Dancing Hours

by Jennifer Browning

  He smiled and tried to go along with the levity. “No way, you are totally going to miss me more.”

  This was more like the David I enjoyed hanging out with. I felt guilty for having a good time and laughing with him, like I was somehow betraying my Nan by not wallowing in the sadness forever. It was one of the reasons I found myself so anxious to be on the open road and back at school. No one there would know that I was supposed to be mourning, that I wasn’t allowed to laugh and have fun. No one there would judge me for going back to my regularly scheduled life.

  There in the restaurant, David didn’t judge me. And we finally talked about Holly and her plans. David had made Holly prove to him that she could be a good mother to Jessica and Holly agreed. She had talked to a lawyer and she knew she had the right to take Jessica any time, but she was grateful to David for being there for her daughter. He didn’t have to do that. But during the last few weeks Holly had been visiting during a school break and had taken care of Jessica more and more until David finally canceled Jessica’s after-school program so she could spend more time with Holly. “I think she can do it now. And she feels guilty about leaving, so I have a feeling she’ll spend the rest of her life trying to make it up to Jessica and that’s okay with me.”

  “So what are you going to do?” I asked.

  “I have no idea. My grandmother’s pretty pissed about this whole thing. In spite of Holly’s assurances that she’ll visit with Jessica, grandma isn’t convinced. So I almost hate to leave too. I’d be leaving her alone again.”

  “But you can’t live your life taking care of other people.”

  “I know. I’ve done that too much.”

  “You’ve got to do what you want to do. What do you want to do?”

  David thought about it for a minute, then laughed. “I want to go with you.”

  “Where?”

  “Everywhere.”

  I sat there a little stunned. He was looking at me quite earnestly and, although I could have laughed it off and pretended he was joking, I knew that he meant it. He was in love with me. I knew it, but it scared me. I also knew that being with him was as comfortable as anything I’d ever known. And I had it on pretty good authority that he was a nice guy. There was some sort of disconnect between my brain and my mouth. I was still thinking about the many horrible things that could happen between us: the fights, the disagreements. What if I find out I don’t really like him? What came out of my mouth was “When is Holly going home with Jessica?”

  He raised an eyebrow and answered cautiously “Friday”

  “Okay, we’ll leave Saturday.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah.” No. What am I saying? This could end really, really badly.

  He got out of the booth, pulled me out of my side and kissed me. I momentarily forgot my aversion to public displays of affection and we got carried away for a few moments until the waitress interrupted us with the check. Several people were staring.

  “Are you really sure?” he asked, still holding my face.

  “Yes.” This time I was sure.

  3

  The lawyer said Nan had left us some money. A lot of money. Half had been earning interest in an out of state bank for 50 years and the other half had been invested in various stocks, bonds and whatnot for the same amount of time. She had not forgotten anyone. The church got a donation. The senior center had enough to buy new computers and remodel the room where Nan taught dance. Nan was a smart investor. My parents could retire. Heck, I could retire. She even left some money for David. He put half of it away for Jessica.

  David told me about Holly’s “scholarship” on the first day of our drive West. I was worried that something would happen to interrupt her school and I called my mom right away. She seemed amused that Nan had told David about it. She said that her mother had left “Dear Josephine” notes all over the place about different people she should call and projects she had going on. Nan had stuck her nose in a lot of different people’s lives, but none so personally as Holly and Jessica. My mom had already called Dorothy, who was sad to hear the news of Nessa’s passing and told my mother not to worry, that Holly’s scholarship would be continued.

  With that worry resolved, we were terribly and wonderfully free. We went hiking in the Appalachian mountains. We drove along Route 66. We didn’t take the most direct route, but we did have a lot of fun. Eventually, I even let David tell me that he loved me and instead of making a face, I said it right back – because it was true. I started out thinking that I wanted to know the hot guy on the motorcycle, but in the end I really wanted to know the hot nice guy driving the sensible gray sedan.

  By the time we got to Arizona, Jessica had been there for a couple of weeks with Holly. She had her own room, which was fully decorated in purple and pink flowers. She had just started school there and she was so happy to see us. David was clearly happy to see Jessica too. Holly and I spent a long time talking in the kitchen while Jessica and David played in her living room that night. “She’s never going to go to sleep tonight.” Holly observed.

  “Probably not.” I watched David making monster noises and chasing Jessica around the furniture. “Maybe we should stay the weekend. Would that be okay?”

  “Yes! Jessica would love it and you could meet my sister. She had to work late today, but she can come over tomorrow if you’ll be here.”

  And so we stayed the weekend. Holly was every bit the devoted mother David had hoped she would be. Jessica’s needs always came first. And Holly’s sister was an excellent aunt. As an only child, I never missed having a brother or a sister. I was always the star of the show at my house. I never had to share a bedroom, a sink or a sandwich with anyone else. And I always had friends that I was close with. But I would never have that bond that sisters seem to have. And Holly and her sister had a pretty tight bond.

  I didn’t make it back to school on time and they made me repeat the classes. David and I got an apartment together and finished out the year there. Living with him wasn’t any more of a challenge than living with any other roommate. He started working for Ed drafting press releases for the business out of our apartment while I went to classes. Most nights we made love and fell asleep in each other’s arms.

  At David’s urging, I signed up to do the next semester in France. The flight there was the most exciting thing I had ever done. David seemed genuinely excited too, but he didn’t seem to be a very good flyer because he was jittery the whole time. I joked that he needed to switch to decaf and he barely registered that I was talking.

  It took a week for us to finally get around to visiting the Eiffel Tower, but I could not help being overwhelmingly excited. I was going to look at it from every angle, go up inside, eat in one of the restaurants. I had great plans for me and the Eiffel Tower. David seemed to understand that he was merely a prop in my mission to get to the Tower that day, but as I stood there admiring it from the ground looking so much larger than I ever imagined; David had a surprise for me.

  “Are you happy?” he asked.

  “Wow. Yes, I’m so happy.” I said “I can’t believe I’m finally here.”

  “Me either.” He looked up at the tower, hands in his coat pockets and took a deep breath.

  “I’ll bet you…” I started a sentence and looked over to find him on one knee.

  “Andy, you are the most amazing woman I’ve ever known and I’m really happy that we could make your dream come true today. I thought maybe you could make my dream come true too.” He opened the little blue velvet box. Inside was a ring I recognized instantly -my grandmother’s engagement ring. “Will you marry me?”

  I felt like all of Paris stood still around us. The entire continent could have disintegrated at that moment and I wouldn’t have noticed. Of course, I said yes. Loudly, excitedly, absolutely yes.

  We spent a blissful season in Europe exploring and engaged in every sense of the word. We returned to Los Angeles to finish up my degree and married in the summer back home,
where we met. Kate planned the wedding for us, I just had to find the dress and show up. It was perfect.

  Jessica was the flower girl, the ring bearer and a bridesmaid. Holly brought her sister and her cousin to the wedding. Even Noah showed up and stood with my handsome groom.

  Our reception was at the senior center in the dance hall my grandmother renovated, as if she’d known I would dance there on one of the happiest days of my life. David and I had our first dance, then I danced with my father, my mother… sometimes it felt like Nan was dancing there beside me. I think the whole town showed up, invited or not. That is what I loved about being home. My town was my family, the whole raggedy lot – as Nan would say. We danced all night long.

  We later moved back to that small town together. I took a job with Miss Celia teaching children to dance and worked at the Under Ground sometimes. David continued working for Ed remotely. We saw Jessica often, even after we had our own children. Once a year we traveled to a new and faraway place, but when our vacation was over it was always good to be home.

  Over the years I learned that even though I love to dance for hours, let my mind drift with the music to a faraway place, it’s the time between the dancing hours that matters the most.