Until You Loved Me--A Novel

by Brenda Novak

  He hadn’t tripped her on purpose. He hadn’t even been awake. He had no right to be in her house to begin with, but she wasn’t going to quibble about that, since she or the baby might’ve died had he not been there. “I get it. I won’t say a word.”

  “Great.” He offered her a smile that somehow reminded her of when he’d pressed her up against the cab and kissed her.

  With effort, she dragged her eyes away from his handsome face.

  “So...what do you say about the ultrasound?” he asked as he went back to enjoying his burger. “Can I stay?” He lifted his right hand, burger and all. “I swear I won’t look at anything I’m not supposed to.”

  She didn’t get the chance to answer. The door opened and a man dressed in scrubs and a lab coat wheeled in a monitor and other equipment. “Hi, I’m Ed Tate,” he announced as he pushed the cart to the side of the bed opposite where Hudson was standing. “I’m a diagnostic medical sonographer—or ultrasound technician.”

  Someone must’ve warned Ed that Hudson King was with the patient he’d be working on, because he didn’t act shocked when he saw the Devils’ starting quarterback. He did, however, come off as a little starstruck when Hudson, once again setting his food aside, offered his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

  Ed’s face turned bright red. If he’d been hoping to pretend meeting Hudson King was no big deal, he’d failed. “Same here.”

  “So it’s time for the ultrasound, huh?” Hudson said.

  The technician, who’d been pumping Hudson’s hand, finally let go. “Um, yeah. Right. The ultrasound. Are you ready to see your baby?”

  Hudson sent Ellie a glance, begging her not to make him leave. “I am. Are you, El?”

  The shortened version of her name made it seem as if they were much closer than they were, but she supposed there wasn’t any harm in that. It wouldn’t be too difficult to maintain her modesty, not with the blankets she had at her disposal, so she didn’t really have a good reason to deny him. “I’m ready,” she said.

  * * *

  The ultrasound affected Hudson deeply, hit him much harder than simply hearing the heartbeat. Earlier, there’d been so many people in the room and so much chaos and activity as they’d hurried to get Ellie on an IV and check her vital signs that everything seemed to be happening at once. He’d heard the baby’s heartbeat, but he hadn’t been able to appreciate it. He’d been too afraid the baby would die and maybe Ellie would, too. That was how weak and sick she’d been.

  Hudson had felt relief, for sure, but this was an entirely different emotion. When the baby’s image came up on the screen, and the technician proceeded to point out the head, the arms, the legs and even the male parts that revealed the child’s sex, Hudson’s eyes began to burn. He’d never had any blood relatives. Didn’t know of one. No grandmother. No aunt or uncle. No cousins. Other than his teammates, who created a rather loose family, since trades or cuts often moved players around the country, he didn’t even have an adopted family he could call his own. Not the kind most people had. He’d been raised piecemeal by this or that adult. A teacher who tried to take an interest. A coach. For the first time, he was looking at his own flesh and blood. He’d finally be able to lay claim to someone on a much deeper level than feeling gratitude for a kindness, resentment at unkindness or, more often than not, contempt for sheer neglect.

  It was crazy to fall in love with someone so fast, but his heart seemed to latch onto this child immediately. And that frightened him. He had so little control over this situation. Almost everything that happened, at least in the first five to ten years, would depend on a woman who lived on the opposite coast, one he didn’t know very well, who’d nearly kicked him out of the room.

  “That’s a strong heartbeat.” Ed, the ultrasound technician, spoke as if Hudson should be proud. “You’ve got a future Heisman winner here.”

  Hudson heard what was said but the words didn’t penetrate, not enough to elicit a reply. He was going to have a son. That was all he could think about. When he’d first learned about the baby, it hadn’t felt real, but it was feeling real now, and instead of being filled with more of the anger that had sent him into a tirade at the motel, he was oddly...excited.

  He would probably never have known this feeling if the baby hadn’t been an accident. He’d been so busy avoiding romantic attachments, and was always so diligent about using birth control, that having a child hadn’t been all that likely. He hadn’t even realized he wanted one—until now.

  He cast a surreptitious glance at Ellie. She didn’t look back at him. She seemed to be transfixed by the monitor. But he was grateful to have a moment to observe her when she wasn’t paying attention to him. His baby’s mother was smart and attractive and seemed like a decent person. Maybe he should be glad she was the woman in this with him. Based on what he’d learned about her, he felt confident that she’d be a good mother.

  That acknowledgment made him feel even worse about how he’d treated her in the motel. He wanted to take her hand, to feel those thin fingers curl through his like they had that night at Envy. He had no idea what they might be to each other—if they’d like or hate each other in the end—but, for better or worse, they were taking this journey together.

  He was tempted to tell her how awed, overwhelmed and frightened he was, in case she was feeling the same. He thought it might encourage her to hear that she wasn’t alone. But he didn’t know how to say those words. And he didn’t think she’d welcome any contact.

  “Did you already know it was a boy?” Ed asked.

  Hudson opened his mouth to respond. He’d guessed, thanks to the colors in the nursery Ellie was preparing at her house. But he couldn’t get a response past the gigantic lump in his throat. He was going to have a lifelong connection to another human being, unlike any he’d ever had before...

  Ellie interjected that she’d had an ultrasound a couple of weeks ago and had been told the baby was a boy, but when Hudson didn’t chime in to show surprise or happiness or anything, a curious expression came over Ed’s face, making it clear that it was Hudson’s response Ed had hoped to solicit.

  An awkward silence ensued as the ultrasound technician looked up at him expectantly.

  “Hudson? Are you okay?” Ellie asked, once again attempting to fill the gap.

  He couldn’t answer. It was the craziest thing he’d ever experienced, but he felt as if he was going to burst into tears.

  To avoid the embarrassment, he walked out.

  13

  After the ultrasound technician left, Ellie glanced over at her rolling tray, which had been shoved into the corner. Hudson’s food was still there; he hadn’t eaten much. By now it would be cold. Where had he gone? Even more pertinent—was he coming back? Perhaps the ultrasound had been too much for him. It was possible he’d decided he didn’t want any part of having a baby, after all.

  She didn’t have time to wonder about that for long because several of her friends from the BDC came bustling into the room on the heels of the departing technician. Her boss, Dr. Carolyn Towers, walked in first, followed by Ned Pond, an associate who worked in immunology with her, Linda Staley, the receptionist at the BDC, and Dick and Diane DeVry from the foundation.

  “I can’t believe you’re in the hospital! Are you okay?” Carolyn asked with a sympathetic frown. She was wearing her customary black pencil skirt and blouse. Although she had to be approaching sixty, she wore high heels almost every day and looked ten years younger.

  “I am now,” Ellie said. “Yesterday, however, wasn’t so good.”

  Diane, who had her thick, sandy-colored hair piled up in a messy bun, pulled the rolling tray closer to the bed and put a vase of tiger lilies next to Hudson’s sack of abandoned burgers and fries. “I hope the baby’s okay. Have you heard anything?”

  “I just had an ultrasound. He’s fine.”


  “He?” they echoed as a group.

  She’d been so rattled by the odd way Hudson had reacted to seeing the baby that she hadn’t been thinking when she spoke. “Whoops! I guess I let that out a little early. I was planning to do a gender-reveal party when I had the chance but...that won’t be necessary now.”

  “A boy.” Linda, who was shorter and heavier than Ellie, as well as twenty years older, smiled dreamily. “You’re going to love being a mother.”

  Ellie had no way of knowing if that would be true, but there was no going back, so she hoped Linda was right.

  “What made you sick?” Diane tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

  “The flu,” Ellie told them. “Knocked me flat. I got dehydrated, needed fluids. I rarely get sick, but this virus really kicked my butt.”

  Her boss arched one delicate eyebrow. “You’ve been under a lot of stress.”

  Which compromised the immune system. She knew what Dr. Towers meant by that comment and couldn’t argue. First she’d caught her fiancé in bed with his best friend from college. Then she’d gotten pregnant from a chance encounter with a man she thought she’d never see again. Recognizing Hudson—playing in the Super Bowl, no less—hadn’t helped, because she’d been faced with yet more shock and uncertainty.

  “How kind of Hudson to look after you,” Linda said. “I about died when I called to see why you hadn’t made it to work and he picked up. When he told me who he was, I wouldn’t believe it at first.”

  “Several people have tried your cell since, hoping to get to talk to him,” Diane added with a chuckle.

  “And?” Ellie asked. “Did he ever answer again?”

  “Don’t think so,” Diane replied.

  “So...where is he?” Dick put his arm around his wife’s shoulders. “Did he go back to California?”

  No doubt Dick, who loved all sports, was anxious to meet him. “Not yet,” Ellie replied, although she supposed he could’ve gone home. He didn’t explain where he was going when he left. He’d simply walked out, leaving her and Ed, the technician, to stare blankly at each other.

  Dr. Towers lowered her voice. “I’m sorry you’re in such a difficult situation. What with the father of your baby living across the country and...and with him being who he is, I’m sure it hasn’t been easy.”

  “No,” she admitted.

  “I hate to make light of the situation, but there’s got to be worse things than having Hudson King’s baby.” Linda grinned as if she wouldn’t mind trading places.

  “Maybe so,” Ellie told her. “But this isn’t anything I would’ve asked for. As far as I’m concerned, Hudson’s popularity only complicates the problem.”

  “At least he has the money to help with child support.” Dick was clearly in awe of Hudson’s fame and fortune, but Ellie preferred having control over her child’s life to money. The more Hudson “helped out,” the more say he’d expect in how their son was raised.

  “I avoid the spotlight,” she explained. “Don’t want to be pulled into any of that.”

  Ned, who was about ten years younger than Linda but married with two kids he’d had late in life, jostled around the others to get closer. “Have you and Hudson been able to work anything out? Does he plan to be part of the baby’s life?”

  Ellie shook her head. “I can’t imagine he will. Not in any meaningful way. As Dr. Towers said, he lives across the country.”

  Diane peered at her more closely. “But you don’t know yet...”

  “No.” Saying that Hudson wouldn’t be involved was only wishful thinking. The thought of sending her child so far away, over and over again, made her nervous. And what would happen as their son got older? Would he prefer his father, given everything Hudson could provide, including access to such an elite world?

  She’d feel more comfortable if she was having a girl. “We were just starting to talk about it when I got sick.” Perhaps it was euphemistic to describe what’d happened between them so far in such amicable terms, but she didn’t see any reason to reveal that she’d argued with him in California and tripped over him when she returned to Miami.

  “Is there any chance you’d consider giving the baby up for adoption?” Ned asked.

  Ellie scowled. “You’re not looking for another child, are you?”

  “No, two’s enough for us,” he replied with an eye roll that suggested two was actually more than enough. “I heard Don say something about it. Know he’s hoping you will.”

  “Don’s not going to get his hands on this baby,” she told them.

  “Didn’t think so,” Dr. Towers said, and the conversation moved on to what was going on at work, when Ellie might get out of the hospital and return to the BDC, when she’d take maternity leave and whether they’d ever get to meet Hudson.

  “I wouldn’t count on meeting him,” she told them. “We’ll have an arrangement of some sort, but I doubt he’ll be coming to our Christmas parties or anything like that.”

  They laughed, said it was too bad and probably would’ve visited with her a little longer, but Don and Leo showed up, and their appearance threw a damper on what had been an enjoyable chat.

  “Whoa! The whole gang’s here—or most of it,” Don said. “Why didn’t you say anything to me and Leo? We would’ve come with you. Just because Ellie and I have a little...history doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.”

  Dick, Ned, Linda, Diane and Dr. Towers glanced uncomfortably at each other. Ellie had more than “a little history” with Don and Leo, and that history had been far too recent to treat it so casually. They hadn’t been included because the others had rightly guessed she wouldn’t want Don near her, but no one seemed eager to challenge his statement. “We didn’t see you when we were talking about it,” Diane mumbled.

  “And we weren’t planning to stay for long,” Ned chimed in.

  “Matter of fact, we were just on our way out,” Dr. Towers added.

  Although it wasn’t the smoothest of exits, they said their goodbyes and managed to squeeze past Don and Leo, but Ellie wasn’t happy to see them go. Now she was alone with her ex and his lover.

  * * *

  When Hudson heard voices, he paused outside Ellie’s room. He expected to identify the men as doctors or nurses, but he soon figured out that they weren’t.

  “It’s because you’re holding a grudge. Otherwise, you’d see the sense in this.”

  “I said no, Don. I’m not interested.” This came from Ellie.

  “How can you be so sure?” Don asked.

  “Because I’ve already made the decision.”

  “You’re going to raise the baby alone.” This voice belonged to someone other than Don, a second male.

  “Yes.” Ellie again. “And there’s nothing wrong with that. I plan to do everything I can to be a good mother.”

  “Why tackle this by yourself when Leo and I would like to help? We can give this child two parents. And we’d never restrict you from seeing the baby. You could be a big part of his life.”

  Ellie began to sound exasperated. “I appreciate that, but like I said, I’m not interested.”

  Hudson almost walked in then, but the way Don lowered his voice made him pause again.

  “You must’ve figured out by now that Hudson King’s never going to take an interest. He probably has illegitimate children scattered across the US.”

  “You don’t even know Hudson!”

  Hudson was more than a little surprised that Ellie would stand up for him.

  “You’re naive if you think different,” Don continued. “It was a one-night stand, Ellie. You’ve admitted as much.”

  “Please, I’m not feeling well,” she said. “Can you go so I can get some rest?”

  “Ellie, just let me say one thing.” This was the second male again—Leo. “I�
��ve been trying to let Don handle this. I understand that you can’t feel too good toward me, but—”

  “You think I feel any better toward him?” Ellie broke in.

  “I’m trying to apologize! I’m sorry for the pain we put you through, but don’t let that make you miss a great opportunity.”

  “Since when did a baby become an opportunity?” she cried.

  “Since you got pregnant with Hudson King’s child!” This came from Leo, too—and made Hudson stiffen in anger. “Do you know how many baby-hungry parents would be eager to adopt his son? How much you could get for a baby with those genes?”

  “Stop talking about money!” she snapped. “You’re upsetting me.”

  “Leo, let me handle this,” Don said. “What Leo means to say is that you might make a lot of money, but you’d never know how the child’s being treated if you go in that direction. You wouldn’t be part of the child’s life. But if you go with us, you’ll make the $80,000 we would’ve paid for a surrogate and an attorney and you’d get to watch the child grow up. It would almost be like...the three of us had a child.”

  Hudson couldn’t tolerate any more. Shoving a hand through his hair in one final attempt to get it to lie down, he strode into the room. “Hey,” he said when Ellie’s guests turned to gape at him.

  After setting the last of his milkshake on the tray—he’d gone to eat, since he hadn’t had the chance to finish his burgers before the ultrasound—he held out his hand. “I’m Hudson King.”

  A slender man, several inches shorter with hair dyed black and styled like Elvis Presley’s, reached out to shake with him. “Don White.”

  “Ellie’s ex-fiancé.” Hudson couldn’t help squeezing his hand a little tighter than normal.

  Ellie spoke up. “Yes. And this is his partner, Leo Stubner.”