The Strawberry Heart
Page 33
“I love you too, Sweetheart. Call me if you have any questions or if you want to see me again.”
Elise waited with Vianne for a taxi they had called for while Gina and Anselle helped Niav up the stairs.
Niav sat down on the bed; she was too tired to do anything but watch as Anselle stripped her down to her briefs. The woman was fighting to stay awake because she really wanted to talk about what just happened downstairs but she didn’t know how to start. She hoped that Anselle would say something….anything but Anselle stayed quiet. Niav realized she had a lot to talk to Elise about but now she thought she at least understands why. Anselle tucked the blankets up under her love’s chin and kissed her on the forehead before stripping herself and slipping under the covers. Anselle snuggled into to her fiancé, closed her eyes and together they drifted off to sleep.
***
Anselle woke first the next morning with her nose full of dark brown curls as Niav used her chest as a pillow. Anselle didn’t want to startle her partner to full wakefulness so she began running her hands over Niav back. The woman responded slowly to the gentle massage Anselle was giving her tense shoulders; a low moan as tense muscles relaxed, a sharp intake and a quiet exhale of breath when a particularly sensitive spot was touched, the flutter of eyelashes against Anselle’s strong chest, the movement of her own fingers through Anselle’s curly, blonde chest hair signaling her pleasure and arousal.
Niav didn’t want to but she turned her head to look into her partner’s eyes. Anselle smiled down at her, “Good morning, Love. How are you feeling?”
“Hungry, but I don’t really feel like facing anyone yet.”
“Nobody is here but you, me, Gina and Elise.”
“Then maybe I can pout at Gina enough to get breakfast in bed?” Niav was all for wishful thinking.
“I think Gina’ immune to your pouty face.”
“She would be, wouldn’t she?”
The couple headed downstairs after dragging themselves out of bed and completing their usual morning routines. Gina wasn’t up yet but Elise was in the kitchen making coffee when the couple entered. The three exchanged good mornings and Niav was grateful that Elise didn’t ask her how she was feeling, ask any other questions or make any other remarks about what happened the night before.
When Gina appeared, still in her dressing gown, the three were sitting around the kitchen table enjoying the fresh coffee and pieces of leftover cake. At first they thought she was going to yell at them for having cake for breakfast like children but they were pleasantly surprised to hear her say, “There better be a slice left for me,” as she poured herself a cup of coffee.
Deciding that cake wasn’t enough Niav offered to make the quiche they had planned. They all agreed they could use something else, something hearty. Niav prepared the scrambled eggs, Gina cooked the bacon and French toast, Anselle made toast and Elise made more coffee. They talked about Christmas day and now that Lisa and Gregory weren’t there they could each express their shock and surprise at seeing the woman in a relationship with the Scot so soon after expressing her love for Anselle. The obvious answer was ‘rebound relationship’ but they all hoped it wasn’t and wished nothing but the best for their friend. The fact that Gregory’s life was in Scotland was brought up and nobody was sure what Lisa would do when her sabbatical was over and she had to go back to work.
Niav was not exactly dreading what was going to happen after breakfast; she knew it was for her own good and that Elise wouldn’t push her to talk if she thought she wasn't ready or able. Part of her just wanted to get it over with so she asked her if she could speak to her before she could ask her.
The doctor and her client sat in the parlor and Elise asked Niav to begin with her feelings on what happened the night before. The artist told her that she was, of course, shocked at her mother’s confession and that she had no memories of the events that occurred. Outrage would have been an acceptable feeling to acknowledge when she brought up her sister and the fact that her parents hid the knowledge of her from her as she grew up but all she can feel is a profound sadness more for them than for herself. She was upset about her mom having lost her baby but it explained her parent’s over protectiveness when she was growing up.
“Can you figure out now, why you had the first attack at the street fair?”
“Not really. I would think that if I were going to have an attack the circumstances would have to be more like the original event.”
“Yes, but sometimes only some of the elements need be present. Can you remember what song was playing when the deck rail fell?”
Niav tried to recall, “No. It was Christmas music but I don’t know which song.”
“It’s possible your subconscious remembers and it’s possible that the band that was playing at the fair was playing the same song. Do you remember seeing a pregnant woman or a little brunette girl at the street fair or in the tube station where you had your second attack?”
Niav closed her eyes and pictured the scene; the tables, the storefront, the people, the tube station and the crowd “I can’t remember. Everything happened so fast. One minute I was fine the next I was having symptoms then I was on the ground.”
They had reviewed all of Niav’s attacks over their sessions but they went over all of them again now that she remembered and tried to pinpoint what triggered each one. Crowds and the fear of falling were obviously herbiggest triggers. Niav asked if she’d have more attacks since she now remembered and that she had one last night. Elise said that she wasn't one hundred percent sure but that she didn’t believe that she would. She does say that she may still have her fear of falling though and should still be careful when it came to heights.
The artist was still confused, "But why was I having attacks at all?"
Elise explained, "It looks like one part of your brain was trying to remember the event but another part was trying to protect you and block it. The two sides couldn't agree so you shut down to protect yourself."
"Why wouldn't I let myself remember it?"
"For a four year old the event was very traumatic. You're sister died that night and you suffered injuries that put you in hospital for the first time. There may have been more that happened to you after the fall or before it or even in the hospital that you don't remember yet. I won't let you go through this alone, Niav. We'll still meet every other week and work together to try and flush out more of your memories from that time."
Niav sighed in relief, "Thank you."
When they finally stepped out of the parlor Niav had a much clearer understanding of the past two years of her life and a new hope for the future. She ran upstairs to help Anselle pack so they could go home and plan their future together.