Northern Spirit

by Lindsey J Carden

  To see his mistake corrected David felt humbled, and bent over the calf to examine it and said, ‘It’s a heifer.’ He then muttered a half-hearted invitation to Barry, ‘Do you want to come in for a drink?’ And he gestured to Tom who was peering over the loosebox door. ‘Go and ask Mum to put the kettle on, Tom, to make Barry and … and … this young lady a cup of tea.’

  And unseen by anyone, Hannah Robson bit her lip for the third time that evening.

  ‘That’s okay, Davey,’ Barry interrupted. ‘We won’t stay. We’ve another call to make in Langdale and we don’t want to be late home. Please give my regards to your mother, though.’

  David brought a bucket of warm soapy water and a towel from the dairy to wash their hands and arms in and as the two vets started to remove their overalls, David watched Hannah as she struggled to pull her damp overalls off from over the top of her jeans. As he caught her eye, she showed great contempt for his indiscretion, and the indifference in her eyes humiliated him and he quickly looked away. To hide his embarrassment, David started to wash the calving equipment and then threw down some fresh straw to bed the cow and calf down for the evening. He purposely turned away as Barry left.

  Realising David’s remorse, Barry returned momentarily and put his arm on his shoulder. ‘Don’t fret, Davey. We’ve had a good result tonight and none of them will be any the worse for it. Ring me if you’re ever worried, wont you. I know it’s going to be hard for you all. I just …’ but David interrupted, and pulled away before Barry could say anything else that would embarrass him further in front of this girl. ‘We’ll all be fine,’ his voice was uncharacteristically cold. ‘Don’t worry about us.’

  David watched the headlights of the Mercedes disappear out of sight, and the only brightness outside came from the kitchen windows as a shaft of light fell on the cold and damp farmyard floor. He left the lights on in the loosebox and walked outside into the evening’s air. He noticed that the yard gate was left undone and felt compelled to close it.

  When David came in the house he ignored his mother and didn’t seem to hear her as she asked after Barry Fitzgerald. Kathy was disappointed in him, but before she was able to repeat her question, David had disappeared upstairs.

  Kathy was used to difficult teenagers, as Linzi was still only eighteen and during her weekend breaks home from college was capable of causing friction. But these moods of David’s were alien to her. His lack of restraint and bad manners worried her. She’d rarely ever needed to be heavy handed on him, George had always seen to that, perhaps unnecessarily at times. Kathy had learned to cope with a difficult husband, and wondered how she could possibly cope with a difficult son. She had suffered years under her husband’s repression, with his barrage of unreasonable questions and accusations and was longing for freedom. Kathy had always found David to be her saviour, yet, despite that, she was reluctant to deal with his distress.

  She wondered if he was going through some kind of crisis and, with all that had happened to him it would be no surprise. But this anger and this aggression, why couldn’t he just relax and make the most of the freedom they all had? Kathy was about to follow him upstairs and try to talk when she heard the shower running and knew the moment had passed by again. She looked at his wasted meal on the table, covered it with a tin plate and put it back in the Aga.

  *

  Barry and Hannah drove on through the darkness to their next call, hoping their long day would soon be at an end. Hannah was tired and rested her head back on the car seat and shut her eyes. Barry was quietly thinking of David Keldas when Hannah suddenly spoke. ‘I hope we don’t go to that farm too often! He’s an ignorant lad isn’t he?’

  Barry paused before he spoke, to best phrase what he had to say. ‘Don’t judge him harshly, Hannah. I admit he was rude to you, but it was uncharacteristic of David. He’s usually a likable, placid sort of lad. I’ll spare you all the gory details, but he’s just been through a nightmare. Well, his whole family has.’ Barry sighed. ‘You don’t want to know what happened up at Keld Head, and I won’t gossip about this family, I rather like them. But David’s father, George Keldas that is, was a difficult man and I could never weigh him up. He’s given them all hell these last couple of years, for various reasons. But let’s put it this way, he’ll never harm anyone, ever again.’

  ‘Oh no … I’m sorry. I didn’t realise. I suppose I’ll have to get used to these farming types won’t I. I’m really more interested in treating small animals; maybe dealing with the general public - Dachshunds and Westies and all.’ Hannah rested her head back again on the car seat and stared out into the darkness.

  Barry gave a wry smile. ‘I wish you wouldn’t be so idealistic, Hannah. I suppose you’ll want to work in Cheltenham and have all your clients as middleclass housewives with blue-rinses in their hair!’

  ‘Okay - okay, I get the message,’ she scowled. ‘I’ll try and act with a bit more understanding in future. Perhaps I can use this as a learning curve.’ Hannah knew she’d upset Barry, but felt there was no excuse for David’s behaviour. If she couldn’t get on with the locals, at least she could enjoy the beautiful countryside for a few months.

  There was a long silence before Barry started up again. ‘It’s funny but we did something today at Keld Head that we haven’t done for years. Something that you would never have noticed. We parked in the farmyard.’

  Hannah now intrigued, looked at Barry.

  ‘If you thought David was rude, you would have hated to meet George Keldas - an awkward devil! Most people around here preferred to deal with David. George always insisted that we parked in the lane, and the gates were to be kept closed. The only people allowed to park in the yard were his family. It was like a fortress there sometimes. George didn’t like anyone snooping around, you see, and he never trusted a soul - suspicious to the point of being obsessive – guilty conscience I think. It made life difficult at times, carrying stuff backwards and forwards from the car. You had to remember to close the gate behind you each time. So it was strange today to see those gates open. It sounds silly to us I know, but we have to respect their wishes, as weird as they may be – future custom you know. So don’t despise David. He’s really a grand lad. He’s just had a lot on his plate.’

  Hannah shrunk low in her seat and hoped Barry would leave the matter alone. ‘What’s wrong with the sheep up in Langdale?’ she said.

  *

  Tom and Sarah were sat in the lounge watching television. Tom had told Kathy, in detail, how Barry Fitzgerald had managed to deliver Silver’s calf with the help of Hannah Robson, who he described as a boy-girl. He was glad at last to be able to watch what he wanted on the television as his grandparents had taken Great Aunt Betty out for a meal, as a treat for their last night together, before they took her home to her cottage near Hawkshead; they were to return to Lancaster.

  Kathy, still wearing her printed apron from washing the dishes, flopped down on the sofa and drifted off into a much needed sleep. She was stirred as she felt the cushions on the sofa sag with someone’s weight. She opened her eyes and it was David, now washed and changed. His dark hair was still wet and curling in its familiar way. He smelt clean and manly, his face and body covered in aftershave lotion, and he was obviously going out. As he bent over and struggled to put on a pair of brown suede boots, Kathy watched him for a while wondering where he was going but glad that, momentarily, he’d decided to sit down.

  ‘Davey … Please don’t go out before you have your tea.’

  ‘I’m not hungry.’ He spoke softly and deliberately.

  ‘Will the calf be alright now?’

  ‘Yes. I’ve left the light on. You could maybe check her for me later, if you will? I’ll look in on her when I get back. If you’re worried, I’m only at the pub.’ He stuffed some money into the pockets of his jeans, pulled his sweater over his head and was gone.

  Kathy slapped her hands together. ‘Right you two,’ she jumped up. ‘Sarah… . Let’s get you in the bath. And don�
�t disappear, Tom, because you’re next!’

  It was a cool evening, the rain had stopped and David enjoyed his walk down the hill. The village was quiet. He felt at last a sense of freedom, but wondered how often he would be able to do this in the future. David did like a drink, but he hadn’t always had the chance of late. He had stayed in, compelled to try and keep the peace between his mother and his father, and he didn’t always feel like the company. He was often not just tired with working, but from spending hours wandering the hills looking for his father, afraid he may come to some harm. And now as he walked out to the pub, he hadn’t considered that his mother might have wanted to spend some time alone with him. David was also still sulking over his mistake with Silver, and his lack of courtesy with Hannah Robson, and was deep in thought.

  Passing one of the cottages on the hill, David saw a man lighting up a cigarette in the doorway. He stopped, glanced quickly and turned away. He knew it was foolish, but he thought how much the man looked like his father. And as he walked on, he guessed the man was behind him, just a few paces away, and it took every ounce of self-restraint not to run. David remembered how he’d teased Tom about seeing spies in the woodland, yet he was reacting just the same. He desperately wanted to be lighthearted again, but couldn’t be.

  As David entered the pub, the warmth from the log fire immediately soothed him. He went across to order a drink and was resting his elbows in the bar, when someone’s hand fell heavily on his shoulders.

  ‘Where have you been, my lovely? ’ a voice was singing softly in his ears.

  David lunged forward and almost spilt his drink. ‘For pity’s sake, Tony … !’

  ‘Arhh … How did you know it was me … ? You’ve spoiled all my fun.’ Tony Milton grinned at David. ‘So you’ve finally come out of hiding, have you?’

  ‘Well, I reckon I need all the friends I can get right now. I’m surprised you want to be seen with me - bad company and all.’

  ‘Don’t talk stupid. I’ll take that risk.’ Tony gestured. ‘We’re all over here.’

  As David turned and looked across the crowded room he saw a handful of his friends over in the corner: Tony’s sister, Joanne, and Darren Watson an old college friend; he must have walked straight past them.

  ‘Come on over and lighten up, mate?’

  ‘I want to … believe you me. I need a bit of fun in my life, but I don’t know if now’s the right time?’ David shook his head.

  ‘Then at least try.’ Tony led him across and, almost childlike, David complied.

  Tony and Joanne Milton were David’s neighbours. They looked like they were twins, in that they both had long red hair, but they weren’t. They had been David’s schoolmates, playmates, and collaborators and had lived in the bungalow down the hill from Keld Head as long as David cared to remember. They were close childhood friends and had seen David through most of the highs and lows of his life, understanding well the problems the Keldas family had been through, but somehow, much like David, had tried to learn to live with them. As friends and neighbours they’d become intimate with the domestic difficulties of each other’s family. Their own mother had left them some years ago, leaving their father to bring them up single-handed. This caused no embarrassment, but served to bond them all; keeping confidences, being discreet as not to promote village talk, respecting each other’s lives with a kind of trust and dignity that they deserved.

  Tony understood the changeable moods of David’s father. And from being quite small he had learned when it was a good time to stay and when it was a good time to leave. He remembered as a child, playing on the floor of the farmhouse kitchen, when George Keldas came in and tipped a box full of grass cuttings all over the kitchen table. He was incensed because Kathy had only made a salad for lunch; he’d shouted that they would all have to eat like animals to get some belly-fill. Tony Milton had calmly taken hold of Joanne’s little hand and led her away home, picking up their toys as they left.

  Tonight, David found he was able to relax with his friends, but as the evening drew on, it was clear that he was still, understandably, grieving. He drank too much and he talked too much; considerably so, for David. And he was beginning to be the worse for it; laughing at things he shouldn’t and apologising when he needn’t.

  As closing time approached, one by one, the group of friends left, leaving only David, with Tony and Joanne Milton to walk back up the hill to Keld Head together.

  ‘Come on, Dave. It’s an early start for you tomorrow?’

  ‘I’m not bothered about that now,’ David slurred. ‘Alan Marsh is milking tomorrow.’

  ‘Oh, he’s getting his foot back in the door again is he?’

  ‘What choice do I have? I can’t work every day for the rest of my life can I? Besides, it was Mum’s idea.’

  ‘Aye. It would be.’

  ‘Haven’t you got a calf to check on, Davey?’ Joanne said. ‘You haven’t forgotten have you?’

  David had forgotten.

  The three of them talked in the cold night air, and warm breath escaped as a fine mist from their mouths as they joked and chatted all the way back to the farm. They reached Keld Head with strained voices, breathless with the incline. Tony was a pace behind.

  ‘I could have walked home with my eyes shut following your trail of aftershave,’ Tony gasped. ‘Or are you trying to cover up something else? What on earth is it?’

  David ignored his question, but Joanne knew exactly what it was; she loved the smell of Brut.

  Tony then fumbled in his pockets. ‘Man … ! I’ve left my keys on the table.’ He wheeled around and started to jog back to the village.

  Joanne went across to the old Pele tower to shelter inside its sturdy walls as they’d often done as children, when David took her arm and restrained her. ‘Don’t go in there, Jo, please.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Davey … I’m so sorry. I didn’t realise.’

  ‘No … no, you wouldn’t.’ He took her hand and led her across to a wall, lifting her petite body high onto the slates. They huddled together in the cold, sheltering under the side of the farmhouse; Joanne was shivering.

  Why David didn’t invite her into the house, she’d no idea, but she knew him well enough not to let that trouble her. He must have his reasons, and the answer, as she thought, soon became clear. David was slow to appreciate how cold she was, but eventually pulled himself across and gave her his jacket; throwing it over her shoulders. As they sat closely together he put his arm around her and pulled her closer to him. Her long red hair blew with the breeze and touched his face. And as he tried to tame it, he looked at the beauty and innocence in Joanne’s young face and his senses sharpened. He now felt more at ease with himself than he’d done all day; more carefree, or careless, as he was soon to find out.

  Joanne Milton was five years younger than David and Tony. She’d only just turned eighteen and David hadn’t been slow in realising she’d grown into a beautiful young woman, and he’d been the protector of her many times. She was a delicate girl and sensitive by nature. He was always telling her to toughen up a bit. David felt her fragile nature made her appear like a china doll; she was easy prey and vulnerable. And tonight it was David who unwittingly became captive to Joanne’s spell, and he understood how others had felt as they’d tried to win her over.

  As he held her hair in his hands, and saw her face, pale and blanched, she became unreal to him. Then he did something he would regret for the rest of his life; he kissed her, not as a friend, but as a lover. David didn’t know why he did it. Perhaps it was the feel of her hair; he loved the touch of a woman’s hair. Maybe it was because he felt comfortable with her as she never demanded of him. But at the time, he didn’t care why he had kissed her; he only knew he just had to do it.

  Joanne didn’t try to stop him - for a start, she couldn’t, but then why should she waken from this dream? One she’d always wanted. Perhaps David wasn’t out of her reach and she was no longer just the girl next door. Maybe she was old enough for
him to love her, not as a friend, or a kind of brother, but as an equal.

  They sat quietly for a while in a long embrace. Each numbed by their feelings. Joanne wondered at the implications. David thought of nothing except how her lips felt on his, how cool and soft they were and tasting of wine; nevertheless, neither wanted to move.

  Then the noise of a car fast approaching with its headlights beaming, stirred them. Tony jumped out of the passenger seat, thanked the driver and, realising what he had just witnessed, looked at David hard in the face. He held his gaze and shouted. ‘I thought I could trust you, Dave?’ and he grabbed Joanne’s hand and pulled her off the wall.

  As David watched them walk away, Joanne turned back and looked longingly at him.

  David didn’t move, but continued to sit back against the cold stone wall of the farmhouse. He was amazed that he’d allowed this open display of his feelings to be master over him. His total lack of self-control confused him and felt his very thoughts were to be published in some trashy newspaper for everyone to read along with all the dreadful photographs. He wondered what was wrong with him. Did he not care anymore? Had his bad judgment and upsets of the day just been too much for him? He was trying and failing to be introspective of his life when he suddenly remembered the cow and calf.

  Jumping down heavily off the wall and staggering in the process, he unlatched the gate and, in the darkness, went across the yard to the loosebox. His mother must have been over earlier as she had promised and put the light out. David switched it on again and saw the calf nestling close to its mother. The cow was cudding, resting in the clean straw, no worse for her ordeal. ‘You have someone to love, Silver?’ he crouched low and pulled at her ear.

  Satisfied they were well, David looked about him, and noticed his grandparent’s car parked in the yard and he guessed by this time they would all be in bed. He put out the light in the loosebox and tried to creep into the farmhouse and locked the back door. He clumsily tiptoed upstairs to his room, didn’t undress but just lay on his bed not wanting to disturb Tom, fast asleep, on the floor. Then as much as he tried to sleep, he somehow couldn’t.