Fading Memories

by A. M. Willard

  “Thanks, but I could’ve done this,” I say, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

  “We know, but we still need to get the girls and this will move us along a little faster,” Joseph says as he hands Dakota another one of my bags.

  “What do you mean, we?”

  They both stop and stare at me like horns have grown from the top of my head. I’m not sure if the two of them are ignoring me or have decided not to answer the question.

  “He’s not going with us,” I say, my eyes glaring a hole through Dakota.

  “I invited him, he’s going.”

  “Come on, little lady, how fun will it be for us all to experience the woods together? You know if you get scared, I’ll protect you,” Dakota says and gives me a wink.

  “All right, that’s everything. Load up and let’s get the rest of the crew.”

  I choose to pout and not respond as I jump into the back seat of his Ford. When I buckle up, my arms immediately cross back over my chest. I admit the pouting is not becoming, but I wanted it to just be my friends. Why Joseph decided to invite him and not let me know is beyond my state of thinking right now. This was going to be a Dakota-free zone, one where I could just relax and not think of all the ways I want him to touch my body. Hell, I don’t even have to think about it, my body just tingles by itself.

  When we get to Leah’s, Joseph jumps out to help her, leaving us in the quiet vehicle alone. Dakota turns halfway around to say, “You look gorgeous today, just thought I’d say it now since I didn’t when you walked out of the house.”

  I drag my teeth over my bottom lip and bite down on it to keep myself from being a smartass to him this morning. If I ignore him, it’s like he’s not here. Yeah right, maybe if that motto plays over and over again, my body might believe me. When I walked out of the house this morning and watched the muscles in his arms flex as he lifted up the cooler, I had to calm myself. This is what happens when he moves, breathes, or speaks. I lose all functions, it’s like a magnet within his body pulling me to it. Let’s not even mention his voice and the demanding way he is with me. As much as it pisses me off, it’s a complete turn on for me. He doesn’t treat me like I’m a china doll, Dakota is straightforward with everything he wants and desires from me. The only problem is I don’t know how to stop fighting him. This weekend was going to give me the time to clear my head and figure my shit out. By the time I returned home from camping, I was going to know exactly what I wanted. Even though I already know the answer to that question, it makes me feel better to know that I made a mental checklist of pros and cons.

  Lost in my head, I don’t notice when Leah slides in next to me, until Joseph slams his door and startles me.

  “Morning sweet cheeks,” she says with an enormous smile.

  “Morning,” I grumble.

  “Oh my, we’re a grumpy one today.”

  “No, I just … I’m aggravated.”

  “Join the club, sister, because that ass in the driver seat is already on my last nerve. You do realize this is going to be a long trip?”

  “Tell me about it,” I say under my breath, but Leah hears it and lets out a chuckle.

  Joseph turns on the radio to drown out the silence while we drive to pick up Kelsey. As we get closer to her house, I wonder if she’s aware of the extra person crashing our trip. The truck is barely in park before I jump out of the back and dash toward her front door. Just as I go to knock, she opens it and I’m greeted with her huge smile. It’s also the one she gives me when she’s up to no good or has done something that needs forgiving.

  “You did put him up to this, didn’t you?”

  “Good morning. I have no idea what you are speaking of.”

  “Don’t play coy with me, lady. I’m watching you and just know I see your tricks coming a mile away.”

  “You might, but you didn’t see this one. Now help me with my bags,” she says as she grabs two from the floor and walks right past me. Kelsey admitted to it but has no shame in the fact that she’s playing matchmaker. This is something they need to butt out of and let me figure out on my own. Why can’t they see that this is my choice, not theirs? I’m the only one who knows if my heart is ready to try this, not them.

  I toss her bags over the tailgate, slide right past her, and get back to my seat. “You are in the middle, Leah. I’m not sitting next to her right now.”

  “Here we go,” Joseph mumbles from the front, which earns him three sets of eyes glaring at him.

  “Dakota, welcome to my world. These girls have been a pain in my ass from day one.”

  “I’ll show you a pain in the ass,” Leah says. “Keep it up, mister, and I’ll hide the rods to your tent.” She lets out a huge sigh.

  “Dakota, remind me to never piss you off. I’ve never seen a shiner like the one Peter’s sporting this morning. Must have been one hell of a punch.”

  “Don’t mess with my girl, and you’ll be just fine.”

  My eyes bug out of their sockets, but I bite my tongue. I know if I respond, it will only get more of a rise out of him. I cut my eyes around the cab of the truck, and both Kelsey and Leah have smiles on their faces as they look in my direction. Joseph, on the other hand, just laughs it off—and here I thought he had my back like a brother. Seems to me that all my friends have turned against me and plan to make this the longest weekend of my life.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  THE CAMP SITE’S ORGANIZED, tents have been erected, and everyone other than me and Dakota has left to gather up some firewood. So far, I’ve done an excellent job of ignoring him, but with the way his eyes are boring through me, he’s making it hard. Both of the girls have denied any part in this, which leaves the blame on Joseph. I understand the need for him to have another male around or the three of us would drive him nutty. Would’ve been nice of him to warn me first. I was ready to high-tail it out of my house first thing just to escape his presence, now I have the whole weekend with him. Being the better person, I turn toward him to make sure he’s all settled in, and start small talk.

  “Do you like camping?”

  “Pretty much, it’s different here than it is at home. Seems to have more bugs here than I’m used to.”

  As he talks about the bugs, I know immediately he’s not used to the sand gnats here. They are the biggest pests, but I have the cure. I toss over a bottle of my homemade formula that consists of rosemary, lemongrass, coconut, and lavender oils. “Spray that on your body, it will keep them away for a while.”

  “Thanks,” he says as he catches the spray bottle and examines it like I might be trying to poison him.

  “It’s all natural and I make it fresh every month or so. Nothing beats it.”

  “I’ll trust your judgment. After this do you care to show me around the park? I saw a sign for some nature trails when we entered.”

  “Sure, we can go once the gang gets back.”

  “I didn’t ask them, Izzie, I asked you.”

  “Oh … well … I guess.”

  “Excellent, grab some water and your pack so we can go.”

  “Let me text Kelsey so they know we left,” I say, pulling my phone from my back pocket.

  Me: Taking the bossy guy on a nature walk.

  Once I’m done, I slide the phone back and toss my pack over my shoulders as I motion for him to follow. The state park has always been a place we would go on mini-adventures in while growing up. The paths wind through the marsh and the banks of the Intracoastal Waterway; I know how to get from point A to point B and back with my eyes closed. For the longest time I’d venture out here and just walk up and down the paths taking in the nature around me—it’s the perfect place to lose yourself and just think.

  “How often do you come out here? Seems you like to camp.”

  “Used to be a lot when we were younger, then it faded away, but last year I started taking little trips out here for the day. It’s nice, especially when the breeze is blowing. When that stops, it’s humid and the gnats are awful.”<
br />
  “Tell me about it, I’ve never seen such a thing. They just bury themselves into your skin. I think the itch is the worse of it.” He scratches at his forearms, and I laugh at him. I know from years of experience that it doesn’t matter, you can scratch and scratch, but you’ll still feel it.

  “Making it worse.”

  “Make it stop then.”

  “I did, I shared my spray. Give it time, or put a long sleeve shirt on.”

  “Why are you so mad that I’m here?”

  My feet slide in the mud as I stop myself, and Dakota balances me before I fall. His bluntness with the question shocks me a little, but when I think about it, it shouldn’t. He turns me in his arms to look at me even though I have sunglasses covering my eyes. It’s as if he can see right through them, nothing seems to stop this for him.

  “I’m not mad, just aggravated. This was going to be my Dakota-free zone, but you showed up, and now the zone is filled with you.”

  “Is that a bad thing, Izzie?”

  “For me it is. I need to think and I’m not ready to have that conversation with you.”

  “What conversation?”

  “Why did you hit Peter? I handled it, and you made a fool out of me in front of all the people who know me.”

  “He should learn to shut his mouth when told. But I’m sorry that you feel that way. You have to know that wasn’t my intention.”

  “A part of me knows, but still, why?”

  “He’s an ass and thinks he owns you, even with a fiancée, he wants what he can’t have. That, you have to know, pisses me off, plus he had it coming. Needed it a year ago if you ask me.” He shrugs it off like it’s no big deal, but the fight is mine, not his.

  “Peter is difficult and I already explained to him that we were long over. I’m not the other woman, never will be. He just doesn’t like losing and I think you hanging around me like I belong to you pisses him off even more.”

  “It does, but understand that you’ve belonged to me way before now. We were meant for each other, always have been and always will be.”

  I pull my arm out from his embrace and walk over to the water where a bench sits facing the river. It’s a beautiful spot to observe the wildlife and you’re protected by the trees overhanging with moss above you. No reason for me to stop and look, I know he’s following. I always know when he enters a room or is close-by since my body comes to life with his presence. The goosebumps that run up my skin, the jump in beats of my heart are all signs that Dakota is very much in my space. As I sit, he joins me and we both allow a few minutes of silence to take over. Dakota must be able to hear the gears turning my brain because he turns toward me to speak, but I place a finger up to hush him. I’ve got to get this out, and it has to be before he says another word.

  “You talk like we’ve known each other all our lives; you walk into my life as if you’re a long lost cousin. We just met when you moved in next door to me, and if you haven’t figured it out I have major trust issues. The constant presence and pressure that comes off you, it scares me. I’ll be honest that some of it I find sweltering, but then other times I want to turn and run as far away from you as possible. Can you dial it down? Take it slow or something?”

  “We have known each other longer than you think, and I’ll explain that when the time is right. Just know that it’s impossible for me to dial it down. This is me and I know what I want. That person is you, Isabel, and I can take it slow, as long as you give me the chance. Stop pushing me away at every turn, embrace us, and the rest will fall into a routine.”

  “What do you mean, longer?” I ask with my mouth turned upward, forehead scrunched, and confusion written all over my face.

  He doesn’t answer. Instead, he faces me and turns my face to his. “I’m going to kiss you right now.”

  And just like that his full soft lips are settled on mine in the blink of an eye. His tongue dips between my lips, asking for permission to enter. With a slight hesitation, I finally allow him entrance and open my mouth a little wider. This was the only authority he needed to hungrily claim my mouth. Dakota runs his hands up the base of my neck to pull me more into his kiss, and I reach up and slide my fingers through his hair. This encourages him, and the kiss becomes urgent for us both. My body turns more into his, our chests flush up against each other’s, but we never lose connection. Dakota tightens his grip, causing a moan to emit from my mouth into his.

  It shocks me, and I open my eyes wide to look around us. He notices the sound and the way I stop mid-kiss, breaking the connection to allow us both a moment, his forehead resting on mine. I can see his eyes when I lift mine to look at him; they’re hooded and laced with a passion that I’ve never seen another person have for the other. I take a deep breath to compose myself, afraid to speak as I’m pretty sure he took my voice when he kissed me.

  Our eyes lock; neither of us having words to describe the chemistry that overloaded us. I’m pretty sure he felt the same thing I just did, but since I’m not sure, I break away from him. “We should head back to the campsite.”

  Dakota doesn’t say anything. I turn, and I know he’s behind me and can’t see my face. Gently I bring my fingers up to my mouth and run the tips across my swollen lips. They’re plump and sore, but I like how he just made me feel. Never has anyone been able to make me lose my mind, forgetting where I am or who I am. Silence follows as we make our way back down the dirt trail toward our friends. The need to compose myself happens quickly when I see everyone sitting around laughing. When the girls see my face, they will have a ton of looks and questions, but for now, this is my moment.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  THE SUN IS SETTING and the campfire is roaring as our voices boom around the site. So far, I’ve been able to keep the questions at bay, but Kelsey has been watching me since we got back this afternoon. She is the one person I can never hide anything from, and it’s nerve-wracking.

  “Who’s hungry?” Joseph’s voice breaks my thoughts and we all raise our hands.

  “I’ve got the leftovers from the party for tonight, and then tomorrow we can actually cook,” I say.

  “Sounds great, let’s put everything on the table and we can just make what we want,” Kelsey says as she motions for me to follow her over to our makeshift kitchen. When I stand from my chair, I take a quick glance at Dakota. He’s watching me with those intense eyes and it causes my body to shiver. How the hell does one get goosebumps in the dead heat of summer? Oh, that’s easy when you allow a man like Dakota in your life.

  “What’s going on between you two?” Kelsey whispers as she digs out the containers from the cooler.

  “Nothing.”

  “Something is going on; I’ve been watching you both since you got back today. What happened?”

  “Are we going to do this now?”

  “Yes, just a little hint would be nice.”

  “Let’s just say he took my breath away and hasn’t returned it since.”

  “That hot, huh?”

  “Yes.” I sigh and take a chance look in his direction. His right leg is sitting on top of his left knee, as his left hand rests up against the side of his face. Dakota’s watching me through his hooded eyes all while listening to Joseph and Leah. Every so often he nods his head at something, but never loses contact with me.

  Kelsey nudges my shoulder bringing me back to her, and I notice that I’m standing here with my hands full but not moving.

  “You’ve got it bad for him and I’m happy about this.”

  “No I don’t, and there’s nothing to be happy about. We’re taking it slow, we’re friends.”

  “Hate to tell you this, Izzie, but friends don’t look at each other the way you two do.”

  I instantly place down the items from my hands and turn to look at my best friend. “Can I admit that I’d like to be more than friends, but I’m scared? I don’t know if I could handle the rejection in the end.”

  “It’s okay to feel this way. Have you talked to him? I mean, e
xplain it to him. He seems to be interested in more than just a summer fling.”

  “Oh, just causally explain how my heart can’t handle rejection again, that I like him enough to go all in?”

  “Yes, Izzie, you need to be honest with him and yourself. I know you’re scared, and after everything you’ve been through plus dealing with Peter this weekend, it’s not easy, but try.”

  “I’ll think about it. How about we just enjoy our weekend and then I’ll deal with him when we get back home.”

  “Fine by me, but while we’re enjoying it, tell me what we are going to do with Leah and Joseph?”

  My head throws back as I engulf our space with laughter from that question. This has been going on for years, and if they haven’t figured it out by now, they never will.

  “Wasn’t that funny, but I get it,” Kelsey says.

  “No, it’s not, but they will either kill each other or stop fighting it. We can’t make it happen, even if we know they’re perfect for each other.”

  “Guess you’re right,” she finally admits.

  With everything set out, I wave the crew over and we dig into the contents before us. Making my plate and noticing Dakota’s hands stretched out before me, my stomach aches. It’s his hands that bring me comfort, they have since the first day I shook them. The mere touch of his fingers against my skin makes me relax and feel he would forever protect me. I’m almost sad that I didn’t get to witness him put Peter in his place. It would’ve been a sight to see.

  “Who’s up for some stargazing tonight?” Leah asks.

  “It’s a clear evening, so we should be able to see them,” I say.

  “How do we do this stargazing thing?” Dakota asks.

  I rake my teeth over my lip and pull it between them as I look up at him and find my voice. “We can do it two ways, over there by the opening in the trees, or at the lookout station.”