“Mom, I’m seventeen… remember my birthday was just a few days ago?” Although I wasn’t shocked she didn’t remember. It’s not like we celebrated together. She was somewhere else in the state and I was with my friends. “ Besides, Mary is there, and Mr. Collins.” I kept fighting her; hoping that she would change her mind and get out at the next rest stop, sending me on my way without her.
“This is the end of this discussion. I’m driving you there and I will hide in the house and play piano until Charles gets there and then I’m on the next flight to my white sandy beaches and clear blue waters.” She checked herself out in the rearview mirror; looking smug.
Sometimes it hurt that my parents had such a distant relationship, but then when I thought about the times that they did spend together, and all the screaming matches I had had to jump in between, I was not so upset. I guess at least they were still together…?
A four hour excruciating car ride with her and I couldn’t have been more relieved to arrive. The five hundred plus acres of vast land had an extremely cozy and welcoming feel to it compared to Manhattan. I couldn’t wait to run my bare feet against the plush green grass and roll my fingers through the coarse mane on my Friesian stallion, Ripley. When daddy bought this ranch it was his intent to breed and sell horses. He purchased the lot with seven horses that came with the stable, one of them was pregnant and she popped out one of my best friends. Ripley and I instantly bonded, and for the past eight years we had spent every summer together. He was one of the smartest horses I had ever been around, and he was a great stud too. My dad said he has made some of the fastest race horses yet. Personally I didn’t like to see Ripley be used to create a profit, but he seemed to enjoy himself and as long as it wasn’t hurting him I could turn my cheek.
The ranch was literally my safe haven. A place for me to read, write, ride, and just be whatever I wanted because I didn’t have to worry about what anyone would say… except for mother that is.
“Lucy! Get Mary to take my bags and bring me a martini up to my room. I’m going to go lie down.” She rudely barked at me, nudging Mary as she walked past. The two of them never got along and the solution was that mom wasn't allowed to talk to Mary anymore; it always ended in yelling if she did.
“Mary!” I squealed and gave her the biggest hug. She was the sweetest women I had ever met, and I wished every day that she could be my mother. She wasn’t much older than mom, about forty-eight I would have to say… maybe less; I thought it was rude to ask, and she never shared. Her embrace was soothing and she was just as happy to see me. She pushed me back and held me at arm’s length to get a good look at me. I checked her out as well. Her hair had gotten grayer and some new wrinkles around her eyes had sprouted. I was sure the stress of working for my parents could get to her and that had to be contributing to her rapid aging. She looked at me lovingly with her hazel eyes and smiled widely.
“I’ve missed you Lucy! You have really filled out this year, huh?” She playfully poked fun at my puberty growth spurt. The last time I saw her I was flat chested and awkwardly lanky. Now I was fuller in all areas and toned, running track helped a lot.
“Oh sweetie, it’s really good to see you.” She hugged me tight once more and then released me to get the bags from the car, but I insisted that she left them. She didn’t need to be lugging around my mother’s crap, most of which she didn’t even need.
The house was something out of an old movie. It dated back to the early 1800’s and, aside from a few repairs to keep it looking gorgeous, it was all still original. All white with black shudders at the large rectangle windows. A large wooden porch sat in front of the house with large white columns on either side of the porch steps to hold up the black rooftop. A small cast iron black patio set was placed on the porch aside a wooden swing that I loved to sit in and sip my tea with a good book.
But the place that I really loved to be, and where this story really begins, was the stables. I missed Ripley so much and all I wanted to do was go for a ride. Riding him throughout the acres was one of the most enjoyable things I had in my life and I only got to enjoy it for three months a year so I always made the most of it. I didn’t even make it inside the house, I ran straight for the main stable.
The stable wasn’t too far of a walk from the house, but far enough over a smallish hill that I could only see the top of the brown wooden roof from the porch. My new black cowboy boots got all dusty from the loose white chalky gravel that paved the paths around the ranch, but it didn’t bother me, considering after a summer of running around outside and riding they would no doubt be nice and worn in.
I took in the gorgeous surroundings of my summer home as I walked. The clean air filled my lungs, which was an amazing feeling considering I was used to breathing in the traffic exhaust and heavy scent of garbage throughout the city, this was much better.
The grass was always such a vibrant shade of green and the flowers in the crabapple trees were in full pink and white bloom. The cool breeze blew against the tall grass pushing it down on its side all around me and I could see the pollen in the air riding the wind like a surf board on an ocean wave. It was more peaceful than I could ever truly imagine. It was resplendent. And it was all mine.
Chapter 16
When I got to the stable I was stricken with worry for a moment because Ripley was already out of his pen, but then I caught the glimpse of someone else with him. I couldn’t see who, but someone was brushing his dark brown coat ever so gently, and it wasn’t Mr. Collins. It was strange that some unknown person could be so close to my horse, considering Ripley had always been very temperamental with anyone who wasn’t Mr. Collins or myself. He had trust issues. He put a ranch hand in the hospital once after we warned him several times not to go near him, but he thought he was hot shit and decided to take Ripley out for a ride when no one was around. My poor stallion whipped the boy off his back and kicked him hard enough with his hind legs that he broke four ribs and an arm. Since then, no one else was allowed to handle him, but whoever this person was had Ripley under his spell. His ears were relaxed and his eyes half open, he was definitely enjoying the spa treatment that he was receiving.
Whoever this mystery person was, they were very tall. Ripley stood roughly nineteen hands tall and this guy leveled out at about the same height; putting him somewhere around six foot three… close to a full foot taller than me. He had to be a ranch hand, with those tattered dusty blue jeans, brown leather cowboy boots, and a blue and white flannel short sleeved shirt on he screamed stable boy; and they always had the greatest figures.
He turned his head slightly to the left so I could see his boyish profile as he brushed the unkempt dirty blonde hair out of his eyes and said something to Ripley that I couldn’t make out. From that angle he looked to be no older than seventeen or so, and he was quite dreamy. If he had looked in my direction at that moment I could only imagine the sight he would see. I knew my mouth was hanging open like a dazed idiot, but I couldn’t break the trance I was in.
His smooth tanned skin glistened under the warm sun. His jawline screamed strength, but it was not too wide that it became unsightly. His nose stuck out far enough over his delightfully full lips to not be called snub, but it wasn’t hooked either. I could’ve sworn on the holy bible itself that his perfectly proportioned face was carved by Michelangelo himself. Everything about that boy had me going insane. There was an intense inner battle going on between my heart, which melted over the fact that he worked so well with Ripley, my head which was yelling at me to stop drooling and go say “hi”, and my hormonal thriving body that wanted to know what it felt like to have his hands all over my skin. My brain, kinda sorta, won; although I wasn’t sure how cool I actually played it.
“Hey,” I playfully shouted... or at least I hope I sounded playful. “What do you think you’re doing to my horse?”
He turned in my direction, looking stunned at first, but when he saw that I was just a little girl and not intimidating in any possible wa
y, shape or form his demeanor changed from worry to amusement. I doubted my petite figure and childlike face could scare an ant, let alone a cowboy.
“Well, little girl, I’m tendin' to him since his owner doesn’t seem to be around much,” he playfully sniped back. His bright smile revealed he meant no harm; at least not any kind of harm that was intentional. He didn’t know he was making my stomach crawl up into my throat just by looking in my general direction.
“Hey, if I could bring him back to Manhattan with me I would, trust me." I smiled sweetly while stretching out my bony hand for a welcoming handshake. “I’m Lucy Whitten, princess of this domain.” (I admit that I could be a brat sometimes - especially back then.)
“Finn Haywood,” he said gripping my hand tight. His hands were rough like those of a rancher; rough and strong like they had been overworked for years, but I liked it. It was different from the boys in the city with their manicured soft hands and cuticle free nail beds. I preferred the ruggedness that Finn was dripping with. He may have been a teenager but he sure had the body of a man, and I found myself exploring it with my wandering eyes trying to undress him with the non-existent telekinetic powers that I very much wished I had possessed. I couldn’t help but blush when he caught me gawking.
“It’s.. uh, nice to meet you Finn,” I squeaked. “Have you worked here long?” A subject change was always the way to go in an awkwardly hot situation. He just smiled coyly at me and nodded his head as he let go of my hand and resumed brushing my stallion. I felt the need for him to keep those appealing gray eyes on me like I was going to cease to exist if he wasn’t looking at me. I stole the brush from his hand - that hand that I wanted so desperately to touch me - so he could focus on my question, and hopefully on me.
“Well,” he began with a puzzled look as I started to brush Ripley’s tangled deep black mane. “I um.. going on five months now. My dad is a good friend of Perry and he put me to work here to uhh… well to get some experience.” His playful demeanor shifted into ice as he choked out the last part of that sentence. I could tell he was leaving something out, blocking me from something important, because he didn’t know me yet. My natural curiosity for anything juicy was dying to know the information he was withholding, but despite my thirst for his secrets I realized that I needed to respect his privacy. We had only just met after all.
“Perry? Do you mean Mr. Collins?” I had never heard anyone utter his first name before. In fact I was convinced he didn’t have one; kind of like Prince only backwards.
“Yeah, Perry Collins. He went to high school with my dad, he even dated my mom first.” He quickly explained but just as quickly grabbed another brush from the bucket at his feet and continued to brush Ripley’s hide.
His eyes darkened again and were no longer on me. I had to fight the urge to grab his face and keep his focus on me. I had no idea why I was feeling that way towards him… I had only known him for minutes, but there was a strong feeling that I needed to fix something that was broken inside of him. As if I could just reach my hand into his heart and pop back in a loose spring or tighten a wobbly screw.
“Oh.” I said with a hint of disappointment and I immediately wanted to stick my head in a pile of hay. I couldn’t have thought of anything better than “oh”?
We brushed in silence for a few seconds, but it felt more like hours as I combed through my thoughts to try and find something to say. I wanted to ask him what it was that was getting him so down. I wanted to ask him if he was okay, but I knew I couldn’t. Getting that personal so quickly could scare him off and I would never know if I sent him running for the hills. I had the next three months to become his friend to repair the possibly damaged boy I saw in front of me so carefully tending to my horse. Just then I could imagine his hands on me again and I had to physically shake the thought out of my head.
“So… How did you get Ripley to take such a liking to you? Normally he won’t let anyone close to him.” I asked as I rubbed my palm down the center of Ripley’s dark brown face. He let out a soft whiney at my touch; his way of telling me he loved me.
“This big o’l teddy bear?” Finn joked as he gave Ripley a light smack on his horsey butt. “He just has impeccable taste is all,” he smiled his shiny smile again. “He really chose me one day as I was feeding the mares. He kept grabbing my hat off my head trying to get my attention until I brought him out and rode him around.” Ripley let out a loud whiney to confirm Finn’s story.
“You could say I am the boy who follows Ripley.” I was shocked to hear him say that. Not solely because the joke was kind of terrible, but it struck me as odd that this rugged boy read thrillers from the fifties. I didn’t meet many people that knew where his name came from, let alone anyone that had read more than the first book.
“You like Patricia Highsmith?” I blurted out in a condescending tone. Not meaning it that way I immediately regretted my tone of voice.
“Well yeah… they are such compelling stories. Who wouldn’t read them?” I could see his attitude shifting. He wasn’t looking at me like this cute little girl anymore; he now looked at me like a pompous spoiled bitch. I couldn’t have that… but I couldn’t blame him either.
“I’m sorry, of course. I didn’t mean anything by it honestly. It’s just most people ask me if I named him after the Alien movies. So I’m taken back by the fact that I didn’t have to explain his name. It’s nothing against you personally… I’m sorry,” I lowered my head in shame. I needed to remember that people who don’t live in the city are intelligent too. Sometimes the part of me that acted like my mother wanted to come out so very badly and I had to fight it away.
“Hey…” he softly whispered, getting nice and close to me. He placed his index finger under my chin and lifted my head so I was looking into those dazzling stormy gray eyes once more. I thought he was going to kiss me. I willed for him to plant his lips on mine and never remove them, but he didn’t… “Don’t beat yourself up over it kid.”
My body shivered over his touch on my skin, but my heart dropped when he called me “kid”. I was just a child to him and nothing more. I should have given up right then and there. Hopped on Ripley and took off for the hills as far away as possible; far from the humiliation.
His smile warmed me and brought me back from embarrassment, but I could still see the pain lurking behind the dark pupils of his eyes. He was close enough for me to breathe in the same warm air that he was expelling and I held my linger, silently begging for a kiss, but he pulled away.
“So… you want to go for a ride?” He broke the tension. Before I could even answer him he flaunted his immense strength and began to saddle Ripley up. I couldn’t lift that saddle up over my horse’s large body by myself, but Finn was able to execute the task with ease. I imagined the fabric to his shirt screaming as his biceps stretched it almost to the point of ripping. I felt my jaw drop and I wanted to reach my hand out and feel for myself what I could only imagine, but I forced my hands to my side and remained calm biting my lip to keep from drooling all over the place.
“We can ride up to the lake so I can let Perry know I’m done for the day,” is what I’m pretty sure he said, but all I heard was “I want you Lucy, I want you so bad.”
A blank stare was all I could offer…
“Hello? Is anyone home?” He tapped his index finger on my forehead. My eyes widened in some more embarrassment and I managed to find my words.
“Uhh yeah, I mean, what?” My non-coherent words.
“We’re gonna go see Perry, tell him I’m finished for the day. Come back down to earth kid,” he laughed. I needed to snap myself out of whatever this was. I had never felt anything like it before and I had zero clue on how to get a grip. I tried though.
“Okay, then I can say hi. It’s been a while.” I replied like nothing had even happened in that awkward few moments. Once the saddle was secure Finn reached out his hand to offer his assistance for me to hop onto the massive beast. “Um.. that’s okay. I’ll just walk him ove
r to the mounting block.” I reluctantly shied away from his offer. The mounting block was supposed to be used for kids who couldn’t get on the horse, but I was small enough to pass for a twelve year old and Ripley was just too tall for me to mount without it. It was a little embarrassing.
“Nonsense, you’re not a child. You can trust me, I’ve got you.” He laughed. So… now he wasn’t referring me as a kid?
He gave me a determined look like there was nothing that he wouldn’t do for me and there was nothing he would let happen to me. Like my life in his hands was the perfect place for it. I couldn’t help but begin to feel something strong for the boy that couldn’t decide if I was a kid or wasn’t. My newfound feelings were something I couldn’t quite understand and I needed to know more about them, and more about him. It was imperative that he opened up to me and trusted me like I already felt like I could trust him. I took his hand and held his gaze trying to silently tell him I was already falling in love with him.
I probably weighed nothing to him as he effortlessly lifted me onto the saddle. His hand lingered on my thigh for just a little too long as he made sure the saddle was strapped tight in all the right places, but I was not complaining.
I was so swept away in his muscles and gaining his trust that I didn’t even think about the fact that he hadn’t brought out another horse yet. There were plenty to choose from in the stable.
“So, who are you going to ride?” I wondered as he grabbed a dusty old black cowboy hat off of a nail which stuck out of the wooden stable wall. I couldn’t help but drool as he placed the old thing on his longish messy hair; my tongue flopping out of my mouth like a panting dog. He really owned the hat and I just had to swoon over the delicious cowboy in my presence.
“Well,” he began, but before he finished his sentence I felt Ripley’s weight shift as Finn swung his leg up and over; nesting himself into the saddle behind me. He leaned in settling his face right next to mine and whispered into my ear “he’s big enough for the both of us, don’t ya think?”
Heavy Hearts Page 10