Secrets, Lies & Imperfections

by Pamela L. Todd

  I hugged her back. “I think the bigger thanks should go to you. You did rescue me from my dad, after all.”

  Hayley laughed and pulled back. “No trouble. Try and stay positive, okay?”

  I nodded. “Sure thing.”

  Her smile slipped. “I know it’s easier said than done.”

  “It is what it is.”

  Hayley hugged me quickly once more and darted down the path to get into the waiting cab she’d called. She waved out the window and I lifted my hand in return. I watched it drive down the street, and as it disappeared around the corner, my attention was drawn to another car parked across the street.

  Cass…

  Oh, fuck, Cass…

  Her face was pinched in pain as she stood, her car door open as though she’d climbed out and had been frozen to the spot. She dropped her eyes and I knew I had about eight seconds before she was gone.

  I vaulted down the path in my bare feet and skidded to a stop just in time to grab her car door as she tried to slam it shut, narrowly avoiding having my fingers amputated. “Cass,” I said, fighting for breath. “Cass, you have to listen to me. That was Marley’s friend. I didn’t—Jesus, this sounds so fucking lame. I didn’t sleep with her.” I crouched down so I was eye level with her, praying for some sign that she believed me.

  Cass dropped her hands onto her lap and stared out the front windshield. To a stranger, she probably looked calm. But I knew every fine detail of that face, that body. There was nothing she could hide from me. I knew she was holding herself together. She was barely even breathing.

  “Cass?” I asked quietly.

  “I’m a goddamn idiot,” she whispered.

  “No,” I said, shaking my head. “Cassidy, nothing happened.”

  “Like nothing happened with Cora?”

  Her words hit me like a whip, lashing my skin and ripping it open. “Exactly. Because nothing happened with Cora.”

  Cassidy slowly turned her head to look at me. There was no sadness in her eyes now. Just cold, hard resolve. “I almost broke Blake and Marley’s door down this morning—the morning after their wedding—because I wanted to talk to you. Because I wanted legit answers. Marley told me where to find you. I wonder if she realized her friend was here.” Her short, clipped sentences hardly betrayed any emotion. “I shouldn’t have come here. I apologize.”

  “Cass, you are always welcome here.” I hung my head, wishing I knew the words to say to make this better. “Fuck, Cass, please don’t leave like this.”

  Cassidy laughed. Actually fucking laughed, as if she genuinely found the situation funny. “Leave like this? Christ, Seth, what the fuck do you expect from me? I came over here this morning because I felt bad! I didn’t give you a chance to tell me your side the other night and Jules…she took up for you. Apparently she never liked Cora.”

  Jules…I owe you one, sweetheart.

  “I doubt she’d be so quick to fight your corner if she knew you were screwing some piece you just met.” Cassidy let out a heavy breath. “My instincts were right about you. I should never have gotten myself into this mess.”

  “Cass—”

  She held up her hand and attempted a weak smile. “Don’t. There’s no need. I knew exactly who you were when I got involved with you. This is on me, not you. So don’t feel bad. It was nice while it lasted, right?”

  A cold chill swept through my body. “What the fuck does that mean?”

  “I shouldn’t have expected so much from you. I got swept up in this…this whirlwind with you. You’re a fun guy, Seth. You make stupid, mundane moments feel special. But you aren’t meant for just one person. I should have remembered that. Should have known you’d only stick around with me to a certain point.”

  “Let me get this straight,” I said. “You’re letting me off the hook for screwing some girl, which I didn’t, and for hitting on your friend, which I didn’t, because that’s who you think I really am?”

  “Can you tell me I’m wrong?” she asked, her pale-blue eyes scanning my face.

  In that second I hated her. The words were different, but she was exactly the same as my father. Zero expectations of me. Zero potential—except for failure. Nothing worthwhile resided in me. I was Seth Hamilton, the one doomed to be a waste of space for all eternity.

  I slowly rose from my crouch. “You know what—fuck this.”

  Cassidy’s eyes widened at my tone. Her mouth parted but she didn’t say anything.

  “Fuck this!” I shouted, loud enough to startle a guy walking his dog down the street. “I’ve been going out of my mind this week, not having a goddamn clue how I could fix this between us. I didn’t hit on Cora. She’s not your friend. She’s a fucking snake who isn’t worth a second of your time. I didn’t sleep with Hayley. We were both feeling like shit yesterday and she slept over in the guest room. I passed out piss-drunk on the couch, fully clothed. You don’t believe me. Why would you? I’m Seth Hamilton—and that means fucking nothing, right?

  “My word is shit and that’s just fine. I’m not going to stand here and beg you to hear me out. I’ve told you the truth and you don’t believe me. You’re not the first, Cass. Why change the pattern of a lifetime? So yeah, fuck this.”

  I carefully closed her car door and walked into my house, not looking back once. I slumped down on the couch that I’d picked out, visualizing lounging around with Cass, holding her close to me, falling asleep on lazy afternoons.

  As I sat there staring into the empty fireplace, the anger started to dissipate. Adrenaline seeped from my body and the tension reduced.

  Had I overreacted? Cass was hurting. Had I just made it worse? She’d reacted, but it just so happened that she’d reacted in a way that pushed my already-primed buttons. Deep down I knew I’d blown up the way I had in part because of the run-in I’d had with Dad the night before.

  There were some things I don’t think I could forgive.

  And her lack of faith was one of them.

  The anger was almost gone. The hurt fucking ached.

  * * * *

  I let myself wallow in my new, lonely house for two days before I finally accepted shit for the way it was and went outside. That, and I’d run out of clean underwear.

  I’d only left a few days’ worth of stuff at the house and everything else was still at Blake’s. And I dreaded seeing him. By now he’d know all about my getting fired and so would Marley. Christ, why couldn’t they have had a honeymoon like normal people?

  The drive was over too fast and before I knew it I was pulling up in front of Blake’s McMansion. I headed around back, and sure enough I found Marley sprawled on a lounger with a magazine propped up against her knees.

  Their mutt spotted me first and huffed what I assumed was a dog greeting. Marley turned, and upon seeing me gave a wide smile. She tossed the magazine aside and rose from the lounger to pull me into a hug.

  “Hi, how are you?” she asked, squeezing me so tight I feared for my ribs.

  “Good. I just came by for the rest of my things.”

  Marley frowned. “You know, there’s no rush. If you wanted to stay here for a while until you feel more like yourself, that’s not a problem.”

  I snorted a laugh. “Are you serious? You and Blake just got married. You think he’ll want his asshole brother hanging around again?”

  She punched me on the biceps. “Hey, you’re my brother, too, and I don’t care if you’re around. I’m worried about you.”

  Disdain, condescension, disappointment I could deal with. Sympathy? Not so much. I shrugged. “I’m fine, really.”

  “I don’t believe you,” Marley said softly. “I saw her the morning after the wedding. Did she find you?”

  “Yeah. We decided it was mutually beneficial to stay away from each other.”

  “Seth,” Marley whispered. “I’m—”

  “Hey, you bum,” Blake called as he came out from the kitchen. “Is that what you’re going to do now you’ve joined the unemployment ranks again? Bug
the hell out of us?”

  Marley gasped and whirled on the spot to face her husband. “Blake!”

  Blake laughed and slipped his arm over her shoulders. “He knows I’m just goofing around.”

  “Of course I do, big brother. It’s all I’m good for—being the butt of the joke.” I grinned so wide it hurt. “I’ll be out of your hair in a few minutes.”

  “Wait, Seth,” Marley called after me as I headed into the house to get my shit. I didn’t want to hear what she had to say. I didn’t want her sympathy. If I answered honestly, it would be because I didn’t want it from her. I wanted it from my brother, who was supposed to have my back always…not his wife, who showed me more support and understanding than Blake or Dad ever had.

  I filled my few duffels quickly. Clothes, shoes, other crap got shoved in with no regard for creases or optimizing space. Once I was done, I slipped out the front door without seeing either of them.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  For the first time in my life, I became a recluse—dropped off the face of the planet and didn’t respond to a single communication sent my way. Until that point, I’d been a lifelong social butterfly…except, you know, a ruggedly handsome and manly butterfly. Marley texted a few times, even Blake once, but I got zip from Dad, which in a way was a blessing. He was finally leaving me to wallow in my own shit—probably thought I deserved it— and figure things out on my own.

  There was nothing from Cassidy.

  I’d lost count over the three weeks since I’d last seen her how many times I’d picked up my phone to try calling her…texting her…anything. I wanted to apologize for losing my cool the way that I had, wanted to explain that she’d pushed all the wrong buttons.

  I was caught in a horribly familiar frame of mind that maybe she was better thinking the worst of me. If she thought me to be an explosive bastard, she wouldn’t be tempted to come back around. It would be easier for her to get over this sorry mess.

  But Christ…I wanted her to come back around. I wanted her to show up at my door and tell me she’d been wrong about me, that she knew who I was and it was someone worthy of her.

  Maybe I wasn’t.

  Maybe I’d been fooling myself all this time.

  Maybe she was better off.

  Because, could I honestly say I wouldn’t have hurt her at some point down the line? That one night some other girl would catch my attention and I wouldn’t have the strength or inclination to say no?

  So I stayed hidden, in my little man-made cave. Watched a lot of TV, ate a lot of junk. Cooking had lost its appeal. Tried to sleep—unsuccessfully.

  On Friday night around eleven, just as I was settling down on my ginormous comfy couch to watch a movie, my cell rang on the coffee table. I glanced at it out of habit and saw Hank’s name flash on the screen.

  My first inclination was to ignore it and let voicemail take it. But when he immediately called back, I knew the pushy little shit wouldn’t give up until I actually answered.

  “Hank,” I said, answering the call.

  “Hey, you dick, where’ve you been?” Hank asked with a laugh. “Get your ass down to The Mermaid Lounge, I’ve got a beer and a shot waiting for you.”

  Biting back a sigh, I flopped against the couch cushions. “Thanks man, but not tonight. I’m not really feeling it.”

  “Which is exactly why you have to get yourself out of that house before you start to stink the place up. Come on, dude. Get your smelly butt in the shower and come meet us.”

  I racked my brain trying to think of a plausible excuse. Anything.

  “Look, I just saw your boy, Drew? From the club? He told me what’s been going on.”

  Well, shit.

  “I’m one of your oldest friends. I’m not going to let you condemn yourself over this. So, one last time, come fucking meet us, man.”

  Maybe he was right. A relaxed night of drinking could be just what I needed to snap me out of this funk. “I’ll be there in thirty.”

  * * * *

  The Mermaid Lounge was every bit as cheesy and awful as it sounded. Every surface was liberally covered with seashells, sand was piled in several corners and a huge fish tank made up the bottom half of the DJ booth. But the drinks were good and the waitresses wore bikinis, so it had become a favorite of ours back in the day. And, apparently, still was.

  Hank and Jimmy sat at the bar when I arrived, shamelessly flirting with a waitress who didn’t seem to mind the idiots were talking to her tits.

  “Don’t you know better than to let these two douchebags in here?” I asked the waitress as I took the empty stool beside Jimmy.

  “Hey, Hamilton!” Hank cheered, lifting his beer bottle in the air when he saw me.

  “Thank fuck, moneybags is here!” Jimmy said, slapping me on the back. “Next round is on you, buddy.”

  “Sure thing,” I said before turning to the waitress with a smile. “Give me a bottle of Corona, no lime, two shots of Jack, and this dick can have a tap water.”

  Her smile widened and she flashed me a quick wink. “Coming right up.”

  “You suck, man,” Jimmy said with a huff.

  Hank snorted a laugh. “You asked for it.”

  The waitress returned with the drinks and I gave her a nod that she should get a real one for Jimmy and Hank also. Taking a deep pull from the beer bottle, I wondered how long it would take them to ask about my drama.

  “So what the fuck, man?” Hank asked. “How in the hell did you get laid off from that sweet gig?”

  A few seconds, it turned out. I placed the half-empty bottle on the bar. “They thought I was helping myself to their booze.”

  “But you weren’t?” Jimmy asked, earning himself a smack around the head from Hank.

  “Of course he wasn’t. What? He can’t afford it or something?” Hank asked, giving our friend a look that said he was an utter idiot.

  “It was this girl. She’s probably been doing it for a while and she’ll do it again. She made it clear she wanted in my pants and I’d bet my left nut it would be so I’d be distracted at work and wouldn’t notice. Let’s just say she didn’t take my rejection well.”

  Jimmy blew out a stream of extremities.

  “Yeah, my thoughts exactly,” I mumbled, reaching for the beer bottle to finish it off.

  “And the other girl? Drew said it seemed like something had gone down with the wifey.” Hank gestured to the waitress to get me another beer.

  “Same old shit, different person. Doesn’t matter.” Maybe it was my tone or body language or because they really didn’t give a shit, but neither of them prompted me for more. Whatever the reason, I was grateful for it. The last thing I needed was to get deep with my feelings and lay them all bare for those two jackasses to poke and prod and examine.

  After a few minutes of awkward silence, Jimmy slammed an open palm down on the bar. “What are we, chicks with dicks?” He turned to the waitress, who was serving someone else. “Another round, beautiful! And don’t skimp on the shots.”

  Looked like I’d be picking up my car in the morning then.

  * * * *

  It was a long ass walk from Jimmy’s apartment downtown back to The Mermaid Lounge the next morning to retrieve my car. And fucking agonizing, too. Every step sent searing pain into my head and all I wanted to do was scoop out my eyeballs and put them on ice. I craved the fresh air and opted to walk back to the bar rather than get a cab, but holy sweaty balls, the sun was an unforgiving bitch.

  I passed Cherry Pie’s, pausing for a few minutes outside, and had to wonder if I’d ever set foot in the place again. After seeing Cassidy’s excitement, I sincerely doubted it. She’d made it special. It wouldn’t be the same again.

  Jesus, hangovers make me a melancholic crybaby.

  Something else made me pause. It was the empty cocktail lounge Cass had seemed genuinely upset to see closed. It really was a crying shame the space was rotting into disuse. The building was a great size, and the initial bar could be expanded
into so much more than what it was. Location was amazing, far enough from the Strip to encourage locals, but not too far that seasoned visitors couldn’t find it.

  An image started to form in my head, of a freshly painted building, new high windows…an industrial-style staircase leading down to what could be a basement bar. The place could easily be a three-story affair.

  Christ, the top floor could be—

  What the fuck am I doing?

  Giving my aching head a shake, I carried on my weary journey.

  Daydreams were for people with drive, ambition, hunger. Not loser jerks like me.

  * * * *

  At first I had no idea what had woke me, where I was or what the hell that noise was. I blinked into the darkness and pushed up onto my elbow to glance over at the nightstand. The digital clock read almost two a.m. My awareness slowly came back to me as I struggled out of the thick sludge of sleep. Then it hit me—the noise was my cell on vibrate.

  Picking it up, I scrubbed my eyes so I could read the name on the screen.

  Cassidy.

  Holy fuck, Cassidy.

  Why in the holy fuck was Cassidy calling me?

  Why in the holy fuck was Cassidy calling me at two a.m.?

  You won’t find out by staring at the phone, dick. Right.

  “Cass?” I asked, answering her call.

  “You’re such an asshole,” she mumbled.

  Wow. “That’s real sweet of you to call me at two in the morning to let me know.” Cassidy hiccupped and it made me sit up straighter. “What’s going on? Where are you?”

  “I don’t know, out somewhere. My friend the whore forgot about me. She’s screwing some tourist with a polo shirt and a bad haircut.” Cassidy heaved out a breath as though she was exhausted with the world.

  “Have you been drinking?”

  “Why the hell else would I call you?” she asked, flinging her words at me like I was the whore screwing some tourist with a polo shirt and a bad haircut. Cassidy sighed and her next words were laced with tears. “I wish I didn’t miss you.”