Gabe didn’t like these experiments, but I didn’t see the harm in them so long as I hid my Protector side. Maybe I couldn’t help Asher, but someday I dreamed of going home to my family. If that day arrived, I wanted to know everything I could about who I was so that I could keep them safe.
Even more than the experiments, Gabe hated Alcais and had made it his goal to keep the boy away from me at all times. I could tell this incensed Alcais, but I didn’t care. I hoped the toad found a mud hole to crawl into.
While Alcais didn’t come around as often, Delia had taken to joining Erin and me when we hung out. I’d told Gabe that I thought this had more to do with him than me, but he’d shrugged it off.
Even now, I could see Delia practically salivating as she watched Gabe work. I considered telling her to put her tongue back in her mouth, but we’d been getting along okay and I didn’t want to provoke her. Ever since Alcais had hurt Erin, Delia had been spending less time with him.
“Are you sure you two aren’t dating?” Delia asked, gesturing to Gabe.
“Yep. I think I’d know it if we were.”
“Your grandfather thinks you are,” she said.
I shrugged. “I can’t control what Franc thinks.”
Delia stood suddenly. “You know, Gabe looks thirsty. I think I’ll take him some iced tea.”
She wandered off, and Erin made a face after her.
I hid a smile behind my book. “She doesn’t stand a chance with him.”
Erin shot me a wry look. “I know. He’s smitten with you, even if you won’t admit it.”
I dropped my book to my chest and scowled. “No. He’s really, really not.”
She smiled and settled back in her seat to watch the Delia show. “Whatever you say.”
The longer I stayed at my grandfather’s, the more I felt like I lost myself. And the more time I spent with Gabe, the more I felt Asher slipping away from me. I would never confuse Gabe with Asher again, but they looked so much alike. The same hair and eyes. Similar facial structure. Then there was the way they carried themselves, always moving with a combination of confidence and arrogance that came from their Protector abilities.
Gabe and I had tolerated each other because of Asher and our love for him. I could hardly describe what we’d become now. Delia and Erin believed he watched me because he cared about me. They imagined we had feelings for each other.
They were wrong. I would never feel that kind of love for Gabe.
I’d begun to wonder what the point of all this was. Revenge for Asher. Would he even want that? I hardly knew anymore. What if I left the Healers and my grandfather? I couldn’t go back to my family. I had no money or friends. Really, I had no place to go.
You could always charge for your abilities. As soon as that thought crept in, I rejected it. I refused to be like those greedy Healers who’d healed the highest bidders. Besides, healing people in the open would just make it easier for the Protectors to find me.
I tired of tossing and turning in my bed. The dark room suffocated me, and I rose and made my way to the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee. The hot liquid warmed my hands as I stood over the sink with a mug, sipping and watching the sun rise over the forest. For once I didn’t long to be out running away from this place. No, I wanted to be in Blackwell Falls, and I would never reach my home on foot.
The ache for my family had become a physical thing. Some days my insides felt hollowed out by all that had happened these last months. It was the kind of hollow that hurt, like when your stomach cramped with hunger.
“Remy? You okay?”
Franc’s voice startled me, and I sniffed. He still wore the sweats and T-shirt he’d worn to bed. He yawned and ran a hand through his hair, making it look wilder than usual.
I gave a weak smile. “Just a little homesick.”
He took my mug and set it on the counter, before pulling me into a hug. Taller and broader, he engulfed me. I settled against him and wished that I had the power to forget. That would be a useful ability.
Franc gave me a pat on the back and stepped away. “Hey, what do you say we get the heck out of here today? Maybe head over to Muir Woods? It might do us some good to change things up.”
I nodded. “I would love that.”
“Come on, then. Let’s get dressed and get a move on.”
An hour later we drove across the Golden Gate Bridge. The fog hadn’t crept in yet. On one side of the bridge, the city rose out of the hilly landscape, surrounded by the blue waters of the bay. On the other side of the bridge, the Pacific Ocean stretched endlessly into the horizon. I couldn’t decide which view was more beautiful.
I flicked a finger over the phone I’d hidden in my pocket. Earlier I’d texted Gabe to let him know I would be out for the day, but he hadn’t answered. That had never happened before, and it worried me. I tried to tell myself that I needed some time away from him.
Eventually we left the ocean and the bridge behind. My grandfather drove into the hills, winding past homes situated in the woods just off the road. I’d heard about Muir Woods, with its massive redwoods, some large enough for groups of people to stand inside of the hollowed trunks. We reached a crossroads with a sign directing us toward the national park. I frowned when Franc turned the opposite way.
He noticed my confusion. “I have a quick stop to make,” he said. “And then we’ll be on our way.”
Ten minutes later we pulled into a private driveway. The modern two-story home had more windows than walls, giving the owners little privacy. I doubted Healers lived there considering the way they kept to themselves.
Franc hopped out and gestured for me to follow him when I hesitated. A woman in her thirties opened the front door before he could knock, and I stepped back in surprise. Average height with average brown hair of an average length, nothing about the stranger stood out. If you had asked me to pick her out of a crowd tomorrow, I doubted I would have been able to. Something was off about her, though, but I couldn’t figure out what.
“Hey! You made good time.”
“Melinda, how are you?”
They made small talk about the drive and the weather. All the while, the woman’s gaze devoured me. She gestured for us to enter, and Franc walked past her into the living room. I pretended to study the interior of the house beyond her shoulder when my grandfather introduced us and she held out her hand for me to shake. Every instinct I had screamed for me to avoid touching this woman.
Her brow furrowed in confusion when I gave her a wide berth as I followed my grandfather into living room. Franc sat on the couch, and the woman took a seat next to him. They continued talking about friends they had in common, and I tuned out of the conversation. I paced restlessly to the floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked the driveway.
Why is this lady freaking me out? She wasn’t a Protector. I would have sensed that right away. I’d never met her before. I was sure of it, although she reminded me of someone. Someone from my past in New York.
I snuck a glance at her over my shoulder. That was when it hit me. Mrs. Rosenbaum. She reminded me of Mrs. Rosenbaum, the teacher from my old school. The one I’d told Delia, Alcais, and Erin about. She’d had stomach cancer, an illness that had almost killed me when I’d accidentally knocked into her. Back then I hadn’t known how to shield myself. I’d been fourteen and had spent weeks in pain while I healed a little at a time. Since then, I’d avoided healing anything related to the big C or coming into contact with anyone I knew who had it.
Melinda had the same look Mrs. Rosenbaum had. She was sick, and if I had to guess, I’d say it was serious. In the window, my grandfather’s reflection studied me with a speculative look on his face that I didn’t like. I knew what was coming, and I held my breath waiting.
“Remy,” he began hesitantly, and I turned to face them with my head tilted in defiance. He’d tricked me into coming here.
Please don’t ask me. My stomach twisted into a double knot.
I hardly listened when Franc
began a long-winded explanation of how Melinda had a rare blood disease. It was killing her and none of the other Healers had been able to cure her, but their tests had shown that I could heal things they couldn’t. He hated to ask me, but could I . . . would I . . .
He couldn’t even get the question out. His chin dropped to his chest as if he felt ashamed of himself for bringing me here. I opened my mouth to refuse. Obviously I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t risk my life to heal this stranger. Hadn’t Asher and Lucy told me to weigh the consequences? Was my life worth less than this woman’s?
Melinda reached for my grandfather’s hand and gripped it. I bit my lip as I noticed how closely they sat together. They shared a glance, and there was such intimacy in it that I felt like an interloper for witnessing it. Geez, my grandfather loved this woman.
Questions began to form in my mind. Why had he kept her from me? Were they together? Why hadn’t he even mentioned her before now? I should have felt angry, but that would have made me a hypocrite. I had a thousand secrets.
Still, bile rose in my throat. My grandfather had to know there was a possibility that curing this woman could kill me. Did he even care?
I shook my head. “I’m sorry,” I said to Melinda. “I can’t help you. I wish I could, but . . .”
Her smile was sad. “I told him it was too much to ask. It’s okay. Really,” she added when I bit my lip.
The room grew quiet. They shared another one of those knowing looks that I wasn’t part of.
Franc pressed Melinda’s hand and spoke to her softly. “We have to tell her.”
I frowned. Tell me what?
Melinda tried to pull her hands away, protesting, but Franc hushed her. “You listen to me, Mel. I know my granddaughter. She would want to know.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
My grandfather stood and pulled Melinda up with him. He tugged her forward with a supportive arm around her shoulders. His solemn gaze made the hair on the back of my neck rise. I wasn’t going to like what he had to say.
“Don’t!” Melinda said, but he ignored her because even I could tell it was a token protest.
“Remy, she’s your cousin.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, as he explained that he’d first stayed with the Healers in hopes of finding a cure for Melinda’s illness. But with the Protectors always on the hunt for Healers, Franc had thought it better to keep my cousin away from the Healers in order to keep her safe. She was the reason he’d chosen to stay in San Francisco.
She’s your cousin.
For a second, loathing threatened to choke me, and my fingernails bit into my palms as I grasped for control. Franc had cornered me, knowing I wouldn’t refuse to heal family . Even family I didn’t know well. Not after I’d felt so responsible for how my mother died.
Had my entire time here been building up to this moment? Had he kept me here, treated me with kindness, and sheltered me so that I would do as he asked?
A sudden overwhelming despair snuffed out every other emotion. These people did not love me. They wanted to use me like Dean and the Protectors, and even Gabe in his quest for revenge. I’d wanted a normal life, but I’d been kidding myself. Asher was dead. I could never return to my family. What was the point of hoping for more when I would always be a pawn in somebody’s game? What was I fighting for?
Everyone betrays you in the end.
I opened my eyes to find my grandfather and cousin staring at me with desperate yearning in their eyes, and the last hope I had for a life better than this shattered and blew away.
“Fine,” I said tonelessly. “I’ll do it.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
It almost killed me. Hours after healing her, the poison of Melinda’s blood disease hunkered down inside me like a hibernating beast. My powers had shorted out, and I couldn’t heal myself. A brush with Mrs. Rosenbaum had left me sick for weeks. How long would this last? Better yet, would I ever be able to heal myself?
“You son of a bitch! How could you do that to her?”
Gabe yelled at my grandfather, while I pretended to sleep. They’d been going at it ever since we’d arrived home and my grandfather had carried me into the house. I hadn’t said two words, and it had been up to Franc to explain why I could hardly lift my head.
Gabe sounded frantic, but I felt nothing. Blissful nothing. The post-healing hypothermia had passed beyond chattering teeth and skipped to sluggish limbs and a slowed pulse. Was this what it felt like in that moment before a person froze to death? I’d read that it was like going to sleep once the pain stopped. Part of me wanted to tell Franc and Gabe to leave me the hell alone. Their shouting voices grated, slicing into the numbness that had taken hold of me. I wanted nothing more than to drift away. But they wouldn’t shut up.
“Remy agreed to the healing. Nobody forced her to do it.”
“That’s bullshit,” Gabe insisted. “You manipulated her. Anyone who knows her understands that she takes too many chances to help others. You should have been looking out for her.”
“I was!” my grandfather shouted. “She has a gift, and a responsibility to use it. Hell, she cured cancer! Who knows what the limits to her abilities might be? Do you know how many people she could help?”
“You mean your people. You intend to use her to help your fight against the Protectors.”
A silence followed that accusation. A wisp of a wish formed that my grandfather would deny Gabe’s accusation.
Then Franc spoke slowly, “I think it’s time you left, young man. I appreciate your concern for my granddaughter, but we can take care of her.”
Wishes were for idiots.
I thought Gabe might fight my grandfather, but a long moment later, the front door slammed. He’d gone. Asher’s brother had gone. Now I really was on my own. Perhaps it was better that way. I was so tired of being used by people who pretended to feel something for me.
If I regained my strength, I would leave this place. I would run and hide, and I could do that better on my own. Caring about people just made them marks for those who wanted something from me. Really it was better to live alone.
Even as the thought occurred, I knew it was a lie.
I insisted on staying on the couch when my grandfather went up to bed. I told him it was because I didn’t want him to have to carry me up the stairs. Truthfully I didn’t want him or anyone else to touch me. My walls were down and my senses wide open. I couldn’t protect myself if I wanted to.
“Remy,” Gabe whispered, and I jumped.
No floorboards had creaked when he crept into the house. I hadn’t even heard a door open and close, but Gabe knelt beside the couch. His eyes shone when a little slant of light hit them. He came back. A surge of relief swept through me, but I ignored what that emotion might mean.
“What are you doing here?” I whispered. “Franc will be pissed if he sees you.”
“I’m here to help you heal yourself.”
“No, Gabe,” I answered. I’d never felt so exhausted, and it resonated in my voice. Even my bones seemed made of lead. “Go away, okay? We’ll talk tomorrow.”
“What did he do to you?”
Gabe’s gaze flicked upstairs. The anger I’d heard in his voice earlier still simmered under the surface.
“Nothing,” I said. Nothing that everyone else hasn’t done.
Gabe didn’t believe me. Doubt narrowed his eyes.
I faked a smile to reassure him. “I’m okay. I just need some sleep. You can go.”
He didn’t answer. Instead, he surged to his feet, sweeping me up blanket and all. He lifted me against his chest and carried me through the house to the back door. Somehow he managed to avoid bumping into any furniture.
“Gabe . . .” I protested.
“Shh, Remington. We need to talk. Please.”
Gabe saying “please” shut me up. It didn’t happen often. He peered out the kitchen window for a moment, and then maneuvered us out the back door. As soon as it closed behind us, he t
ook off running at a speed that sent the sky swirling with the treetops in a whirl of black, dark green, and tiny white pinpoints. My stomach flipped, and I closed my eyes.
Why was Gabe doing this? Did revenge mean so much to him? A longing tumbled through me like a leaf set afloat on a pond. I’d thought I’d set that hopeful part of me aside, and yet . . . I wished that one person would put me first. That one person would be on my side and never disappoint me.
I’d thought that person was Asher, but what had loving me ever gained him aside from pain and ultimately death? My ability would never allow me to be normal. I would hurt people over and over, and if I wasn’t the one doing the hurting, then the people chasing me would be. I deserved to be alone.
Gabe gripped me tighter. “You’re not alone, Remy.”
He only said that to be nice. Eventually he would have to go back to what remained of his family. And if he wouldn’t go on his own, I would have to find a way to make him go. I would—
I froze. “What did you say?”
Gabe tilted his face away to hide his expression, but not before I glimpsed his resigned expression.
“Gabe?” I insisted.
We reached a hiking trail. To one side of the dirt path, someone had constructed a bench out of fallen logs. Gabe sat down with me still tucked safely in his arms. His hands gripped me too tightly, almost as if he thought I would run away. I waited.
His Adam’s apple shifted and then he admitted, “I said you’re not alone.”
The worst kind of déjà vu crept over me. It couldn’t be. It wasn’t possible. Not twice. Not after Asher. I . . . No. Just no.
Gabe wouldn’t look at me. I would have pulled his chin about so I could see the truth on his face, but the blanket held my arms captive. Frustration and horror mingled, and the screaming protest swelled in my head.
Gabe winced in obvious pain.
I shuddered, finally accepting a new, screwed-up reality. With my weakened powers, I couldn’t even raise my mental walls to shut him out. I felt stripped bare, every raw nerve exposed to the night breeze. A moan hitched in my throat, and Gabe pulled me closer as if to comfort me.
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