“For what? Why the fuck are you here Elsie, we’re about to have dinner,” sir said. I shook my head biting the inside of my cheek. I hadn’t been hit by him in years but I knew that if I was to tell him off he would for sure slap the taste out of my mouth.
“Because this is very important and it can’t wait. Mom please, can I talk to you? I have to tell you something,” I said looking at her. She smiled at me with the same smile that she gives millions of viewers on TV and knew that the real her was gone.
“What’s wrong sweetie and please stand up straight.”
“Mom…damn, can we at least pretend to love each other. Are you going to allow him to keep you away from your children? How could you carry us for months and not feel some sort of connection to us?” I asked. Sir took a step forward and she grabbed his arm. I looked around the room and found a butter knife on my mom’s plate. I grabbed it just in case I was going to have to stab him.
“You know what little bitch? I don’t want your dirty looking ass to come back here. All you do is cause drama. You married a thug that was killed in a fucking drive-by shooting and now you’re back with another thug and surely he’ll be dead soon too. We don’t wanna have to deal with the embarrassment when that happens so please distance yourself from us for good. You are not wanted here!” he yelled in a voice so deep that my mom and I both jumped. I stared at my mom waiting for her to take up for me…waiting for her to find her voice, but she didn’t say anything. How she turned out this way I had no idea. How she could love a man more than she loved her own children was beyond me. They were the sole reason why I was terrified of becoming a parent. How could I give my child love when I never had it? I wouldn’t even know what to do.
“I get it sir, I really do. You have finally gotten through to me. Just so you know, I get tattoos because I like the idea of covering up my skin. I feel dirty a lot of the time because my virginity was taken by a man that was supposed to protect me. Supposed to be my father. That’s why I get the tats. I hate my skin. I hate that it looks like this and sometimes I hate myself. I feel like if I would have looked different than maybe you wouldn’t have molested me. I came to tell you two that I have cervical cancer and that I might die. What I wanna say now though is that if I do. please don’t come to my funeral because I want people there that love me. I want people there that will miss me. My life has been all kinds of fucked up so I’m pretty sure death isn’t too far around the corner. Just know that even though you two never did anything but hurt me, all I ever wanted from y’all was love. That was it, but it’s too late now and I know that. I can feel it. I’ma die from this cancer and my time is running out on earth so I choose to spend it with people that love me. Goodbye,” I said and rushed out of the room. They didn’t stop me and for the first time in my life I really didn’t care.
****
Dear Inga. Well let me start off by saying that I used to hate you. I did not like how you just walked around like you was that deal and you were so judgmental, but over time I got to see the real you and that’s the Inga that I loved.
“Baby guess what?” Elijah asked walking into our bedroom. I closed my journal and looked up at him. He stopped smiling when he saw my face and walked over to me. “Why are you crying? What’s wrong?” he asked. I shook my head and smiled at him trying to block out the thoughts that were running through my head. It had been a week since I found out about my cancer and I was officially trying out chemotherapy. If my body didn’t take it well then I was have to get a hysterectomy.
“Nothing I’m good. What’s up?” Elijah sat next to me and wiped my tears away. He kissed me gently on the lips and looked me in the eyes.
“I love you Elsie. You know you can tell me anything right?” I looked at him and nodded.
“Yeah, what’s up?” Elijah stared at me for a moment.
“You sure you good?” He asked again.
“Yes baby, I’m fine,” I lied. Elijah nodded but I could tell he didn’t believe me.
“Baby that bitch was lying. That baby is not mine. Her uncle made her drop me off some money and every fucking thing. I swear the minute I can I’ma handle them motherfuckas for good. I took care of that nigga that beat you up but I wanna get that bitch too for putting us through all of this shit,” he said frowning. I touched the bottom of his dreads and smiled at him. I had just re-twisted his hair earlier and we had chilled out and watched old episodes of “Martin.” I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could, just in case none of the shit I did worked and I did die.
“That’s excellent news baby,” I said still thinking about my sickness and how it would affect him.
“Elsie what’s wrong? For the last week you been distant as hell. Even when you home you really not here. What’s up? Are you upset because I gotta go visit my kids this weekend?” I quickly shook my head. Hell, at this point even his ex-wife wasn’t a concern of mine. When you were fighting for your life, the things that used to matter really didn’t affect you the same way. I could care less what his ex was doing.
“No, of course not. I just haven’t been feeling good, but I’m okay now.” Elijah rubbed my stomach.
“Are you pregnant? That birth control shit is not 100%,” he said with hopeful eyes. If only he knew. I didn’t even know if I had nine months to live.
“Elijah you have kids. We’re good with them,” I replied. Elijah kissed me again and kissed me on the neck.
“I want children with you Elsie. I love my kids and I also would love the kids we have together. You gotta at least give me a kid that looks just like you. A spoiled ass little girl that’s going to spend up all my damn money,” he said chuckling. I laughed because my daughter would most definitely be a diva.
“Maybe, we’ll see,” I said not wanting to shoot him down when he was in such a good mood.
“Well I mean when? We been together for a while now baby. We need to make what we got official and then we need to start on this family.” I placed my arm over my eyes and sighed. Talks of marriage and babies broke my heart because I honestly didn’t know if I could give him that.
“Elijah… baby, now is not the right time. Can we please just be happy how we are? Why do we have to change something that isn’t messed up?”
“Because I wanna marry you that’s why,” he said snatching my arm away from my eyes. He put my journal on my nightstand and climbed on top of me. His big, dark hands removed my top and then my pants. He slid his hand into my underwear and my stomach turned. I shoved him and jumped up. I made it half way to the bathroom before I vomited up my breakfast. Elijah rushed over to me and carried me into the bathroom. I emptied out my stomach in the toilet and I started shaking. It was like my body was all of a sudden very cold. My doctor said that I would get sick but this shit was awful.
“Baby...” Elijah said as he cleaned me up with a warm wash rag. I shook so hard that my teeth started to chatter so he put me into the shower and together we sat under the shower head. I hugged his chest and started dry heaving again. “It’s okay baby…let it out,” he said as I spit on his shirt. He kissed my forehead and rocked me back and forth. Once he was for sure that I was finished, he took me out and took off his wet clothes. He carried me into the bedroom and dried me off before cleaning up the mess I made on the floor.
“Elsie you gotta tell me what’s wrong,” he said walking over to me with my silk robe. I slipped it on as he climbed into the bed naked. He pulled me to his chest and I closed my eyes. My heart started to beat so hard that I’m sure he could feel it.
“Elijah, I have cervical cancer.” I could feel him catch his breath.
“You what?”
“I have cervical cancer and I just started chemo. That’s why I’m so sick. If it doesn’t get rid of the cancer then I am going to have to have a hysterectomy,” I said holding in my tears. Elijah slowly slipped from under me and he walked out of the room. Seconds later I could hear the hallway mirror crashing to the floor.
“Fuck! Why!” he yelled. I s
lowly got up and walked out of the room. I found him leaning against the wall with his hands on his head. Our oval shaped mirror lay in pieces at the other end of our hallway. Elijah looked down at me with red rimmed eyes. “You can’t leave me. I can’t lose you,” he said and a single tear rolled down his face. I hugged him and his arms wrapped around my body.
“I don’t want to baby, I swear I don’t, but only God knows when it’s going to be my time.” Elijah sniffled and hugged me tighter.
“No I can’t lose you. I just got you back. You can’t die Elsie,” he said through a gritty voice. I cried into his chest nodding. I didn’t wanna die either but really neither of us had a say so in it, only God did.
Chapter Eleven
Hayden
“You sure you good?” I asked my cousin. He nodded as he blew smoke out of his mouth. I shrugged as I watched the door. Romelo sat to the left of me with his gun on his lap and his eyes on the fine bitch sitting on the floor tied up. A few of my niggas lined the wall in the spacious penthouse that took up the whole floor. A door handle turned and a smile slowly crept across my face. Marcos stepped through the door holding Louis Vuitton bags.
“Ginger why the fuck wasn’t you answering you phone?” he asked rushing to close the door and not paying attention to the fifteen niggas that sat inside of his crib. I sat on his glass and marble coffee table with my desert eagle on my lap.
“She was busy getting tied up,” I replied for his bitch. Marcos jumped and quickly turned around. He dropped his bags and pulled out his gun. What I like is that even though he was outnumbered like a motherfucka, he didn’t bitch up. He walked with a slight limp towards us. I raised my hand and all of my niggas pulled they gun out on him. His bitch that was tied up butt ass naked started to cry. She was blindfolded but I’m sure she knew what was going on when she heard them guns click. Marcos looked at me and shook his head.
“Nigga you must got a fucking death wish. Do you know what you doing?” he asked. “Since you brought this shit to my house you can believe Inga will be getting a visit from me. Should I visits Tegan’s sexy ass too? I always wanted to see what that pussy do,” he said smirking. I looked at him and laughed. This nigga.
“Nigga I wish you would. We both know that wouldn’t end well for you. I mean, look how easy it was to catch you slipping. If a nigga can run up in my crib, hogtie my bitch naked, and post up waiting for me to come home, then I need my ass whooped. Don’t let this face fool you boy I ain’t the one. You been asking niggas where I’m at so here I am. You running up on Elijah talking shit and acting like you about that life. Well here he go,” I said and pointed to Elijah. Elijah blew smoke out of his mouth as he looked at Marcos. Marcos sighed and looked at me.
“Hayden…let’s see how I can say this? I put you on, I put Aiden and Elijah on. What you’re not going to do is take my clients away from me when I made you. I told you that you could go to the Matins and that they would be the only niggas that I would allow you to cop from.” I frowned scooting towards the end of the table.
“Nigga, you ain’t gotta let me do a got damn thing! I don’t give a fuck who you are and who your father is! You see me nigga, do I look scared?” I asked him standing up. Marcos shook his head.
“No but you should be. You should be worried about who I am. I’m the nigga that could get your whole fucking family taken out. I’ll put an end to the Black legacy my nigga.” I looked at him and chuckled.
“Nigga you can’t even put an end to the nigga that popped you in the leg. Have you even taken a second to think about who I’m copping from now? Huh? Well let me tell you, she’s a bad ass bitch and when I told her that I had to meet with you because you were causing me problems, she asked me if she needed to make that trip to Dubai. You know what’s in Dubai right?” I asked him smiling. Marcos’ cocky ass grin washed off of his face.
“So you with Austyn, huh? When she get out?” he asked. Austyn was that bitch and to many people they considered her the Griselda Blanco of our time. To me she was just my baby cousin by default because she was married to my big cousin JahMeek. He put her on and together they took over a lot of the drug trade in America. They had movies about them along with documentaries. Word out on the street was that JahMeek was dead but we really didn’t know. He could have been dead or he could have been hiding out. What I did know was that he was number two on the FBI’s most wanted list. Austyn did ten years because they couldn’t get to him, but even locked down she was still supplying niggas and running shit. Now that she was out she was slowly showing her face again.
“Let’s get to talking about how we’re going to be cordial to each other without bloodshed. I didn’t wanna come in here and tie your bitch up but you made me do this. I didn’t have to say shit to you. I could have simply put the hit out but I’m trying to live my life the right way.”
“Bye tying up my baby momma? Nigga you got me fucked up. Austyn don’t fucking scare me. That bitch couldn’t even protect her own kids from getting got how the fuck is she going to handle the Yaasmin family?” The room got eerily quiet. If only this nigga knew how badly he had just fucked up.
“See Marcos, I like Marcio. He thinks before he speaks. Time in jail really did me good because the old me would have shot you and this bitch for even bringing up my kids. I guess since I’m a woman you still doubt me, even though I have way more bodies on me than you ever could. You were given everything that you have, even your connections. So to save you and your bitch’s life what are you willing to give me because that shit you said can’t be ignored? My king would roll over in his grave if he knew I let you pass for disrespecting our sons,” Austyn said stepping into the room. Every nigga except me and Elijah put their heads down out of respect for her. Austyn was beautiful. Everything about her screamed class and money. From her honey, brown skin down to her long ass, blonde and brown curly hair that she was known for. She looked so much like the singer Kelis they even rocked the same hair do. Marcos put his head down because even he knew to not look her in the eyes.
“Austyn…I apologize mami,” he said quietly. Austyn walked her 5’7” frame over to Marcos and slapped the shit out of him. She grabbed his face and made him look at her.
“Oh you gonna do more than apologize papi. Hayden you, Elijah and Romelo can go. This beef between you and the twins are over. I’ll take it from here. I need to show Marcos that he needs to think before he speaks. Tell your mom I said hello,” she said. I nodded and walked off, with Elijah and Romelo following behind me. As we approached the door I could hear GG tell Marcos to sit back and watch his bitch get fucked, and then she would consider letting them live. That was my cue to definitely get the fuck on.
Chapter Twelve
Harlow
“Hey Lee, what’s up?” Marcio asked as he walked into my building that was a few days away from being open for business. I looked back at him and sighed. I hadn’t seen Marcos since he had been shot. Marcio returned home and acted as if nothing had happened. I was thoroughly confused by what the hell was going on because I was expecting him to come home livid. I was expecting Marcos to be waiting on me as well, but none of that had happened. Marcos disappeared and Marcio acted as if everything was all good, so I just went with the flow.
I looked at what I used to call my good twin with a small smile on my face. He was taking a lot of trips and I couldn’t help but to wonder if he was spending some of that time with that reporter. Never had I ever questioned Marcio, but to see him have her around my kids opened my eyes. I think that he is a lot closer to her that he lets on and because I am so outdone with him and his brother, I don’t even care to look into the shit. That’s how you know you are ready to leave a man when you don’t even care if he’s cheating.
Marcio smiled at me and licked his nice full lips.
“You alright mami?” he asked. I nodded wrapping my arms around myself.
“I’m good…is everything okay and have you talked to Marcos?” I asked trying to see if Marcos had finally snit
ched on me.
“Everything’s good and Marcos needed to get away…for a while. He said that he needed a vacation so he’s down in Miami. I have the numbers you can reach him at if you want to give him a call,” he replied. I shook my head not wanting to do all of that. I just wanted to make sure he hadn’t told Marcio about Jaycion’s birthday party.
“No I’m good. I was just checking on him,” I said turning my back to him.
“I have a special day planned for us Lee,” he said walking up behind me. I flinched from his touch causing him to pull his big hands back from my waist. Jaycion was on my mind heavily but until I knew how to handle the twins, I chose only to talk to him over the phone. I didn’t wanna put him in harm’s way and I also needed to figure out what I was going to do about my marriage with Marcio.
“Damn so it’s like that now? That nigga got you feeling like you married the wrong man, huh?” Marcio asked with an attitude. I shook my head and turned to him. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel like Jaycion was the cause of all of our problems because he wasn’t.
“Marcio I’m with you not Jaycion. We both know that he isn’t an issue.” Marcio stared down at me for a second before nodding. I stared up into his eyes wanting to feel the rush that I felt with Jaycion. I wanted to feel that connection that I used to feel but nothing was there. On my end I felt nothing.
“I got something for you too Lee. Come with me mami,” he said grinning. I smiled at him and quickly locked up my building. Together we got into his newest car, a beautiful vintage Jaguar XJ13, and rode off. Marcio grabbed my hand as he drove and it all just felt so weird to me; I knew it was because my heart wasn’t in it. I couldn’t help but to think of Jaycion and wonder how it would be with him, but a huge part of me didn’t wanna give up on my family either. I didn’t wanna run just because things were hard. Jaycion wasn’t perfect. I knew he and I would have problems as well. I needed to really give Marcio a chance to see if we could make it work. I just hated how it felt like I was sentencing myself to prison by staying with him.
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