Dirty Little Virgin: A Submissives’ Secrets Novel

by Michelle Love

  “You have nothing to apologize for, nothing,” he said fiercely. “I just should have figured out how I felt earlier. Isaac’s a good man, he is the one for you. I have to move on, I will move on and yes, I’m not losing you either. You are my family.”

  Sarah leaned over and kissed his cheek. “I do love you, you know.”

  Finn smiled and she was glad to see the smile reached his eyes. Only a trace of pain remained. “Love you too, shorty. Now…how about I give you a ride into the city?”

  Isaac was distracted when he pushed open the door to the apartment that evening. He dumped his bag in the hallway, scooped up some mail from the floor and was flipping through it as he walked into his living room. He didn’t see her until she spoke.

  “Isaac.”

  Sarah was standing in the middle of the room, her hands twisting nervously at the hem of her shirt, her dark hair tumbling down her shoulders, her dark eyes full of tears. Isaac dropped everything and went to her, pulling her to him and kissing her, pouring every ounce of his love into the embrace, feeling her soft lips part and respond to him then her hands on his chest pushing him away.

  “No, Isaac, don’t…please, I can’t...” she choked back a sob and his heart flipped, heartbreak and fear screaming through his body. He tried to touch her but she backed away.

  “What? What is it, love? Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

  Sarah started to sob in earnest and Isaac felt his heart go out to her, such was her distress. “Isaac, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”

  She was leaving him. God, no. Suddenly the big man felt his legs liquefying. “No…no, please, Sarah, don’t leave me, I love you so much.”

  She shook her head, trying to quell the tears. “No, it’s not that, I don’t want to leave you, not ever, but what I did…could you ever forgive me?”

  And then he knew. He stared at her, his expression shutting down. “You have to say it. Say the words, Sarah or I won’t believe it. Say it.” His voice was like ice.

  Sarah drew in a deep breath and when she looked into his eyes, he could see the bottomless grief in hers, the warm brown color, usually so alive and happy now sorrowful.

  “I slept with Dan. Last night.” Her voice was flat, dead. “It was a mistake, I was having a panic attack but it happened.”

  Isaac felt his heart crack wide open and then anger, rage, jealousy flooded his veins. Isaac turned and punched the wall. Hard. Sarah jumped, gave a small cry. She heard the cracking of bones, the tearing of skin. Isaac cursed, shaking out his hand. The door burst open and Isaac’s security guard stood in the door.

  “Sir?”

  “I’m fine. Go.”

  “Sir, I…”

  “Get out!” Isaac’s roar shook the windows, and, after shooting a concerned glance at a frozen Sarah, the guard left hurriedly. Isaac closed his eyes and breathed hard. The thought of Dan fucking Bailey putting his hands on her…he couldn”t, wouldn’t, believe that Sarah had been a willing partner to it.

  “Why?”

  “Isaac?”

  “Why were you upset?”

  Sarah hesitated then told him the whole story. Isaac listened, not looking at her. After she finished, there was another long silence.

  “So, you asked him to stop?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then it was rape.” He looked at her finally but she shook her head.

  “No. I could have tried harder, I was just so out of it and I was scared. It was over so quickly but, god…I feel sick to my stomach, Isaac. I would never cheat on you – it seems ridiculous to say that now.”

  “And you’re sure you heard this singing? Your mother singing?”

  “At the time but obviously…I think I’m losing it.”

  Isaac was silent then, his eyes closed, he said in a low, broken voice. “I want to forgive you, I do, because god knows, I’ve made mistakes but I keep seeing his hands on you, thinking about him inside you…god…”

  Sarah brushed tears away from her eyes. “I think I should go.”

  Isaac nodded slowly. “I think you should.”

  It was only after she’d closed the door quietly behind her that Isaac Quinn allowed himself to break.

  Sarah made it back to the house before she fell apart. She dropped her bag and slid down onto the floor against the front door. She dragged huge breaths in trying to alleviate the crushing grief. And failed.

  It was all over. Isaac would never look at her the same; they could never go back to what they had been.

  “Sarah?”

  Dan, obviously having come in the back door, stood in the doorway to the kitchen. She stared at him with hatred and scrambled to her feet. She pushed past him into the kitchen.

  “I’m just getting my things together, Dan. I have to leave, you understand that, right?”

  Dan was silent and she turned to face him. The moronic, knowing grin on his face made her shoulders tense, irritation mixed with dread.

  “You went to see him.”

  She narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you following me?”

  “Yes.”

  The blunt admission made her rock back. “What the fuck?”

  Dan stepped towards her. “I need to know where my wife is, right?”

  She was annoyed beyond fear now. “Dan, I am married to Isaac, not you anymore. You get that right or have you lost it completely?”

  “But he doesn’t want you anymore, Sarah. Not after you let me fuck you last night.”

  Sarah balled her hands into fists. “That was a mistake – how many times do you want me to say it?”

  “Don’t be silly, Sarah, there is no Isaac. We are married, we are happy – if we weren’t, what would be the point of living?”

  Oh god. The façade had dropped completely and now when she looked at him she saw only the madness, the murderous, terrifying madness.

  “You are insane,” she whispered.

  He smiled pleasantly at her. “Take your panties off.”

  “Dan, stop it.”

  “Take them…off.” He pressed his body against her. “Or shall I do it? C’mon Sarah. Let’s stop all the games.” He slid a hand between her legs, and she knocked it away.

  “Don’t touch me.” God, this was all she needed.

  Dan smiled at her, but it was not a friendly expression. He pinned her up against the counter.

  “No need to be silly now, Sarah. I know you want this as much as I do.”

  She closed her eyes, willed herself to block out her feelings. Get through this. What did it matter now anyway? Isaac was gone. She felt him tugging at her underwear and didn’t stop him. Gritting her teeth she opened her eyes and smiled at him.

  “You’re right. Of course, you’re right.”

  She kissed him, trying not to throw up as she did. He lifted her onto the counter, his hands all over her. Her hands trembling, she reached for his fly – and he stopped her. His eyes were alive with victory, his smile wide and mocking.

  “No. I don’t need your pity fuck, Sarah.”

  He stepped away from her, scooped her underwear from the floor and threw it at her. Humiliation swept over her as she realized what he was doing. She slid from the counter, balling up her underwear, shoving it in her pocket. She could feel her face burning and she heard him laugh softly. Bastard.

  She moved away from him, putting herself between him and the door. She pulled a small jewelry box out of her bag, put it on the table, and slid across to him. This morning, in the shower she’d felt the ruby, blood red at her throat and had to resist the urge to tug it off and throw it away.

  “I don’t want this.” She trailed off. Dan just stood there, watching her, reading her, smirking and a flash of annoyance ran through her. “Dan, you need to go. I can’t deal with…”

  In an instant he was beside her, his hand gripping her arm and as he stared down at her, she noticed he wasn’t blinking, his pupils pinpoints. Angry. She didn’t like where this was going at all.

  “Mmm,” he ran his lips d
own her throat, “you know something, Sarah?” His lips were at her ear and he whispered. “I could break you, baby girl.”

  Sarah groped blindly behind her, felt the solid wood of the knife block. Her fingers felt the cold steel of a chef’s knife and she pulled it free, ready to use it. Dan gave a low laugh and she felt his hand close over hers, gently take the weapon from her. Sarah was paralyzed with fear. Dan put the knife out of her reach.

  “Sarah, come on. If it came to a fight, is that blade more likely to end up in me…or you?” His voice was a seduction, a whisper. He reached out and ran a casual finger down her stomach. He pressed his index finger hard into her navel and Sarah’s stomach muscles contracted. She gasped, unable to stop the fear overwhelming her. He smiled slowly, cocked his head to the side.

  “Shall we see, Sarah? Shall we see who would win?” He reached out and took up the knife again. Sarah’s throat constricted, she couldn’t breathe. Dan leaned in and whispered into her ear. “Here comes the horror.”

  Suddenly she wasn’t frightened anymore but furious. Incandescent. Pissed as hell.

  “Do it,” she hissed in his face, “kill me. I’d rather take that knife over and over than ever let you touch me again. You are repulsive to me, Dan. You disgust me.”

  Dan’s eyes blazed and she suddenly felt the cool steel against the skin of her stomach. She didn’t back down. “Do it, you coward, finish this.” She pressed herself onto the knife, feeling the tip slice into her skin, a tiny rivulet of blood drip down her stomach. She was amazed how little the thought of dying bothered her now. She looked into the eyes of the man she had once loved and saw nothing but bloodlust. Time froze for a second then Dan laughed, tossed the knife away.

  “Desperate to pin those crimes on me, aren’t you? I must say,” and he pressed his body against hers. “The thought of driving that knife into you is quite tempting, but it’s just not the right time.”

  Sarah pushed him away and Dan laughed. “Dan, that’s enough. I want you to leave, leave this house, the island. I don’t want to see you, talk to you.”

  “I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere, Sarah. Not unless you come with me. You don’t honestly think I’m going to leave you here, do you?” Not alive. Unspoken words in the air.

  Anger, white hot, burning anger, overwhelmed any fear she had felt. She smiled mirthlessly, looking around at the house she had shared with this man. It had been their home. She had married him willingly – happily. That was another lifetime. She reached behind her and opened the door. “Goodbye, Dan.”

  “Sarah, wait.”

  Gritting her teeth, she turned back to face him and gasped. Dan was on top of her, making it impossible for her to move. She groaned in terror as he rammed his body against hers, burying his head in her hair. His teeth nipped painfully on her earlobe as he whispered in her ear.

  “You have no idea what I’m capable of, baby girl. But I promise you this, you’re going to find out.”

  Then, abruptly, he was gone. She moved, still half winded, and practically threw herself against the door and locked it. She darted around the house, making sure all of the windows and doors were locked and wondered how many times recently she had felt safe. Not many.

  It wasn’t until she was sure the place was secure that she gave into the shock, the fear, and the utter, utter relief of being free of him.

  At least she knew something for sure now. Dan wanted to kill her. He had made that clear – but not in any way she could prove. Damn it.

  Sarah lay on the floor of the kitchen, wanting to feel the slate tiles beneath her cool her body and calming her mind. Her plans, her life, her marriage were in tatters and now she knew, it was time to regroup.

  Pushing the thought of Isaac to the back of her mind, she went through the house methodically, scrubbing every trace of herself from it. She wanted out of that life for good. She knew she could stay with Molly until she figured out what to do. Maybe she’d leave the state for a while, go down to Portland or San Francisco.

  There wasn’t much of her stuff left – she was clearing some photos of her from the living room when she saw it, leaning against a dark corner of the room. Her portfolio from college – from the first failed attempt when she had been studying architecture.

  College. Her plans for her new start had been so far from her mind lately. She picked up the portfolio and opened it, smiling to herself at the sketches and diagrams. Maybe when this was all over, she’d get back on track, take up her place at college. She zipped up the portfolio again and then stopped. She reached into the corner and pulled out a cardboard tube. Pulling out the paper, she unfurled it across the top of the piano. It was the blueprint of the house. She looked it over, remembering why she loved architecture so much, the structure, the details of each corner and nook and…

  When the thought came to her, it hit her full force. Her body started to tremble and she ran into the kitchen, flicking on the lights to the basement and pulling open the door to her cupboard. Hesitating a second, she grabbed a flashlight and headed down the stairs. The basement itself was brightly lit and had a slight smell of damp. She rarely came down here but it wasn’t a dingy space. But she headed for the far wall and pulled the cupboard away from it.

  The door to the crawlspace was loose. She tugged it off and shone the flashlight into it, listening carefully. Nothing. She stepped into the partition. The house had crawlspaces in the walls, running all over the house. She and Dan had discussed blocking them up, for insulation more than anything but had never gotten around to it.

  Now she shone the flashlight around the space. It was wide enough for her, even wide enough for a large man like Dan. She was still shaking and the light danced along the dark wall. She moved through the passageways. It was in the space behind the living room she found it.

  A sleeping bag. Newspapers. An empty scotch bottle. She let out her breath in a rush, her heart thudding. Dan hadn’t been missing at all. His paranoia and controlling had been worse than she could ever have imagined. This was worse than she could even fathom.

  He’d been living in the walls of the house.

  Isaac pushed his way through the throng of reporters outside the apartment building and let out an annoyed growl as he finally managed to shake them off. He walked – he didn’t know where he was headed – but he just walked, the rain-slicked streets of Seattle mostly empty of people.

  Fuck. He shouldn’t have let Sarah go like that. Let her walk out of the door. It was just…the thought of her being screwed by Dan Bailey, that she’d gone along with it, even under those circumstances. She was scared of Dan, he reasoned, it would have been easier to go along with it, especially if she were upset or, as she thought, was drugged.

  Isaac stopped, realized he was down on the waterfront. He walked slowly along to one of the piers with seating and sat down. Twilight had fallen over the city and the restaurants along the boardwalk were getting full. Across the water he could see the lights of the island. Had she gone back there? He could call Molly but then, if Sarah hadn’t gone back, she’d be worried.

  Jesus, man, you’re a fucking billionaire, an expert businessman and yet you can’t figure this out. It’s easy. Forgive. Go get your girl and keep her safe. Isaac stood and went to the sidewalk to hail a cab. Just get this done. Stop fucking around.

  Go get her back and never let her go.

  Nausea screeched up inside her and Sarah swallowed, trying to stop from throwing up. Fear. Anger. Horror. The sheer violation of her private space, her life.

  “Motherfucker.” She whispered. She knelt and picked up the papers. Different dates, all over the past two years “Jesus. Jesus.”

  She clambered out of the crawlspace into the basement and moved swiftly around, gathering every flashlight, hurricane lamp, anything she could find that would light up the passageways. She moved through the space placing a light wherever she could. Then she went back into the main house and switched off every ceiling light, table lamp she’d put on earlier and stoo
d back. The evening had settled in now and it was pitch black.

  Except the thin streams of light that flowed from the peepholes Dan had drilled in every wall. They were all bored in such a way that a casual observer wouldn’t see them.

  Sarah, anger having completely overtaken any fear she felt, moved from room to room, the rage at the abuse of her privacy, every scenario Dan could have witnessed running through her mind. The kitchen where she spent the most of her time, the living room. The bathroom where she bathed, where she was at her most vulnerable. The bedroom where she and Isaac had made love all so many times. She went back into the bathroom and this time, she did throw up. Throwing the switches on around the house, she grabbed her phone and went back to the crawl spaces taking photos as best she could before lugging everything she’d found to the kitchen. Underneath the sleeping bag, she found a mp3 player and frowned. She scanned the walls and saw wires leading up to the wall behind her bedroom. She switched the mp3 player on, smiling grimly, already knowing what she was about to hear.

  I got the joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart…

  “Fucking motherfucking cocksucking asshole!” She screamed it now, her fury red hot. She started to kick at anything she could, blindly raging.

  Dan had deliberately tried to make her feel like she had been going crazy. Sarah shook her head, catching her breath. She wondered how far he’d gone. She knew the answer of course. Drawing in a great lungful of breath, she carried the rest of his camp to the kitchen. She pulled her cell phone from her pocket just as it rang. Finn.

  She told him everything she’d found and heard his angry hiss.

  “Darlin”, we’re on our way. Stay inside the house.”

  Isaac pulled the car off of the ferry and headed into town. As he pulled up to the Varsity he saw Finn’s police cruiser outside and inside, Molly and Finn stood, listening to whatever Sarah was saying. God, look at her. His stomach disappeared when suddenly Molly noticed his car and pointed it out to Sarah. She turned and their eyes locked. Like a robot, Isaac got out of the car and walked to the coffee house door, pushing it open. Sarah stood, and now he noticed, she was trembling. She didn’t move as he walked towards the trio. He nodded at Molly who smiled, and Finn, who nodded stiffly.