He hadn’t noticed until now how often she’d kept him at a distance. Renie came to him, when she wanted to. She stayed, when she wanted to. She put up with his shit, when she wanted to.
He decided on Thai food. They had a favorite place they went to in Colorado Springs sometimes. He knew what she liked.
When Renie unlocked the door to her apartment, she was met with the overwhelming aroma of Tom Ka Gai. If she hadn’t already loved Billy most of her life, she would have fallen in love with him right then.
It was ten degrees outside, and she walked a mile from her class to her apartment. She was chilled to her core and chicken-coconut soup would thaw her out better than anything.
“I’m glad you’re still here.”
“Because you’re happy to see me?” He helped her take off her jacket, leaned in, and kissed her. “Or because I have dinner waiting?”
“Both, I guess.”
“You guess.” He wound his hand around her neck and pulled her closer to kiss her again. Her nose was like an ice cube, so he kissed it too.
“Come and eat,” he said. He pointed to the couch, and when she sat down, he threw a blanket over her. “Get warm. I’ll bring the soup to you.”
“Who are you and what have you done with Billy Patterson?”
“I never do anything for you. Is that what you’re trying to say?” She was right. She did a lot more for him than he did for her.
“What have you been doing since I left?”
“Nothin’ much. Had some calls to make. Took a little nap. Tried on some of your clothes.”
She smirked.
“Are you listening to me? You look a million miles away. Whatcha’ thinkin’ about, pretty girl?”
She wondered how long he planned to stay, and how things would be between them now. It would’ve been easier if he’d been gone when she got home tonight. It would’ve given her time to process this drastic change in their relationship. That was precisely why he hadn’t left. He didn’t want her to make any decisions without him there.
“You and me,” she answered.
“And?”
She didn’t know what to say. She had no idea how to do this. She’d dated, but no one serious enough to sleep with. Which meant she’d never been in a relationship.
She took another spoonful of soup, and he smiled. Those dimples, his soft blue eyes…Renie imagined he got away with an awful lot in life by playing his smile card, as he was now.
She took another spoonful, and smiled back.
“I don’t know whether I love you because you’re such a brat, or despite it.”
She stopped smiling.
“Come on, Renie. You know I love you. You love me too, don’t ya? Doesn’t matter that things have changed for us in the between-the-sheets department. That’s not what I’m talkin’ about.”
He was right. They did love each other—they’d been part of each other’s lives forever.
“You’re right.”
“So…come on, tell me what you’re thinkin’.”
“I can’t do that, Billy.”
“You always make me go first. Okay. I will. Again.”
She set her empty bowl down on the coffee table.
“You want more soup first? Or are you ready for Pad Thai?”
“I can wait. I want to hear what you have to say first.”
Billy stood and took her bowl to the kitchen. Now that he’d offered to go first, he had no idea what he would say. He knew how he felt, he just didn’t know how to put it into words.
When he came back out of the kitchen, her eyes were closed. He’d give anything to be able to read her thoughts. He’d spent most of his life wondering what Renie Fairchild was thinking. Now he knew why.
“I’ve never done this before, either.”
She opened her eyes and raised her eyebrows.
“The girlfriend thing, I mean.”
“Girlfriend?”
“Relationship? Is that better?”
“Not ever?”
“Come on. If I had, you would’ve known about it.” He would’ve talked to her about it, and now was glad he never had.
When he was on the road, plenty of women were interested in keeping him company. He almost never slept with a woman more than once though. There had been a few here and there, girls who followed the riders from rodeo to rodeo, but they never lasted longer than a week. He wouldn’t let them travel with him, and when they gave him shit about it, he walked away, and never looked back.
“I had more important things to deal with, more important things to be doin’. You don’t win a national championship if you’re not focused.”
“I want this with you,” he said softly, almost a whisper. It wasn’t like him to be quiet, or still. Billy rarely stopped moving, but he sat next to her, so still.
It spilled over to her. It was that way between them—they shared feelings.
“Do you want it, Renie?”
She did. It’s what she’d always wanted. Now that it was a reality, she wasn’t sure. What if it didn’t work out between them? Then what?
“Fuck, Renie, answer me.”
She jumped at his drastic change in tone. “I don’t know.”
Billy got up and paced around her living room. “Why the hell not?”
“What happens if it doesn’t work? We have to take that into consideration.”
He sat back down and pulled her into him. “Tell you what—we’ll be ourselves, be the way we’ve always been, but let’s see where bein’ intimate takes us.”
“I have to think about it, Billy, without you here.”
“Nah, if I’m not here you’ll get weird about it. Like you did with Pooh.”
“What do you mean?”
“You moved her. What the hell was that all about? You thought I was gonna let you get away with doin’ somethin’ like that?” He laughed and shook his head.
“No, I guess not.” She laughed too.
“I’m goin’ home in the morning, which means I’m gonna sleep here with you tonight. When you come down to visit this weekend, you’re gonna sleep with me.”
“What if I don’t come down?”
“I’ll come back here.”
“Don’t you need to get back out on the road?”
“Not ready yet.”
Renie fidgeted on the couch, moving further away from him. “Wanna talk about it?”
“Not really.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah, I guess I do. My heart isn’t in it. I can’t explain it any better than that.”
“Hmm.”
“What’s that mean? You got an opinion, which you always do. Don’t be shy about tellin’ me what it is.”
“The longer you wait to get back out there, the easier it’ll get for you to convince yourself you’re done.”
“What about us?”
“You can’t use ‘us’ as an excuse, Billy. Get back out there. Ride. Compete. It’s what you do.”
“Don’t wanna.”
Renie rolled her eyes.
“What about us?” he asked for the second time.
“We aren’t ‘us’, Billy. Get back out on the road and do what you do. I’ll be here when you get back.”
“Come with me.”
She’d been to many rodeos Billy competed in, but not because she was there with him. He asked her to go once, the year he won the national finals in Las Vegas. She and her mom went along because they were part of Billy’s family, not because he wanted her there specifically.
“I can’t. I have too much work to do here. I have labs due, and I have to study. This gets harder every year, and as much as you have to focus, so do I.”
Billy abruptly stood and pulled her up with him. “I want your body next to mine, Renie, and I want it now.”
“Billy—”
“Now, Renie. Don’t argue with me.”
He kissed her lightly. “I want you,” he whispered. He put his hands on the small of her back and pulled her closer to him, his t
ongue licking over her lips, her breasts pushed into his body. He shifted to bring her pelvis into his.
She made a sound, a whimper, and kissed him back. Her hands came up and ran over his chest. She was so tender, so loving, it almost brought him to tears. She had so much love inside of her it spilled out through her lips, her hands, and her pores. Renie breathed love for him.
“I want to be inside you,” he murmured. His lust overwhelmed him. He lifted her, and carried her into the bedroom.
He set her on the bed, and before she could move away from him, unbuttoned her shirt. His hands moved to her wrists and undid the buttons there, and pulled it away from her arms. His hands reached under the turtleneck she wore underneath her shirt, but instead of pushing it up and over her head, his hands found her breasts instead. Her nipples were hard, through the sheer fabric of her bra. He pulled at it, and put his hands on her skin.
Renie’s fingers trailed down to his neck, inside his collar, and over his collarbone, and the scar there. He’d broken it, nine years ago. She remembered. She remembered everything about him.
His hands still on her breasts, he stared at her. She closed her eyes and smiled. Billy ran out of patience. He wanted her naked against him.
He reached around, unfastened her bra, and she shimmied out of it. His lips found hers, as he kneed her legs apart. His mouth traveled to her neck and then her shoulders. He licked over her collarbone, as she had run her fingers over his. His lips found her nipple, and he sucked it in. She gasped and arched against him.
He groaned as he switched to the other breast, teasing her with his tongue. Her hands moved to her jeans, and as she started to unfasten them, he stopped her.
“I want to do it,” he said, lifting himself away from her. His hands finished what they stopped hers from doing, dragging her jeans down her long legs. He slid down further and put her legs over his shoulders. Her hands went to his hair as he rested his head against her. He nuzzled her, breathing in deeply, and groaned again.
Renie lay there, still, almost holding her breath.
His mouth trailed kisses over her, “I want you to fall apart for me, Renie. I want to watch it happen.” She gripped the sheets and did as he asked her to.
He stood and took off his clothes, reaching behind her where he left a box of condoms on her headboard, right next to the picture of them.
“Stocked up today,” he said as he ripped one open.
“I want you,” she murmured.
Billy’s jaw locked, his shoulders tensed, and his gaze went from heated to scorching. He drove into her hard and fast while she continued to watch his determined face. She saw everything in his face—Billy loved her.
When they came together, it emptied her mind of any thoughts other than how it felt to be this close, this inseparable from him. She held onto him, refusing to release him. His gaze came to hers as he held her as tightly as she held him.
She’d be tired the next morning, but he couldn’t stop himself from waking her throughout the night. He’d drift off, but then her body next to his would wake him again. There was no ignoring her body’s pull to him. He wanted to kiss her everywhere. When he trailed kisses down her side, from the soft skin under her arm, down her waist, to her hips, she giggled. When his lips moved across her pelvis, she groaned. He loved the sound of her—giggling, groaning, and screaming in pleasure. He wanted all her sounds, all her love, all her everything.
Renie made him promise he’d go out on the road the next weekend. As much as he didn’t want to, he knew she was right. He needed to get back out there and figure out why his heart wasn’t in saddle bronc riding anymore. Was it winning the championship? Had once been enough, and now the fire was out? He’d been competing all his life, and now he didn’t care about it. He couldn’t understand it himself, how could he explain it to her or anyone else?
Something pulled at him, telling him it was time to move on to the next chapter of his life, he just didn’t know what it was.
His second night in Rapid City, South Dakota, at the end of a less than impressive ride, Billy found out what the universe had in store for him.
6
“Billy Patterson?” the old man said.
“That’s me. What can I do for you?” Billy asked, struck by the serious expression on the man’s face.
“It’s about my granddaughter,” he said. His voice faltered. “And my great-granddaughter.”
Was the man looking for an autograph? It had been a few months since anyone sought him out for one.
“Son,” he said, putting his hand on Billy’s shoulder. “I have something I need to talk to you about. Can we go somewhere private?”
“Sure,” he said. “Come with me.” A pit formed in his stomach, and the further he walked, the bigger it got.
Billy had competed here before, so he knew there was a break room off the main barn. He doubted anyone was in there now, so they’d have privacy to talk.
He opened the door and switched on the lights. “Have a seat,” he said, motioning to the table in the middle of the room.
The man moved slowly, reaching into his back pocket, and taking out his wallet. He pulled out a photo and handed it to Billy. “This is the only picture I have of Roxanne with her baby.” A tear slid down his cheek.
Billy recognized the girl in the photo. Roxanne—yeah, he remembered her. He hooked up with her a couple of times. Sweet girl. That pit in his stomach had grown into a boulder.
The man swiped his hand across his cheek, brushing the tears away, and took a deep breath.
“Roxanne was in a car accident two months ago, on her way home from the store.” The man paused. “She said she’d be gone a few minutes. But my wife, she doesn’t believe in anybody ever leaving the house without a kiss goodbye, even for a few minutes.”
The man was openly crying now, trying to catch his breath to continue. Billy put his hand firmly on the man’s shoulder.
“She would’ve told you, eventually. I’m sorry she didn’t get the chance to do it herself.”
The conversation was taking a turn Billy didn’t understand.
“Willow is a sweet baby, but my wife and I are in our eighties. It’ll break both our hearts, but we want what’s best for this little girl. Roxanne’s mom died when she was a little girl herself, and we raised her. Never knew who her daddy was. I guess that’s why she was so set on making sure that when the time was right, Willow would know you. I believe she was working up the courage to tell you.”
Billy stood and walked to the other side of the room. Was this man trying to tell him that Roxanne believed he was her baby’s father?
“Roxanne?” he ventured, wishing he didn’t have to ask the question.
“She didn’t make it,” the man barely answered before his shoulders hunched over, and he cried again.
Billy paced, studying the photo. Why did Roxanne believe he was the baby’s father? They’d been careful. He was always careful.
His first reaction was to call Renie. His hand was on his phone, but he knew needed to deal with this news on his own.
The old man studied him. “I guess you want proof.”
He couldn’t bring himself to tell the man he doubted he was the baby’s father, no matter how much he felt he wasn’t.
“Listen…” Billy started to say, not knowing what he’d say next.
The man reached into his jacket pocket and drew out a letter. The return address on the envelope appeared to be from a law firm.
“You’ll have questions. Call me when you’re ready to ask ’em. The letter tells you how to reach me.”
Billy wanted to stop the man when he rose and walked out of the room, but he couldn’t bring himself to. He sat down and stared at the envelope.
An hour later, he hadn’t moved. Every time he went to open the letter, he tossed it back down on the table instead.
This was the fourth rodeo in the last six weeks he registered to compete in, and the first one he’d shown up for. He wondered if the m
an had gone to the other three looking for him.
He put his head in his hands. If only he could call Renie, she’d help him figure out what he was supposed to do next.
Instead, he got in his truck and started the seven-hour drive home. It would take him close to five to get to Fort Collins. He’d decide then whether to stop and talk to her about it.
It was one in the morning when he drove by her exit. It wouldn’t be right to wake her up over this. He decided to drive home and talk to her in the morning. The envelope sat on the seat next to him, unopened.
Renie logged onto Twitter and saw on RodeoChat that Billy hadn’t placed either Friday or Saturday night. He’d probably head home early Sunday morning, and when he got there, she’d be waiting for him. It’s what she would’ve done anyway, before things changed between them.
She loved her horse, but if Pooh wasn’t boarded in Billy’s barn, she wouldn’t go and see her as often as she did. Pooh was the excuse for her visit, Billy was the reason.
When she got to the house a little after nine, Sookie was sitting at the kitchen counter reading the newspaper. She knew Sookie, he’d worked for her mom last year. She talked with him for a few minutes, and then went downstairs to the room she usually stayed in—the one that had been hers all her life. If Sookie hadn’t been there, she might have gone and crawled into Billy’s bed. Probably not, but she might have.
Billy got home just after two in the morning, and saw Renie’s car and Sookie’s truck. God, if there were ever a time he regretted telling Sookie he could stay at the house, it was now.
What was she doing here anyway? He hadn’t texted her last night, and she hadn’t texted him either. He bet she worried about him, since she hadn’t heard from him. He often texted after he rode, and he would’ve, if Roxanne’s grandfather hadn’t gotten there when he had. He hadn’t known what to say to her after that conversation, so he didn’t say anything.
Dance with Me (Cowboys of Crested Butte Book 2) Page 6