The Robot Union

by D Miller

  Robbie, Omo, George, Adrienne, Gillian and the children, together with Boris and Ibrahim were met by the chair of the accommodation committee a young looking male who, unusually for a robot, was pale and blonde, and who asked to shake Robbie's hand, congratulating him on being one of the founders of the union. The driver who had taken them from the airport had also shaken his hand before departing. Robbie could not take credit for something that he could not remember, but still felt pride, pleasure and relief at being praised for Carlos's activism, rather than reviled for Robbie's perversions. Most of the new arrivals from Toytown were to live in the palace.

  'We can't have humans, especially small ones, in the tent city, it gets cold,' the chair told them, 'and we decided that Robbie could be best protected inside the palace with the president.' The chair addressed Robbie directly. 'I assure you we have thought very carefully about your security here.'

  Robbie looked around the tent city. He could see one tent that was pink, with a flag flying from it. The flag was blue, and had an image on it. He zoomed in as it flapped in the wind. He thought he could see an ancient looking air transport with propeller engines flying across a body of water.

  'Who lives in the pink tent?' he pointed and turned to the chair.

  'Three robots I think. Female. They don't mix much.'

  The chair guided them through the tent city and towards their new home in the palace. Robbie pointed to some stunted trees, that had grown as high as trees ever grew on the continent, across them a banner had been hung, which stated in pink and sparkly letters 'Welcome to Fairyland'.

  'What does that banner mean?'

  'I believe it is meant to be ironic,' said the Chair. 'Those bushes and trees were planted, we think, to screen a cave. The cave leads to some tunnels, we don't know how far they extend, but the president thinks it might be part of the same system he fought boyboy and his army in. Be that as it may, I have heard from a number of people that they feel very uneasy in there.'

  Robbie thought that it was time the official history of the fight with boyboy was written. Normally robots shared information securely through their union, but the story of the fight with boyboy and the flight to the mine had not been written, partly he suspected, because of him, his friends were hesitant to discuss his role. He realised that if he did not write the history for the official union record, probably no one would. Could it be freely published so humans could read it? They were strange creatures. On the one hand they knew perfectly well that abuse happened, but on the other hand they bristled at the suggestion that they were in any way less than perfect. Plus a story about robots successfully resisting, even killing, humans would not make for comfortable reading; humans would be highly unlikely to endorse the principle that robots were entitled to resist their oppression even if it meant the death of the oppressor.

  As Robbie and his friends walked through the palace towards their new home Omo struck up a conversation with their guide, Robbie was behind them, and with each step he fell a little more behind, until turning a corner he saw Darren talking to a couple of robots he'd never seen before.

  'Hello Darren,' Robbie said. 'I thought you were with Dex.'

  Robbie looked again, he saw that the robot in front of him looked exactly like Darren, but there was something about the way he carried himself, his gestures as he had talked to his friends, that said he wasn't Darren.

  'I'm not Darren,' the not-Darren said, he turned to Robbie, and smiled slowly, holding his eyes. 'I could be Darren if you want me to be though.'

  'Um, thanks.'

  'What's your name?' Behind the not-Darren his two friends grinned at each other.

  'Robbie.'

  'Robbie? Original. Well, Robbie, would you like to know my name?'

  As a security measure Boris had had Robbie turn on his ping notifier, he now saw that he was being pinged by a robot called Charles8607. He looked along the long, wide, high corridor he was in, carpeted in deep red and lined with portraits of mostly white men and women done in oils. He could see Omo at the top of the corridor, with Ibrahim, they were both looking back at him. He was aware that Boris was somewhere behind him, listening, ever vigilant.

  'Um, I have to go,' he waved a hand towards Omo. 'My friends are waiting.'

  The not-Darren took a good look at Omo. 'I see. Well, Robbie, my name is Charlie, and I work at the Neurological Hospital, plus most days you'll find me at the general assembly. So if your friend ever gets tired of waiting for you, look me up.'

  'Um, OK, thanks, bye.'

  The not-Darren winked at him; he ran up the corridor towards Omo. 'Omo that robot looks just like Darren, only he isn't Darren, and he winked at me. I think he fancies me.'

  'Just like the real Darren then,' said Omo.

  'What are you talking about? Darren doesn't fancy me.'

  'No dude, of course he doesn't, just as Darren has never been difficult with you, to cover up that he wants you.'

  Robbie turned back around and looked again at the not-Darren. He caught his eye immediately and the not-Darren robot blew him a kiss. For the first time it struck Robbie that Darren was actually very good looking. He turned back to Omo. 'Really?'

  'Don't get any ideas.'

  'Omo?'

  'Yes?'

  'I'm getting an idea.'

  'Stop it.'

  'If there are other Darrens out there, are there other Omos out there?'

  'Dude, I'm warning you, don't make me punish you.'

  'I think you should punish me. And you should get one or two of the other Omos to help you.'

  'Look at you, the shy bot from the sticks who knows nothing, ten minutes in the big city and you're halfway towards being depraved.'

  'Yes, I'm going with the big city vibe, I'm a fast learner so I'm only going to get worse.'

  Omo took hold of Robbie's arm and pulled him until he started walking again. 'Come on dude, get moving, and remember, depravity begins at home.'

  'Woof, woof, baby.'

  Chapter 40 – Now with added enlightenment

  The chair of the accommodation committee led them to an intersection of four corridors that was guarded night and day. The corridors and their intersection were not carpeted, the better to hear approaching footsteps. A decorative wooden table stood across the entrance to one corridor, the one in which lay the entrance to the president's residence. Sitting at the ridiculously gilded and painted table were two large men. They both gave Robbie's party a hard stare. Down the other corridors were apartments formerly used for presidential sexual partners and high ranking flunkeys. The chair had distributed them down these corridors, with Gillian and the children in rooms across the corridor from Robbie, Omo, George and Adrienne. Robbie's apartment had five bedrooms distributed over two floors, each bedroom was large and had its own bathroom. There was a food preparation area, but meals were also provided by the palace's caterers. Access to the bedrooms was by a metal spiral staircase, in the middle of the living space. The staircase was, to Robbie, the most aesthetically appealing feature in the room, which had a huge floor area, but no natural light.

  The living space had two sofas upholstered in hand-woven fabric, one gold and cream, the other blue and cream, plus there was some individual detail picked out by hand embroidery in green, yellow and red threads; their frame, arms and legs were real wood, polished to a deep glow. Robbie would swap them in an instant for the shabby but comfortable ones they had left behind in Toytown. There was a row of wooden armchairs against the back wall, the fabrics covering the padded areas on their seats and backs were alternately blue and gold, and red and gold, as the row of chairs went along. Their thin, wooden arms were not designed to support real human or robot arms. Robbie thought the furniture was designed to say, 'look at me, I'm really rich'.

  Robbie was in Adrienne's bedroom in their new home. She lay on her bed on her stomach, George was massaging her back which she insisted was hurting because of her pregnancy; Robbie and Omo were sat on the floor, leaning against a wall. Ro
bbie had only recently started to hear the whispering of the baby's heartbeat, he didn't see how Adrienne could have backache from a foetus that was not much more than nine weeks old, and had broadcast this sentiment to Omo, who had agreed, and suggested that what Adrienne really wanted was to be touched by someone who cared about her, after the frightening experience they had been through. For their own part Robbie and Omo had one arm around each other, while their other arm reached across their bodies to join their hands. Robbie kept moving his hand so that Omo's hand had to chase him to re-establish their union, he did this faster and faster while he told Omo, George and Adrienne about the conversation on the flight deck and how he had been upset because Amber, his best friend, did not see the situation the same way that Robbie did.

  'What are you two doing with your hands?' said George. 'All I can see is a blur where your hands should be.'

  Omo looked at Robbie. 'Dude we're upsetting the humans,' he broadcast.

  Robbie stopped making Omo chase his hand. 'We were just messing around,' he told George. 'Anyway that stupid doll was smirking at me. Then Gillian told me it was my fault that Noah had been impersonating Clarisse's doll, and I asked her did I become one hundred per cent responsible for Clarisse's welfare after she resigned as a mother to concentrate on sex with strangers, and then she tried to hit me and I told her that she couldn't hit me and shut me in a cupboard any more.'

  'Good for you dude.'

  'We were all set for a huge row when Adrienne stopped us.'

  'We had all had a near death experience with all the feelings that brings up,' said Adrienne, 'it was not the time to be constructively working out your differences. I think that became clear when Gillian tried to hit you. And you also need to remember that, from what you and Gillian have told me, Noah is tied to Gillian's bad behaviour and neglect of her children, so she knows she is culpable, and feels very embarrassed and ashamed. George, down a little.'

  'Are you sure?' said Robbie. 'Do you think she even knows how to spell "ashamed"?'

  'Oh yes that's it, keep doing that. Yes I think she knows how to spell ashamed. She is capable of remorse.'

  'I thought she only had two emotions, angry and spiteful.'

  'Nobody has that limited an emotional palette. Trust me on this.'

  There was a knock on the door, it opened and Boris stuck his head in. 'Sorry to interrupt but message from the President, he wants us all to meet him in the rotunda for a tour of the palace.'

  Collecting Gillian and the children they set out for the rotunda, a huge circular room where the daily general assemblies were held. Robbie immediately looked for Amber, and seeing him with Darren went right to him and apologised for being annoyed that Amber had taken the doll's part on the transport. Amber hugged Robbie, lifting him off the ground. He put Robbie back on his feet, and told him not to be jealous of Mrs Noah.

  'Ha, jealous,' Robbie said. 'You are thinking of yesterday's Robbie, dull, provincial Robbie, not today's dynamic, go ahead, city dwelling Robbie.'

  'Humour him,' Omo said. 'It's culture shock.'

  'Ha,' Robbie said, 'I'm sorry if you primitive, backwards yokels cannot accept the new Robbie, now with added big-city suavity.'

  'What-ity?' said Amber.

  'Did he just call us yokels?' said Darren.

  Amber looked at Robbie, and put a hand on his arm. 'Robbie, be serious now, you're my best friend and I love you. I don't want anything to spoil our friendship.'

  'Everything the new and improved Mrs Danvers said might have been true. I don't think it is, but I could be wrong. Our friendship has to be strong enough to survive us not always seeing things the same way. Honest people can honestly disagree.'

  It turned out that Dex had been called away to another meeting, so he sent a human to guide the tour. He was one of the official palace tour guides, the difference the revolution had made to him was that he now included not just the meeting and operation rooms in the tour, but also the secret meeting and secret operations rooms. Before leaving the rotunda he pointed out places where noted historical incidents had happened. Starting with the centre, he told them, 'It was in this spot that the third president was shot by an intern. The gun she was carrying happened to go off in her hand, so we don't use the "a" word.'

  'Is that "a" for anal?' said Lucretia.

  'Assassination,' said the guide.

  'Adultery,' said Lucretia. 'The intern just happened to have a gun and she just happened to point it at the president. I would bet she also just happened to suck the President's dick and he accidentally promised to leave his wife.'

  Robbie had realised early the sort of ground Lucretia was about to cross and had covered Clarisse's ears, Omo had covered Tim's. The queens laughed, the others tried not to, Clarisse protested at Robbie that she couldn't hear and the tour guide stared at Lucretia for nearly five seconds without saying a word.

  'If you'll just walk this way, we'll have a look at the office where some of the most important decisions on the continent were taken…' and so the tour went on, Robbie found it interesting for almost five minutes. The guide's patter had been honed over many years and was fairly boring, except when enlivened by disrespectful comments from Lucretia which Robbie, Omo and Gillian tried to keep the children from hearing so they wouldn't have to explain them.

  At one point they walked down the corridor lined with portraits of ex-presidents where Robbie had met Charlie, the not-Darren; Lucretia's comment on president number five was, 'She looks like a dominatrix, does the tour include her dungeon?'

  When the tour was finally over, concluding in the rotunda where they had started, Lucretia and the two queens left together, Gillian took the children away to get something to eat; Robbie promised Tim he would visit him later, and help him to rebuild his fish tank (Tim had taken his fish in their travel tank onto the transport as hand luggage). Gillian left without speaking to him. Adrienne told Robbie he was going to have to apologise to her.

  'What? Why should I apologise?'

  'Because she feels under attack, and no one who feels under attack ever changes for the better. Instead they retreat, they dig themselves in. However stupid that is long term. Whereas if you apologise to her you will create a space in which she might apologise to you.'

  'Oh God.'

  'So you'll do it? Excellent. Tomorrow I want to sit down with the two of you.'

  'Oh God.'

  Adrienne patted Robbie on the shoulder. 'That's the spirit.'

  Robbie watched Adrienne walk away, then looked around the rotunda. Most of the others had left and he was in the middle with Amber, Darren, Omo and George. Amber drank some water from his bottle, he offered it to the others and Darren took it. Boris and Ibrahim were doing what they did best, lurking on the fringes. Rex and Jane stood a little apart, engrossed in a discussion of something technical. There were people passing through the rotunda, or standing in small groups talking. He had the impression that some people looked away as he looked at them, and thought he saw the not-Darren at the edge of the massive room, looking at him. Just to be friendly he sent a ping in his direction. In response the not-Darren walked over to their group and held out his hand for Robbie to shake.

  'Hello again. I hope you didn't think I was rude when we talked before, when you said you were Robbie I didn't realise you were that Robbie.'

  'That Robbie?'

  'Yes, the one that founded the union and is best friends with the President. I didn't expect such a venerable figure from our history to be quite so devastatingly handsome. I'm sorry I got carried away.'

  'Um, you have nothing to apologise for. Um, Charlie, these are my partners, Omo and George, and these are our friends Amber and Darren.'

  Charlie said hello all round, and to Darren he said, 'When I met Robbie he thought I was someone called Darren, I suppose that was you. I can see a superficial resemblance, if we were humans people might think you were my father, or grandfather.' In fact they looked like twins, the only difference being that one was smiling and the
other scowling.

  Charlie stepped back from Darren, and rocked back on the balls of his feet. He spoke to Robbie. 'I'm glad you got here safely – and your friends – everyone is saying your transport tried to kill you and now they've all been grounded.'

  'Yes that's right, he was on a suicide mission, he wanted to crash into the southern mountains and kill us all.'

  'I hear you were quite the hero.'

  'Oh no, it wasn't me, it was Dex, and Amber.' Robbie gestured towards Amber, but Charlie did not spare him a look.

  'I'm sure you're too modest, you must tell me all about it sometime.' Charlie looked up, he waved at someone across the room. 'Got to go. Wonderful to meet you – and your friends. I expect I'll see you at the general assembly tonight?'

  'Not tonight, perhaps tomorrow.'

  'I look forward to your contributions enormously.'

  Charlie winked at Robbie, he sketched a salute at the others and walked away without a backwards look.

  'Did he just wink at you?' said Omo.

  'What a dick,' said Darren.

  'He does seem very sure of himself,' said George.

  'He is quite good looking,' said Amber, 'but he's not as handsome as you Darren.'

  'I thought he was very sensible and intelligent,' said Robbie.

  Amber's empty water bottle bounced off Robbie's head, thrown by Darren.

  'Saying you are devastatingly handsome does not make him intelligent,' said George.

  'That's right,' said Darren, 'now, if he had said, "demented, at times shading into deranged with outbursts of lunacy and scattered delusions," he might have risen to the level of perceptive.'

  'New spiritual Robbie – now with added enlightenment – is rising above the jeers of the ignorant and going to see a dog about a man.'

  Robbie walked over to where Rex and Jane stood a little apart from the others.

  'Woof, woof, chief. That thing you wanted?' Robbie had had a quiet word with Rex and Jane just before they left the transport.

  'Yes?'

  'It looks like it might be doable. I'll know more tomorrow. I'll message you. And tell your doll friend hello from me.'