Outback Ghost

by Rachael Johns

  Heidi’s eyebrows twitched and Stella guessed she was gearing up for one of her rare tantrums, but Adam spoke before it developed. ‘You know what? I’m a bloke and that means I’m pretty quick at showering. You be a good girl and go get ready with your mum and then I’ll come in and say goodnight when I get back.’

  ‘Yay.’ Heidi bounced off the couch and gave him a hug.

  As he laughed, Stella mouthed a silent ‘thanks’ over her daughter’s head. She spent the next fifteen minutes bathing Heidi in the homestead’s beautiful old claw tub, brushing her teeth and settling her in Adam’s old bed. Thankfully it was a double and would accommodate her and Heidi easily. By the time she heard the front door open, Heidi’s eyelids were drooping. She’d been determined to stay awake until Adam returned.

  ‘How are my two favourite ladies?’ he asked as his head popped round the door. ‘All ready for bed?’

  Heidi glowed at the compliment and Stella hoped her feelings about what he said weren’t so obvious as her daughter’s. They were only words – an act to bolster Heidi, which Stella appreciated but shouldn’t get drawn in herself.

  ‘Night-night, Adam.’ Heidi held her arms out wide, demanding a hug. He obliged but Stella had to shut her eyes tight as he did so. She didn’t want to like what she saw.

  She wasn’t sure how long Heidi would take to settle in the strange bed, but she slept almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. Physically Stella felt like curling up beside her but she wanted to talk to Adam alone first. He’d slipped out after the goodnight hug, so, leaving Heidi’s door open, Stella left the room to go in search of him. She found him stirring milk over a saucepan in the kitchen.

  ‘Want some hot chocolate?’ he asked, glancing up and smiling at her.

  ‘I can’t think of anything I’d like better right now.’ She slumped into a kitchen chair.

  ‘Oh, I can,’ he said, with a grin, ‘but I hardly think that is appropriate on my mum’s couch.’

  ‘Adam!’ A grin spread on her face at his wicked suggestion and warmth rushed through her body.

  He didn’t say another word but turned back to concentrate on the milk. A few minutes later he sat two steaming mugs down on the table and joined her sitting down. There seemed to be so much to say but she didn’t know where to start. The silence that hung between them suggested he had the same problem. But it wasn’t awkward silence. They sipped the warm chocolate, both relishing the reprieve after the emotional and physically exhausting day. Enjoying simply being together.

  Finally, when she’d downed the dregs of her drink, she said, ‘Would you like to talk about today?’

  He nodded. She’d meant how he felt about what had happened, but like a typical male, he launched straight into the stuff with the police.

  ‘The detectives from Geraldton will arrive tomorrow, along with a number of other police units. Drew and Mike secured the scene but neither them nor the detectives are allowed into it again until the Forensic Crime Scene unit have completed their examinations. That will take most of tomorrow apparently. In the meantime, the Geraldton detectives and Major Crime will work together interviewing everyone. Apparently they’ll want to talk to you but also everyone who was interviewed way back when she first went missing.’

  ‘Drew asked me a few questions, but he said I should be prepared for a lot worse from the big guns.’

  ‘Do you know Drew was a big gun in the UK?’ he asked.

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘Yeah, but that’s a whole other story. Suffice to say, he’s a good guy to have around.’ He paused a moment, took a sip of his drink, which must now be cold and then continued, ‘Missing Persons will be involved of course. They’ll be glad to close the case after all these years. And once all the units have done their bit, the remains will be taken from the scene to the State Mortuary where a pathologist will do further examination. It could take a while to get official confirmation that the body is hers but… it is.’

  The slight crack in his voice as he said ‘it is’ was the only indication Stella got that Adam was affected. She worried about how unattached he sounded. Could be he was still in shock or he was making a concerted effort to hold it together for his mum’s sake but he’d found the decomposed body of his little sister this afternoon. That would mess anyone up.

  ‘And how’s your mum?’ she asked, guessing he’d more freely talk about her emotions.

  He frowned. ‘She seems strangely okay. She wanted some time by herself but I think she’s relieved. I know I feel as if a great weight has been lifted. It’s not like I’m glad she’s dead,’ he rushed to assure her.

  ‘Of course not.’

  ‘But now we know the truth – well, a version of it – we can finally say a proper goodbye and grieve.’

  A tear slipped down her cheek at his acknowledgment. Putting down his mug, he reached across and wiped it off.

  ‘I’m sorry you’ve been entangled in all this.’

  She shook her head slightly, but found she couldn’t speak. That one tear threatened to multiply into a whole damn waterfall.

  ‘You know, for so long, I’ve been asking myself over and over again in my head if I could have stopped this,’ he admitted. ‘For years, I’ve wondered if only I’d paid more attention to Lily-Blue when we were playing, maybe she wouldn’t have vanished. I was the big brother, it was my job to protect her.’

  She wanted to tell him that was ridiculous but her tears were now coming so hard and fast they’d filled her throat and she couldn’t speak.

  He went on. ‘Now I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that maybe it would have happened no matter what I did. I still wish I could have kept her safe from him, but all my life I’ve blamed myself. It’s why I didn’t think I wanted children. It’s not that I don’t want a family, more that I was scared I might not be able to protect it either.’

  Oh Adam. In the absence of being able to say this out loud, she took his hand in hers. His skin was warm and calloused from hard manual labour but his touch gave her as much comfort as she wanted to give him. At his confession, hope lifted in Stella’s heart but she stomped right over the top of it. Deciding he now wanted kids was one thing; someone else’s special needs child was a totally different ball game.

  Besides, they’d only known each other a few weeks. Could you fall in love in such a short time? Was that what she felt towards Adam or was their mind-blowing sex blurring her judgment? She couldn’t discern whether it was her brain, her libido or her heart holding the controls right now, but feared it was the latter.

  His hand squeezed gentle around hers. ‘I’m sorry for dumping all this on you. You’re exhausted and so am I. We should both try to get some rest. Do you need towels or anything?’

  She shook her head, somehow finding her voice. ‘No. I grabbed ours from the cottage.’ She extricated her hand from his before she did anything insane like pull him against her and tell him she thought she might be falling in love and that she yearned to be a happy family with him.

  ‘Good,’ he said and they stood in unison. ‘I’ll see you in the morning. Sleep well.’ But before he turned to go, he drew her against him and kissed her. Her skin tingled where it touched his and she guessed she’d need a cold shower before falling into bed.

  Later, as she snuggled down under the covers, Stella drew Heidi’s sleeping body against hers. The rhythmic sound of her breathing, her fresh smell and warmth comforted her but it was Adam’s touch she craved.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  The days leading up to New Year blended into each other. They were long and emotionally exhausting with the arrival of the various police units, Adam’s dad and Aunty Ruth. Despite being newly separated, Dave had chosen to stay in the homestead with his wife, where Ruth was also staying to keep a close eye on her sister. Esther appeared to be coping well but everyone was on edge waiting for her to break down. This had relegated Heidi and Stella to Adam’s comfortable home causing Stella’s already questionable emotions to teeter on the edge
. If she wasn’t already, she was a few tiny steps away from falling in love with him.

  In her moments of rational thought, Stella decided she and Heidi should leave. They’d planned on staying the full summer but a lot had changed since then. Being around such devastation wasn’t healthy for Heidi, surely, and living with a man wasn’t what she’d envisaged for their holiday no matter how pleasurable it had been.

  The police had finished questioning her and thankfully not felt the need to interview Heidi. While the crime units were wrapping things up on the farm and would soon be gone, the Burtons were only at the beginning of their grief and recovery. Although she felt deeply entwined with the situation on one level, at the same time she felt a total outsider. Especially when they started sharing Lily-Blue memories. She liked hearing the sweet stories of Lily-Blue and believed talking about the child was therapeutic for Esther, but she got uncomfortable whenever Heidi was in earshot.

  She’d had one more discussion with Heidi about her connection to Lily-Blue but Stella had been careful not to go too deep and she thought it might be best if Heidi eventually forgot about this strange friendship. Adam had shared a little bit about the connection or coincidence or whatever it was with his mother and apparently Esther hadn’t said much but they’d all agreed Heidi shouldn’t be involved any further if they could help it.

  Yet each time Stella came to the decision to leave, something happened to throw her off course. Esther didn’t speak to Stella much – she wasn’t unpleasant but rather focused on Heidi when the two of them were around – but yesterday she’d asked her to sit with her for a chat. She’d brewed tea, poured it into special teacups and they’d taken them out onto the veranda. Heidi had stroked Whiskers who lay in the shade looking very fat and very sorry for herself, and Stella and Esther had talked.

  ‘I know I’ve been a bit self-absorbed these last couple of days,’ Esther had begun.

  Embarrassed by this confession, Stella had tried to disagree, but Esther wouldn’t hear any of it. ‘I have,’ she insisted, before continuing. ‘But I wanted to say how much we’ve all enjoyed having you and Heidi around.’

  Stella’s heart had thudded against her chest. It sounded like Esther was about to say ‘but I think we both know it’s time you left now’. However, what she did say couldn’t have been further from the truth. ‘I almost can’t imagine my life without Heidi around now. I’m so glad you’re not going home just yet and I’m hoping that if you do, we can all stay in touch.’

  Stella’s thoughts snagged on the way Esther said ‘if’ but she tried not to let her distraction show as the older woman talked. ‘You are so amazingly lucky to have such a special girl.’

  ‘I know,’ Stella replied as both of their gazes drifted to Heidi, oblivious to the fact they were talking about her.

  ‘She reminds me a lot of my Lily-Blue and knowing they’ve—’ Esther stopped and lowered her voice to barely audible. ‘Knowing they’ve communicated warms my heart and I feel somehow that Lily-Blue lives on in Heidi.’

  Stella didn’t know what to make of that but she understood Esther didn’t mean to upset her. Esther doted on Heidi and Stella wished her own mother had the capabilities to do the same. She imagined that if Esther got the counselling she’d promised to get and eventually recovered from her grief enough to rejoin the real world, she’d be the kind of woman Stella could easily make friends with. It would be lovely to stick around and get to know the real woman, but while she wanted to help Esther heal, she worried about her own heart and often wondered if she was simply making excuses to stay. Last night she’d mentioned to Adam that maybe they’d overstayed their welcome and he’d rushed to placate her, saying they were welcome to stay with him until the end of the school holidays.

  While his kisses and consequent lovemaking were more than lovely – her pelvic floor muscles clenched in recollection – she longed for him to profess how much he wanted her to stay but he never made it personal. He was gorgeous with Heidi, often playing games with her and helping read a bedtime story before she went to bed. Stella cherished these evenings and was thankful Esther had people to look after her at the big house, so that Adam was free to hang out with her. They’d laugh through episodes of The Big Bang Theory, which Frankie had given Adam for Christmas, or play Uno, sometimes they’d simply talk and so many times Stella forgot that this was only a temporary situation. Since their grim discovery, not a night had passed when they didn’t conclude the evening in each other’s arms and her desire for him hadn’t waned one bit.

  She’d thought it would. Thought that with everything else going on around them, they’d be too emotionally exhausted at the end of the day to want to get in each other’s pants but the reality was almost the opposite. The more he kissed her, the more he touched her, the more he made her toes curl in absolute ecstasy with his incredible bedroom talents, the more she didn’t know if she could live without it. Without him.

  They were careful to make sure Heidi didn’t find out about them, so in the middle of the night, Stella would reluctantly leave Adam’s arms and join her daughter in his spare room but she usually took ages to get to sleep.

  ‘Mummy.’ Heidi’s call from the door jolted Stella’s thoughts. She’d been sitting at the kitchen table, her fingers paused over her laptop as she failed dismally to focus on editing. Heidi had been watching Happy Feet 2 in the lounge room.

  ‘Yes, sweetheart.’ Stella pasted a smile on her face and directed all her attention to her daughter. ‘What’s up?’

  ‘Want Whiskers.’

  ‘I’m sure she’ll come back this evening,’ Stella said, pushing back her chair and holding her arms out for Heidi to come to her. ‘She’s probably found a nice cool spot under a tree and is sleeping the day away.’

  When they’d first arrived, Whiskers spent most of her time at the cottage with the occasional visit to the homestead, but since the police had taken up residence and Stella and Heidi moved to Adam’s place, the cat had found its way there too. It now seemed to divide its time between Esther’s veranda and Adam’s house – no doubt making the most of being spoiled at both places. It wasn’t frightened of Mutton and would swipe at him with her paw whenever he tried to play but mostly the cat slept inside on the couch – Heidi had made Adam soft – or in the shade outside. But no one had seen Whiskers since the day before yesterday. They didn’t know how close she was to giving birth and it crossed Stella’s mind that maybe that accounted for the cat’s retreat, but she didn’t say this as she didn’t want to get Heidi’s hopes up.

  ‘Where Adam?’ Heidi asked, climbing into Stella’s lap.

  As Stella opened her mouth to say he was out working on the farm somewhere, she heard the front door open and footsteps coming towards them. Within a few moments Adam and Frankie appeared in the kitchen. Heidi rushed to give them both one of her famous hugs and Stella stood.

  ‘Can I get you guys a drink?’ she asked, happy for the reprieve from her attempted editing. She’d wanted to get it done today – New Year’s Eve – so she could start the new year with a clear slate but that wasn’t looking promising.

  ‘Nope, you can go get changed,’ Frankie announced, a massive grin on her face.

  Stella looked down at her faithful denim shorts, white singlet and comfy Crocs, then looked back up to Frankie and frowned. ‘Why?’

  ‘Because we’re going out.’

  ‘What?’ Stella’s hand froze in mid air on its way to the kettle.

  ‘Where?’ Heidi bounced between Frankie and Adam like a rubber ball.

  Adam chuckled. ‘Your mum is going out with the girls for a special night and you and I are going to watch movies and hang out with Esther.’

  ‘Hang on a minute? Since when?’ Stella didn’t like her life being arranged for her and she hadn’t agreed to leaving Heidi. It was the last thing she wanted to do right now.

  However, Heidi appeared happy to let her mum go if it meant hanging out with two of her new favourite people. ‘Can we make popcorn
?’ she asked, still bouncing.

  ‘If your mum says that’s okay,’ Adam replied, tentatively smiling at Stella.

  So now he decided to ask her permission. She raised her eyebrows at him to show her irritation, then looked at Frankie. ‘I’m not really up for a big New Year’s and I can’t expect Adam and Esther to babysit for me. Maybe you should go out with Frankie instead, Adam?’

  Frankie snorted. ‘I don’t think so. I don’t need my overprotective cousin cramping my style. Besides this is a girls’ night. Mum has to head back to Perth day after tomorrow for work, so Simone and I decided to take her out for a night on the town before she leaves. We don’t want her whole stay to have been a downer.’

  ‘Oh, well, I don’t want to intrude on your family night out,’ Stella said, tasting victory.

  ‘You won’t be. Drew has to work, so Ruby’s coming too.’ Frankie marched across to Stella, took the kettle out of her hand and put it down on the bench. Then she put her hands on Stella’s shoulders. ‘Please, we all need a little lift after the past week.’

  Stella couldn’t deny that but it still didn’t sit quite right. Wasn’t there a mourning period or something they should all respect? ‘What about Esther?’

  ‘As Adam said, he, Heidi and Dave will be with her. She’ll be okay,’ Frankie insisted, then added, ‘besides it’s my birthday today and I want you to come celebrate.’

  Stella’s shoulders slumped as she realised she was fighting a losing battle. ‘Why didn’t you say so before now?’

  ‘Because I didn’t want you getting silly and thinking you had to buy me a present.’

  Stella turned to Adam. ‘Are you sure you don’t mind looking after Heidi?’

  ‘Not at all.’ He scooped Heidi up and held her on his hip. ‘We’re gonna have a ball, aren’t we, miss?’

  She nodded eagerly, adoration for Adam obvious in her wide eyes.

  Stella pushed aside the anxiety that they were getting too close and decided what the heck! How often did she have the chance to go out with friends in the evening? ‘Okay, how long do I have?’ she asked, leaning over to turn off her laptop.