She could feel her heart breaking at his every word, praying that he’s just confused. She changed him, he’s a better man, and he is fully capable of loving her.
“I do, now just drop it Samantha.”
She is losing him; she could feel it in the silent air. There was no denying it this time.
Chapter Eleven
Today is just another day at School, having only been sent here due to its lack of educational cost, anything for her father to get out of paying for the expenses. Her mother would have home schooled her if it wasn’t for him, but she had no say in the matter - any word of objection would have been just another fight or bicker of who is right.
“Sammy, school is just a temporary place, keep going and before you know it, you’ll be out on your own,” her mother always said. It’s been a few weeks, and we just got news that his trip is going to be farther out than we had anticipated, not that we minded at all - anything to have a break from the emotional abuse.
She hasn’t spoken to Jake since she confronted him with how she feels and after having him shut her out, not a single word has been uttered - she is beginning to believe that he doesn’t want to see her and that maybe he is avoiding her just as much as she is trying to catch up to him.
Sam slams her locker shut looking over her schedule, her eyes falling on her first class of the day; Algebra. Ugh. . . She sighs, shuffling through the corridors her eye catches Ari eye from across the way standing with her brother Adrian. Ari’s brother was not hot or at least she wouldn’t put it that way - he was nice to look at with his shaggy red hair and bright green eyes; but she will admit one thing - he is awfully fun to flirt with.
He quirks a smile when he spots her. “Hey Sammy girl.”
“Hey. I see you decided to actually make it into School today?”
“Of course, couldn’t miss out on seeing my girl; now could I?” He gives her a wink and she could see the sparkle in his eyes.
“Your girl, aye?”
“One and only baby,” he says.
Ari fakes throwing up, shoving her finger down her throat as she coughs, “Get a room!”
Blushing, Sam ducks her head slightly. She liked flirting with him, but it was never something that she saw herself actually doing.
Adrian answers, “C’mon sis, who needs a room these days?!”
Well, if she thought it couldn’t get more embarrassing; she was wrong. Blushing lightly, she turns her eyes to her best friend.
Rolling her eyes, Ari speaks, “Have you heard from Mr. McDreamy?”
“Jake?”
“Who else!”
Sighing, she says, “No, not since I told him how I felt. He just took off.”
“What?” Adrian asks, almost looking hurt.
Looking pissed, Ari exclaims, “That ass!”
Yep, my words exactly Sam thinks.
She could remember the first time she met Ari, it was 4th grade, and the teacher had them paired together for a group project. This wasn’t like the first day they became friends with the incident with Ari pet rattlesnake.
She was a chatty little girl, still is. It was a project for the Science fair they had every year. She could still remember the topic, Sloths. That’s Lame, right? While Sloths are arboreal mammals that chill in the tropical rain forest of America, how were they supposed to know that at 4th grade?
What happened to volcanoes, rat races, something more fun and interesting? Nobody said anything about it being more History.
It was always, get in and get out. However, our dear Ari was never one to keep her thoughts to herself or go by the rules. Sam could still remember the entire scene; they sat right beside each other in the far back of the room when Miss. Grove announced the news of the Science Fair. Ari crinkled the permission slip in her small strong arms and chucked it at the teacher’s head, literally.
She screamed, “Sloths? You have got to be kidding me!”
The entire room had broken out in chaos of laughter as Miss. Grove tried to shush them. It was at that moment, they were inseparable. She became more than just a friend, she became her sister. Here she is once again having her back, being her strength. The bell rings, rushing her to part ways with her friends and hurriedly walk to her class, watching her feet as she goes her face suddenly comes into contact with a firm chest.
She gasps, surprised. Averting her eyes from the chest they are currently smashed into, falling into icy blue eyes; a sinful demon that he is.
“You should really pay attention to where you are walking,” he says sternly. His deep voice swallowing her heart whole.
“Hey,” she responds, flashing a small smile, placing on her best happy face.
It feels like forever since she has seen him, she knows deep down that he is avoiding her and it's killing her inside, but maybe it is her fault for throwing her feelings on him like that.
“Hey?” he speaks, glaring at her, “Did I say you can speak to me?”
Wait...what the hell.
She inhales sharply, “What is your issue?”
“You, you’re like a little pet that I can’t seem to shake Sam. Why can’t you get that and mind your own business and remove yourself from mine?” He asks, his voice rising - starting to draw more attention to us. Nervousness settles in, why is this happening to her? There is so much hate in his eyes - where did she go wrong?
She speaks, slowly, “I suppose if that is what you want - then you got your wish.”
She could feel her heart slowly breaking inside as she says those words–letting the outcome haunt her. As though her words stung, he stepped aside. Fighting back tears she rushes past him - knowing half the Schools eyes were pinned to her back like bullet holes. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment, holding her books against her chest she bows her head, hiding the tears falling from those around her.
“Sam?” he hollows behind her.
Turning in shame, she looks at him.
“Don’t trip on your feet; you might ruin that pretty little face of yours.”
She pulls herself away from his gorgeous eyes, away from his once warm embrace and welcoming arms. She pulls herself away from the only thing she knows, home.
She feels the world crashing down around her and there is nothing that can get in its way.
Chapter Twelve
10.45 AM ….
It felt like any other day at School, except the part that was missing. . . She thought she knew what depression felt like, wanting to end it all and waste away from the entire world. Somehow Jake made that feeling disappear, and more bearable. She started to almost forget what it felt like to want to die inside, but something changed in him after she told him how she felt, and she doesn’t believe there is any way to get him back.
He’s become distant and almost non-existent in her life. It’s been weeks since she’s spoken to him. There has been the occasional short and longing glances across the school’s hall, only to be brushed off moments later. She hardly sees him in class anymore and when she does he is across the room with his new class partner, Ally something. She came to school two days ago to find out that he requested a partner change, something about it being personal and not healthy. As expected Mrs. Stephanie approved the change and here she sits, alone with an empty seat next to her. Normally she would welcome the silence and the distance from those around her to be left to her own mind and drown herself behind the music blaring through her iPod. But he changed that, he started the change her.
There is this pressure in her chest as though there is this empty place in her heart weighing down on her. She is once again lost and alone. She begins to feel like it was too much too soon, and she pushed him away. Did Sam ruin any chance at happiness that she could have had? When the clock ticks and the day rushes by. She can’t pay attention in class- she can’t think or comprehend a single shattering thought without tears threatening to kiss her cheeks.
She is baffled and lost for words as they all trail out when the first bell rings. She watches him ga
ther around with a bunch of drug dealers and go getters, a bunch of dangerous teenagers and at that very moment, she feels a part of herself a break. You never realize how much someone means to you until that someone vanishes as though everything that they’ve been through together was just a distant memory.
Sam is hopeless.
She didn’t realize that Zane was speaking to her until his warm hand wraps around hers. Pulling from her thoughts, she turns and looks at him, his lips forming words.
“You okay, Sam?”
Clearing her throat, “Ahh... yeah I’m fine, sorry.”
He smiles, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, “No worries! I was just asking if we were still on for tonight.”
Shit... she had completely spaced out planning a study group with him and some other students from her home room, drawing her eyes to Jakes piercing ones from across the lot.
“Of course!” she replied giving his hand a tight squeeze.
Before she could react, Zane was being forced away from her - Jake had him by the collar of his shirt, dragging him away from me - he swings, his fist connecting with Zane’s jaw–Zane’s head flies one way as he hits the ground, grabbing at his jaw he spits; blood marking the concrete.
“What the fuck!” Sam yells, rushing between them before they try to murder each other. “Seriously Jake, what has gotten into you?”
“He touched you?”
“I am not your possession, I am not an object you can take claim over - I am a human being!”
He shouts, “And what?! This is what you want? Some nerd - he can't protect you Samantha, he is a lost cause.”
“He is a hell of a lot better than fighting for the affection of a man from the wrong side of town and who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about the woman he’s with, I was open with you Jake and you bailed.”
They stung and for that moment, Jake let his feelings sweep through the crack - his eyes held betrayal - his fame went ragged as he backed away, turning on his heel to leave; just like that. No, I’m sorry - no explanation, no fight. He walks away as though it was the easiest thing for him to do.
Zane holds his hands up, stuttering, “I swear Sam, I didn’t do anything, and he just hit me.”
Sam helps Zane to his feet; blood runs downs his nose. Taking his keys from his pocket she helps him into the passenger door, sparing one more painful glance at Jake - already forgotten. She slides in behind the wheel and takes off down the road toward the Hospital, away from her desire, away from her home, away from him. He had his head tilted back, hand over his nose drenched in blood. Reaching over him she pulls out a tissue from the glove box handing it over to him.
“Apply some pressure to get the bleeding to stop.”
He groans.
Looking him over, she flinches feeling guilty - his glasses were shattered, and his eye was already turning a dark purplish color. God damn it, what has gotten into him! She yells mentally at herself.
Eyeing her eerily, he shakes his head. His brown curly hair falling over his ears. “Don’t beat yourself up over this. It’s not your fault.”
She sighs, “I feel like it is.”
“Jake is… complicated,” he pauses, wiping his nose before taking his glasses off, “He confronts things in a completely irrational and irresponsible manner, but he means well.”
“He means well,” she laughs sarcastically. “He hit you for no reason.”
He watches her silently, his forehead scrunched in intense thinking - finally after driving down the highway for ten minutes he speaks, his voice hard, “You just don’t see it do you?”
“See what?” Lifting her eyebrow, she turns into the Hospital parking lot, searching for a spot to pull into.
He says, “He was protecting what he cares about. He was just standing up for the one he will.”
He was cut off by the buzzing of her cell on the dashboard. Giving him an apologetic look she answers.
It’s Jessica.
She rasps over what has happened and lets Jessica and Ari know which Hospital they are at. Later they meet up with them, while Zane gets his bandage for his broken nose; they wait out in the waiting room. Exhausted mentally and physically she pulls her hood over her head and turns the dial on her Ipod. Why would someone that didn’t care act so irrationally?
He walked away from her, he distanced himself from what they had and took it upon himself to let go of something that could have been good, something secure. Then the bastard takes it in his hands to act like a jealous boyfriend and cause unnecessarily battles. Sam can't place her finger around it, it made no sense to her. It was as though lightning struck their atmosphere, the blinding flash of light - almost too bright to memorize.
That is how she and Jakes relationship feels like, a striking lightning bolt - fast, blinding and corrupted.
Chapter Thirteen
In a transparent diaphanous, Sam felt as though she was a mere shadow in the distance - not even this light can truly reach her; but him. He changes it all. The passion of love and romance that he offers to her gives that smallest ounce of hope that she needs.
Do you feel that, the warmth spreading from the tips of your toes upward, grasping onto your heart like a pocket of shelter?
She looks toward the bright lights - women dressed in black tight dresses ascending the stairs meeting their beloved dates and flowing beneath the disco colors - she can imagine it all, the band playing from afar, their music controlling the rhythm of the students lining the dance floor and just how she is going to be one of them.
Her eyes meet his, a smile tugging at her lips - his gorgeous eyes bright and inviting, he offers his hand - leaning in brushing his lips against her ear, he speaks, “My God woman, you are so damn beautiful.”
“Liar,” she laughs for the first time in years.
Her arm wrapped in his - she finally takes pride in herself, she felt like the old Sam, the fearless adventurous Sam Echo and he, he brought this side out in her.
She felt at ease, she felt at home.
There are voices, echoing - piercing into her dream like a lightning bolt, making her jolt from her slumber - peering at the alarm beside her bed, showing 3:00 AM, she groans brushing her hair out of her face as it falls over her shoulders smoothly. Tuning into the voices that made her wake she hears her mother yelling, and a man’s voice. Not just any man’s voice - her fathers.
Shit...
She bolts out of bed, not taking a moment to think about her next actions, she throws her bedroom door open and rushes down the hall, taking the stairs two at a time, turning the corner into the downstairs hall before the living room she spots her mother and father face to face, bickering.
“This is enough Frank, you can’t continue doing this!” her mother yells.
“Oh, c’mon woman, who do you think you are tell...telling me how to live in my own house,” he stumbles, barely able to look her in the eye with his bloodshot eyes. She could almost smell the alcohol on his breath.
Her mother throws her arms in the air, “You are impossible!”
Having still not seen Sam sitting there, she decides to stay quiet for a little bit longer, watching her father closely, making sure he does not lay a hand on her mother. She could almost dare him to, its late, she is tired and the last thing he wants to do right now is piss her off.
Her father continues, “I can be with whomever I want sweetheart, you have no say in the matter and I can drink whatever the fuck I want.”
“You smell like a bar, at least clean yourself up before you come home.”
His eyes turn dark, his lips turning down - reaching out her grabs her by the arm, making her wince. “Excuse me?” he spats loudly, “You do not control me, understood?!”
That was it, Sam rushes forward shoving her father away from her mother. “Stop!”
Her father stumbles into the wall, barely catching himself as Sam pushes her way in front of her mother, blocking her from his reach. She glares at him, waiting. Sam has had enough of
his bullshit, it isn’t fair to her mother to be living like this and it was not fair to her to have to put up with the treatment and keep her mouth shut. Gaining his footing, he turns toward her, his face full of anger, his eyes red, his face flushed, and hands clenched at his side, she knew she pissed him off and for the first time in a long time she didn’t care too much of the outcome - to be honest, pushing him from her mother felt pretty damn good.
“How dare you overstep your boundaries and lay a hand on me? Did you finally decide to grow up Sam?” he says, harshly. “Well, let me fill you in on a little something. You are just like your mother, you are worthless, you can keep trying but you are never going to get anywhere in life.”
His words stung, but she held her ground; fighting back the tears, “Never touch my mother again.”
He laughs, the sound nerve wracking. “You need to learn some respect for your parents.”
“Like you have respect for her?”
With that, she found herself on the ground with her face stinging from his hand, holding her hand over her cheek she rolls over onto her back and sits up. Watching her father stumble into the living room and collapsing on the sofa. Moments later snores fill the house.
“Honey,” her mother's shaky small voice says, “We have all had a long night - how about we just get some rest.”
Catching her eye, Sam couldn’t believe it. “You’re seriously taking his side right now?”
“No, I am saying we should all get sleep. We have been through enough tonight.”
She couldn’t believe it right now, how could she allow him to do that? How could she sit and watch her daughter get hit and act like it never happened. . . Sam felt hurt, betrayed. Jumping to her feet she ran back upstairs to her room, ignoring her mother’s voice.
Heated and overwhelmed, she burst through the door, slamming it behind her. She can barely breathe - her throat feels as though it is completely closed off, lightheaded and unable to see clearly, she falls to her ass against the floor, back leaning against her door. She fights for air. She’s having a damn panic attack, after everything she has been through - a panic attack is crushing her.
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