Burn Out

by Ruthi Kight

  When I got to the house, I was shocked to find his car sitting in the driveway. He was supposed to be at work, so what was he doing home? I slowed my pace, now hesitant to head inside. There went all of my plans for a day of relaxation and fun.

  Facing him was going to be so damn awkward. Shit! I would have rather put hot fucking pokers through my eyes than deal with him today. But I was no coward. Instead, I held my head high and walked right through the front door. My heart had been prepared to see him as soon as the door opened, but he wasn't there.

  With any luck, he was in his own room, hiding from me. I grabbed my bathing suit and went into the kitchen, looking for a place to change where I wouldn't be seen. If Liam was in his room then the bathroom was a no-go. I pulled the shades closed in the kitchen and huddled in the corner, farthest from the back door.

  Within minutes I was changed. No sooner had I pulled the straps on my shoulders, than Liam came bursting out of his bedroom, the door swinging noisily behind him. His clothes were rumpled from sleeping in them, and his hair was a mess, but damn. He was still fucking gorgeous. What was it about the guy that could turn my insides to goo in two seconds flat?

  “Oh, umm...hey. I didn't know you were home already,” he said, letting his eyes rake my body and the new bathing suit. If we had been in a cartoon, I'm pretty sure his eyes would have been bugging out of his head, accompanied by those obnoxious whistles and horns.

  “Yeah, Mike let me off early. I was, uh, about to head down to the beach.”

  He nodded and stepped back. “Oh okay. Well, have fun then. I'll just be, uh, here. Reading.” He held up the book in his hand that had escaped my notice.

  “More Simpsons?” I joked, hoping to ease the tension that threatened to suffocate us both. He laughed, but shook his head.

  “No, this one, it's a little more...modern. It's actually one of those self-published books. They're called Indies, or something like that.” He held the book out to me and I walked closer to get a good look.

  On the cover was a half-naked man, with a large tattoo covering half of his chest. Behind him, with her back to the camera, was a woman, in very little clothing as well. “The Lonely, huh? Is it any good?” The cover was hot, I had to give him that. If I had been a reader, I would have grabbed that one in a heartbeat.

  “The author put a warning with it online, so I'm pretty sure it's going to be good.” He shrugged, tucking the book under his arm. “I'll let you know how it is.”

  Suddenly, the situation wasn't as awkward as it had been, when he first barreled into the room. Not sure what had changed, but the air seemed clearer, more hospitable to breathing. “You feel like hitting the beach with me?” The words were out of my mouth before I could think it through.

  When he didn't answer right away, I immediately tried to backpedal. “I mean, you could read on the sand, or stay here. Or swim. Whatever. I mean...it was...shit.” I muttered the last word, desperate to crawl back into my hole. Again, my fucking cheeks were sure to be a dozen shades of red by this point.

  He laughed at me, and not one of those polite, I'm-only-laughing-so-you-won't-be-embarrassed laughs. He was truly, fucking laughing at me. The sound was like heaven to me, easing the tension that I was feeling throughout my body.

  “Laugh it up chuckles. You sure know how to make a girl choke on her words, don't you?” I asked, laughing along with him. Suddenly, his face was serious again, his eyes smoldering.

  “I'd much rather you were choking on something else.” I was shocked! The innuendo was obvious, but damn! That man sure knew how to make a bitch's panties drop with only a few fucking words. The ache between my thighs was back, clawing to be rid of the polyester that was currently keeping it from what it really craved.

  Why did he have to say shit like that? He knew that I was attracted to him, and he knew that I was fighting it. So why say that? “Liam...don't. We were doing so well...”

  “Really? How can you think that? I can feel the fucking electricity between us right now! It's there, regardless if you want to ignore it or not. But, if living in a delusion is what makes you happy, fine. I'll stop.” He was upset, but he didn't storm out. Instead, he opened his book and sat down at the little kitchen table.

  I grabbed a towel from the pile by the door and went down to the beach. The ocean was my escape. My soothing balm against the world. It was what was keeping me from going under. When the sea air hit my nostrils, I began to calm down. Liam had me flustered, but it was nothing the salty water in front of me couldn't handle.

  It would be okay. I knew it would. But I wasn't sure if Liam and I would be.

  ***

  The rest of the week was a blur of work and swimming. I was up before Liam and in bed before he came home. He had decided that avoiding me was the best way to ignore what was between us, but I couldn't blame him. If he hadn't been the one doing the ignoring, I knew that it would have been me. We were both too strung out on each other to be able to coexist peacefully.

  Mike and I settled into a nice routine and by the end of the week, he trusted me enough to run the place while he gave surfing lessons. That was huge, considering when I first got there I couldn't run shit by myself. I still screwed up a lot, but he was adamant that I was doing much better. It was a relief to finally be able to say that I wasn't a total screw up.

  “A couple of friends are dragging me to a bonfire on the beach tonight. You want to come?” he asked as we were cleaning up Friday afternoon.

  Just the thought of being around all of that fire had my heart racing and my skin crawling. I hadn't been on my medication since Liam bought them for me, but so far I had done really well. There had been no temptation either, so that was a plus. I wasn't sure if the bonfire would be a good idea, though. It was like putting heroine in front of a recovering junkie and expecting them to walk away, unscathed.

  “I'm not sure that's such a good idea, you know?” I played with the button on my shirt, avoiding looking him in the eye. He knew my history. We had talked about it, a little bit, but he had known most of it before I ever walked into his store.

  He shook his head and picked up a bag of trash by the door. “It's just a bonfire, Delia. Besides, I'll be there. I'll keep an eye on you. What do you say? Down for some fun?” He wiggled his eyebrows at me, forcing a laugh out of my mouth.

  How could I say no to that? “Okay, but just for a little while. I've got an early bedtime since my boss demands that I be at work at the ass crack of dawn.”

  “Sounds like a real asshat.”

  “Oh, he is. But I think I'll keep him. For now.”

  We went our separate ways, me promising him that I would be back that night for the bonfire, and him promising to have a talk with my boss. Mike always knew how to make me laugh, how to get me to just have some fun. Working for him was the best decision that I had made since coming back to the general population.

  Liam was home when I got there, but after a brief hello, I went to change in the bathroom. We were still mostly silent around each other, which seemed to work. The tension was gaining momentum though. It was as if every time we looked at each other, it added another brick of sexual frustration to the mix. Only one thing would relieve the ache, and I wasn't going down that road with him.

  When I came out, I had my bathing suit on under a white tee and shorts. The hot pink of the bathing suit was visible through the shirt, but it was the only clean shirt I had left. The thought of going to the Laundromat lingered in the back of my mind. I'd have to suck it up and go tomorrow, right after work.

  “Heading out for the night?” he asked. His eyes were glued to my chest and I could feel the heat from his gaze. It was like walking into a small group of people who were just talking about you. Awkward....

  “Yeah, going to a bonfire with Mike and his friends tonight.” I replied, shuffling back and forth on my sandal clad feet.

  He turned his whole body, facing me completely as he sat on the couch. “You sure that's a good idea?” His voice wa
s laced with concern, but instead of feeling grateful, all I could feel was resentment. That nagging bitch of an inner voice was foaming at the mouth with anger. She couldn't believe he would genuinely care. Me? I just tried to stay out of her way.

  “No, but Mike said he'd look out for me. Gotta start taking chances sometime, right?” I laughed it off and grabbed a hair tie. Raking my fingers through my hair, I pulled it back into a messy bun. The heat was stifling, so leaving it down was not an option. I would look like a drowned rat before the first hour was over.

  With a loud sigh, Liam stood up from the couch. He had that disapproving look on his face, the one usually reserved for overzealous parents. “Maybe I should come with you. Just in case.”

  “I'll be fine, Liam.” I started towards the door, but his hand on my arm stopped me in my tracks.

  “Then how 'bout this? I want to come with you. I want to spend time with you.” The look on his face was so endearing and sincere that I faltered. My conviction wavered and I finally nodded.

  “Fine, but just as friends. Got it?”

  “For now.”

  “Forever.”

  He smiled down at me and grabbed my hand, pulling me to the door. I knew I should have pulled away from him, but at that point, I was tired of fighting him. The feel of his hand in mine was like a drug. There was no way that I would ever get enough of it.

  ***

  For the first time since I started working at Mike's, I didn't have to walk to the shop. Liam offered to drive and I couldn't think of a single reason not to take him up on the offer. My feet had so many blisters from walking back and forth that it was a welcome reprieve. Sure, being that close to him was setting every nerve ending on fire, but it was worth it. Plus, he smelled really good tonight. So, there was that.

  It only took a few minutes to get there, not leaving me much sniffing time, but that was probably for the best. We parked in the surf shop parking lot and followed the glow of the bonfire down to the beach. They were set up not too far from the shop, so there was no way we were getting lost.

  As we walked, I felt Liam's hand brushing against mine. His fingers reached out a few times, caressing mine, but I didn't go full throttle with him. There would be no hand holding, no canoodling, no make-out sessions...nothing. We were just friends, dammit!

  When I spotted Mike by the fire I sped up to greet him. Being so close to Liam had set me on edge, so I was in need of a few minutes without him glued to my side. Plus, the keg was nearby, so there was that.

  “Hey! You made it!” yelled Mike as he threw his arm around my shoulder. “Really thought you were gonna flake on me.”

  “Nah, I told you I'd be here. But just so you know, I've got a tag-a-long.” I pointed at Liam, who was hovering on the outskirts of the party. He looked so uncomfortable and out of his element, but it was such a difference from his usual cocky attitude that I had to giggle. “Hope that's okay.”

  “Not a problem. The more the merrier. Help yourself to some beer and have a good time. Mingle. These are good people.”

  I thanked him and made my way over to the keg where a surf bum was dishing out red Solo cups of the golden liquid. “Two please.” I watched as he filled them and handed them to me.

  With only a few drops spilled, I made it over to Liam with the drinks. I thrust the cup into his hand and smiled. “Drink up. Maybe then you'll let loose and have a little fun.” With a wink, I walked away. I refused to stand around with him the entire night. Especially when there were so many new people all around. It was time that I did a little mingling, as Mike had suggested.

  As I made my rounds, the stares began to lessen in number. At first people watched me with a careful eye. I couldn't really blame them. Not only was I new to the group, but I was her. So I drank my beer and let it slide. For one night, I was going to ignore the stares and the whispers and just have some fun.

  Chapter Ten

  By midnight I could no longer feel my toes. Six cups of beer will do that to you, I guess. There was no anxiety pulsing through my body. No urges to spread flames all around me. For the first time, I truly felt free of all my problems. That is, until I stumbled into Liam's arms.

  “Whoa woman. I think you've had enough now,” he said, taking my almost empty cup from me. I wanted to protest, but there was no fucking way I could have. Yep, I was utterly shit faced. That should have been a yay moment...but instead, all I could feel were his arms around me, holding me up.

  “Why aren't you as drunk as me?” I asked, my tongue heavy in my mouth. My body slid down his, as his arms struggled to keep me upright. Failure was on the menu for us. We ended up on the ground, tangled with each other. Somehow...I found myself straddling his lap.

  “Well shit, if you wanted to ride me, all you had to do was ask.” I couldn't smell any alcohol on his breath, but that could have been because of my own dragon breath. I leaned in to him, sniffing his chest as his arms went around my waist. His fingers rested right above my ass, not quite touching, but still too far from where I really wanted them to be.

  With a little wiggle, I was able to feel just how much he was enjoying me being on his lap. “Well hello there,” I purred, running my fingers lightly up and down his chest.

  “You're fucking killing me right now. You're drunk, let's go home.” He tried to move me, but I held firm. I was enjoying myself far too much to stop.

  “But this is what you've been wanting. Me...on your lap...riding you like a fucking pony.” I leaned down and let my tongue run the length of his jaw, tasting his skin and loving the feel of his rough stubble.

  He shook his head and leaned back. “Not when you're drunk. Not when you will regret the shit in the morning.” He leaned forward and softly said, “I want you to remember how I feel inside of you. How wet you’re going to be. I want you screaming my fucking name.” He planted a firm kiss on my mouth, but when I tried to open up to him, he pulled away again. Fucking tease.

  If I hadn't already been horny as hell, his words would have sent me into a fucking tizzy. Dear lord, just hearing the words was bringing me close to coming. “Who says I won't remember tomorrow?” A giggle escaped, followed closely by a loud, and telling, hiccup. Shit...he was right. I was far too fucking drunk to even enjoy sex tonight.

  “Come on cowgirl. It's time to go.” He stood and pulled me to my feet, then swept them right out from under me. With my arms around his neck, and my ass firmly planted in his arms, we made our way to his car. My last coherent thought was how much I seriously wanted to lick him, from his head to his toes. After that...the night was a complete loss.

  ***

  “Ugh...my fucking head!” I moaned. The room was spinning and my head felt like it was about to explode. The light streaming in through the windows was too fucking bright. The previous night was a blur, except for one thing: I had propositioned Liam. No, that wasn’t going be awkward at all...fuck.

  I closed my eyes, hoping to block out the world around me. After a few minutes of silent pleas to the hangover gods, I heard the sound of snoring close by. My eyes popped open and I took a good, long look around. I wasn't in the living room. I was in a bed...with Liam!

  Oh shit! What had I done? Please...don't let me have really had sex with him. I was drunk. No idea what was spewing from my mouth. He wouldn't have taken advantage of that, would he?

  With a sharp poke to his bare ribs, I felt a small moment of glee when he shot straight up and fell off the side of the bed.

  “What the fuck?” he yelled when he popped up from the floor. The volume of his voice shot a startling pain through my head. I threw my hands over my ears and sunk back among the pillows. “Delia? Did you...poke me?”

  With a slow nod, careful not to jostle my pounding head, I admitted to the wake up poking. “You. Deserved. It.” I could barely get the words out. Even my teeth hurt. It was official. I was never drinking again. Period.

  When he stood up, I couldn't tear my eyes away. Shirtless, with his boxers barely hanging onto his hips
, there was nothing in the world that could have made me look away. The cut of his abs was fucking perfect, as well as the deep V that started right above his boxers.

  “Before you freak, no. We didn't do anything last night. You sure as shit tried, but one of us had to keep their dignity, you know?” He grinned at me as he stood on the other side of the bed. If he didn't put his clothes on, soon, I couldn't be held responsible for what would happen.

  “Put some clothes on, shit.” I groaned and closed my eyes. “We all get it. You have a fucking awesome body. Woo. Hoo.” I heard him laugh, but I refused to open my eyes and look at him again until he put a shirt and some pants on. It seemed he enjoyed torturing me with the one thing in the world that I wouldn’t let myself have.

  The sound of footsteps let me know he had left the room, but I couldn't find the strength to move. The spinning had subsided, but I wasn’t in the mood to test the condition or the boundaries of my stomach. A few minutes later he was back, nudging me with his hip.

  “Sit up. I have water and Tylenol.” I followed his orders, carefully sitting up. The water was blissful, sliding down my throat. I wanted to be greedy and gulp it down, but even I knew better than to do that. He slipped the pills onto my tongue and I swallowed them down. The intimacy of the move was new. It wasn't like the heated touches we had shared thus far. This was tender. Loving, almost.

  “I'll check on you in a little bit. Get some rest. Then I'm taking you out for lunch.” With a groan, and a growing queasiness, I laid back down on the bed. Sleeping it off sounded like a fan-fucking-tabulous idea. Sleep grabbed hold and made me its bitch. And I let it.

  ***

  “Get your lazy ass out of bed. The day is almost gone,” Liam said. When I opened my eyes, he was leaning over me, his hair wet from a shower. Thank God he was finally dressed.

  “Must you be so fucking obnoxious?” I asked, rolling over onto my side. The move put my face level with his crotch, which under normal circumstances would be uncomfortable, but I was feeling a little devious.