby, she wrapped her arms around me loosely in a hug and kissed my cheek. “It’s nice to have you here with us finally, Ryder. You are very welcome to the family.”

  Serena beamed her happiness, and as Alita turned away to walk with Cayden to the table in the dining room, I bent down and kissed her. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”

  “Yes, I did. You’re the most important person in the world to me, other than our son, who wouldn’t exist without you. You’ve done more to ensure my happiness than anyone else. I’m proud to be able to tell my mother you’re my husband.”

  I doubted we’d get the same reaction if she told her father we’d married. I was good enough to be his son in front of his friends, and I was good enough to be his favorite when it suited him. But I wasn’t good enough to be with his daughter, even after jumping through every hoop he put in front of me and doing everything he asked of me.

  I’d never be good enough for Robert Erickson, and I hated that.

  Alita held Cayden in her arms and kissed him on the forehead. “You know, Serena was the best baby. She rarely ever cried, and she always had a smile for me when I took her out of her crib in the morning. I never thought I’d see such a good baby again, but I think this little guy might give her a run for her money.”

  “He even sleeps through the night already,” Serena said with a huge smile. “I can’t tell you how much his mother likes that.”

  “And his father,” I chimed in, thrilled to finally have the chance at a full night’s sleep after months of waking up in the middle of the night to his crying blaring through the baby monitor.

  “He’s got such a wonder
ful disposition,” Alita said as she nuzzled his cheek. “Always so happy. That’s how you know he’s being taken care of. He’s happy.”

  “Was Janelle a good baby too?” Serena asked, piquing my curiosity. She wasn’t a good adult, so I wondered where along the way she’d turned rotten or if she’d always been that way.

  Pursing her lips, Alita appeared to think about what answer to give, but when her expression turned to look like she’d just tasted a lemon, I knew exactly what Janelle had been since the day she was born.

  “Well, good is a relative term.”

  I nudged Serena’s arm with my elbow and chuckled. “I knew it. No way she was as sweet as you were. Ever.”

  Pretending to scold me, she playfully smacked my arm and scowled. “Stop. Janelle has her moments, but I think she might be coming around lately.”

  She was referring to her heart-to-heart talk with her sister when she came to visit and dropped the bombshell that her husband had already begun seeing another woman. None of this surprised me, even if it surprised Serena. I barely knew Charles to see him, but if he was any kind of man, being with a woman like Janelle wasn’t exactly high on his list of things to do.

  “Did something happen?” Alita asked, her motherly concern obvious as the smile slid from her face.

  Serena quickly moved to reassure her. “No. Well, yes, but I think it might have been a good thing in the long run. Janelle and Charles aren’t really together anymore. He’s been seeing another woman for the past few months.”

  “How is she handling it?”

  As Serena tried to find a kind way to explain how Janelle was doing, I thought back to that night of Robert’s party when Janelle all but propositioned me as we danced. She hadn’t grabbed my cock, for once, but if I’d been interested in getting with her, I had a feeling she wouldn’t have given me much resistance.

  So her disappointment that her husband was stepping out seemed hypocritical, at least. Typical Janelle. Everything really was all about her.

  “I think she’s upset. Janelle never had any ridiculous notions about their marriage like they would live happily ever after or anything like that, but I think to her, Charles cheating on her is like him breaking a contract.”

  Hearing Serena defend her sister like that made me thankful I had never let Janelle’s groping go any further. After hearing he had hoped I would end up with Janelle, it seemed Robert would have allowed that. But she definitely wasn’t a woman I’d ever want.

  She was too much like her father.

  Alita’s expression changed, and her eyes filled with sadness. Shaking her head, she sighed. “I always hoped your father’s world and his warped sense of what was right wouldn’t seep into your lives, but that clearly was a pipe dream.”

  As much as I knew Serena wanted to see the best in her sister, I saw something else. “You might have hoped that, Alita, but Janelle is like Robert. She thinks just like him. Everything has a price, including people and their feelings.”

  She sighed again and nodded. “That is disappointing, but it’s not surprising. I like to think that if I was around, she might have turned out differently. Without me there to show her there was another way, all she saw was her father’s.”

  I wanted to say that even though those words sounded nice, they were a cop out. Janelle was who she was because of her choices. Serena didn’t have her mother around and had less time with her when she was in her life, and she turned out nothing like Robert. As much as I was the first to blame him for virtually anything that happened in our lives, he hadn’t created that monster in Janelle.

  He’d simply encouraged what she was by nature.

  I didn’t speak up about it, though, because like Serena, her mother preferred to think people were good, overall. How either woman could believe that baffled me. I’d only been a part of Robert’s world for a little over two years, and I was surer than I’d ever been that most people possessed little good in their hearts, and what good existed they’d easily trade away for something to benefit them.

  A smell I’d grown all too familiar with in the past few months wafted toward my nose, and I reached my hands out to take Cayden. “Someone needs a diaper change right now,” I said with a chuckle.

  Alita shook her head and held him to her. “No, I’ll get it. That’s what happens when you go to Grandma’s house. It’ll give you two a break I’m sure you desperately need.”

  Instead of just agreeing, Serena stood from her chair and grabbed the diaper bag before heading over to pick up Cayden from her mother’s arms. “Actually, let me do it so you and Ryder can talk a little. My little man and I won’t be long.”

  Left alone, we sat in silence for a few moments, but as soon as Alita heard the sound of the bathroom door shutting behind Serena, she leaned over toward me like she’d been waiting to say something and finally the time had come.

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what she planned to say.

  “Ryder, I want you to know I’m very happy Serena has you in her life.”

  The way she said that sounded so solemn that I didn’t know what I should answer in return. Fumbling with my words, I finally said, “I’m the lucky one, Alita. I know that.”

  Her reaction of shaking her head surprised me. “That’s not what I mean. I’m just happy she has someone who will stand up for her with her father. Do you understand?”

  I nodded, understanding all too well. Robert saw little need to be kind to his younger daughter on most occasions, and more often than I wished, I felt like I had to remind him that tormenting her wasn’t something I could let happen.

  Alita had no idea what Serena had been through since losing her all those years ago.

  “I would never let anyone hurt her or Cayden. I promise you that.”

  She reached across the table and patted my hand gently. “I know, and it means the world to me that she has that. I wish my other daughter had the same.”

  Having nothing nice to say about Janelle and curious to know how someone like her would ever be with Robert Erickson, I leaned forward and quietly said, “I have to know. How did you and Robert ever get together?”

  She took a deep breath in and let it out slowly, like she was thinking back to the good old days. I couldn’t imagine any days being good with him in them, so I waited eagerly to hear the story of them.

  “Hmmmm…I guess it’s next to impossible to see now, but at one time, Robert was the kind of man I respected. He was always driven to succeed, but it wasn’t at any cost. He wanted to take over the world, and I loved that about him. He was a man whose passions made him who he was.”

  All I knew of Robert told me whoever this person was she so fondly remembered existed no more. His only passions now were ruthlessly controlling everyone around him, cheap blondes, and that damn bourbon drink he seemed to have in his hands all the time.

  “I’ve never met the man you describe, Alita. I’ve been around for two years, but the Robert I know goes after what he wants and doesn’t give a damn about who he hurts. That includes his daughters.”

  “I know,” she said sadly, looking off down the hall toward the bathroom. “Serena has suffered particularly at his hands. It’s like he knew she was weaker than her sister and took advantage of that.”

  I winced at her description of Serena as weak. She may have been in the past, but not anymore. Now she didn’t let herself be run over by Robert or anyone else. I loved her more than ever for that.

  “You know, I can almost remember to the day when he became this person he is now. It was like one night he went to bed and the next day he was different. Nobody mattered anymore.”

  “When was that?” I wondered aloud, curious to know what could have changed him from the man Alita loved and had two children with to the man who would send her away one night and then try to kill her years later.

  She got a faraway look in her eyes and shook her head. “It was when Serena was about five years old. Yeah, that would have made Janelle just about seven. He’d been
working on some merger that would have given him tremendous power in the mining industry. I remember he was gone day and night meeting with people about it, and at one point, it looked like the deal would fall through. Overnight, he changed from someone who was definitely driven to someone who became obsessed with power.”

  I nodded, all too familiar with Robert’s obsessions. “Now he’s as obsessed with people as he is with power.”

  She turned to look at me and frowned. “Oh, I know all about his obsessions with people. He’s always been like that. He pursued me like a demon. When he sees something or someone he wants, he is single-minded in bringing them into his world. I told Serena to watch him with Cayden. I didn’t like hearing how fixated Robert was with you. I’m worried that the obsession he had with Serena and then you has been transferred to your son.”

  I worried about that too. So far, Robert hadn’t been able to spend any real amount of time with our son because he was always with one of us, but after what Serena told me about their meeting in his office the other day, I wondered how long it would be before he tried to have more say in Cayden’s life.

  But that’s where he would find himself up against me because when it came to Serena and my son, I wasn’t going to let him control either of them.

  “Don’t worry. I might not have the money or the power Robert has, but he won’t be manipulating Cayden or Serena. Not as long as I’m around.”

  “I believe you, but please, don’t ever let your guard down. And if it seems like you’re ever safe with him, that’s when you’re most at risk.”

  “I’m a fighter, Alita. I always have been. I won’t let Robert hurt my wife or my son. I’d give my life for them to be safe.”

  Fear filled her eyes, and she quickly shook her head. “They won’t be safe if you’re not around, Ryder. Don’t let that happen.”

  “Don’t worry. I have no intention of letting Robert do anything to us. Not them and not me.”