When he saw me in the doorway, he said, “You haven’t eaten anything all day. You gotta eat something.”
I went to him and hugged him. “Thank you for being here for me. I do need you.”
When I let him go, he smiled. “I need you, too.” Then he grit his teeth a little. He was kind of shaking, like he was nervous. Then he turned around and grabbed bread from the counter. “You like ham and Swiss with mayo and tomato, but no lettuce right?”
I smiled as I sat at the table. “How’d you know that?” It shocked me that he knew more about me that I thought.
He looked at me with a sly grin. “I know a lot about you.”
Then our song, “She’s Lost to Me,” came on the radio. Since we won the contest in Boston, our local rock station had been playing every song on the demo CD. I loved hearing us on the radio.
I looked up at Giovanni, who was smiling broadly. “Is she the reason you keep saying we shouldn’t be lovers?”
He sat down at the table. “No. She’s not.” He took my hands in his and looked me in the eyes. “She’s you,” he said softly. “I’m in love with you, Crystal. I have been for a long time.”
My mouth opened, but no words came out. Tears of joy started to fall down my cheeks.
He said, “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
“You didn’t. I love you too.” It felt good to finally say it. I still felt guilty about sleeping with Chad that morning.
He got up, pulled me out of the chair and held me tight. “Thank God. I was so scared you didn’t. I tried to tell you so many times.” He sighed and went on. “I’ll find a way to talk to Chad about it. I’ll ask him if he’d be mad if I started seeing you. Find out how he feels about it. But until then, we have to keep it a secret like we have been, OK?”
I felt very relieved. “OK.”
Then suddenly, he kissed me deeply. We put our arms around each other and the kisses got intense quickly. I felt his hard cock against me as he pressed his body against mine. But when he slid his hand under my top, I pushed him away.
“Don’t, please.” I felt fear from his touch for the first time.
He let me go. “I’m sorry. I should’ve known not to do that. It’s just…” He looked at me and cupped my chin in his hand. “I love you so much, I feel like my heart’s gonna explode. And I want you so bad, my fucking balls hurt. I’m sorry. I’ll control myself until you’re ready.”
After we ate, we watched a movie to pass the time. It was a really good action movie. But at one point, there was a scene where a guy attacked a girl. I grabbed Giovanni and looked away.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know about that.” He quickly turned it off and held me close as I cried, memories returning yet again.
I couldn’t stand being afraid anymore. I had never feared anything before. I was always very confident, independent, friendly, determined and willing to do anything to get our band ahead. But at that moment, I felt like it was all reversed, like I lost myself.
Giovanni held me as tightly as he could. “I’m so sorry this happened to you. You’re gonna be OK. I’ll be here for you.”
When my tears stopped, I looked up at him. “I’m gonna go get ready. We’ll just go to Chad’s early.” I pulled away from him wiping the tears from my eyes and cheeks.
Soon after getting dressed, I heard. “Wow, you look incredible, Crystal.” Giovanni waited for me to put down my lipstick then took one of my hands in his. “You look just as good in pants as a skirt. It covers your tattoo also. By the way, Chad and I are probably going to be annoying tonight. One of us is gonna be next to you at all times, for sure.”
CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE
We soon found Chad in his open garage, loading amplifiers into his van. When Chad looked up and saw me, he put down what was in his hands. Then he came to me, picked up my hand and spun me around, like we were dancing.
I laughed like crazy. Then I smiled at him as he looked me over.
“You got pants. You look amazing, Crystal. I like the new style.” He kissed my lips then went back to his work.
As I sat on a folding chair, I tried to figure out why sex with Chad that morning had been so different. It felt somewhat like it did with Giovanni, like Chad was in my heart. How can that be?
“Hey, Crystal, you all right?” Chad asked, pulling me out of my thoughts. He crouched down to my eye level and took my hands in his. Giovanni was outside talking to Chris, who had just shown up.
I looked up at him. “Yeah, this has just been a confusing 24 hours. I was thinking how unlike me I’ve been acting.” I started to whisper. “If I was in my right mind this morning, we wouldn’t have had sex. I know it was different, and I’m not sure why. But if I knew what happened to me, I would’ve pushed you away. Please don’t read anything into it.”
He squeezed my hands and quietly said, “You know, I was dreaming about making love to you. When I woke up, I was confused, but when you pleaded with me to do it again, I couldn’t stop myself. You know I love you. I’m sorry I couldn’t hold back.” He leaned close to me and whispered softly. “It was absolutely incredible. I never felt so good in my life. I wish I knew what changed.”
I smiled at the thought of my body shuddering so much hours earlier. It was still too hard to believe I had felt romantic love for Chad. Maybe I knew subconsciously that he had saved me. Maybe that was it. I had to make Chad believe it was nothing more.
I closed my eyes and then leaned close to Chad’s ear. “It was so good, I can still feel it.”
He pulled away and wore the widest smile I had ever seen. “One day you’ll love me back. I know it in my heart. I felt you respond to me, not what I was doing, this morning.” Then his expression turned serious. “Baby, did your boyfriend come check on you yet?”
“Uh, well, yeah.” I replied, forgetting I had to keep playing that game.
He frowned. “Did he or didn’t he? Does he know you went through hell last night?”
“He did. He was here. I swear he’s helping me through this. I’m just not ready for you to know who he is yet, OK?”
He sighed. “I’m just trying to protect you. Does Giovanni know him?”
Giovanni and Chris came into the garage and the conversation was dropped.
“Hey, Chad! Mark and Phil got a flat,” Giovanni said.
Chad left me and started to help Giovanni load his drums in his van.
Chris came over to me and got down to my level and picked up my hand. “Giovanni told me what happened. I’m sorry. How you doing?”
I looked into his hazel eyes. “I’m OK. Chad and Giovanni are taking good care of me.” I pushed away the feelings he begun to stir by mentioning it.
“Well, if you need anything, just ask.” Chris offered as he stood back up. He walked over to Chad and started to help him and Giovanni.
When we were on our way, I held Giovanni’s hand tightly. I was anxious about fans hitting on me that night. I wasn’t sure how I would react. I shuddered with fear.
Giovanni squeezed me. “You OK?”
“I’m nervous,” I replied. I leaned on his arm and let his hand go.
He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. “Me, Chad and Chris will be with you the whole night. Nothing will happen,” he reminded me. Then he quickly kissed my lips and whispered. “I love you. Once you get your bass in your hands, your fear’ll be gone.”
Then Phil added, “We’ll all be there for you.”
When we arrived, I got out and started walking to the club to check in with the manager. Giovanni grabbed my hand and stopped me before I got too far away.
“You ain’t going nowhere,” he said to me.
I looked at him. “I have to go tell them we’re here.” I wasn’t sure why he was so upset.
“No, you’re not leaving my side.” Giovanni replied. “There’s no way in hell I’m letting you go in there alone. Chris can do it. Right, Chris?”
Chris was walking towards us. “Yeah, that’s fine. I’ll do it.
”
Giovanni pulled me to him. “I’m never letting something happen to you again. I’m serious. One of us is gonna hold your hand all night unless you’re playing. Then we’ll still be watching out for you.”
I sighed, knowing it was better to be safe than sorry. They were only trying to protect me. I reluctantly complied with what he wanted and stood next to him as Mark and Phil helped him unload his drum set. Several times he reached out and touched me to make sure I was there.
Chris soon came back, “We go on in like a half hour or so. They’re running late today.” Mark, Chris, Phil and Giovanni started to bring instruments inside, while I stayed with Chad.
“Chad, I’m really anxious about this.” I admitted, feeling worse than earlier. “What if I freak out, or something?”
Chad picked up my hand and pulled me inside. “Come on. You need a drink to calm your nerves.”
He almost dragged me to the bar. He ordered us both a Kamikaze, something I had never tried before. When they were in front of us, Chad told me. “Drink it fast. It might burn going down.”
I did as he said and coughed after it was down. “Whew! I’ll be drunk if I have a few of those.”
Chad smiled at me and ordered two more. “No, you won’t. It just feels that way. But you shouldn’t have any more after this. Otherwise, you may not be able to play.”
After we drank the second round, Chad paid and pulled me by the hand to a back room. Giovanni was there along with everyone else. He put his arm around my shoulders and led me away from Chad.
“Have you been drinking?” Giovanni asked me.
I looked into his brown eyes and honestly answered, “Chad thought it would calm my nerves.” I smiled at him, feeling pretty good. “It’s starting to work.”
He guided me to another room that was empty. Then we kissed for a while, trying to hide it from the other guys. We held each other closely. His love helped my nerves as well.
Then he looked at me. “I’m gonna talk to Chad tomorrow about me and you.” He kissed me on the mouth strongly. “I think he will understand if I explain it the right way.”
Then he put his arms around me and kissed me again. This time with so much passion, my knees felt weak. I grasped his arms and kissed him back just as passionately. He moved his hand down and grabbed my ass and pulled my hips close to him. Then he started grinding his stiff cock against me.
“I want you so bad,” he whispered.
“What the hell!” Chad surprisingly shouted from behind me. “Get off of my baby!”
Giovanni let me go quickly. “I didn’t want you to see that,” he told Chad. “I’m sorry. I was gonna talk to you about it. I just didn’t get the chance to yet.”
I turned around and saw that Chad looked furious. But then his expression started to change. “So it was you all along, Giovanni?” Chad asked.
“Yeah,” Giovanni replied. “We didn’t think you could deal with it. Are you really pissed at me?”
Chad started to look sad. “No, man. I’m OK. I’m happy it’s you. I wondered how long it was gonna take for this to happen. At least I know you’ll treat her right.”
I could see by the look on Chad’s face he was anything but OK with it. He looked heartbroken. I went to him, hugged him and then whispered into his ear, “Are you sure? You don’t look happy about it.”
He pulled away and picked up my hands. “I’m happy when you are. It’s really OK. I can see how you feel about each other,” he assured me. Then he kissed my hands and gently pushed me towards Giovanni before he left us.
I wanted to run after him. I knew he was not even remotely happy for me. But then Giovanni took me in his arms again and slid both his hands over my ass cheeks.
“I can’t believe it’s finally over. I love you.” He kissed me again.
“I love you, too.”
“Giovanni, we have to get ready,” We heard Mark shout after a short while.
“Come on,” Giovanni urged me as he lightly smacked my bottom.
Then we walked to the other room where we had put all our stuff. I could hear that the band before us had just stopped playing. Giovanni and Mark started moving the drums into the hallway.
Chad came close and put his hand on my shoulder. “Are you ready to go out there, baby?”
I looked up at him. “I’m still nervous, but not like when I first got here. Chad, you’re really OK with me and Giovanni being together?”
“Later, baby. I don’t wanna talk about it now.”
I could feel his anger, but did as he asked. “I gotta pee,” I relayed.
He took my hand and led me to the side of the club where the ladies’ room was. I tried to let go of him as I pushed the door open but he held on tight. “You’re not going in there alone. I’m sorry, but I don’t trust anyone near you right now.”
He walked into the ladies’ room with me still clutching my hand. We got a few dirty looks from girls in there, but Chad didn’t care. He checked the stall first, before letting my hand go. It could have been a strange situation if the reason behind it wasn’t so terrifying.
With anyone else but Chad, I would be humiliated he was outside the door while I urinated. I was so glad at the moment that I had him in my life. When I was done, we walked to the stage where the guys were just finishing setting up.
Chad squeezed my hand. “Just relax. I’ll be right next to you. If you get scared, let me know.”
I took a deep breath and looked out at the packed house. I didn’t see the obsessed fan who attacked me, and I calmed a bit. There were a lot of guys there close to the stage. I was too afraid to go near them. As I put my bass guitar over my neck, one guy called out my name and waved, trying to get my attention. I looked at Chad. He was next to me quickly.
When the guy continued, Chad walked to the end of the stage. He leaned down and said something. Then he came back to me and relayed the message. “He just wanted you to know he likes your new style. I told him you weren’t feeling well.”
After doing soundchecks, Giovanni started us off and then we were playing “Sex Addict.” I really relaxed after we played “She’s Lost to Me,” knowing I was the girl. During the end, I sat on Giovanni’s lap and kissed him like usual.
When we were done, I was comfortable enough to sit down and talk to the guy who had been waving earlier. Chad crouched down and put his hand on my back as I did. The guy kissed my cheek and complimented my new look. I was shocked at myself that I didn’t freak out. But music was everything to me, and it always felt like I was in another world when we were playing.
Giovanni took my hand after that and walked with me near the bar while the other guys broke everything down and put it back in the vans. He got both of us a bottle of water.
“How’re your nerves?” he asked as he handed me one.
I took a drink, then smiled. “I’m fine. It wasn’t as bad as I expected.”
Chris called Giovanni from a few feet away. He pulled away from me a little, but didn’t let me go.
Then I heard. “Hey, Crystal, I’m Ian. Your new look is real sexy. Do you ever date fans?”
I felt my breathing start to quicken with fear. I couldn’t talk at all. I was afraid Ian was going to touch me, and I froze in place. He wasn’t doing anything that should have made me afraid of him, but I was paranoid that he was dangerous.
“Crystal?” Ian called to me when I didn’t answer him. He touched my arm and I jumped. I squeezed Giovanni’s hand which was behind my back. “Do you date fans? I was hoping to take you out sometime.”
Giovanni suddenly wrapped his arms around me from behind and replied for me. “Sorry, man, she’s taken. I’m dating her.”
“Oh,” Ian said, pulling away. “I didn’t mean to hit on your girl, Giovanni.” He walked away looking very disappointed.
I had started to shake and I fought the tears that were welling up. Giovanni turned me around and hugged me tightly. “It’s OK. I’m here. He wasn’t gonna hurt you.” He ran his hand up and
down my back. “I told you I wouldn’t let you go.” He kissed me on the lips and then he wiped away the tears that escaped down my cheeks. “Let’s go see if the guys are done yet and I’ll get you home.”
I nodded and let him guide me to the back room. Mark was carrying the last of our stuff out the door. Giovanni and I followed him.
Chad quickly came to me and picked up my other hand. “Why were you crying, Crystal? Did something happen, Giovanni?” He looked from one of us to the other until he got an answer.
Giovanni spoke up. “A guy asked her out, touched her arm and then she seemed to panic.” He pulled me back into his arms from behind.
Chad held onto my hand. “You did really good today, Crystal.” He complimented me. “And it’ll get better.” He caressed my face with his other hand. “We won’t let anyone hurt you again. I promise.” The love in his eyes was unmistakable as was his concern for me.
I felt better with both of them there. It was a bit weird with Giovanni holding me from behind and Chad so close in front of me. But they made me feel so safe standing there like that. I knew no-one could get to me through the two of them.
CHAPTER THIRTY SIX
“I’m gonna take a shower,” I said to Giovanni after we arrived home.
He leaned me up against the wall next to the bathroom. Then he held me tightly and kissed me with incredible need. He ran his hands up and down my body, but was careful where he touched me.
I felt his erection pressing against me and that started to turn me on. I had to close my eyes. I was so filled with desire. I could sense just how much he needed me to be OK with making love. But he still did not push the issue. He just kept to what we were doing.
When Giovanni finally let me go, we were both out of breath. “Go take your shower. Please,” he begged me. Then he walked away and went to his room. I heard him making sounds of obvious frustration.
I took a shower, feeling almost as frustrated as him. Then as soon as I was done, I peeked in his room. He was lying down on his bed with his hands over his face. He looked like he felt even worse and his cock was so hard, it looked like it was trying to break through his jeans.
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