Gastien: From Dream to Destiny: A Caddy Rowland Historical Family Saga/Drama (The Gastien Series Book 2)

by Caddy Rowland

  Nath smiled sadly. “You are welcome. I am sorry I could not allow it sooner.”

  “I understand. Oh, Nath, she is exquisite! When I saw her, before I knew it was my daughter, I thought that she was the most beautiful female I had ever laid eyes on. We made a beautiful creation, didn’t we?”

  “Oui, Gastien. We certainly did.”

  “She has my eyes, mouth, and cheekbones, but your nose, chin, and fine brows. The hair, of course, who knows? We both have dark hair. Thankfully, she also inherited your petite body. It is like nature took the best of each of us, combining the features into one perfect woman. Green eyes would also have been arresting.”

  “I am glad she got your brown and gold ones. They are even more unusual than green.”

  There was silence again. Nath finally spoke. ‘I have wanted to see you so often, Gastien. I miss you terribly, even after all of these years.”

  “And I, you, Nath. No one has ever been quite like you. I am glad we continued to write.”

  “How are Sophie and Tristan Michel?”

  “They are fine. Tristan Michel is now eleven! How has that much time passed? He looks very much like I did at his age, except his hair curls. That really drives him crazy!” They both laughed. “It is too bad that this is a day that they are not here with me. I would have liked everyone to meet.”

  “Well, that may still happen. If you are amiable to the idea, Elliot and I would like you to paint a family portrait for us. We will stay at a hotel in Paris and come out for the sittings. We would like a portrait done of just Giselle, too.

  “That would be a pleasure, Nath! Oh, what fun that will be! Just so you know, though, I do take Tuesdays from four o’clock to Thursday mornings at about ten o’clock off, to be with Sophie and my son. I also take off Sundays. I hope that it’s not going to inconvenience you too much.”

  “Not at all. Elliot is retired now from his businesses. We can explore Paris on the days you are not available. I am sure Giselle won’t mind shopping! She is very much her mother’s daughter. Oh Gastien, I am really looking forward to this!”

  Opening his arms, Gastien said softly, “Nath, come here.” She let herself be enfolded into his arms, holding him tightly. “Ah, Nath. I have wanted to hold you so often.”

  “Gastien, if only you knew how much I have missed you…and now, here we are. I believe you are more handsome than I remembered. Your hair! The length looks good on you. It really is wonderful hair.” She tilted her head back, looking up at him.

  Gastien leaned forward to kiss her. However, Nathalie quickly moved her face away.

  “Non. Don’t, Gastien, please. Don’t kiss me.”

  “But, how can I not? I have missed you, Nath. You mean so much to me!”

  “And you still mean too much to me. Although I am very glad to see you, it is hurting more than I had hoped it would. If you kiss me, I may never recover. Please, Gastien, don’t make me sorry I came here.”

  She was crying now.

  “Oh, Nath, don’t cry. Please! This should be a happy day for us. I won’t kiss you then, I promise. Now I have hurt you all over again! Oh!” Gastien wiped her tears with his fingers. “Stop that now! Let’s enjoy our reunion,” he said shakily.

  Gastien himself was close to tears.

  Her lips trembled, but she managed to smile. “It was always easier for you, wasn’t it?” she whispered.

  “Nath, that is not fair! You know I loved you, just not the same way. I still do.”

  She stepped out of his arms and reached to smooth his hair. “I know. But, for me, you were the one true love.”

  “Non. You are wrong! You are romanticizing me, making me more than I am for some reason. You have had the kind of life you wanted with a wonderful man. Would you have married me and lived apart most days?”

  Nath laughed. “Not on your life!”

  “Then I was not the man for you. I am incapable of sharing my life every day with anyone. Even with you; even with Sophie and my son. It is always the painting for me, Nath. It will always be first.”

  “Yet you are in love with Sophie, are you not?”

  “Oui, I am. The kind of love that makes you crazy inside at times! Still, even feeling that, I could not give up my life for her and a family. I would die.”

  “You are quite selfish, then, Gastien. You have missed out on a lot in life.”

  “I am not selfish. I just know what I need to survive. I am sure that I have indeed missed out on some things. On the other hand, I have experienced other things, like my art, much more deeply than most artists could ever hope to. My true wife is my art, Nath. I can’t help that.”

  “Sophie must be quite the woman, to agree to the arrangement you are living. I must say, when you wrote to me about it, I thought that the marriage would not last.”

  “Well, she is quite the woman. Who knows, maybe it lasts because the marriage always stays fresh. I do know I would be quite impossible to tolerate full time!”

  “You had written that she accepts you sleeping around. That is unusual for anyone outside of the gentry, to say the least.”

  “Oui,”he said simply. He felt no need to elaborate more.

  “Do you frequently make love to others then, since you love her so much?”

  “I never make love to others. I do have sometimes sex with others, though. Those are two vastly different things.”

  Nath shook her head. “You are splitting hairs.”

  “Non, I am not. I have sexual needs that I don’t care to submit my wife to. However, those needs still need to be taken care of. Others do that. If the others want tenderness and romance, they don’t come to me.”

  “You are a sadist now?” she asked, shocked.

  Gastien shook his head firmly. “Non! But I do happen to like deep, hard sex. My wife is very petite. I would hurt her. Don’t misunderstand me. I enjoy making love with her very much. It is physically and emotionally fulfilling. However, when I get the hunger for raw, hard sex, I seek other companionship. That is all.”

  “So, had I wanted to have some intense sex that allows you to be as rough as you might want, she would be fine with that?”

  “I don’t know, because she knows our past. I would not be fine with it, though. It would not ever be just sex with you, Nath. It would be more than that. That is something I would not do to my wife. Lovemaking is reserved for her, regardless of the forcefulness or lack thereof.”

  Nath smiled up at him. “You are saying it would still be something special, that act between you and me?”

  “Always. No matter how wild we might get. You are very special to me, and Sophie knows that. Going to bed with someone I care deeply about would bother her. It would also bother me.”

  “And it would devastate me! I am glad I don’t have to disappoint you then, Gastien. I would have had to say no to keep my sanity. It took a very long time to get over you the first time.”

  “Well, sometimes things are best left as memories. I believe that we agree our lovemaking would be one of those.”

  She held him again, and this time she did kiss him tenderly. He answered with a soft kiss back. Turning his face away, they simply held each other tightly for several minutes.

  She breathed in the scent of him after all of those years, imagining what it would be like to have him inside of her once again.

  He felt the familiarity of her body against him, and knew that he had cared for her a great deal more than he had ever let on. What a wonderful time they had enjoyed together. How sad that it ended too quickly! The best of things seemed to slip away all too easily. He vowed to make sure that he fully enjoyed every moment he did spend with Sophie.

  Finally, Nath said, “Why don’t you all join us for dinner tonight, our treat? We would love to talk with you some more. We can make plans for scheduling the paintings at the same time.”

  “That sounds good! Just name the time and the place. If you don’t mind, why don’t you send Giselle back up here for the rest of the afternoon? I
would like to talk with her. That way I can get to know her a little. Would you mind terribly? Would Elliot?”

  “Non, that would be just fine. I am sure Giselle will be thrilled. That is, until she needs to use the toilet! I don’t think she has ever used a toilet quite like those in Montmartre!” They both laughed.

  “Well, I imagine that will make her appreciate that fact that I did not marry you even more”

  “Oui,” Nath giggled. “She is quite used to luxury. Oh my, you will have to tell me her reaction when she finds out about your toilet situation.”

  They both grinned.

  “Nath, we laugh, but can you imagine yourself living here all of these years?”

  She looked around. “Non. You are very sexy, Gastien, and I was wildly in love with you – still am a bit. However, even you are not sexy enough to get me to live with a privy. The honeymoon would have ended very quickly once you moved me to Montmartre.”

  They both smiled knowingly at each other. It was good to know that she did not feel a mistake had been made after all.

  That afternoon, Gastien and Giselle told each other about their lives so far.

  Dinner went well, and they set up the schedule for painting.

  After introductions, Tristan Michel promptly told Giselle that he wished she was a brother instead of a sister. She laughed, saying that she hoped he would eventually forgive her for being female.

  XIII

  Even though Sophie and Nath liked each other, Gastien could tell that Sophie was worried. He took her out to dinner one night alone, and promised that he and Nath had not been intimate. He explained to Sophie that he would never do that, because he did care for Nath; however, he was not, and never was, in love with her. To be intimate with her would be hurtful to everyone involved.

  Sophie relaxed then, and the two women had a friendly relationship. They would never be close, as they did not have much in common, but neither were there any feelings of dislike or distrust. Nath shared many memories of Gastien at age nineteen. Sophie was hungry to hear each memory.

  Soon the paintings were done. Elliot and Gastien argued about payment. Gastien did not want to accept money, saying Elliot had more than paid for them by providing Giselle with so much love and care. Elliot, however, insisted.

  Once he pointed out that Gastien no doubt would have been earning money for his wife and son during the time he had painted for the three of them, Gastien agreed. Elliot paid him a very handsome sum, which again Gastien tried to protest.

  “Look, Gastien, I am not trying to show off or rub your nose in our money. You know as well as I do that I have more than we can ever spend. Please allow me to pay what I wish! Give it to your wife and son. I am sure you take care of them well, but it never hurts to give them a bit extra when the opportunity presents itself. It is presenting itself right now. Please, don’t be foolish. We love the paintings. The quality is excellent!”

  Gastien finally accepted. He knew that the money would come in handy for Sophie and Tristan Michel. It would possibly help pay for Tristan Michel’s continuing education in a few years, if he wished to continue with schooling.

  Soon it was time to say goodbye. That was done amid many tears and smiles. Promises were made to stay in touch. They knew they would send letters, but Gastien also knew he would not see any of them again for a long time, if ever. Perhaps one day he would be invited to Giselle’s wedding, but if not, he would understand.

  They had said goodbye to Sophie and Tristan Michel the day before. Gastien hugged Elliot, thanking him again. Then he turned to Nath. Kissing her sweetly, he held her a moment, willing himself not to cry. They both managed to somehow stay dry eyed.

  “Write soon and let me know you all arrived home safely,” Gastien said softly.

  “I will. You keeping writing, too!” responded Nath.

  “I promise I will.” He turned to Giselle.

  “Giselle, I am so proud of you! A man could not hope for a more wonderful daughter. I don’t just mean your looks. Your kindness and your sense of humor are precious to me. It was a pleasure to witness them.”

  “I would like to tell these two to lock you away, but I know you want to get out into the world. Listen to your parents and take their advice about life, Giselle. Don’t make foolish decisions that can ruin your future. The world is full of men that would dearly love to take advantage of a beautiful young woman like you. Be very careful with your heart.”

  “I will, Gastien.” She confided, “It is too confusing to call you both father. I hope you understand.”

  “I do. Gastien is just fine.”

  “I am so glad my parents let me see you! I love your work. You are a fabulous painter. I have a feeling you have quite an exciting life, most of which you have kept hidden from me.”

  Everyone laughed. Gastien blushed.

  Giselle continued, “I think that is why you are so worried about my safety around men. Mon Dieu, if they are as handsome as you, I will find it difficult to not lose my head.” Gastien blushed deeper. “I will try to remember that one of the most dangerous has given me fair warning. Perhaps I will tell them that if they try anything with me, they will have two fathers to answer to! That should scare some sense into them!”

  Gastien laughed and held her close.

  “Have a good time. Just be careful, and think things through. The whole world is yours, Giselle. Don’t throw it away for one night of passion with some silly man. We are not worth it. Make sure the man loves you and proves it.” He kissed her. “Please write to me. If ever you want to visit again, I will be glad to see you.”

  XIV

  The summer after Gastien had turned 36 he got a letter from Paul, telling him that his father had died. Paul had come to see him over the years when he had driven to Paris, but not often. Montmartre was a little way out of Paris and time was valuable to a farmer.

  Gastien fully understood. He was happy that Paul took the time whenever he did. He was also glad that Paul let him know after the fact about his father’s death, so that he would not feel obligated to go to the funeral.

  The only emotion he felt when he found out was joy. Mon Dieu, the connard was dead! Had he known in time to go to the funeral, he would have been sorely tempted to go and piss on his father’s grave during the service. For the first time in his life, he firmly hoped there was a God. That would mean his father would roast in hell.

  Once when Paul had visited, Gastien had given him a painting for him and his family, along with another for their mother. Gastien’s mother was thrilled to get the painting. She sent him a letter, praising his talent. The two brothers also wrote to each other a couple of times each year. Gastien’s mother usually put a note in with Paul’s letter, but she had to be very careful so that her husband, Jean, did not catch her. Gastien could not write to her directly, as his father would likely have beaten her.

  Paul kept the paintings as his, so that Jean would not destroy the one Gastien had sent for his mother. Although Paul and his family now lived in the old farmhouse, Jean and Marguerite lived with them. Although Jean would not dare to destroy anything of Paul’s, he was spiteful enough to destroy a painting by Gastien given to Marguerite, had he known it was for her.

  Now that Jean was dead, Marguerite made the trip one day with Paul to see Gastien and his studio. She stayed for two weeks. He enjoyed showing his mother around Montmartre, and taking her to various museums and sites in Paris. She was amazed at all that the city had to offer. She was also very proud of her son. She did not understand a lot of his personal work, but knew Gastien was very talented. She would sit for hours, just looking through his paintings. She even cooked and baked for him while she was there.

  Sophie and Tristan Michel loved her, and Marguerite adored both of them. She entertained Tristan Michel with stories of Gastien working on the farm, studying at the table, growing up, and sneaking into the attic at night to draw. Unfortunately, there were not a lot of stories to tell. Most of Gastien’s life on the farm did not ma
ke a pretty story.

  Both Marguerite and Gastien knew it would be the last time they would probably see each other. There was a sadness surrounding the visit because of that. However, they were both extremely glad this opportunity had presented itself.

  She was not very strong anymore, even though she was only in her late fifties. The constant abuse from Jean, and having so many children, had made her old before her time. Gastien knew that she would join her hateful husband in the ground way sooner than she should have had to. When the time came for her to leave, many tears were shed.

  Marguerite died two months after having visited Gastien. She was simply tired of living. The one reason she had forced herself to go on was to see her oldest son once more. Her other children were doing fine; she now knew that he was, too. Happy with that knowledge, tired of her bleak life, she simply went to sleep one night and did not wake up.

  When he received the telegram, Gastien was heartbroken. He left immediately with his wife and son. They rented a wagon, arriving in plenty of time for the funeral. They stayed the night with Paul, leaving the next day for home.

  It was nice to see his other siblings, and for Tristan Michel to meet his cousins, but Gastien had never been close to any siblings except Paul. His father had made sure there was little time for anything but work. As the eldest, Gastien had been pushed the hardest. Some additional siblings had been born after he had left home. He did not know them at all.

  His family, along with the people that came to the funeral, thought him odd with his long hair and his ruby ring. They were suspicious of his bohemian lifestyle they had no doubt heard rumors about, most likely from his father.

  He simply did not care enough to correct them. It mattered little if they liked or understood him, because he would likely never see them again. If for some awful reason Paul died before he did, he would be back. He supposed that could happen since they were only two years apart. Other than that, he would have no reason to ever return.

  Still, he was gracious to everyone, and they were kind enough to him. It made him chuckle inside that Paul’s wife, Rebecca, did not know what to make of him. It was obvious that she found him odd. He just bet she would be thanking her God for weeks that her secret, adolescent crush did not end up with her married to the weird guy with long hair who painted!