Secrets Past (Mists of the Fae Book 2)

by Jaime Marks

  She trailed off a moment struggling to regain composure and took a deep breath before she began. “Do you remember when we were young? When we all used sneak away to play in meadow and the fields?”

  “Yes. It’s how we met Kato, by wondering into the forest.” He ran his hand lightly over her arm trying to reassure her.

  “Right. You, Mythos, Kato, Grifyn sometimes even Ceryn and Ceryion would go wandering off on your own, at least in the beginning, and Demytria had been too young to tag along back then. Cymeryn used to try to keep up with you but you made an art out of ditching him.”

  He nodded remembering it all. “There were no other twins that we were aware of aside from Alysse and Alayne. People were leery of us and would sometimes act differently when they saw us together. I resented it. I wanted to be unique. In all honesty it’s why I pushed myself to excel at everything we did. It was how I got through the Academy so quickly with honor.”

  “It was, but you also weren’t interested in me back then. None of you boys were. Mythos wasn’t even overprotective yet. I think he figured as long as Cymeryn was there to keep me out of trouble I would be safe. He, and Ceryn when he joined us, took guarding me very seriously, though they often made a game of it.” She pulled from his arms and stood up going to sit in the window seat. She curled her knees to her chest as she gazed out over the courtyard.

  “The unawakened?” She asked motioning below.

  “Yes, of both Fae and Shade. There were quite a lot of them. Grifyn is seeing they get settled. Then we can begin looking into finding their parents.” He replied sitting on the edge of the bed watching her. She was distracted and confused, trying to sort out the present with the past.

  She sat watching them a while in silence, seemingly lost in her own thoughts. He was beginning to think that she wouldn’t continue, but she began to speak in hushed tones as she stared at the chaos below. “Cymeryn and I used to spend a lot of time together. He would pick me flowers and write me poems.” She smiled seemingly lost in a memory. “And we got into trouble together, especially when Ceryn and Ceryion joined us. Cerulyion and my Father were constantly lecturing us. Cymeryn always had a Darkness to him that no one understood, no one accepted. I did though.”

  She grew distant a moment, as she collected her thoughts. “I believe the first time I realized that there may be something there was when I was twelve cycles. You had all moved on to the Academy by that point but Cymeryn remained. He hadn’t taken his exams yet. He claimed he wasn’t ready but looking back, I’m not so sure. He was always by my side. It was when I caught Faynia a Sergion saying all those awful things about me, about how strange I was and how ratty my clothes and hair were. Cymeryn was the one who comforted me. He was the one who got her back.”

  “What do you mean? I don’t think I even knew you had any issue with Faynia.”

  She turned to him. “That’s because I never told you or Mythos. I was too embarrassed. See, the thing that made it so hard to take was that it was true. My behavior was ‘unbefitting of a Princess’ and I was always getting dirty and tearing my gowns down in the meadows or the forest. I found her mocking me and making fun of me to the other Fae from school. They were all laughing and judging me. I cried for hours because I knew they were right but I didn’t want to be anything other than who I was. I ran away alone and went to the lake. I didn’t want to be found and I knew only Cymeryn could find me there. Sure enough a few hours later he showed up worried sick. I didn’t run off without the rest of you very often, or at the very least not without him, so when I disappeared and none of you knew where I was there was a panic.”

  “I think I remember that. Mythos got in trouble for not keeping a better eye on you. It was why they finally assigned you your own Personal Guard.”

  She nodded. “Not that it mattered. I got very good at losing him.”

  He had to smile over her candor at it. It had indeed been something she excelled at. She loved her privacy and would slip away from the guards any chance she got. It was a habit she had never broken and one he would have to be mindful of now. It had always caused quite a bit of chaos in the Kingdom.

  “Well, Cymeryn found me that day. He held me and calmed me down. Then he made me tell him what was wrong. He told me I should never be ashamed just because I was different. That it made me beautiful and that he loved me just the way I was. He said he would fix everything and bring my smile back.

  “The next day on her way to school, Faynia somehow tripped and fell into a mud hole. She didn’t have time to run home to change so she had to come to school caked in mud and her dress was torn from catching on something. Everyone laughed at her. When I looked to Cymeryn in the hall he gave me a wink and a smile and I knew. I still don’t know how, but I know he did it.”

  Marcus shook his head. “That is why she accused you. King Mythion was furious and admonished her harshly saying you would never have done such a thing. Many young Fae were questioned, primarily from the Academy, including myself, your brother, Ceryn and Grifyn. No one ever even thought of Cymeryn. He never even talked to the girl so they didn’t consider him as he had no motive and the trap was something they would have expected from someone from the Guardians’ Academy. There was a tripwire set up and a stake or two strategically placed which was what tore her skirting. The mud was not something that would have been found on Palace grounds either. It was from the clay pits.”

  She smiled coyly looking every bit the mischievous, young Fae she had been at the time. “I had spent the whole rest of the day smiling and at the end of the day he simply said ‘I told you I would bring your smile back.’ I asked what he had done but he gave me that sly smile he used to get when he was hiding something from me and told me he would only tell me if I beat him to the meadow, and of course I didn’t. I never could and he knew it.

  “It went on like that for a long time, but I didn’t take it as anything. I just enjoyed the connection we shared. I wasn’t interested in anything with anyone, I was just too young. It wasn’t until four years later, when my Mother died that I truly understood.”

  “Where did you go Reyana?” He asked curious as to the answer. “You would never tell anyone. You were gone for nearly two whole days. Everyone in the Kingdom was tasked with finding you, including Cymeryn, but no one knew where you were. King Mythion even threatened severe punishment if he found out someone was hiding you. They called me back from the fronts hoping I could find you, especially once Cymeryn disappeared as well. I had always suspected that he had been with you because I couldn’t find or sense either of you but he denied it. He said he had looked for you the entire time, worried you had been hurt somehow but that he hadn’t found you.”

  “I was at the lake.” She sighed. “I didn’t want to be found. Cymeryn came and he told me everyone was worried sick, including him, but he never cared about obligations. He just asked me what I needed, what he could do to ease me. He sat with me, stroking my hair and talking to me the entire time until I was ready to face the world again. He told me that no matter what, no matter how bad it got, he would always come for me.” She looked up to face him. “That was when I knew that he loved me.”

  “And that you loved him?” Marcus ask studying her. He was shocked he had never seen it. Never felt this connection between her and his twin. He hadn’t even thought they were that close. He had been home for feasts and reprieves. He had spent time with the two of them together during those trips and never once sensed that she held his brother’s heart.

  “I wasn’t sure. I was heartbroken with the loss of my Mother. I didn’t know how I felt and he wasn’t about to rush me. In his mind we had all the time in the world. I was the reason he had finally enrolled in the Academy. He was every bit as good as you but he didn’t want to compete against you. He knew how you felt about him so he wouldn’t do it, but he didn’t like the idea of me being there alone as you had all already passed through. The closer I got to my awakening, the more I knew I felt something for your brother.


  “He had promised to always come to me and that he would never take an assignment without talking to me first. I’d left a note in his pack. I used to hide stuff there for him all the time when he left it in his locker and I knew he checked it regularly. I told him to meet me by the lake and that if he still loved me I was ready to tell him how I felt. He never showed. He left that day for the fronts taking a command position never saying goodbye, without so much as a note. He never wrote me, never tried to contact me. He was gone for so long.” She shook her head turning to stare back out the window. “I assumed his feelings had changed.

  “It’s why I became so distant from the rest of you after my awakening. I always thought Cymeryn would at least be there if not be seeing me through it and instead my Father saw me through. I remained chaste for years, you know that. I preferred nature to companionship. I would spend time with you, Mythos, Grifyn and Kato when you were home, but I was always somewhere else in my mind. I didn’t want to get close to anyone. After a couple years I noticed how you were watching me and the next thing I knew my Father was pushing me to accept suitors. In truth I tried to avoid it but he threatened to choose for me if I didn’t at least start to socialize more. He said you had asked for the right to court me and I agreed to at least spend time with you.”

  Marcus lowered his head. He couldn’t believe the pain that he had unwittingly caused her and Cymeryn. Had he known, he would never have suggested Cymeryn for the assignment. He had been to see him at the Academy, he watched him go through the drills. He knew his twin was every bit as good as he was and felt that he had somehow held him back with his own need for a separate identity. He had only put him up for the position in an attempt to get him back on track, to try to bring him up to his level. His time in his first command had been rough but he had surpassed all expectations. It had elevated him to Marcus’ status. They had both been promoted for their achievements. Marcus became Second in Line to Praetor Cerulyion and Cymeryn had been quickly promoted to Commander of the Fronts. He’d risen to Praetor when Cerulyion retired to focus on the Luxyn just after their betrothal. Cymeryn had been so distant after it had been announced. Now he knew why.

  “Why didn’t you ever tell me, Reyana? Why did neither of you tell me?”

  She turned back to him, meeting his eyes and he felt her open herself to him, allowing him to sense her freely. “There wasn’t anything to ever tell, Marcus. Cymeryn left for the fronts when I was eighteen cycles. He had never kissed me aside from on the cheek and you had all done that. I thought on his end it was just a childish crush and that I’d just been foolish. You and I didn’t even begin courting until I was twenty-two cycles. He never so much as reached out to me with his mind. I didn’t realize until later that there had been an emergency at the fronts and he had been sent away without any time being given. Or that communications with the fronts were down for several months. No one told me he had been missing in action and by the time he returned wounded it had been almost 5 cycles. You and I were courting and I had already fallen in love with you.”

  “And I you.” Marcus smiled at her declaration. He needed it right now. He needed to know that she still loved him, that she had loved him all this time. She did indeed love them both, but she had betrayed neither of them. She had fallen for them both in different times and situations and her heart had not let go of either of them. It was something he could accept.

  “The night he betrayed us during the attack, I had been missing an hour beforehand. He had come to see me. He’d been back on reprieve for a few days after being gone almost a full cycle. He asked me to meet him by the lake. He said that he really needed to talk, that he could use a friend and he didn’t trust anyone else. He’d been so strange since his return. After all the times he had been there for me how could I not go? I was worried about him.”

  “What happened Reyana? What did he do?”

  “He told me the truth, that he had always loved me. I had no idea he had harbored those feelings for me all those years. He never mentioned it, had never shown it in anyway. Cymeryn wasn’t angry or ruthless with me, but he wanted me. He begged me to come with him so we could be together, to search my heart and know that I had always loved him. He said he was going to fix it, to give us back what had been stolen from us. He kissed me, and I didn’t mean to but he had caught me so off guard, Marcus. I kissed him back. I knew the moment our lips met that he was right, but I wouldn’t go with him. I ran out of the grove and he followed me. The Shadows came out of nowhere and the next thing I knew we were with Lazurys.

  “He held me, crying that he was sorry. We both knew that after that kiss I had doubts and I felt like I had broken my vows before I even gave them. Your bond to your true mate was supposed to be unbreakable but when I searched my heart I felt you both. I was very confused.

  “Lazurys told him he could make it right, that he was my chosen protector and he would make it so that we could always be together. Of course, Lazurys left out some key details.” She trailed off, pained by the memory and stared at the floor. “He turned Cymeryn in front of me. It was so painful but he had accepted it, endured it, so that he could be with me. So that he could protect me. When Lazurys unlocked my memories and I killed myself, I was so afraid for him that my soul remained despite the risk. He blamed you for my confusion. Lazurys told him I killed myself because I couldn’t deal with the fact that I was breaking my vows to you.

  “I think he would have killed you, but he was so lost and alone. Part of him just wanted something familiar, some sort of family that would understand him. He thought if you turned he would have that finally; that he would at least have you. The Darkness in him, however, demanded revenge so he went about it the cruelest way he could fathom. He made you think that he had taken me from you, the way he felt you had taken me from him.”

  “Great Lucerna,” Marcus ran his hands through his hair. “This is all my fault.”

  He rose and paced alongside the bed trying to reason it out. How had he been so blind? He had known they spent time together. He was certain Cymeryn had hidden her when her Mother had died. How could he not know? The only answer was that he didn’t want to. He had watched her from afar for years before he requested permission to formally court her. He had fallen in love with her before she had ever even known, long before any Fae had noticed he was even interested. He didn’t see this because he didn’t want to.

  “It’s not your fault, Marcus. You didn’t know and I could have come to you, Mythos, or my Father for that matter, at any time and asked what had happened, why he had left so suddenly, but I didn’t. I was so hurt, my pride so wounded that I never even stopped to think when I found out he was gone that there might have been a good reason for it.” Her voice was full of resignation, her brow creased. He could tell she was thinking the things she could have or should have done differently.

  He knelt before her. “You don’t understand, Reyana. I never even considered it a possibility. That eve, when I handed him his orders, he had asked me for one night. He had said he had something to do, but I never imagined it was to go to you. He was always goofing off and lazing about. I told him he was being selfish, that Fae were dying and the issue was emergent; which had all been true, but I accused him of dishonoring our line by even considering anything but going to his post directly. I made him feel as if he had no other choice when in truth no one would have faulted him for going to you before he left. Any male would have been granted that reprieve to see his mate or courted before he left.”

  She shook her head. “He could have told you, Marcus. Beyond that he could’ve reached out to me. All three of us made mistakes. But you should know, most of the time you thought he was goofing off or lazing about he was actually with me. He insisted that if I wouldn’t take a guard with me when I left the Palace that I at least wait for him so someone knew where I was and that I was safe. In truth he was probably the only guard I never tried to lose.”

  “If I had known, if any had, he likely would have be
en given that title and we would not be having this conversation right now.” Marcus rested his head in her lap, “He would have become your Personal Guard and he never would have been far from your side.”

  Marcus felt like he had been hit by a truck. He had all but delivered his brother to the Dark Lord himself. They had achieved a closeness, a rhythm working so closely together at the fronts. Even after he and Reyana had bonded he had always thought them in tune to one another despite the odd distance after their betrothal was announced, but Cymeryn had kept his heart hidden. There was an entire side he had never seen. A side that was completely in love with Reyana.

  “You’re angry.” She turned away the hair falling in her face as it often did.

  “No. Confused, perhaps, but not angry.” Marcus sighed. At least he wasn’t angry at her. He got up and sat beside her. “How can I be angry at you for loving my brother, mine twin? Your heart and its capacity are one of the reasons I fell in love with you in the first place, Reyana. I am confused, caught off guard, and perhaps concerned as to what all this means; what the repercussions of it and our actions could be.”

  “Repercussions?” She looked at him in confusion. “You aren’t going to tell anyone, are you?”

  There was a hint of fear in her voice. He could tell she hadn’t even considered the repercussions beyond the social and political ramifications, which considering what had already begun on her behalf could be great so as it is. He was more concerned of the potential personal ramifications to her, the changes he felt happening within her. Perhaps it was best to not add to her stress at the moment, however. She looked so fragile.

  “No, I don’t see any reason any Fae needs to know of this. This is an issue that exists only between us, and Cymeryn I suppose. What you have started has taken on a life of its own, there is no need to add fuel to any fear by making your ties to Cymeryn known. The fear they have of my connection to him is enough as it is.”