Fading Memories

by A. M. Willard

  “Did you bring a telescope?”

  “No, city boy, we do it the old-fashioned way. I’ll lay a blanket down and we all stare up toward the sky from our backs or we go to the lookout tower and just stand up above the trees and watch the sky. Sometimes we can catch a peek at a falling star.” I explain.

  “Which one’s better?” Dakota asks, and each one of us has a different opinion on which is better. “Where do you want to go, Izzie? Which is your favorite?”

  “That’s easy, the blanket. You’re able to lose yourself in the twinkling stars as you focus on one area. The lookout is too full and you get distracted by the open space, versus the small opening over there.”

  “Then it’s settled, we will do it here,” he says, and I notice Joseph nudge him in the shoulder and I find it odd but decide to let it go.

  “Why don’t we go to the lookout and let Izzie show Dakota how to do it her way? You all know the ground kills my back,” Joseph says, and Kelsey and Leah nod their heads in approval. That’s all it took for them to gang up on me, like they think this is giving us alone time or some sort of plan they have. It’s fine with me. I prefer the ground and they can have the tower.

  Silence surrounds us as we eat, but not a second goes by that I don’t feel him staring. Something about him has grown very familiar, but I can’t place it. Once we are all stuffed and can’t eat another bite, the guys decide they will help and put everything away for us girls. That gives the three of us some girl time. We take this opportunity to huddle down in our huge tent, using the excuse that we need to organize the area before our stargazing adventure.

  No sooner than Leah zips us up inside, she whips her head my direction. “What’s going on? Are you dating?”

  “I will tell you the same thing that I’ve already stated to Kelsey. We are friends that are trying to figure it out. Now stop harassing me.”

  “Friends, huh?”

  “That’s what I said, but she needs to figure it out,” Kelsey says.

  “You two do understand that I am right here?” I say as I wave my hand around the area that I’m kneeling in.

  “We do, but we like to talk about you. At least it’s not behind your back.” Leah says like it’s nothing.

  “You two need to stop with it all, let it happen if it’s going to.”

  “Izzie, you’re going to lay under the dark sky with that hot man and stare at the stars. Something is going to happen.”

  “Whatever, you guys need to go before it gets too late. Hand me my blanket,” I say as I snatch it away from Kelsey and unzip the tent. When I crawl out and stand up I knock into Dakota.

  “Was just coming to get you. Joseph says he’s ready to take the girls.”

  I hold up the blanket like I just found a treasure map and announce that I’m ready. As I spread the blanket down and shift it to make sure that we are right in the middle of the opening within the oak trees, I smile, remembering the last time we did this. Even though it was all of us and Peter, it was a happy time, before life got in the way. Joseph chose to take the girls to the lookout because he remembers how much I love to just lie down and look up at the sky. We’ve done this on so many trips, in the back yard with our backs in the sand. The last time here, Peter and I were in an argument most of the day and this simple act brought peace over us both. I’m not sure if he enjoyed it as much as did, but in the end, things were back to normal before they all returned to the campsite. Is this Joseph’s way of letting me know he approves?

  Joseph has taken on the big brother role more now than ever. He explained to me months ago—my father made him promise to watch over me. He had to swear he would never let anyone hurt me, take advantage of me, and most of all, that I would always have someone to help me with the house. I think he knew things were going to end with Peter and me, it was a matter of time before it all came crashing down. Since that day, he’s been here for me whenever I needed him. Always fixing the plumbing, or changing a light that he notices is out when he stops by.

  The first few weeks after Peter left, it seemed like Joseph was around more than the girls. He’d show up with a new toilet seat, light switch, or a new latch for the screen door out back. I didn’t realize then what he was doing, but now that I know? He’s done everything he’s promised to do. One night Joseph admitted that he was a wreck about how Peter ended things with me; he felt that he let me down. Pure nonsense is what I explained. There was no way anyone saw it coming, especially surrounding my father’s death. Maybe this is why he’s gotten so close to Dakota. Is he trying to make sure I never get hurt again? I make a mental note to pull him aside soon to make sure he’s okay and not stressing over the pact that he made with my father.

  “Izzie, we’ll be back,” Kelsey screams at us and waves as they leave.

  “All right, it’s ready,” I say like I just built a masterpiece.

  “Where did you drift off to?”

  I shake my head and say, “Nowhere.”

  “You had that look you get on your face, the one where you’re a million miles away from where you stand.”

  “Fine, just thinking about the last time I did this.”

  “When was that?” Dakota asks, but then holds his hand up to stop me. “Never mind, don’t answer that question, because if it was with that asshole, I don’t want to hear it.”

  A smile displays across my face as I sit down and pat the empty space next to me. Dakota gets down on his knees and before he turns away places a gentle kiss on top of my nose. It’s quick and simple, but with a whole lot of meaning behind it. I don’t respond, but I lie back hoping he will follow my lead.

  We’re on our backs staring up into the dark night. The sound of the crickets chirping, the faint sound of the wind blowing the leaves around above us are the only things I can hear other than our breathing. My eyes close as I breathe in Dakota’s scent next to me. I feel his hand take mine into his, and my eyes open toward the sky above us. We lie here, speechless, for what seems like hours as we just stare up. His fingers scroll tiny circle motions across the top of my hand, every so often he stops and then picks back up. Just as I go to say something, I see a quick falling star that jets across the dark night backdrop. “Did you see that?”

  “I did … Did you make a wish?”

  “Not yet, but I am. Did you?”

  “Doing it now,” he says in that deep masculine voice that is all Dakota.

  “Don’t tell me or it won’t come true,” I say as I turn my face toward his. It’s so dark out that I can barely see anything, but I’m able to make out his body next to me and I know if there was light, his eyes would tell me what he just wished for, as would mine.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  STARTLED BY the loud thundering boom that surrounds us, I throw my sleeping bag off me and sit up. The outside sounds as if we are in the middle of a hurricane, but I know it’s just a horrendous thunderstorm. Kelsey stirs next to me, and Leah is sound asleep. It would take more than this to wake her. The flash of lightning lights up the inside of the tent, followed closely by the boom of the thunder that shakes the ground we are lying on.

  “Did we not check the weather?” I ask.

  “That was Joseph’s job,” Kelsey says, and just as the words leave her mouth, I can hear him cussing out loud as he moves toward us.

  “Hey, we might need to pack up, looks like it’s going to be like this for the rest of the weekend.”

  “I’m not packing up my tent in this storm. Have you lost your mind?” Kelsey says.

  “Fine, we’ll do it, just get your shit and get inside the truck. It’s not safe out here. We just heard a tree limb fall on the way.”

  Kelsey is shaking Leah awake as she half-ass rolls her sleeping bag up. She is the biggest baby when it comes to storms, and will flip on anyone who makes her stand in the middle of one.

  “Get your ass up, Leah, we’ve got to go.”

  “Lord, calm down, it’s just a thunderstorm.”

  “No, it’s not, and you
know I freak out. Come on, we need to get into the truck so the boys can pick this crap up.”

  “Go with her, Leah. I’ll help them. The more hands we have, the faster we can get back home,” I say.

  “You are nuts,” Kelsey says as she drags her stuff and a sleepy Leah behind.

  After they exit the tent, I zip it back up to keep the rain from coming in, and quickly place all our items into the bags we have. Once I have everything together, I make a mad dash toward the truck. I toss the bags into the back with the girls so our clothes won’t get wet. When I turn, lighting flashes again and lights up the path back to my tent. The boys haven’t even noticed that I’m out here helping until I get back to my tent. Dakota’s arms turn me to face him. “Get back inside that truck now, I’ll get this.”

  “I’m not scared of getting wet, plus the three of us will get it done faster,” I say as I shrug out of his hold.

  “Woman, you will listen to me, it’s not safe out here and I can’t get this together and worry about you.”

  Just as I go to open my mouth and smart off at his woman comment, the ground shakes under my feet and lights flash around us. My eyes are full and if he could see them, he might have seen the glimmer of me being scared. I haven’t seen the sky open up like this in a long time.

  “Please, Izzie, go get in the truck. I promise we will get this all packed up.”

  “Fine, just don’t forget the cooler,” I say as he pushes me in the other direction.

  When I step away from him, all I hear is the roaring sky and then a crack with yelling. Joseph is rushing toward Dakota, who’s on the ground. That’s when I see the tree limb lying across my tent, and I rush toward them. Kneeling down, I see that Dakota’s okay, but the wind has been knocked out of him.

  “We can’t stay out here. Forget the rest of this and let’s go.”

  “Dude, you okay to walk?”

  “I’m fine, just help me up and get her back in that truck.”

  “I’ll get in that truck when you do, now let’s go before this weather kills us all.”

  Dakota stands but limps a little as we move through the mud and wind back to the vehicle.

  “You guys okay?” Leah and Kelsey ask at once.

  “Yeah, but Dakota is limping so I need to look at his leg.”

  “It’s nothing, Izzie, just a little scratch and I might have twisted my ankle a little when I jumped back.”

  “Thank God we weren’t in that tent, we could have been killed,” Kelsey says with a shaky voice.

  “Joseph, will you just get us home?” Leah says.

  “As fast and safely as I can, baby, don’t worry.”

  With his calling Leah baby, Kelsey's eyes meet mine and a smile spreads across my face. That’s the first time in forever we’ve heard him call her that. She doesn’t rebut him, just accepts the term and lets it go. Maybe they are coming to terms with their feelings, perhaps not; only time will tell for those two.

  We pull down the gravel driveway to my house. It’s pitch black, other than the quick burst of lightning, and I can see we’ve lost power. As Joseph puts the truck in park, I say, “Come on, you are all staying here. It’s late and too dangerous to be driving around dropping everyone off.”

  No one disagrees as we all fold out and dash toward the front porch. Not a moment goes by that I don’t notice Dakota still limping. As soon as I light the candles inside, I need to check his leg.

  We’re soaked like dogs and in need of dry clothes and towels. I’m thankful that Joseph keeps spare clothes here; they should fit Dakota. He’s not going anywhere until I check him over.

  In the living room, there’s a hint of orange light cast by the candles. I hand out clothes and towels to everyone. I carry the first aid kit in my other hand and sit before Dakota on the coffee table. With his leg in my lap, I carefully inspect the wound. It’s not deep, but needs to be cleaned. Peroxide and cotton balls in hand, I set out to wipe away the blood, dirt, and anything else that could be in it. He jerks his leg back as I pour the cold liquid over his flesh, and it causes me to smile. Always the one to act big and bad, but flinches with a cut; yes I find it humorous.

  “Big baby,” I say as I look up at him with a smile that can barely be seen.

  He leans forward just a bit and whispers, “Big baby my ass, that shit is cold.”

  “Like I said, big baby.”

  “Keep it up, Izzie, and I’ll show you big,” he says with a growl.

  Okay, I admit that excited me and shut me up quickly. What did I think, that big bad Dakota would play nice for a moment? Right …

  “I think you will live, and your leg will be sore for a few days, but nothing seems broken,” I explain as I finish putting the bandage on his leg.

  “Thank you.”

  “Welcome,” I say, standing to go put the kit back in the bathroom. As I return to the living room, I notice that Kelsey and Leah are wrapped up in the blanket that’s kept on the back of the couch and have drifted off.

  “Joseph, you know where the spare room is, why don’t you go get some sleep? Dakota, I can offer you the floor or the recliner.”

  “I’ll follow you to your bedroom. Not like we haven’t slept together before,” he says, stopping Joseph in his tracks. He turns to look at me in a “why am I just hearing about this” way.

  “We will do exactly what we did last time, sleep. Nothing more, you big baby,” I say, trying to make sure Joseph gets the hint that nothing is going on.

  As we all make our way down the dark hall and I say goodnight to Joseph, Dakota places his hand on the lower part of my back to keep me moving.

  When I shut the door, he turns and his lips capture mine like they did this afternoon. He’s showing me that he still runs the show, that his body still owns mine. In return, I’m showing him just how worried I was for that brief moment when I thought he was injured. My heart was ripped out of my chest when I saw him lying on the ground. I’m not even sure what I would’ve done if he were hurt. This is the scary part … I’ve realized tonight that my feelings for this man are more than I’m ready to admit. Right now, I’ll allow myself to feel with my heart and push these thoughts from my brain.

  Currently, this person before me is the only thing I care to think about and feel. I want to lose myself in everything Dakota, everything that he causes me to feel. Tomorrow I will deal with the aftermath, but now isn’t the time.

  Slowly he lifts me up and carries me to my bed and lays me down on top of the covers. He leans down and places a few kisses on my forehead, nose, cheeks, and finally, lands on my mouth again. He pulls back the covers and the butterflies swirl around deep within my stomach. The weather is still roaring outside, but I can barely hear the thunder as my heart pounds in my ears. Am I going to allow him to take the next step?

  “Scoot over and let me get in,” he says, breaking me from my thoughts, and I slide over to let him in. As he climbs in he pulls me to his chest and wraps his arms around my body. The weight of them holds me down as they comfort me.

  “Did you just sniff my hair?” I ask. I swear I not only felt him but heard him inhale.

  “I did.”

  “Why? I probably stink, and that’s weird.”

  “You smell like my Izzie with a mixture of rain and woods.”

  “Okay … You are weird.”

  “I am, but you like it.” He pulls me even closer to him. We fit together like a puzzle, as if each part of our bodies was carved out for each other. Not one inch of our bodies is out of place, we meld together like an endless circle. A perfect fit for two souls. I don’t respond to his statement, as I choose to relax into his body and hope this gives him the answer. Yes, I do like it. Yes, I do like everything Dakota.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  THE HOUSE IS QUIET as I roll over toward the window, noticing how bright the sun is shining through the curtains I forgot to close. I turn back over and see the empty spot that was occupied by Dakota last night, and I wonder where he is. Flipping back ove
r onto my back, I listen and then I hear it. A smile slips out as I hear him cuss at the pot that just clanked to the floor and I wonder what he is doing. My legs guide me out of the room toward the clanking of pots and pans. When I reach the living room, I take in the fact that everyone is gone and it’s just the two of us in the house.

  My eyes instantly gravitate toward the kitchen and the sight before me. Dakota’s shirtless with his back to me as he whips at something in the bowl before him. Each motion causes the muscles in his back to move, causing me to lick my lips like I just plastered flavored Chap Stick over them. Thankful that I’m not caught in the act, I clear my throat and startle him.

  “Morning, thought I’d make breakfast before you got up.”

  “Breakfast or were you auditioning for a band?”

  “Funny, sorry I woke you.”

  “It’s okay, I needed to get up. Where are the others?”

  “They left and the girls asked that you call them later. Something about dinner tonight.”

  “I’ll call them after coffee,” I say as I make my way over to the coffee pot. Before I get there, I’m stopped and backed up against the counter. His face is so close to mine that I wait for him to kiss me. But instead, he reaches around me and brings my cup up to my face.

  “Hot cup of coffee with your vanilla creamer.”

  “You remember the way I take my coffee?”

  “I remember everything you like, Izzie. It’s what I do.”

  I raise my cup to my mouth and watch him over the ridge with my eyes. Four years spent with Peter and every time he went to make my morning joe, I’d have to remind him what to put in it. He never understood why I needed the flavor, his was black and strong, like drinking jet fuel.

  “We have eggs and toast. I didn’t see any bacon or meat in the fridge. I might have some in mine. I can run over to grab it.”

  “No, this is fine.”

  “Have a seat, it should be done soon.”

  “Okay,” I answer and on autopilot I go to the dining room and take a seat. I study him in my kitchen and realize that his massive body takes up most of the space. He’s not the body building type huge, it’s more his personality and dominance that take up the area. Dakota is confident, secure in what he wants in life, and has this “I don’t take crap from anyone” demeanor. In the past, this was a complete turn-off, but now it’s the opposite. I find that it turns me on, makes me feel gushy on the inside. Peter was confident but lacked the personality that Dakota has. They are night and day from each other.