Heavy Hearts

by Kaemke, Kylie

  Chapter 20

  After a long night of moonlight swimming, and feverous kissing, Finn brought me back home where he had once again turned colder than the top of Mt. Everest. I could never win with that kid.

  “Did you, Err, want to come upstairs? We could easily sneak you in. My mother is probably loaded…” I stopped myself, I shouldn’t have said mother.

  “Thanks for the invite ya little tramp, but no. You should go now.” He was trying to be funny, but I could tell his armor was back on and the joking attitude was just a front. I didn’t say anything else. I leaned in to give him a kiss on his cold cheek and I exited the vehicle. I barely had the door closed before he sped off. I shook off the painful feeling of rejection. I couldn’t take it too personal. He wasn’t an average teenage high school boy. He lost one of the most important people in his life and that couldn’t have been easy. I needed to give him the benefit of the doubt.

  Plus, his kiss! Oh it was to die for! I didn’t ask for a rundown of his track record with the girls at his school, but I bet he had kissed a lot of lips to get that good. The only real kiss I had to compare it to was a sloppy under-the-bleachers kiss from Robbie Schmidt freshman year, and he wore braces.

  But Finn’s kiss was nothing short of delicious. He had the right balance of lips vs. tongue. At first it was a little too aggressive, but I suspect it was just all the pent up emotion from visiting his mom and the tension between us. Once he realized I was searching for it just as much as he was he reeled it in, but not too soft either. He treated my lips as if they were a fragile piece of fine china that he so desperately wanted to touch, but he did not want to break. It was titillating to say the least and all I could think about for the rest of my life were those perfect lips on mine (so I thought).

  I tried to quietly sneak back into the house. My hair was still wet, and I really didn’t want the third degree from Miss Mary. If I came across mother, she wouldn’t have a word to say unless it was “Vodka”, but Mary… she was the one I had to watch out for. She would push my buttons until they were worn out and I had to tell her everything that happened. The worst part was that she could always tell when I was lying.

  I made it halfway up the creaky wooden staircase when the noisy old coot popped her head out of her bedroom door.

  “Well well well! What are you doing home so late little one?” She sternly barked.

  “What are you doing UP so late? Old one!” I joked in return.

  “Waiting for you so you can tell me all about your date with Mr. Handsome” she confessed with that very charming Mary smile.

  Meeting up with me halfway down the stairs she grabbed a hold of my arm and demanded we head back to the kitchen for a cup of tea and a chat. I couldn’t refuse, even in her old age she was overwhelmingly strong.

  “Okay, so from the top. Tell me everything, and don’t skimp on the saucy details. This old bag of bones needs a juicy story” she winked. Filling the stainless steel teapot she pressed on for me to tell her everything. I was hesitant because I didn’t know what she knew about his personal life, but when she insisted it was hard to resist.

  “Well, uh… do you know about his, well.. uhm”

  “His mother?” she butted in. “Yes dear, I know all about his mother. Poor thing. My heart breaks for him.”

  “Okay, well then. He took me to the cemetery to meet her” I began. I had her complete attention then as she waited patiently for the water in the pot to boil. Her eyes were big on mine as she urged me to continue.

  I told her everything, sparing no details; not even the embarrassing ones. I told her how he held me at the foot of his mother’s gravestone. I told her how he snapped on me when it was time to leave. I explained his constant hot and cold attitude which she retorted with “boys and their hormones.”

  By the time I got to the scene at the lake we were sipping on Sleepy Time tea, my favorite before bed (obviously), and Mary was really getting into the story. I slowly sipped on the hot tea and she urged me to move forward in the story.

  “Let your tea cool dear, keep going. What happened at the lake?” she batted at my hand holding the hot cup.

  “Calm yourself Mary!” I scolded, but I put my cup down and began to twirl the string attached to the steeping tea bag around my finger. I told her how nervous I was, how excited I was, and how unsure of myself I was. Once again I didn’t spare a detail as I replayed our steamy almost-nude-make-out-sessions in between the flirtatious splashes of water under the romantic moonlight.

  I reassured her that he was a perfect gentleman. As much as I wanted to feel his strong hands explore my body and rip away the small amounts of fabric still keeping us slightly innocent, he did not. I had to muster up all my strength not to run my fingers down his movie star quality abs; it was tough, but I managed.

  Then I told her about the bleak ending to the evening. I even threw in the part about me inviting him to my bedroom. Her eyes narrowed at that.

  “I wouldn’t read into it hun. He’s just being a gentleman and knows that you have an overbearing housekeeper up here that wouldn’t approve of late night gentlemen callers alone in your sleeping quarters” She reassured me, making light of the situation to cheer me up, but it didn’t work. Teenage boys weren’t that gentlemanly… were they?

  “Mary, it’s been smashing to have this lovely cup of tea and an invigorating chat with you, but I am off to my sleeping chambers. If you will excuse me” I said in that same terrible British accent that I had reserved especially for her.

  She smiled. “Night dear.”

  I dreamt of Finn that night; of what could’ve been had he not been so emotionally confusing with the constant Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde routine. I woke up in a sweat, but a welcoming sweat. Not like when you wake from a terrifying nightmare. No, this was warm and inviting. I wanted to close my eyes and get the steamy dream back, but there was no use… I was completely awake.

  ****

  The clock read quarter to seven in the morning. Mr. Collins would have been up for almost an hour by then doing the morning work, but I could meet up with him and help out with the rest. It would be nice to catch up with him, and I was not going to lie… I would most likely run into Finn

  I hopped out of bed, skipping a shower since I would no doubt be full of sweat and dirt by the afternoon. I pulled my greasy hair into a high pony and pulled it through the back of a plain navy blue baseball cap that was frayed around the edges. It was one of the hottest days I could remember, but I had to pull on my thick work jeans to protect my skin from the elements and the occasional barbed wire or thick brush. I topped it off with a white t-shirt underneath a white and blue, long-sleeved, old flannel that I kept set aside for dirty work.

  Before I flew out the door I slipped into my boots and shouted to Mary that I would be back for lunch. Unsure if she heard me I headed out anyway. The sun was beating down on my fair skin and I was sure to get some sort of burn if I stared at it for too long. I pulled the rim of my hat down as far as it would go to keep the rays out of my fragile eyes.

  I found Mr. Collins right where I knew he’d be: the chicken coop. It was always the same schedule with him, and feeding the chickens and collecting the eggs was promptly at seven in the morning.

  “Well hey there child!” He beamed while putting down the bucket of feed to give me a hug. The chickens cackled and clucked around my feet as they scattered. “How are ya? I missed you yesterday.”

  “Yeah, sorry about that. I overslept and then Finn showed up…” I tried to explain.

  “Finn huh? I should’ve known that boy was behind this one. But you’re here now! C’mon, let’s feed some chickens” he bellowed. His laugh was the kind that could quickly cheer you up no matter what had you down. I hoped he was able to help Finn out during some tough times. I suspected that may be one of the reasons he came to work for Mr. Collins, to keep his mind off things. I could’ve been wrong though.

  He handed me a bucket of grains and I began to feed the fussy chickens
. We caught up. It was the same questions with him that Mary always bombarded me with. School? Friends? Parents? Boys? Although he wasn’t as thrilled to hear about the ‘boys’ part of it all as Mary generally was. But he listened and gave me sound advice when I needed it.

  We moved on to collecting the eggs portion of the day.

  “So, will Finn be joining us this morning?” I couldn’t help but ask.

  “Aww, does little Lucy have a bit of a crush?” he poked at me grinning from ear to ear. He could be rather fatherly when I needed, but most of the time he was just a really great friend who happened to be significantly older than me; like a close Uncle.

  “Shut up!” I hollered. “It’s a fair question” I tried to save the situation, but he already had it set in his mind that I had a school girl crush and he wasn’t going to let it go. He began to sing “Lucy and Finn sittin in a tree. K-I-S-S-I--”

  I pushed into his side begging for him to cease fire.

  “Stop! I do not have a crush on Fi…” but I stopped quickly trapping the words in my throat as soon as I saw him out of the corner of my eye sitting on a gorgeous white stallion. However, it was too late; he heard me. He heard the whole embarrassing moment between the two of us and I was mortified.

  “A crush on who now?” he pretended to not know, but I knew better.

  I cleared the embarrassment out of my throat and stood up to greet him. I had to pretend like it didn’t bother me that he heard, but it was hard with Perry chuckling and grinning wildly behind me. For such a wise old man he could be such a child sometimes.

  “Nothing, um, Hey… Finn. How’s things?” I played it cool… I thought.

  “Uhhh, right. So, pipsqueak, you wanna help me with saddle training this horse? He’s being stubborn and I could use some help.” He shrugged off my awkwardness.

  “Yeah, I mean, as long as Mr. Collins doesn’t need me to help with the rest of the chores? We were kind of catching up.” I said looking to the giggling old man for reassurance.

  He found a moment to pause his chortles and replied with “naw you kids take care of that horse. If he ain’t ready to ride by the time your father gets here we’re going to have some yelling to deal with. Plus, we have all summer to catch up.” He shooed me away.

  “Great then, it’s settled. Ya think you can hop on or shall I boost you up?” Finn asked me. I looked at the horse judging whether or not I could make it. I wanted to prove to Finn that I was not as helpless as he thought. This beast wasn’t quite as big as Ripley was, but without a saddle to help me up I didn’t know that I could make it.

  I sighed. “You’re going to have to help me…” I said defeated.

  We rode back to the stable in record time. I had never ridden bareback on a horse before, and never a horse that wasn’t properly trained yet. This brute was all over the place, and he was fast. I mean faster than any horse I had ever seen. I wondered if he was going to be sold as a racing horse. He was far too beautiful for it, but they didn’t care about looks, only speed and agility.

  Finn ran through the basics with me real quick, but I was pretty much there to observe while he showed off his expert skills. I actually didn’t do much aside from calm the horse when he got out of control. Finn would just get frustrated when the horse didn’t do what he wanted, but I stepped in and gently stroked his nose and he would simmer down. After nearly four hours and buckets of sweat later we decided to take a break for the day. “He needs a rest too. We can pick this up tomorrow, or even the next day. He’s just about got it.” Finn breathlessly pouted.

  Feeling hot, and nearly defeated, I allowed myself to fall to the ground and lie in the soft green grass; the thin blades were cool against my sticky skin. Finn followed my lead and lied down along my left side – his breathing staggered.

  We stayed like that for a few minutes, just listening to each other breathe. It was nice, but also not exactly what I wanted to be doing at that moment in time. I closed my eyes and willed him to hear my thoughts, I willed him to touch me, I willed him to kiss me, to caress me and embrace me. Just as I was about to give up and head back in for some lunch his hand grabbed mine. Nothing else happened, but I took comfort in the fact that he was still interested. His thumb drew circles on the inside of my palm and I knew I wouldn’t be able to stand it for too long without bursting. I sat up quickly.

  “Finn?” I cried, not knowing what to even follow it up with; I just knew that I had to do something.

  He sat up as well, looking confused. “Yeah?” he asked, and I had nothing. Nothing to say to this boy sitting in front of me with the puzzled look like I just stole his favorite toy, or told him to go stand in the corner.

  “I, uh, I don’t know.”

  “Okay… right. Well, how about some lunch?” he was kind enough to change the subject. I do have to give him props for being able to handle my extreme awkwardness; he took it in stride. I couldn’t speak though. Horrified at my outburst I just pushed myself up and headed toward the house, Finn followed.

  Chapter 21

  The house was quiet. Mary had prepared us lunch, but then she left to go run errands, and mom was in town getting things colored and waxed. So Finn and I sat in the kitchen together and picked at our roast beef sandwiches with all the fixings. I could feel the tension between us, and I knew he could too. I just had to figure out the right ways to show him that I wanted what he wanted… at least what I hoped he wanted. With him I actually could never be sure.

  “Lucy, can I ask you something…?” he spoke.

  “Of course.”

  “What do you want out of this?”

  “Out of what?” I knew exactly what he was talking about, but I wanted him to say it.

  “You know, what do you want to happen between us?”

  “Do I have to answer that?”

  “I’d appreciate it if you did.”

  I took a long sip of the tall ice cold glass of milk sitting in front of me, but I said nothing when I put it down. Instead I stood up, walked over to his side of the table, and placed myself in front of him. He stared up at me with his devilishly handsome gray eyes, but he didn’t say anything either. I slipped in between him and the table and straddling my legs I sat on his lap; I figured actions were going to speak louder than words at that point between the two of us. I wrapped my arms around his neck stared into his eyes. I had brought myself that far, I expected him to finish my thought.

  He put his hands around my waist and picked me up off his lap, just an inch or two, and brought me in close to his chest. Our noses were touching by now, and I had to bite my lip to keep myself from kissing him. I wanted him to kiss me. I needed him to kiss me.

  He teased me by brushing his soft lips lightly against mine, but not kissing me just yet. My mouth parted and my body writhed under his touch. He was doing this on purpose to get me all hot and bothered, and it was working, but I would not give in. I began to pull away, pretending that his teasing wasn’t getting to me, but he pulled me right back in for one of his tension filled (almost angry) kisses. I pushed back, matching his hunger with my own, but it didn’t last.

  He wrapped each of his hands around either of my arms and pushed me off of his mouth. I gave him a sexy pout, not yet ready to let him get rid of me that easily.

  “Lucy…” he sighed. Here it was, first the hot, and then the cold. “Can we move this upstairs? This chair is killing my back.”

  Oh?

  “Yes!” I shouted, way too eager. I was sure he could smell the desperation pouring out of me like water out of a broken dam.

  I climbed down off his lap and led him up the stairs and into my room. But suddenly I was way too aware of the sticky smell that was radiating off the both of us and I wasn’t sure I wanted to be as close as we were about to get. I stopped us in front of my door.

  “How about we go swimming?” I pleaded. I was unsure if it was really our state of hygiene, or if I was really ready for this, but either way I needed this to pause for a moment. He probably though
t the latter however.

  “Yeah, swimming sounds good,” he claimed it was okay, but I could tell he was let down.

  “Cool, you wanna freshen up first? Like a shower? We kind of stink…” I offered, hoping he didn’t think I was inviting him into my shower with me… which of course he did. His pout turned to a smirk and his eyes narrowed in on me as he pushed me up against the door and kissed my neck. My knees turned to Jell-O, but I needed to stay focused.

  “I mean in separate showers of course,” I clarified.

  He lifted his mouth off my salty neck “of course,” he whispered.

  “Alright then. I’ll take one in my room and you can use the shower in the guest room,” I pushed him off me and pointed in the direction of his bathroom. “It’s stocked, and fresh towels are under the sink. I’ll meet you back in the hallway soon? Then we can go swimming right?” but he didn’t bother answering me. He just smiled at me and turned in the direction of the guest room.

  I shook my head and blinked my eyes to clear out my head and dust off his sexual advances.

  I was relieved that he didn’t try to enter my room while I was in the shower, or changing for that matter. He was a gentleman about it, almost. I did walk out into the hallway to him standing in the doorway of the guest bedroom just as he was pulling his jeans back on. There was no way I showered, shaved, and got dressed all before him so I had no choice other than to assume that he was waiting for me to emerge so I would get a glimpse at that wet happy little trail that ran down the front of his pelvis. I can’t deny it brought back the wobbly feeling in my knees.

  Once we were on our way to the small lake hidden in the forest it had of course seemed as though all sexual tension had lifted from the air. Like if we spent more than five minutes not touching each other it took an awkward amount of time to find that level of comfort again. It was confusing.