Irresistible Fear

by A. Meredith Walters

  Chapter 9

  What was he doing? Why had he talked to her? Touched her? He was so drawn to her; his insides were wrapped up in knots just being in her presence. Her emotions were delicious. Maybe that's why he couldn't keep his distance. They radiated from her like sunlight. She wore so many vibrant colors and he drank them deeply. Her life force was so strong, so vital. In all the years of his existence he drank them dry. He took their life, devoured their souls. He was the boogey man, The Alp, the Incubus; the reason people invented fire…to keep him away. He had crafted the personal demons of multitudes of men, women and children. He took delight in their terror and relished their dying days. He had been created for this very purpose, to create hell on earth. He ate their goodness until it bloated him. He slipped unnoticed into their sleep and reached into their buried memories to create that which would terrify them most.

  He was drawn to the afflicted and abused like a moth to a flame. They were the easiest to take. They often didn’t care whether they lived or died anyway. The pain and suffering just made their end all the sweeter. He didn’t think he was necessarily evil; it was what he was made to do. He had no more control over that than the moon could control its ascent into the night sky.

  This new girl was spectacular in her despair. She had obviously lived a hard life. She wore it like a badge. He had been drawn to her, just as he had been drawn to them all. Drinking from her was such a rush. It was like drinking the most refined wine. Her dreams were particularly disturbing. What she created for herself night after night were some of the worst images he had ever been a witness to.

  Though these were her demons, not his and he just helped them along. It was her past that cut a bloody landscape through her psyche. She was truly a broken soul. Yet over the last six months he had caught glimpses of something else. She would sometimes dream of fields of flowers or a quiet beach before it was taken over by her nightmares. It was during these times of peace that he felt something unlike anything he had ever experienced. He found he enjoyed these times as much as he craved the depravity of her terror.

  It had continued this way for months. He never allowed himself to be seen by her Giving her the illusion of alientation and isolation. He would watch her despair from the sidelines; an eternal observer. She was weakening, he could see that, even in her dreams. The vitality she possessed was getting dimmer and dimmer. Not noticeable at first but over time it would become more pronounced. He was used to this, it was to be expected. Their life for his. It was the way of things. He had never thought to question it.

  But as he watched her each night, scared and alone, he began to feel guilty for taking her this way. The guilt had begun to give way to anger; at himself more than anything else. He felt that he needed to talk to her, to make some sort of contact with her. It was stupid, he knew what could happen if he did this. Yet, he couldn’t stop himself. For the first time, it was he who lacked the control to stop himself. So he had started to show himself in the shadow. Letting her feel his presence.

  Then tonight he had spoken to her. He had allowed himself to touch her. Her skin called to him, and he couldn't ignore it. Why was this happening? Why was this time so different? What was it about Emily Hilbright that made it so hard for him to resist knowing her, discovering everything that made her, her?

  When she started to become too curious about him he knew he was walking a thin line. He had to stop it, knowing that if he didn’t, he would let her see him and then what would they be left with? But he hadn’t compelled the nightmare tonight and as a result he hadn’t fed. It didn’t matter tonight. He barely noticed the lack of sustainance. But he couldn't go on like this. He needed to feed. But the thing was he no longer wanted to do so at her expense.

  But he was in a precarious position. One without a solution but for the one he was bred for. Because once he had chosen a victim, he couldn’t move on until they were dead. He was the parasite, marking them, making them his. The bond was unbreakable.

  So he stayed until they took their last breath and then he would seek out the next one. This time had seemed no different at first and then something had changed. Now he had missed feeding for the first time in his entire creation.

  He made his way out of the dream space she had created. When she had left him, he felt something strange…he could only guess that it was sadness. Not ever having experienced it before, he was having a hard time understanding it. How could he be feeling anything? It was impossible.

  He gave himself a few moments to analyze this situation he had found himself in.

  Yes. It was sadness. And he was in serious trouble.

  Chapter 10

  “And over here is the “White House” named for its domed structure and column like formations. This particular formation was formed slowly over a thousand years.” Emily droned on, giving facts, answering questions. She was definitely on auto pilot today. It was Friday afternoon and Emily had tours scheduled all evening.

  “The water dripping from the cavern ceiling has worn a hole through the rock…” She was wracked with a sudden dry cough. She was feeling clammy and weak. She didn’t think she had a fever, yet. Emily somehow got through the rest of the tour. The group were very polite and generous with their tips.

  Despite the sleeping pills, she still felt like crap. The nightmares continued to be horrible. Though she had to be honest with herself, it was no longer just about the nightmares themselves; it was the constant presence that now invaded her sleep. Every night it was becoming more and more pronounced. And then a few nights ago, it, or he, or whatever it was had spoken to her. Her feelings about this were very confused. She knew it should scare the bejesus out of her and often it did. But there were moments when she felt something else…relief? She didn’t know, all she knew was that she was a very mixed up girl.

  “You should go home, seriously.” Ava handed her a bottle of water. Emily’s semi-good mood instantly disappeared. Most days she felt okay about her looks with her blonde hair and brown eyes. She was by no means vain but she knew she was pretty, when she wasn't exhausted and sick that is. However, these constant comments from everyone were seriously affecting her self esteem. “Do I have to have the same freaking conversation with everyone? I know I look horrible. I know I look tired. Can we drop it?” Emily practically shouted. She immediately felt bad. Ava was only showing concern and Emily had practically bitten her head off.

  Ava puffed up defensively. “Sorry, I won’t mention it again.” Her words were clipped and she moved away from Emily, going to stock more merchandise on the shelves. “Ava. Wait….” She began to go after her friend when the loud ding of the bell on the front door signaled that they had a customer.

  Emily moved toward the door. She slapped a smile on her face. A woman stood in front of the glass display case. Emily’s first thought was “Dear god, she must be freezing.” The woman was dressed in a thin, slip dress with tiny straps. More suitable for the middle of summer than an early October day when the temperature barely reached fifty degrees.

  The woman hadn’t turned around yet and it felt rude to interrupt her while she perused the items in the case. The woman seemed to be studying the crystals inside the display intently. Emily tried to be inconspicuous in her study of the woman. She had long black hair that curled around her waste, the kind of hair that should be on a shampoo commercial. Emily self consciously smoothed her own.

  Trying not to show her impatience she stood there calmly, trying to control the urge to tap her foot. Alright lady, figure out what you want and move on, Emily thought to herself. The woman turned suddenly and Emily found herself staring into the woman’s eyes. Purple. Like grape flavored Dymatap cough syrup. Weird, but that was the first thing that came to mind. Wait…purple? Where had she heard of purple eyes before? It was recently. But she suddenly couldn’t recall the twinge of memory.

  Several minutes seemed to tick by and neither of them said anything. ‘Okay this is getting awkward.’ Emily thought but she couldn’t will h
erself to speak. It felt as if her tongue were coated with lead. She saw Ava look at them with an expression that clearly indicated she thought Emily had lost her mind. All she knew was that she couldn’t stop looking at this strange and peculiar woman. She smiled at Emily. Not a nice smile, one that held something akin to malice.

  Emily began to feel hot; middle of August hot. She felt the tell tale trickles of sweat under her arms. Her face was flushed and she felt as if she were burning from the inside out. This was so much like her nightmares. She looked frantically around and realized with absolute clarity that this was not a dream. But the feeling was the same. She was panicking…was this a true psychotic break about to happen? Everything went into a tail spin and she began to fall. All the while, she was looking at her…this strange woman with the Dymatap eyes. ''I told you I'd be watching.'' a voice tickled her ear. The woman hadn't opened her mouth but Emily knew the words were hers.

  “Um, can I help you.” Kurt’s voice broke the spell. The woman looked annoyed. Emily stumbled backwards and ran into the glass display case. Kurt was obviously irritated. He clearly thought she wasn’t doing her job. Emily’s face flamed red. How embarrassing! She held her hands to her burning cheeks, wanting to disappear into the floor.

  The feeling of panic and terror disapated as fast as they appeared, almost as if they had never been. In fact, Emily began to wonder if she had imagined the whole thing.

  “Emily, please go handle the register.” Kurt actually put his hand on her elbow and steered her away. “Err, sorry Kurt. Sure.” Emily practically ran across the store. She needed to get out of there. When Kurt turned back to give his attention to the woman, she had disappeared. Emily looked around. She knew she hadn’t heard the bell on the door. Where the hell could she have gone? She felt a tingling start. A familiar sensation that spread all over her body. It put her on edge.

  “Emily, you really need to get a handle on your people skills.” Kurt said with annoyance before going back to his office. Emily felt like a complete and total idiot. Ava came up behind her and when she spoke, Emily nearly jumped out of her skin. “Woah girl. Chill out!” Ava put her hands up in mock surrender. “I’ll take over here, you need to go outside and get some air.” Ava was clearly over their earlier harsh words. Emily put a shaking hand to her forehead. “Where is that woman?” Ava looked over her shoulder and shrugged. “I guess she left. What is your deal?” Emily shook her head. “I think I will get some air. Be back in a few.”

  She went out the back door and sat down on the bench that was beside the door. It was ridiculously cold, and Emily wished she had grabbed her jacket. She could see her breath. Despite being somewhat uncomfortable by the temperature, the cold air really helped to clear her head. She was beginning to think she had imagined the whole being on fire thing. It was just too strange. And that woman probably left while she was talking to Kurt. There, end of story.

  She was able to put a logical spin on everything that had just happened. She had to, the alternative was that she was losing her mind. She hadn’t wanted to go there, but now that she was alone, she really began to wonder if she didn’t have some sort of undiagnosed mental illness. Maybe Dr. Hammond had been right and she was suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

  Emily had thrown out the therapists’ business card as soon as she had gotten home from the doctor’s office. Now she was thinking that was probably a stupid thing to do. Because when she was honest with herself, a mental issue was the only thing that made sense. The nightmares, the constant sense of paranoia, the shadows out of the corner of her eyes and the unexplained voices. It sounded like a classic case of the crazies to her.

  Her phone began to vibrate in her pocket. She pulled it out and looked at the number on the display…Sasha. She answered it, trying to speak around the lump in her throat. “Hey you. How’s work going?” Sasha’s voice was comfortingly normal on the other end. “Well, could be better.” Emily said with the only truth she felt okay to share. “I was thinking that I could come get you after work and you could spend the night here. Dad is working tonight and mom is out of town visiting grandma. I hate being in this big ole house alone and could really use the company. We can rent really horrrible B movies and eat inordinate amounts of junk food. It will be awesome.”

  Emily relaxed at the plan, knowing she wouldn't have to go home, lock herself in her room and wait for sleep tonight. “Sounds great. I get off at 7:00. Just wait for me around back.” “Okay, see ya then.” Emily hung up the phone and prepared to return to work.

  Chapter 11

  Emily looked through Halloween costumes. Pulling a few off the rack and putting them in the shopping cart. Tonight was Jeremy’s annual Halloween party and she and Sasha were at the mall, trying to pull something together that wasn’t completely lame. Which was proving difficult, considering everything had been picked over.

  Tonight, most of her senior class would be dressed up, getting drunk and acting like idiots. She didn’t really feel like going but she didn’t have it in her to hurt Jeremy’s feelings…again. Plus she had promised she would go and she wasn’t one to break a promise.

  “What do you think about this one?” Sasha held up a black swath of shiny material. “Sasha, Mistress of the Dark. You know I would look hot.” Sasha sashayed up and down the aisle of the costume store. They had driven to the mall two towns over to go to the huge Halloween store that set up shop during the month of October. Sasha was a ball of excitable energy. Emily was as always, less then thrilled. She hated parties, the crowds and noise. It just wasn’t her scene.

  “Can you at least pretend to be excited about Halloween. For me, please.” Sasha pleaded. Emily threw a frizzy blonde wig at her friend. “I’ll try…for you.” Sasha pulled one of the costumes out of the cart that Emily had placed there. “Medevial princess huh? Complete with heaving bosom.” Sasha threw it back in the cart.

  “Hmm, maybe I should put that one back. I don’t need any comments about my rack tonight.” Emily put the purple dress back on the shelf. “Oh come on, give the boys a little show. It’ll be the highlight of the evening” “Yeah, definitely not.” Emily moved towards the nun outfits.

  “So what did the doctor say? You haven’t told me yet and your appointment was days ago.” Sasha asked her. Emily had purposefully avoided the subject. “Not much to tell. Waiting on some test results, then maybe I’ll know something.” Emily said unconvincingly. “Did she at least give you something to sleep.” “Yeah, she gave me a prescription. I’ve taken them a few times, obviously they aren’t doing a whole heck of a lot.” Emily pulled at the skin below her eyes and poked her tongue out. Sasha snickered. “Well that kind of sucks. I’m sorry. I had hoped Dr. Hammond would help more.” Sasha told her seriously. Emily shrugged.

  Yeah, the nightmares were bad, that hadn’t changed. But the truth was she didn’t really dread them anymore. Not since…god it was crazy to admit it, even to herself. But that guy in her dreams. There was something so compelling about him and she liked the weird pull she had towards him. It was dark, it was exciting…and she had officially lost the last bit of her sanity.

  Emily knew it was nuts. To think of that person as someone real. She had dreamt him for god’s sake. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that she may see him again. How sad. Yep, she had just checked out of reality. There was no way she would tell Sasha about him though. She didn’t relish the fact of looking even more crazy than she already did.

  Emily picked up the nun costume and added it to Sasha’s pile. “A nun. Really?” Sasha looked at her incredulously. “Why? Am I not saintly enough?” Emily steepled her hands under her chin in feigned piousness. Sasha laughed. “Well it’s obvious hooking up tonight is not your priority.” “Because I have so many options. Blah.” Emily made a face. Sasha flipped her flaming red hair over her shoulder and held up a sexy devil’s outfit. “Well it is definitly my priority.” Emily chuckled. “Have at it girl! Channel your inner tramp.” Sasha exaggerated a pout and the girls w
ent to pay for their costumes.

  *******************

  “Emily! I’m so glad you could make it!” Jeremy answered the door of his parent’s ostentatious home. His dad was the vice president for a Human Resources Firm and his mother was a plastic surgeon. Despite his family’s massive amounts of money, Jeremy had stayed pretty grounded.

  The house was teaming with people. Jeremy’s parents always attended a Halloween gala in DC, leaving Jeremy to throw his now annual Halloween extravaganza. Jeremy was definitely a latch key kid. Though it seemed to work out well for him at least.

  “Wow Jer. How many people are here? It’s only 7:30. I didn’t think the party started until 8:00.” Emily looked at her watch to confirm the time. Jeremy moved aside and let Emily and Sasha in. “Hey Sash, get a load of your outfit. Nice.” Jeremy eyed Sasha appreciatively. “I know right? Look but don’t touch Jeremy.” They all laughed. Jeremy looked to Emily then. “Nun huh? Interesting.” His lips giving way to a grin. “Yes, but she’s not very saintly.” Sasha whispered towards Jeremy. “I don’t think she’s wearing anything under that getup.” Emily knew she wore a horrified expression. Sasha laughed devilishly.

  Jeremy had turned red and looked away from them. Emily elbowed Sasha. “Really…why don’t you just dig a hole for me to jump into?” She mumbled under her breath. Sasha continued to laugh. Emily thought Sasha got some perverse pleasure out of making other people uncomfortable. And poor Jeremy was an easy target.

  “Um, yeah, the party is supposed to start at 8:00, guess some people wanted to start the party early.” Jeremy shifted on his feet uncomfortably, completely changing the subject. “Go on out back. There’s food in the kitchen and a bunch of people out in the pool house.”