Heavy Hearts

by Kaemke, Kylie

  Chapter 8

  It was nearly three hours later after our steamy kitchen make-out-session and we found ourselves back in the living room cuddling on the plush sofa. We argued for a bit about how I was insane because I had never seen Star Wars, and it concluded in my agreement to watch the first one with him. On the long couch in his embrace I lovingly watched him as his lips silently recited the lines to the movie. I wasn’t really paying full attention to the film, but I loved it because he was so passionate about it, and at that moment I was so very glad that I chose to come over.

  He didn’t pressure me in the kitchen to take things any further than heavy petting, and I didn’t know if he would when it was time to climb under the king-sized blue and black reversible comforter that lay on his bed. I was still unsure if I wanted it to happen or not. Trying hard to remind myself that this wasn’t anything more than fun I asked myself ‘what’s the point in holding back if we’re just having a good time?’

  Before I knew it the end credits were rolling up the television screen and it was getting pretty late. I tried hard to stop myself, but I couldn’t cease from yawning loudly. I covered my gaping mouth with my hands trying to stifle it, but there was no way Simon didn’t notice.

  “Did the film bore you that much?” He wondered; furrowed brows and all.

  “No, not at all. I thoroughly enjoyed it.” I lied, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by ripping on his favorite movie. If he were to tell me that he didn’t enjoy The Breakfast Club I would probably strike him down. “No, it’s just been quite the day.” I saved myself.

  “Yeah, it has been a spectacular day.” He kissed my forehead and rose off the couch to stop the movie. “Are you…” he started, clearing his throat and running his fingers through his scruffy hair. “I mean, did you want to take the bed and I’ll uhm… I’ll sleep out here on the couch.” His hand rubbed the back of his neck and his cheeks started to turn shades of pink.

  I decided that there was never going to be a better moment, and even if there was, what could have necessarily made that moment any better? I psyched myself up with as much courage as I could muster and walked over to him standing in the middle of the room. I looked up at him with my sweetest eyes and put my palms against his built chest. I could feel his heartbeat quicken from my touch as I slowly moved my hands up until they wrapped around his neck.

  “Don’t be silly,” I said as I lifted myself up on my tiptoes so my lips could reach his ear. “That bed in there,” I gestured down the hall. “It’s plenty big enough for the two of us.” I whispered softly and kissed him lightly on the cheek. I let go of him and turned on my heel to make my way down the hall. Feeling extremely powerful and proud of myself I trotted down the hallway, looking back to see he was frozen in place, ogling me. I stopped for a second to turn and hold my hand out in front of me, closing it into a fist aside from my index finger which I used to beckon him toward me. He instantly snapped out of it and followed.

  I beat him to the room and took it upon myself to climb onto the bed. Propping myself up on my elbows, and only bending one leg; leaving the other straight to dangle off the side of the bed. He emerged in the doorway, but stopped to take in the sight before him. I bit my lip and blinked slowly giving him my most sultry of looks. I couldn’t handle it anymore and I just wanted to feel him. I wanted him to explore every inch of my body, and I wanted him to get lost in me more than I had been lost in him all day.

  He launched himself out of the doorway and with voracious eyes he headed right toward me. I picked myself up a bit and scooted back on the bed, giving him more room, and he graciously accepted it. He climbed onto the bed and slid over me parting my legs around him as he planted each hand firmly on either side of my body. He leaned his head down to kiss me, and this time it was with more force than each time before, but I liked it and fervently pressed back.

  We kissed for far too long – each of us afraid to make the next move – but even though it was becoming difficult to breathe I was thoroughly enjoying myself. He pulled his lips away from mine to stare down at me with that halfcocked grin of his and we both couldn’t stop our heavy breathing. He lowered his head once more, but this time he found my neck with his plump lips. I turned my head so he had a better palette of skin to work with, and I ran my hands down to the hem of his shirt to pull it up over his head.

  He didn’t fight me and helped by sitting up so I could continue to undress him. His torso was nearly hairless, besides a thin line of dark hair that trailed down from his belly button and disappeared into his pant line. I ran my fingers over his smooth chest; soft, but not flabby; like he worked out but not enough to get super ripped. I felt him tense underneath my fingertips and his body got harder. “I’m a bit ticklish” he snickered. I smiled and ran my fingers down his belly, forcing him to let out a low chuckle as he grabbed my hands in an attempt to get me to stop. I pouted and he released me with a grin.

  I lay there waiting for him to make the next move, but I could tell he was trying so hard to be respectful of me. So I helped him out by taking his right hand in mine and placing it on my bare stomach to slowly slide it up my shirt. Hoping he would get the hint I was dropping and letting him find what we both wanted him to touch. I wanted him to undress me, I wanted him to take me, and I wanted him to want me.

  He brought his left hand up to the torn hem of my shirt and he pushed it upward revealing my upper half. He took his hand off my breast and leaned in to cover me in kisses. His lips felt so carnal against my skin, like he couldn’t fully satisfy his taste for my flesh. He moved down lower to my belly button, his lips still exploring. Every inch of my body was on fire and I couldn’t sit still. I let out a small moan and willed him to continue undressing me.

  I unbuttoned my shorts and attempted to wiggle out of them, but it was difficult to get a grip on them with his weight on top of me. He realized what I was struggling to do and lent a hand. He hooked his thumbs into my belt loops and peeled the fabric off my body. I arched my back lifting myself off the bed to make it easier for him to slide them off. I raised my arms and slipped myself out of my t-shirt. I was now exposed in only a black bra and a pair of white cotton panties. Without me even knowing he slipped himself out of his pants and was back in between my legs in only his dark red briefs.

  The two of us, now half-naked, wrapped ourselves in a cocoon of flesh and it was hard to tell where one began and the other ended. We explored each other’s bodies for what seemed like hours. Heavy breaths and sultry moans filled the silence in the room and then there was nothing that mattered. We completely forfeited to one another and there was no chance of surrender.

  ****

  I woke up the next morning, replenished, like I was missing a piece of myself and I had found it in Simon. I lay on the pillow top mattress, enjoying the feeling of the warmth that only another body lying next to you could offer. Simon was still asleep, but his arm was tightly wrapped around me. We fell asleep naked and holding each other. He was softly snoring as I nuzzled my face into his chest. I enjoyed him sleeping, but my arm was pinned between us, and it felt awful. I lifted my head and planted soft kisses on his stubbly chin to try and composedly wake him.

  It worked, and soon his eyes fluttered open, and his body rolled backwards freeing my arm. I pulled it out swiftly, squeezing the life back into my muscles. He gave me a look full of worry. “Oh… I’m so sorry! Are you alright?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine… just a little tingly. I’ll live.” I said with a smile to ease his conscious.

  He put a hand on my arm and slid his fingers over my numb skin. Giving it a light kiss he smiled at me and whispered “Hi.”

  “Hi.” I repeated. We stared at each other for a bit too long, and then I realized that I was completely naked.

  I knew I should have had nothing to be embarrassed about (not after last night) but something about being in the morning sunlight, all exposed, I just felt unsure of myself. I pulled the white sheet closer to my body, making sure all my pa
rts were covered.

  “Something the matter?” His worried look smeared across his face once more, and I thought to myself how silly I was being.

  “No, not at all. I had a terrific time last night.” I recovered and slipped myself back into his arms.

  “Mmmmm yes, I did too. You my dear are insatiable.” Funny, since that was the word that I had been thinking about him for the previous twenty-four hours. He was truly insatiable, and I never wanted that moment to end. But, unfortunately everything must come to an end.

  I heard my phone vibrating from the nightstand next to me, I reached over to grab it and a few text messages and missed calls from Adam were blinking urgently at me. My eyes glanced upward on the screen at the time and it was nearly one o’clock in the afternoon. My first instinct was to be appalled at the time, shocked at the fact that I slept past nine a.m. But I decided to take a deep breath and relax. I was on vacation for crying out loud.

  “Oh lord, Adam is bombarding me with messages. I should call him and let him know I’m alive and well.” Simon smirked and replied with “I’ll make coffee.” Which even though it was so late in the day, coffee was something that I really needed.

  We must’ve exhausted each other after three hours of non-stop love making, and our bodies needed to revitalize themselves with extra hours of sleep. It felt great.

  Simon climbed out of bed, still naked, and I watched him leave the room; not able to take my eyes off his body. I stayed in bed and swiped my phone open to reveal Adam’s messages:

  9:03 AM “Lucy. You alright?

  9:47 AM “Text me when you get this.”

  10:37 AM MISSED CALL ADAM

  10:59 AM Seriously?!

  11:23 AM MISSED CALL ADAM

  12:05 PM Okay… I’m sure you’re okay. I’m going to stop worrying, but please call me when you get this!

  12:48 PM MISSED CALL ADAM

  I wasn’t really in the mood to speak to him so I just sent him a text back saying “I’m sorry, I slept in… so sue me. I’m okay. I’ll text or call you later, not sure what’s on my agenda today” which kept him at bay for the rest of the day; for the rest of the trip actually.

  I squirmed my way out of Simon’s bed and searched for my clothes. I wished that I had another outfit… but I clearly had no idea that I wasn’t going back to the hotel that night. I grabbed my bra, panties, shorts, and shirt and skipped into the bathroom. I was pumped full of energy and there was no way I was going to hide it.

  Looking at myself in the large mirror I was horrified. Mascara smeared under my eyes and greasy hair flung out in all different directions. After last night’s extra-curricular activities I was not smelling the greatest either, a scent of sweat and sex radiated off my body and a shower was sounding pretty good at that very moment. I dropped my clothes on the floor and walked over to the glass stand-up shower. Fiddling with the handle I figured out how to turn it on. Once the water was pouring out the shower head I slipped my hand under it and waited for the hot water to greet me and accept me into its embrace.

  It felt nice to let the gracious hot water wash away all the glorious sin of last night. All of the products in Simon’s shower were no doubt for men, but I didn’t mind as I squeezed a dime sized droplet of Head and Shoulders shampoo into my hands and worked up a lather of sweet smelling peppermint in my hair.

  As I rinsed the suds out of my locks I could hear footsteps on the tile floor. I tensed my body in anticipation as I heard the shower door open up and two hands found my waist.

  “You look resplendent when you’re wet.” He uttered suggestively as one of his hands moved lower. Suddenly I felt very aware and proud of my body. Simon wasn’t the only partner I have had, but he was the first to make me feel so dirty and beautiful at the same time.

  I let his hands wander and I backed myself up so my back was flush with his chest. His expert touch made me melt and I was his to do with what he pleased. I found it so simple to give all of myself over to him without the slightest bit of hesitation – and that’s when I snapped myself out of it.

  Chapter 9

  I made a little bit of a scene in the shower, and I’m still a little foggy on what actually happened – it was as if I was a puppet being controlled by a psychotic puppet master who only wanted to see me suffer. There were tears, a little shouting, and then blood.

  I freaked out at the fact that I was falling for this man. Falling so fast that there was no coming back from it, and how was I supposed to deal with that? It wasn’t what I had in mind at the beginning of this quest. I wanted to find someone that I could have unemotional fun with, and this was becoming more emotional than I had ever experienced. I had to slow it down before it derailed; the only problem was that in trying to calm things I had created more chaos.

  “Should we talk about this?” Simon quietly asked, handing me a couple red tablets and a glass of water to alleviate the horrible cramps I was already feeling. I was so embarrassed by the fact that I had started my fucking period while he had two fingers inside of me, but that wasn’t what he wanted to discuss. He was referring to the fact that before we discovered my bloody visitor I burst into tears and ran out of the shower pleading for him to stop.

  “Simon… I don’t even know what to say.” I lied. I did know what to say. I knew that I should have told him that it was all a mistake. That I was falling so hard for him and I couldn’t let that happen. Suzette’s words were buzzing through my head like a terribly annoying fly as I remembered she tried to warn me something like this was going to happen. I couldn’t believe that I had let myself get to that point, but I also knew that my oversensitive emotions were partly to blame by my monthly friend.

  “How about you start with what happened between the time that I left to make coffee and returning to find you in the shower?” He coaxed me for an answer. I felt horrified, but I honestly didn’t know how to handle it. I just shook my head left to right and another tear spilled out of my right eye.

  “Oh Luce, please don’t cry. Please just tell me what’s wrong. If you're embarrassed about what happened please don’t be. Tell me how to help you, please?” He begged, his words full of compassion, but that only made it worse. I wished that he didn’t feel for me. That would at least have made things easier, but I could see in his eyes as he wiped the tear drop from my cheek that he was also falling in love with me too. What a mess I had made.

  “I just can’t let this continue… I am so sorry to have put you in this position Simon, I really am, but this just has to stop.” I tried to say without choking up, but it was no use. Sometimes, being an emotional girl could really get in the way of things. I mean, I was sad about all this, but if my hormones weren’t all wacky I would’ve at least been able to get it all out without becoming hysterical.

  “What? What are you going on about? What ‘position’ have you put me in?” A new hint of anger had developed in his tone, and I was beginning to get worried. For all I knew he could have had some deep-seeded temper that I had yet to see.

  “This… us… me… and you. I’m only here until August Simon… August! Then I’m gone… don’t you understand that?” Now I was the one who was starting to get angry as I fought to speak through my sniffles.

  I saw the pain shine through in his eyes like he was just told he only had two months to live. He stared into my eyes, brow furrowed, mouth slightly opened, eyes pained, and the silence was killing me. “Well?” I snapped.

  He took a step back from me. Resembling a statue, he stood there in a pair of gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt, not moving… only staring. He was gracious enough, after my bewildering scene in the bathroom, to give me an oversized dark green t-shirt to pair with my black shorts since I had gotten my shirt wet when I flew out of the shower. I wiped my tear-stained hands on the shirt while I waited for his response.

  There was a lull in the air for a while as we both silently mulled over our own personal thoughts. I desperately wanted to know what he was thinking as he burned a hole right th
rough me with his piercing eyes.

  And finally, he spoke.

  “So, what you’re telling me is that I shouldn’t tell you right now that I am in love with you…?”

  His words hit me hard. A rush of emotion consumed me. I wanted to cry, scream, kiss him, make love to him, and run away all in the same moment and the only way my body knew how to deal with all this intensity was to shut down. Then everything went black.

  ****

  I woke up for the second time that day in Simon’s cozy bed. My head a little fuzzy, but I knew where I was and sat up to remember the events that took place before the darkness. Simon was at my side instantly.

  “Lucy! Oh Lucy, are you okay? I was so worried, I was just about to call an ambulance. Love? Are you alright?” His voice was panicked and he pulled me into his arms like this was the last time he was going to get to touch me, and I realized… it probably was. I wrapped my arms around him and closed my eyes tight, holding back my sobs.

  I couldn’t even fathom how two people could fall in love so quickly. It could absolutely not have been love… it had to just be fawning or lusting or loneliness. There was no way after a few days we could have been that much in love with each other. Could we? I had only felt love one other time and this sure did feel the same, possibly even more real, but it just couldn’t have been.

  He pulled me away from him and held me at arm’s length. “Lucy,” he began. “Listen… I know you’re scared. I know, cause I am too.”

  Oh?

  “I know spending the summer together is risky, but we both know that at the end we will have to part. I have to finish school here, and you have to begin your life in New York.” His stern words floored me. The way he was able to deliver them with such lack of emotion. He started soft and now was a brick wall trying to reason with me.