Labeled Love

by Danielle Rocco

  Jules did come to the center with me once, like she said she would. I was afraid she would say something offensive without meaning it. When we got there, we walked inside, and the first thing she said was, “I told you it would smell like a dirty locker room. We won’t be here long, will we?” Thankfully, she said it quietly so no one heard her. After that, she was fine. She met Jace and thought he was ‘super sweet and hot’ as she put it. They got along well. I think she amused Jace.

  Our teacher, Mr. Perkins, walks in right when I’m about to answer her, so I whisper, “I know you’re kidding. He’s perfect. So… perfect. And, he would not be happy. He’s pretty protective of me.”

  Jules giggles low and says, “He’s kind of like those boys we read about, right? You know… the alpha guys, all bad ass.”

  “Jules, those would be men, not boys.” She rolls her eyes while Mr. Perkins goes to the front of the class.

  “But, Jace totally looks like he will be alpha like that when he’s older. I can totally see him getting off a motorcycle with his sexy hair all windblown. He would grab you by the waist and say, ‘Kiss me woman.’” She says it dramatically, making me laugh. She raises her eyebrows and turns back around as she says, “You know it’s true, Shay.”

  “Oh my God, Jules. Now who needs to stop reading all those fantasy books?”

  She whispers back to me, “That’s the in-thing, Shay. Everyone is reading those books now. And, seriously, where are we ever going to find a bad boy like that, when we’re surrounded by boys that still get their asses wiped by their mommies? You totally landed the sweetest bad boy, girl.”

  “I told you he’s not bad.”

  “Duh, Shay. I know. It’s a figure of speech. Geesh.”

  “Quiet,” Mr. Perkins says in our direction.

  Chemistry is so boring. Days like today I wish I’d taken this class over the summer so I wouldn’t have to during my sophomore year. We spend the next hour taking pointless notes that I will never need to know when I’m older. Between the notes and Cole’s lingering stare, I just want class to end.

  “PUT YOUR HANDS behind your back now!”

  “Are you serious? I was trying to make sure my mom was okay!” I spit blood onto the ground to clear my throat while Grace yells behind me.

  “These are my friends. My son always starts fights.” The officer looks over at her as I shake my head. I look up into the bright blue sky. How the hell did this just happen?

  “Listen, kid. Your mom wants us to take you in, but I’m going to cut you a break this time.” He looks over at Grace who looks completely out of it. It doesn’t take a genius to see she has major problems.

  “I think he needs a lesson, Officer.” She points her shaky finger at the officer standing next to me.

  “Calm down, please,” he orders her, walking her back into our apartment.

  “Don’t touch me! I can walk without you touching me!” she yells, continuing to make a scene.

  I grit my teeth. I’m so pissed. Blood pools in my mouth, and I spit again trying to clear it. My left eye throbs. An officer is talking to the three guys I had the scuffle with, as all the neighbors stand outside watching the commotion. The officer who led Grace into the apartment walks back outside and shuts the door behind him. He walks up to me. “So, what happened here?”

  Our landlord walks up with a huff. “I can tell you what happened. His mom is always smashed, in and out of the house all night long. I actually feel bad for this kid.”

  The officer turns to me. “Listen. It’s not that bad,” I lie. I don’t know what will happen, so I try to ease his suspicion. “I came home, and those guys were in the apartment with my mom. I’m pretty protective. When I asked them to leave, they didn’t like it.” I spit blood onto the concrete again.

  “I’m not taking those guys in. They said your mom invited them in, and when you walked into the house, you went at them first,” the other officer says. He looks back at his partner who looks at me for an answer.

  “What would you do if you walked into your house and saw your mom, who obviously is intoxicated, sitting with three strange guys? I did what any good son would do and got them out of my house.”

  He nods, saying, “Just don’t use your fist next time, son.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Go inside and stay out of trouble,” he orders. I nod as they both turn and walk away. I suck in the biggest breath and pull at my hair.

  Shit.

  THE NEXT DAY I plan to work out to let off steam, or I will go crazy in this little apartment. Grace pretty much ignores me, so it’s a welcome distraction when Landon shows up to work out. We head to the local elementary school nearby where we use the playground as our makeshift gym.

  I’m not an angry person; I’m just physical. I really don’t look for trouble. I just can’t get away from it. At least that seems to be the case in my own home. The one place you’re supposed to feel safe sadly isn’t for me. One day, I’m going to have that safety, and there’s only one girl I want to build that life with. I will always be gentle with Shay. No matter what, she will always feel safe with me. I would never hurt her. God, even the thought of someone hurting her makes me sick. That girl is my entire world.

  I love her.

  “Nice shiner,” Landon says, but I brush it off.

  “Yeah, I had a little run-in… Actually, this was a bigger run-in. The cops were called this time.”

  “Are you serious? You better keep yourself straight, man.”

  “What happened?”

  I don’t feel like talking about it, so I just tell him, “Put it this way. My mom was drunk, three guys were in the house, and I wanted them out.”

  “I get it. I don’t know how you put up with her like that all the time.” He pauses in thought. “We just have to get through the rest of this school year, and then we’re seniors. I can’t wait. Bro, we’re so close to graduating.” I nod. Landon knows he’s going to graduate. Me, on the other hand, I’m just trying to keep my head above water. “So, how’s Shay?” he asks while he waits for me to finish my first set of pull-ups.

  “She’s perfect.”

  “Perfect, huh? How perfect is perfect?” His voice is suggestive.

  “What do you mean by that?” I ask him.

  “Do you really have to ask that, Jace?” I’m very private when it comes to my relationship with Shay. It’s no one’s business what I do and don’t do with her. My expression tells Landon I’m not giving up any gossip, so he changes the subject. “Damn, Jace. You’re busting them out today.”

  Finished with my pull-ups, I jump down and pull my shirt over my head. It’s hot, and I’m already sweating. I need to cool off. I think about Shay. She’s probably lying out by her pool in a little bikini. I picture her listening to her music while singing quietly. Damn, I better stop thinking like that. I push myself down, trying to keep my hormones in check. Thoughts of her drive me crazy.

  “Your turn,” I tell Landon. He’s not near as strong as me, but he puts in the effort. While he’s doing his set, I ask him, “Hey, Landon. Have you ever thought of getting a job?”

  Out of breath from working out, he hangs on the bar and focuses on me. “Like, right now? Not really. I’m trying to focus on doing good enough in school, so I can get out of this place.” I shrug my shoulders. “Why, are you?” he says.

  “Yeah, I am. I need to do something. I can’t expect my situation at home to fix itself. And, I don’t expect Shay to drive me all over the place. She’s days away from turning sixteen.”

  “Well, that’s a good thing, man. That means she can pick you up. You guys can actually hang out other than at the center. That’s got to get old.”

  Shay will never pick me up. I don’t want her to know where I live. That’s something I will have to deal with when the time comes. I know her, though. When she wants something, she’s pretty persistent. That’s one battle she won’t win with me. Probably the only battle, but I will stand firm on that one.

&nbs
p; “Shay won’t be picking me up.”

  “Why?” He looks confused.

  “I don’t want her to know how I live.”

  “You’re too hard on yourself. If she loves you the way you love her, she won’t care,” he says.

  “Deep down I know where I live won’t matter to Shay. It’s my own hang-up, but one I feel strongly about.” Landon nods, trying to crank out a few more pull-ups. “You’re weak,” I tell him, hitting him in the stomach while he tries to do one more.

  “Damn, bro. Don’t do that,” he says, jumping down. He holds his stomach like I actually hurt him.

  I look over at him with a frustrated scowl. “I already feel like a loser. I can’t compare to the life she has. It’s been fine up until now, but things are changing. She’s not twelve years old anymore, kicking up dirt at the back of the community center. She’s in high school. She’s beautiful and getting ready to drive, which means going out. It also means the little bubble we’ve created over the years is about to burst.”

  “I get what you’re saying,” Landon says as I take his place on the metal bar. I work until my muscles burn.

  “I need a job. I need a way to make money, so I can be worthy of her. So I can pick her up. So I can buy her things. I want to be a real boyfriend, not her part-time boy.”

  “I don’t think she thinks of you like that, Jace.”

  “I know she doesn’t, but I do. She needs to know I can be what she needs me to be. What I should be for her.”

  “Why don’t you let her decide what she needs? You act like you’re an adult, Jace. We’re in high school, man. I don’t want to think of taking care of anyone but myself for years. I can’t even imagine thinking about that shit.” He laughs, shaking his head. “That girl really did a number on you, bro.”

  “She’s my girl.”

  “What makes her so special? I mean, I get that she’s hot.”

  “She’s not just hot. She’s uniquely beautiful. It’s never been about her outward beauty; it’s always been about how she’s makes me feel. When she looks at me, when she touches me, and her voice… Even the way she smells. There’s something about every part of her that has always drawn me to her. I long to be in her presence. It’s like all my senses come to life when I’m with her.”

  “Isn’t that in a song?” Landon asks.

  “Is what in a song?” I ask him, puzzled.

  “All my senses come to life?” he answers.

  “How the hell do I know?”

  “I’m pretty sure it is, Jace,” he says sarcastically.

  “Well, then I guess we think alike.”

  “You definitely do. He’s that guy with bright red hair that writes all those sappy love songs. I don’t listen to him, but he’s all over the damn radio.”

  “Yeah, me either, but Shay loves him.”

  “All the girls do,” Landon says.

  I shrug my shoulders. “Shay can stand in a cold, empty room and fill it with warmth.” I pause and swallow. “It’s like when you look out into the ocean or look up into the night sky, even the mountains. You look at those things, and they seem so big that you can’t wrap your mind around just how beautiful they really are. Like how could God create something so awe-inspiring. That’s how I feel. From the first moment I laid eyes on her, I felt like I had just looked into the face of an angel. That might seem dumb to you, but to me it makes perfect sense.” I scrunch my eyebrows together. “You know when I was a little kid I used to watch movies and think how cool it was when the guy would do anything to be with his girl, even if it meant he had to fight for her. I thought that was only in the movies. Like they glorified love to make it seem like the guy would move a mountain for the girl he loved. Then I met Shay and realized that I would do anything for her. If it meant I had to climb a damn mountain to fight to be with her, I would do it. Just like the damn movies. I know she’s the only girl for me, and I’m not foolish enough to think I’m not going to have to work my ass off to keep her.”

  “Well, if you feel like that, I’d say you better work your damn ass off to keep that girl. You just made me want to go watch The Notebook.”

  “Don’t be an ass, Landon.”

  He laughs. “I’m not, bro. Seriously, that was fucking touching. But, really, you better stop getting into fights.”

  I reach up and touch my eye. “Yeah, I know,” I murmur. “Losing Shay is not an option.”

  I KEEP GLANCING up at the clock above my teacher’s desk waiting for the bell to ring. I put my elbow onto the table, leaning my face against my hand, accidentally pushing down on the corner of my eye. Damn, my eye hurts. I’m not going to say it’s never my fault, but what am I supposed to do? Ignore all these deadbeats Grace brings into the apartment? I can’t. It has healed pretty well, and it does look better since the day Landon and I worked out. The swelling has gone down, but the bruising is still visible. I was hoping it wouldn’t be, but it won’t keep me from seeing Shay. I hope she doesn’t notice.

  Who am I kidding? She’s totally going to notice. Damn, I can’t believe the cops were called. The whole time I kept seeing Shay’s face and how disappointed she would be in me. Grace sank to a whole new level wanting me thrown in juvie. She can’t even recognize the danger she puts herself in.

  As soon as the bell rings, I dart right out of class and straight to the bus stop. I’m a few blocks away when anticipation takes over. I just want to hold my girl. Actually, I really want to kiss her. I’m done waiting. Hell, I just turned seventeen, and she’s going to be sixteen in days. I can’t keep holding off. I’ve been dying to kiss those lips for years. Don’t get me wrong. I will wait. I don’t ever want to rush Shay into doing anything she’s not ready for, but I know my girl well enough to know we’re ready for our lips to touch. All those soft kisses on her sun-kissed cheeks have meant the world to me and have pretty much been the only thing I’ve been able to do with tons of kids and volunteers surrounding us. Plus, her mom is always there.

  Today I’m kissing her. I want to; I need to. She’s the only thing real to me, and she’s the only person in my life that shows me love. My heart beats for her. I’m in love with this girl. Everything about her is what love is supposed to be and how love is supposed to feel.

  I walk through the center’s door after a long week of chaos. I’m anxious to see her. I see Shay’s mom reading to some little kids, and I wave at her. She smiles. Mrs. Stark is so nice. She always takes the time to talk to me. I don’t want to avoid her today, but I don’t want her to see the bruise I’m sporting, either. Mrs. Stark knows Shay and I are inseparable when we’re together here, and I can’t hide how much I adore her. Seeing my face right now might make her question my time with her daughter, and I can’t have that.

  I see Shay doing homework with one of the young boys that comes to the center for homework help. She helps him a lot. His name is Tommy, and he’s around the same age as her twin siblings. As I walk up to her, she looks up. Her bright smile quickly turns into a frown. I wonder why since she’s always so happy to see me. Then I remember my black eye.

  Great.

  “Are you guys almost done?” I ask. She nods her head sadly.

  “Okay, great job, Tommy. You should do great on your math quiz.”

  Tommy smiles proudly and gathers his things before going over to Shay’s mom to listen to her read. I take Shay by the hand and walk her out back to where we first met. I don’t care who is out there. When I swing the door open, I don’t say a word. With sweaty palms, I walk her up to our tree and lean her against it, allowing the trunk to ground her. She looks at me with concern.

  “Is everything okay? What happened to your eye?” She reaches her hand up to touch my bruised eye. Shaking my head no, I place my hand on top of hers. With our eyes locked, I slowly lower her hand to her side. “Jace? You’re scaring me. What happened?”

  I take both of my hands and place them on her soft cheeks. I’ve dreamed of doing this for so long. Her face softens. Her eyes are a mixture of w
orry and love.

  “I need to kiss you,” I say tenderly, even though my heart beats wildly in my chest.

  She nods her head; big blue eyes never leave mine. I hold her firmly in my hands and slowly bring my lips to hers. Long, dark eyelashes begin to flutter closed. I scrunch my eyebrows together, overwhelmed by how much I’m feeling at this moment. Our lips barely touch. The pressure is intoxicating, and I’ve not even fully pressed my mouth to hers. I allow them to rest against each other while taking in her sweet, shallow breaths. I’m dizzy with anticipation. Her lips are so soft, just like I dreamed they would be. I can almost taste her coconut chapstick. I can’t help the words that are flowing through me, dying to come to the surface between our joined lips.

  “I love you so much, Shay.”

  Her gentle voice tickles my lips when she quietly says, “Jace.”

  “I love when you say my name,” I whisper.

  “I love saying your name,” she says as I try not to attack her mouth. She reaches up on her tiptoes, pressing her lips closer to mine. Her lips are perfection as they move slowly against mine. I feel her everywhere.

  One taste and I’m a fumbling mess of nerves. She puts her arms around my waist as I push against her slightly, causing our lips to fully engage. We’re nothing but sweet, puckered, closed- mouth kissing.

  I kiss her slowly.

  Home.

  This feels like home. I want her to open the door and let me in. My tongue is dying to meet hers.

  God, she is so perfect.

  That’s all I can think when her lips are pressed against mine. With closed eyes, I start to rain little kisses around her mouth. Moving my hands from her cheeks to her hair, I hold her, pulling her tighter into me. While I kiss every part of her face, she says, “Give me your lips, Jace.”

  Slowly, I open my eyes with her words, so I can just focus on her and not anything else around us. Big blue eyes look at my lips. I exhale sharply as I give her what she wants from me, and when I do, she takes her hands off my waist and puts them around the back of my neck. I’m a goner. I silently beg for her to open up and let me in.