Seriously Messed Up: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy

by Luke Young

  “Why?”

  “Because I came to bed the other night, and my wife was reading one of her books. She read a chapter to me and then…” Leaning close to Brian, he whispered, “She gave me the best blowjob.”

  “Oh, I, uh… That’s—”

  “I’ll bet a woman who can write like that can really suck the lead off the pipe, if you know what I mean.” Smiling, Richard looked to him for a reply.

  “Well, she…” Brian gave him a distasteful look.

  “Oh, lighten up, Nash.”

  “I don’t feel comfortable talking about her like that.”

  Richard scoffed. “Alright, just thank her for me and tell her to keep writing. I could use the action.” After knocking twice on Brian’s desk in some misdirected show of power, he grinned and slipped away.

  Brian stared at the empty doorway, sickened that Jillian was in any way responsible for his horrible boss getting oral sex from his wife. His mind flashed to an image of his boss with his wife in bed, her reading Jillian’s book and him salivating while sporting an erection. Shuddering, he grabbed a folder.

  At 5:30 p.m., when Brian was almost finished with half of the files, he called Jillian to tell her he’d be late. When he was finally finished, two hours after everyone else had left, he turned out the light to his office, walked over to Richard’s office, and placed the files on his desk with a loan issues report attached. Smiling, he fantasized about throwing them on the floor and peeing all over them but decided against it.

  Returning home at just after 8:00 p.m., he found Jillian sitting in the great room, writing on her laptop. “You’re home. I saved dinner for you.”

  “I really need to get in a workout. It’s been almost a week. If I eat first, I won’t want to do it.”

  She put down the computer and went to him, wearing a sad expression. “They’re killing you down there.”

  He opened his arms to her, and she slipped between them. He hugged her tight. “I know.”

  “Maybe later, I’ll give you a rub.”

  “I could use one.” He sighed.

  Forty minutes later, Jillian was in the middle of writing an incredibly hot sex scene and feeling a little naughty. Placing the computer aside, she headed to the workout room.

  When she walked in, she found Brian shirtless and in the middle of a set of sit-ups. She gave him a sexy look and sat on the bench, grinning at him.

  After finishing the set, he said, “I just have one more.”

  “Did you already do your pull-ups?”

  “Yep.”

  She gave him a sad look. “Would you mind doing a few more?”

  “I already killed myself doing them. My, uh—”

  Flashing her eyes at him, she smiled. “But I love to watch you do those.”

  “Okay.” He gave her a tired look as he jumped up to grab the pull-up bar. He paused, hanging from the bar, and her eyes fixed on his glistening, pumped-up muscles. After exhaling, he pulled himself up then went back down. After he performed a second repetition, she headed over to him, placed her hand on his slightly sweaty chest, and slowly let it slip down to his bellybutton as he pulled himself up.

  He chuckled. “Have you been writing something dirty?”

  Her eyes locked on his as he slowly lowered himself. “Yeah.”

  “You touching me like that is making it a little difficult to concentrate.” At the bottom of the repetition, he held still, hanging by his arms.

  “How long do you think you could hang up there? I need to test out something for a chapter I’m writing.” She gave him an optimistic look.

  “I don’t know.” He smiled. “But I love book research.”

  Grinning, she put both hands on his chest, her mouth level with his abs. She gently kissed his stomach and moved her hands down to the waistband of his shorts, which she slowly pulled down.

  “Wow, this chapter is starting out strong.”

  She took hold of his flaccid penis, trailing kisses down his stomach as her mouth closed in on it. Watching her closely, he took in a deep breath. “I’m, uh, a little sweaty.”

  “I don’t care.”

  She lifted his penis and quickly pushed her mouth over it, swallowing half of his growing length.

  “Oh, shit,” he moaned.

  She moved her head up and down over his erection, bathing it between her lips, while it expanded to full size. Pulling her mouth off of him, she looked up to his face. “I like it when you’re a little dirty—just a little.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  He hung with his arm muscles straining and his legs dangling as she explored every inch of him, living out her book fantasy.

  After she finished with him, she took a step back, wearing a proud smile. Dropping to the floor, he reached for the wall to steady himself while moaning and panting.

  He glanced at her satisfied face and moved down to sit on the floor.

  “Pretty good, huh?” she asked.

  “Wow.” Glancing up at her in exhausted appreciation, he took a deep breath.

  “I guess that does work pretty well.”

  After blinking his eyes a few times, he smiled. “Hey, wasn’t I supposed to finish something I started earlier?”

  She looked at him, confused.

  After standing, he moved to her and swept her off her feet.

  “Oh, now I remember.”

  He carried her toward the door.

  She asked, “But aren’t you going to have dinner first?”

  “What’d you make?”

  “Meatloaf.”

  He frowned.

  “You don’t like my meatloaf? Everyone loves my meatloaf.”

  “I’m not going to answer that, but I will say that you could be serving up steak and lobster, and all I’d want to eat right now is your delicious pussy.”

  She grinned as they began moving up the stairs. After placing her gently on the bed, he unbuttoned her shorts.

  She asked, “You do hate my meatloaf, don’t you?” She lifted her hips, and he pulled her shorts away. Grabbing the bottom of her shirt, she pulled it over her head.

  He gazed at her green-and-white-striped boy short panties and asked breathlessly, “Uh, what’s the question?”

  “My meatloaf?” She waited for a reply, wearing a scornful expression.

  He didn’t look at her face as he guided her body to the edge of the bed while staring into her creamy thighs. “No, it’s, uh…” He moved his mouth down and began licking her through the cotton boy shorts.

  She melted with each brush of his tongue. After her eyes drifted blissfully closed, she fought to tear herself back from ecstasy. Glaring at him, she closed her thighs, driving him away from her parts.

  “Hey,” he groaned.

  “Answer the question!”

  Sighing, he looked her in the eye. “It’s not just yours. I can’t stand any meatloaf. Never could. Sorry.”

  Relaxing her legs, she smiled and pushed her panties off her hips. He took over from there, moving his mouth to her and gently licking her again. After a few seconds, he pulled back a foot and drank in the gorgeous sight of her. “But this, I like.” He slipped back down, closed his eyes, and got back to it.

  Tossing her head back, she opened her mouth wide and hung on for the ride.

  At the Blue Stone apartment complex, Rob stood speechless, holding a beer and gazing at the more than thirty gorgeous women in bathing suits as they partied around the pool. Gary stood next to him, and they both watched as an incredibly hot girl approached. Smiling, she sauntered past them; they turned to watch her walk away with her g-string bikini disappearing in the crack of her firm backside.

  “Holy shit,” Rob said. “He wasn’t kidding. What the hell is this place?”

  “I know—it’s like the Playboy Mansion or something, except there’s no ninety-year-old dude or washed up celebrities.”

  Rob just nodded as he took another sip of beer. “How long have you lived here?”

  “Two years.”

&nb
sp; “So, uh, you like living here?”

  Gary slowly turned to him, dumbfounded.

  “Okay, stupid question.” Rob scanned the entire pool area, trying to count the number of guys versus girls. He gave up counting the girls when he hit twenty but double-checked his male count and adjusted it down to twelve, and that included the two of them. “This is anything but a sausage fest.”

  Without looking away from the show, Gary nodded. “They have a weight room here with all the best equipment. You see what the girls wear out here?”

  “Yeah.”

  “They don’t wear much more. If you go down there, be sure you jerk off first.” Turning to him, Gary looked him in the eye. “I’m not joking.”

  Rob scoffed.

  “I’m serious.”

  “Okay.”

  Gary spotted a girl. “There’s Kara in that tiny white bikini.” He motioned toward her with his beer.

  After locating Kara, Rob drank in the vision of her gorgeous body. “You know her?”

  “Oh, yeah. You should see her roommate. Let me introduce you.”

  They headed over to Kara, both wearing huge smiles.

  Two hours later, Rob was sitting in Kara’s apartment on the sofa. The apartments were as modern and upscale as Steven had claimed.

  Kara returned with a beer for him and sat down next to him. “Do you think you’re going to take the job?”

  “I’m not sure yet. I’m certainly leaning toward it. Do you work for Wealth Stone?”

  “No, but Carl is a great guy.”

  “How do you know him?” He took a sip of beer.

  “He lives in the penthouse, and he personally interviews and approves all the tenants. Everyone who lives here is so nice, and the apartments are so cheap.”

  Smiling with purpose, she removed his already loosened tie. He stared at her, barely able to breathe. She still wore the tiny bikini, and his eyes traveled all over it as she expertly unbuttoned his shirt. She seemed really good at getting a guy undressed.

  “I, uh, heard you do a song out there. You have a great voice.”

  “Oh, thank you. I tried out for American Idol last year.” Slipping off the sofa, she moved between his spread legs. “I didn’t make it to Hollywood.”

  She suggestively ran her tongue around her lips, and he watched her do it without blinking. “You, uh, totally should have.”

  Placing her hands on his pants, she slowly stroked his growing penis.

  “Thanks.” She unbuckled his belt, unbuttoned his pants, and slowly pulled the two sides apart. He watched as the zipper opened one tooth at a time, almost in slow motion. Grasping the waistband of his boxer briefs, she pulled them over his confined manhood. His penis sprang free, and she gazed at it, visibly impressed.

  “I think you should take the job.”

  He stared at her, mesmerized, as she took hold of him and slowly lowered her mouth. When she closed her soft, wet lips around him, he gasped. Leaning comfortably back on the sofa, he simply watched her work.

  Another twenty-something beauty emerged from the back of the apartment wearing only a T-shirt. He looked at her, shocked, but didn’t move as she stood watching with a sexy smile.

  She said, “Mind if I hang out with you guys?”

  Kara turned to look at her. “Rob, this is my roommate, Ashley.”

  “Uh, nice to meet you,” he stammered.

  Ashley gave him a polite nod and moved closer. Smiling up at her, Kara slid over a little to make room. He spread his legs wider as Ashley knelt down beside her roommate. The two beauties grinned at him, and then tilted their heads to the side as they moved their lips together. They kissed sensually, their tongues exploring each other’s mouths. His own mouth was suddenly bone dry as he attempted to swallow and instead simply panted with his eyes glazing over. He watched as their lips remained together, their heads slowly lowering toward his towering erection. When they reached him, they parted their lips farther and sandwiched him between their warm, wet mouths.

  He watched them with his eyes opened nearly as wide as his mouth. Exhaling, he made some strange, barely audible gurgling sound. Never before had he been with two girls at the same time—not even close. He’d seen it in the movies, and it looked incredible, but this was indescribable. As he watched them slowly slide up and down, sharing his shaft, he thought, I am so taking this job.

  30

  The next day was Jim’s last full day before he had to return to Philadelphia and begin his summer class. He and Victoria slept late, and then they went out for lunch. At the restaurant, she went to the restroom while Jim studied the menu. As she returned to the table, Jim’s phone vibrated with the delivery of a text message. A tall, handsome bartender recognized Victoria and called her over. When she spotted him, her face lit up. Jim watched her for a moment, but when it was obvious that the conversation would be a long one, he opened the text. It was from Caroline and read:

  Call me when you’re back in Philly. Had a blast in AC…

  He read it with a smile and sent a quick reply. Returning his attention to Victoria, he realized he hadn’t thought about Caroline at all since he’d met the older woman. The girl that was on his mind from the moment they met in Atlantic City had completely disappeared from his thoughts when he laid eyes on this beautiful, mature woman. Was he falling in love with Victoria?

  Sure she was twice his age and lived a thousand miles away from where he went to school, but maybe they could make it work. He watched as she stood at the bar with a guy who looked way too much like a model. She brushed the hair from her face as the bartender briefly placed his hand over hers, and they shared a laugh. She seemed to be hanging on his every word. After realizing he was glaring at them, Jim fought to shake off the jealousy and smiled with some effort. A few moments later, Victoria made her way back to the table.

  “Sorry about that.”

  “Friend?”

  Victoria picked up the menu. “We went out a couple times. He just got back in town. So, what looks good?”

  He shrugged, disinterested. “I guess I’ll just have a burger.”

  “Me, too.”

  After they placed their order, the bartender stopped over and dropped off a piece of paper. “Here’s my new number. Call me.”

  Narrowing his eyes, Jim tried to read Victoria’s expression as she smiled at Superhunk before he returned to the bar.

  She turned her attention back to Jim. “Oh, sorry about that. He wants to catch up.”

  Jim frowned as he asked, “Were you guys close?”

  “No.” She paused, not caring for his expression all that much. “Is anything bothering you?”

  “Did you guys sleep together?”

  “Yes, we had sex. I’ve had a number of male friends over the years—some serious and some really casual. I feel like I’m being interrogated.”

  “I just thought—”

  Holding her head high, she said with just the slightest hint of irritation, “You just thought what? That we were boyfriend and girlfriend? That we would stay true to each other while a thousand miles apart and see each other maybe once every couple weeks?”

  “No. Well… maybe…” He took a deep breath. “I guess I’m sorta falling for you.”

  Sighing, she looked into his young, hopeful face and gave him a gentle smile. “I enjoy spending time with you, too, but I don’t think it can ever be anything more than this. When you’re in Miami, call me; we’ll definitely get together. And when I’m up north, I’ll come see you, but—”

  “I’ll definitely stop by on all my business trips to south Florida,” he said sarcastically.

  They sat in silence for a moment, him pushing his silverware around and her running her finger over her glass.

  “I just got a text from that girl I met in Atlantic City. She wants to see me again.” He blurted out then studied her reaction, hoping for a hint of jealousy—a frown, a grimace, anything. He got none of that.

  She simply smiled as she said, “Oh, that’s gr
eat. You really like her, don’t you?”

  He paused for a moment, flabbergasted. “I do, but that’s not the point. I, uh—”

  “What is the point?”

  “It doesn’t bother you at all that she wants to see me?”

  “No, I think you need to do what’s best for you. I wish you all the happiness in the world. How old is this girl?”

  “I think she’s twenty.”

  “She sounds like the perfect girl for you.”

  Exhaling, he rubbed his forehead, refusing to look at her.

  She grabbed his hand and leaned in. “Look, I know we had a great time together. If I were twenty years younger, you wouldn’t be able to keep me away from you. You’d need a restraining order. Go back to school and date the girl you’re actually in the same town with, rather than the one who’s fourteen states away. See what happens. I’m sure we’ll see each other again.”

  He forced himself to smile. “Sorry. You’re right. We agreed already, and I’m acting like a baby.”

  Grinning, she motioned for him to come closer. He did, and she whispered, “Let’s go home, skinny dip as soon as it gets dark, and have sex in the pool. Have you ever done it in a pool before?”

  He shook his head as blood headed to his lap.

  “It’s amazing.” She slid her hand slowly along his forearm. “Imagine me floating almost weightless in the warm water on your huge, perfect, hard cock.” Leaning back in her chair, she gave him a suggestive smile. Goosebumps shot out all over his body, and he spent the next few minutes imagining it.

  When they returned to Victoria’s house, Jim looked out the door to the pool to check if any houses had a clear view of the magic that would be happening later. Noticing a young guy wearing only a white Speedo and lounging on a chair by the pool, he rubbed his eyes and looked again to be sure. The visitor was lean, with wide shoulders and well-defined muscles. He looked like an Olympic athlete or something worse… a professional football player.

  “Victoria, do you know that guy?”

  She looked out. “I do.”

  She headed out to the pool with Jim right behind her.

  “Chase, what are you doing here?”