A Little Rain

by Dee Winter

  The next window becomes free and I run in front of him, pushing him back with my hand on his shoulder, adrenalin pumping. I turn back and stare at him, “You know I was next,” and he huffs, looking disrespected. I shoot him one of my wildest glares and almost shout, “This is a queue, in case you didn’t notice.” My heart is racing and I don’t look back again. I get to the window first and I sense people are looking still, eyes burning into my back. I say sweetly, nodding to the girl at the desk, “I was next.”

  I buy tickets for everyone. I will have to send Rob round as debt collector if I don’t get my money back. I’m not expecting Benny to give me any money but I have a plan. I’m going to make him pay for the food. We get a huge tub of sweet popcorn and the biggest size cola drink they do. Benny makes a big noise about it costing so much and acts like he’s taking it personally when the girl serving him asks for the best part of ten pounds. She’s a timid little thing and looks a little frightened as Benny hums and haws about whether he’s even going to pay at all. I butt in, “Don’t listen to him…” and after he eventually gives up his tenner, I pull him away. He’s struggling now to carry the bin and the bucket.

  “Whoa, watch it… Watch it!” he says to me, as I tug his arm, popcorn spilling on the floor. Demi and Tobes are waiting nearby. They’re not getting food. Demi is on the phone and Tobes is looking vexed. Tobes is usually always smiling when he’s with Demi.

  “Who’s she on the phone to?” I ask.

  “How should I know?” He pitches.

  “Oh. We’re going to get seats,” I say. I give them their tickets as Tobes gives me the money they owe me. Benny and I go in first as they hang back. I think Demi has gone to the toilet. The seats we get are actually spot on. A few rows from the back and right in the centre. It isn’t too busy inside yet and we’re in the middle so we don’t have to keep getting up to let people past. I cosy up to Benny and say thank you for the drink and popcorn. He hasn’t said thanks to me for buying the tickets. Still, he’s being nice and I suppose we’re having fun and he’s now stroking the back of my neck in the way he knows I just love.

  When the film starts up, he stops and he’s stuck into the action of it all. This also coincided with Demi and Tobes coming to sit down next to Benny. I’m kind of glad that’s where they are sat because they’re snogging before too long making sucking noises. Someone in front turns round and shouts, “Oi! Get a room.” This makes me smile. The film otherwise starts badly and I can tell it’s going to be pretty lame. I’m bored already. Bits of it make me laugh, though not when it’s supposed to be funny, like when it’s all going wrong for the hero and when the men get hurt in painful places, that makes me giggle. I laugh out loud at one of the car stunts which if it happened in real life they would all be dead but no, they all get up and out and stagger about with a few cuts and bruises. The boys are taking it very seriously. They shush me when I hoot too loudly. Someone’s phone rings and a load of people tut and all go Shhhh! together. It makes me realise I haven’t switched my phone off. It could’ve been me. Quickly I reach in my pocket and switch it off. Benny looks at me briefly then goes back to watching the film. I’m bored now but on it goes.

  Eventually, when it is all over, we all make our way through the crowds, up the stairs and out into the cold air. Cigarettes and phones come out. It’s only mine that beeps in the quiet hush of expectation. “Who’s that?” Benny says. “Not your stupid brother?”

  “Err…” I say a little surprised and annoyed. It’s not. He must still be making me wait. It’s a text from Etienne: HELLO REMEMBER ME it says in potent capitals. I get a rush of excitement and my body tingles. I had not given him a thought. I almost forget the expectant gaze of Benny and Tobes and even Demi. I tell them what they expect. It’s just my stupid brother checking on me.

  “That’s sweet.” Demi says her voice sugary, her face sour. Benny and Tobes look at each other for a second, doubtful. I think I should just tell the truth and let Benny know it’s my enigmatic lush I met last night who gives me the shivers just thinking of him.

  Instead, I just say, “Yeah yeah... and don’t call him stupid.”

  “Shut up. Don’t tell me what to say,” Benny says in a nasty way that makes Demi and Tobes’ eyebrows raise in unison. I don’t want another scene. Not now he’s turned into Mr. Nasty. I know it’s the text that has triggered it. He would be even more angry if he knew who it really was. I think change the mood. I put my phone away and say brightly.

  “So where are we going to go now?” To be fair, I can’t think of anywhere I would like to go near here. The places I do know I would rather avoid. Tourist-filled sweat pots. Garage and R n’ B dens. Sweat-drenched bars selling colourful cocktails, playing duff music with toilets that smell of vomit. Tobes doesn’t mind where we go. Benny just shrugs in silence and moodily puffs on a joint. Demi suggests a lively R n’ B bar I’ve heard of that’s not too far away. Let’s hope they don’t ask for ID. She says we might get in free if we hurry up and get there before eleven. We haven’t got long. Demi says she is not sure exactly where it is. She says all of London looks the same. I think I know the way.

  “Let’s go this way.” I say and I start walking. Benny looks like he might say something but doesn’t. He doesn’t like me bossing him about or being rushed into anything but this isn’t my idea. He looks at me sharply but persuades the other two to follow and on we go.

  When we get there we have to line up again. It’s pretty hectic and really it’s not a queue but more a bustling throng around the entrance. I feel I want to try my luck, “Come with me Demi.” I say nicely. “Follow us,” I hiss at the boys. We nudge our way through to one of the doormen near the front. I look at him until he looks back at me. I smile wide and don’t break eye contact.

  “Is it just you two?” he says, looking at me and Demi and moves like he’s going to let us by. I hold back from saying Hell Yeah and just smile and move steadily forward as he moves to one side, letting us through.

  I let Demi go past first and then say quickly, “Oh… There’s just two more coming,” and I’m hopefully too far past him for him to stop us now. I shoot Benny and Tobes urgent looks and they come over fast and in they go. He doesn’t stop them. I follow in quick-smart thinking the big slow-mo hasn’t even realised what happened.

  “Nice one Ella,” Tobes enthuses and even Benny looks slightly upbeat, but we still have to queue inside again. A girl with a clipboard through the doorway stops us and asks if we are on the guest list. When we shake our heads she directs us towards the queue by the till. It’s gone 11.

  “I am just happy to be in,” Demi says. I’m not sure I agree. I don’t like it already. It smells of spilt beer, stale cigarettes and attitude. The music is dreadful. Jumpy two step beats. Stuttering voices. Incomprehensible words. We put our coats up on a ledge as no-one wants to pay the rip-off cloakroom fee. I suggest we get drinks. Demi follows me. We wait absolutely ages trying to get served. The bar is so busy, heaving at least three deep with people pushing in from all directions. Tobes and Benny leave us waiting at the bar. They show us where they want to go and stand. I say ok, we’ll find them. I’m astonished when Demi then leaves me at the bar alone. Benny doesn’t even come back to wait with me.

  I get served eventually. When I struggle back over to them, for the second time, after being only able to manage two drinks at a time, the boys are busy with their phones. I down my drink in one. I need it. I feel maybe I want to dance and so does Demi. We go to the dance floor while Tobes and Benny go off to the toilet. We are dancing on our own for at least half an hour. This doesn’t put me in the best mood. I suppose the music after a drink is sort of ok, not exactly upbeat or happy stuff that I even like, but it’s bearable. The people in here don’t seem friendly. There are no apologies when they tread on your feet. If they want to get by, they just shove past. Then I see Tobes talking on his phone in the club. I don’t know how he hears a thing. Benny starts up on his phone too.

  “Who are you
talking to?” I ask nicely, perfectly reasonable. He shushes me by putting a finger to his lips. Shhhh! I look hard at him. Really? I don’t care. I’ll play him at his own game. I get my phone out. I think shall I text Etienne or maybe I’ll just call. Now is as good a time as any, so I call him. A little butterfly flits in my belly and his phone is ringing now so no turning back. There is no answer. Automated voicemail. I umm about leaving a message but think in this noise, he’s not going to hear. I just hang up and tell everyone I’m going to go and get more drinks. I see a gap appear over at the bar and move in there fast.

  Benny follows and walks up close behind so quickly and hard he knocks into me and it hurts as my arm gets crunched against the wood. “Who were you phoning?!” He snorts.

  “What the fuck? Who do you think you are tonight?” I say with whispered venom not loud enough to be heard above the noise of the club.

  “Don’t get me angry girl... You know what I’m talking about. You speak to your brother more than me.”

  “Leave me then, if you don’t want me to be your girl anymore. Go away!” The girl at the bar, who had come to take my order, looks impatient. Her eyes move from me, to Benny, to the next customer waiting.

  “What’s the matter with you? Can’t you go one night without your stupid brother?” Now I get it. I don’t say anything. I just move away from the bar, pick up my coat from near the radiator where I left it and go to leave. I feel upset, like maybe I might have been crying. As I get out into the open air I feel as though I might have to wipe a tear away. I touch my face. It feels powder dry.

  “You ok?” I hear steady and slow, directed at me. It’s one of the doormen, tall, fair, not-so-handsome.

  “Yeah, I’m cool. Thanks.” I say with a thin, crescent-moon smile.

  “Really? You look like you’ve just been in a fight.” I realise my too big, stolen vest top is falling off me a little. I straighten it up. As I look at him more I see that he is kind of cute. He has a light, shaven head and a slight, sharp goatee. Square head, pointy chin. He would be blonde. His eyes are blue, edged with menace.

  “Well, yeah I did. Sort of. But I feel better now.” Half-moon smile.

  “What’s your name?” He asks, eyes glistening, a deep inescapable pool.

  I tell him. “Ella.”

  “Pretty... Like yourself.” It takes a moment to put his words right in my head and when they fall into place, full-moon. I feel a lot better. “I’m Lee.” It sounds like a bouncer name but I don’t say this.

  “Nice to meet you, Lee... I feel better now.” It slips out without consideration. He’s smiling now, like a dog that might bite.

  I light a cigarette. “So, your boyfriend’s left you... Is he coming out to get you?” I’m a little startled by this and think he’s seen him coming so I check and look through the open door to make sure he’s not. I don’t see him.

  “You know what, I hope to god he doesn’t.” Then I say, “How do you know I got a boyfriend anyway? You watching us or something?”

  “I saw you. When you came in... Or when you blagged your way in past the others, and guys you were with. See it all the time, a pretty face with the talk. But you looked different.”

  Intrigued now, I ask, “Why?”

  “You got your friend and the boyfriends in, but you didn’t look like you wanted them to be there, the way you looked at them.” I feel my eyebrows squash up my forehead into little rows.

  “You were watching us pretty close, huh?”

  “Pretty face like yours, yeah.” I wonder how many other pretty faces he has been watching. I’m so close to just walking away. A weakness for charm is the only thing keeping me there.

  I then see Demi coming out of the club towards me. She’s approaching at high-speed. “Ellie…” she says annoyingly, “there you are… been looking for you.”

  “Well hey, you’ve found me.” Sarcasm washes over her like a wave.

  “God! At last! I was starting to worry,” she slurs a bit drunkenly.

  Like hell, I think. She’s only worried because Benny is probably in there getting angry, refusing to come out after me, so she probably thinks someone has to. “Are you coming back in?” I don’t want to answer this one, because I want to say no. Rude, nasty words revolve around in my head of what I really would like to say to her, but I don’t. Best not to now.

  “I’m just talking…” I move my head in Lee’s direction. He’s been watching with interest. “I’ll be back in a bit. Give me five minutes, yeah?” Demi shrugs, looking annoyed that she has got to go back in the club on her own, well maybe I would too. “You go in.” I say, as she looks back at me one more time, like she’s trying to pull me in with her stare. It’s not going to work. My eyes are rooted on something else looking straight back at me.

  “You sure you don’t want to go back in with her?” Lee says. “Just, if you stay out here much longer I might not let you back in.” It’s not a genuine threat, more like a come-on. I’ll go back in if I want. I don’t say anything. I think I’m better off where I am for now.

  Then with no warning, Benny explodes onto the scene like a can of coke shaken up. His appearance makes Lee and the other bouncer step forward, rise up. I feel as if he might hit me but he doesn’t. He gets right up in my face. “What the hell are you doing out here?! Get inside you stupid cow!” I feel his spit on my face but I don’t let it register my disgust.

  “I don’t want to go back in. I don’t feel well.” I lie.

  “You were ok earlier.” He is still right in my face, so close I can smell the vile dung-stench of his saliva. At this point I can see Lee looking away but one of the other doormen steps in a little closer and says,

  “Not out here guys. Move it along.” Benny seethes on the spot silently.

  “It’s only coz you’re here he hasn’t hit me.” I surprise even myself with this brave report of truth. Both doormen look at me, then Benny, then me again, not moving an inch.

  “Not out here ok. Move along.”

  “Ok.” I say looking at my feet, shrugging. I swing myself round and walk away in the direction of the tallest building with the pretty lights.

  I’m only about ten steps away when I hear, “Ella? Come back! Where you going? Oi!” His voice is raised. The bouncers don’t do a thing more as he jogs towards me. He catches up, inevitably. “Hey, where are you going? Tobes and Dems are back there. You can’t just go.”

  “I’ll do what I want.” He makes a satisfying noise of exasperation.

  “Come on, Elle.”

  “Err... My name’s Ella. I’m hungry. I’m going to get food.”

  “What the fuck? You’re always fucking hungry. You were feeling sick a minute ago.” We walk quickly, further into the square heading straight towards the burger place on the corner. I push through the heavy glass door into the bright lights and onto the white sticky tiles. He doesn’t say anything now as he trails angrily behind me. It’s too busy in here for him to kick off. The security guard would throw him out in a second, no messing. I go to the counter and buy a tasty burger with ketchup, cheese, onions, no pickle. I’m too wound up to say thanks and the server girl gives me the Evil Eye with dense intent that I feel hit me hard, my defences low. I leave burger in hand. Outside the door I unwrap and start to eat. Benny is like an evil shadow dancing at my elbow. I take a big bite. It’s so good. My mouth is full so I cannot talk. Benny is huffing and puffing still, like a wolf about to blow the burger bar down as I take my second bite. “Look, what you did back there was out of order. You can’t just get up and leave a club like that. Just walk off outside and no-one knows where you’ve gone.”

  I swallow. “I never knew you cared.”

  “For fuck’s sake, Elle...” Not the response I was after, not an admission he did care. I’m fooling myself to expect it. Reality is he never did. He’s interrupting the enjoyment of my food now so I walk away. I’m not sure where I’m going. Just away. Far away. I start to walk faster and the more he tails me, the more wound up
I get. The energy builds up inside me, like a kettle on the boil. I feel the steam about to burst out of my ears, like I’m in a cartoon.

  I spin round to face him, “Leave me alone!” I then make a quarter turn wheeling round on the spot and charge on down a dark alley. I will shake him off or he will stop or turn back. He’s following still, so I walk faster… BLAM! The alley stops dead. I nearly go smack bang into a brick wall. Almost. Too busy looking at the floor, rather than where I was headed. I breathe deep, somewhat in shock. I feel my face go beetroot-blush. I spin round to face Benny who’s looking flush too.

  He’s glaring at me. I’m now holding back tears with all the will I have in me. I don’t, I can’t say anything. He looks at me a little longer wide-eyed. I stare right back at him. I don’t know how many seconds pass until he speaks. “You know what, you’re right... It’s over.” And suddenly, powerfully, he yanks the remains of my burger out of my hands and hurls it onto the floor, wrapper and all, at my feet. It splatters into a mess on the road. I look down and see little squares of onion on my boots. Ketchup splattered right up the hem of my jeans. He just stares at the road then turns on his trainers, the sound of the street gravel grinding beneath. He jogs into the distance and turns the corner. He is gone.

  6

  Getting Home

  It has now gone half past weekend. It’s late. It’s very dark. Friendless I stand in the alley, waiting for him, hoping he does, hoping doesn’t come back. I really believe he will at first. Part of me wants him. He will come back, surely. He’s not going to leave me all on my own here now, is he? Suddenly within, a tiny seed of fear sprouts into a little shoot of panic. I don’t know where I am. I don’t think I have a choice. I have to go back to the club. I need to do something fast before I get into any more trouble.