How Many Chances

by Beverley Hollowed

  He didn’t know just how much more he could take. He wanted her back. He needed her.

  He brought the glass of whiskey to his mouth but just as he went to knock it back his phone rang.

  He looked at the phone and saw Caitlin’s name flash on the screen. He heart instantly began to hammer rapidly in his chest. He took a deep breath and pressed the accept button and said a silent prayer.

  “Caitlin” he said nervously as he heart hammered hard and fast in his cheat. “Please tell me you have good news?”

  “I found her,” Caitlin confirmed.

  Chapter 2

  Ally stood and stared at her reflection in the mirror on the back of the bathroom door. She knew she looked like hell. But then again, six days of being unable to eat and or sleep will do that to you.

  As much as she tried not to, Cole was all she could think about. Every time she closed her eyes she could see his face. She missed him so much. She remember his touch and she longed to have him hold her in his arms again. No matter how hard she tried she just couldn’t push him out of her heart. But he had broken it too. How could she ever forgive him now?

  On Christmas night, after Cole left, Ally curled into a ball on the floor and sobbed for about an hour. Finally when her head was pounding and her eyes were raw and stinging her. She slowly picked herself up off the floor. I need to get a grip, she thought to herself. She made her way to her bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed. The last time she was in her bedroom was when Cole found her after the Jason incident.

  The memory of how Cole had been so gentle and caring came crashing into her mind and a fresh wave of sobbing took hold of her, but this time she fought the tears back. She sprung up from the bed in a moment of clarity. She need to get out of the apartment and put some distance between herself and all the memories that this place was filled with. Both the good and the bad ones.

  She grabbed her suitcase from beneath her bed and dropped it open on top of her bed. Walking to her wardrobe she quickly threw open the doors and took a deep breath.

  She grabbed some clothes, not really paying much attention to what she was grabbing and threw them into the case. She went to her chest of drawers next and pulled open drawer after drawer. She pulled out underwear, t-shirts and some jeans from them and threw them into the case also.

  She snapped the suitcase shut and pulled it from the bed. She dragged it to the living room and dropped it on the floor as she picked up the phone. She phoned for a taxi because she knew she was too upset and too exhausted to drive anywhere.

  When the taxi driver rang the buzzer ten minutes later, her heart almost stopped. She held her breath as she pressed the intercom and felt relief wash over her when she heard the taxi driver’s voice on the other end.

  As she left her apartment she bumped into Andy, the guy from the apartment across the hall and Ally sighed. She wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone.

  “Hey Ally,” Andy said in his usually friendly tone. “I was just coming to get you. We are having a party. You have got to come over and join us.”

  “Hi Andy,” Ally replied as brightly as she could manage. “I would really love to but I am just heading out. I have to go somewhere.”

  Andy looked at the suitcase and then back to Ally.

  “Heading off on holidays?” he asked her and grinned.

  “Something like that,” she shrugged. “Hey actually, can you do me a favour. You know my friend Caitlin?”

  “Your hot friend?” he asked and his grin widened. Andy had fancied Caitlin for as long as he lived across the hall from Ally, but Caitlin wouldn’t even give him the time of day.

  Ally couldn’t help but smile at his words. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small white envelope and held it out to her neighbour. She had scribbled down a short note to Caitlin while waiting on the taxi because she knew Caitlin would be the first one to come looking for her.

  “Can you give her this if she drops by?” Ally said, handing him the letter.

  “Sure,” he chirped brightly back and stuck it onto his back pocket. “Oh, and happy Christmas Ally.”

  His words hit Ally like a kick to the stomach. She had completely forgotten it was Christmas. Right in that moment she never felt more alone. It was Christmas day and she was standing in a hallway with a suitcase and a broken heart and the feeling she really didn’t belong anywhere, anymore.

  “Happy Christmas Andy,” she replied and smiled, then turned and headed towards the lift.

  Twenty minute later she found herself standing in front of a big black front door. She took a deep breath and reached up and rang the doorbell.

  As soon as the door opened and she saw Sid, she began to sob again. Without saying a word he wrapped her in his arms and led her into the house.

  “I am sorry I just showed up here,” she sniffed as she began to regain control. She was sitting on Sid’s sofa with him sitting next to her. He just sat quietly with one arm draped around her while she sobbed softly, her face buried in Sid’s chest.

  Sid had seen the news reports about Cole and the baby and Ally didn’t know if she should be grateful she didn’t have to explain the entire mess to him or be mortified at the fact that all her friends knew the huge mess that was now her life. “I just didn’t know where else to go. I couldn’t stay in the apartment. And I couldn’t face going back to my grandparents’ house.”

  “You know you can always come here Al,” Sid said as he filled the empty glass in front of Ally with wine. “I am just sorry you have had to go through this. I would love to kick that assholes ass right about now. Who does he think he is treating you like this? I would love to teach him a lesson.” Ally cringed at Sid words. She was so embarrassed.

  “Please, I really don’t want to talk about it anymore,” Ally pleaded. Her heart was breaking, all she could remember was Coles face when she told him to leave and it was killing her inside. “I am so tired, I just feel so exhausted.”

  “Why don’t you try and get some rest?” Sid said, reaching over a squeezing her hand. “I’ve already put your case up into the spare room. You can stay here as long as you like Ally, you know that.”

  Ally hugged Sid and kissed him on the cheek.

  “Thank you,” she whispered as she could feel the tears pool in her eyes once again but she quickly blinked them away. Before she headed up the stairs, she made Sid promise he wouldn’t tell anyone where she was. He reluctantly agreed.

  When she reached the room, she didn’t even bother getting stripped. Instead she just climbed into bed, curled into a ball, buried her face into her hands and sobbed until exhaustion took over and sleep took hold.

  She woke with a start the next morning when Sid gently shook her and placed a coffee on the night stand next to her.

  “What time is it?” she asked as she pulled herself up in the bed still half asleep. She rubbed her sore eyes, which she knew were probably still puffy and swollen from the countless tears she had shed.

  “It’s just after ten.” Sid said as he sat down on edge of the bed and looked at Ally, his eyes filled with concern. “Did you slept at all?”

  “I have no idea what time I passed out at.” Ally replied honestly.

  “You look like hell,” Sid sighed. “Maybe you should just try and go back to sleep.”

  “Not sure I can go back asleep now,” she reached over and picked up the coffee from the nightstand. She didn’t want to admit that she was afraid to sleep because all she could dream about was Cole. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t push Cole out of her mind.

  “Caitlin called,” Sid said, suddenly shifting nervously on the bed. Ally’s heart almost stopped as a sudden feeling of panic washed over her. She wasn’t ready to face anyone else and she knew Caitlin would be straight around. Sid could see the worry etched across Ally’s face. “Don’t worry I said I hadn’t talked to you.”

  “Good,” Ally sighed with relief and looked nervously at Sid who was just watching her still with concern. “Sid
I am not ready to see anyone.”

  “Ally, you are welcome to stay here as long as you need to,” Sid replied. “But there are a lot of people worried about you.” He paused for a moment, unsure if he should continue or not.

  He took a deep breath before he did. “Cole was at Caitlin’s, Ally, she said he is in a bad way. He went to your apartment looking for you this morning. Caitlin said, as much as it kills her to admit, he seem genuinely heart broken. He just wants to talk to you.”

  Ally didn’t reply.

  “Maybe you should talk to him,” Sid said nervously.

  Ally’s head snapped up and she stared at Sid in disbelief.

  “What happened to you wanting to kick his ass?” she snapped a little more abruptly then she had intended to.

  “I do want to kick his ass,” Sid replied defensively. “But you look like your heart has been ripped out of your chest and Caitlin said Cole is in a bad way. Maybe you two just need to talk, give him a chance to explain.”

  “Shit Sid!” Ally snapped as she kicked back the blanket and jumped out of the bed in one fluid movement. “I thought of all people, you would understand. He lied to me. He has a baby for Christ sakes. Maybe I should just leave. I was wrong to come here.”

  “Ally, I am sorry,” Sid said standing up to face her. He took hold of her by the arms and turned her to him. “Please don’t leave. I don’t want you going through this on your own. I won’t tell anyone you are here if that is what you want, and I won’t mention Cole again. I promise AL. I’m sorry.”

  Ally knew she was going to cry again so she quickly pinched her eyes shut and swallowed the knot of grief that was almost choking her.

  “Okay,” she whispered. “I’ll stay here. But you have to promise you won’t push me Sid. I can’t handle this right now.”

  “I promise,” Sid reassured her.

  “Is it ok if I have a bath?” she asked, finally allowing her eyes to open and meet Sid’s,

  “Of course,” he replied.

  Ally grabbed her iPod and mini plug in speaker from her hand bag and headed towards the bathroom. Sid gave her some clean towels before she locked herself in the bathroom.

  She switched on her iPod and set it on shuffle and then turned and switched on the taps and began to fill the bath. When the bath was full, she quickly undressed before she climbed into it and slowly sank down into the water.

  As she sat there, immersed in the hot water she closed her eyes and once again her thoughts were consumed by Cole. She longed to see him. She longed to have him hold her in his arms and tell her this was all just a mistake. But she knew that was never going to happen. She could barely breathe, she needed him. But she knew she had to let him go. He lied to her and he broke her heart.

  As the song that was playing on her iPod ended, the sounds of Kiki Dee’s ‘Amorouse’ filled the bathroom. The words of the song hit her like a steam roller. “Should have told him, I’d do anything if I could hold him, for just another day.” As these words echoed around the bathroom a heart wrenching sob escaped from deep inside her, as she slipped deeper beneath the water. She loved Cole and she wanted him. How was she ever going to go on without him?

  As the days past her spirits fell deeper and deeper. She refused to look at the news. All they talked about was Cole and the mystery women who had his son and Ally couldn’t bear to listen anymore. She did wonder how she had never realised just how well known or successful Cole was. How had she been so clueless?

  She knew Sid was upset and worried about her. He reluctantly returned to work on the Friday after Christmas, three days since Ally had arrived on his door step. But he wasn’t happy at the thought of leaving her alone. Or the fact she was still refusing to answer any of her friends or family’s calls.

  He also wasn’t happy knowing he would have to face Gus and keep it a secret he knew where she was. And he told her that too.

  He had pleaded with her again and again to at least call her grandparents or Caitlin and tell them she was alright but Ally refused. She just couldn’t face anyone yet. She was embarrassed and hurt. She wasn’t ready for all the questions she would be asked.

  While she was alone in the house she locked herself away in her room curled into a ball on the bed, her iPod blaring in her ears. Every time Kiki Dee came on, the words ran around her head again. She wished she could have had just one more day with Cole.

  If she had have known that Christmas Eve morning was the last time they would have been together. She would have paid more attention. She would had remembered everything he said, everything he did. God she missed him so much.

  She missed him so much that she could barely breathe. The grief was suffocating. She longed to feel his lips against hers. To smell him once again. She just wanted to see him and tell him how much she still loved him. Because she did. Despite everything that she felt inside. The one thing she couldn’t deny was she still wanted him.

  Sid arrived home with a Chinese takeout, as it was Ally favourite, he thought it would finally get her to eat something but she barely picked at it.

  They were just cleaning up when doorbell rang. The blood drained from Ally’s face as she looked at Sid in panic.

  “It’s ok,” Sid reassured her. She was extra jumpy since Cole had phoned Sid the night before. He was just checking again if Sid had heard from Ally. Sid wasn’t happy to be still lying to everyone. But she pleaded with him, explaining she just need some time and space. “Go upstairs. Don’t worry, I will get rid of whoever it is.”

  Ally hurried up the stairs and hid on the safety of her bedroom and waited patiently for Sid to give her the all clear.

  He tapped lightly on the door about ten minutes later and popped his head around the door.

  “Who was it?” she asked nervously as he sat down next to her on the bed.

  “It was Cole,” Sid said cautiously unsure of how she would react to this news.

  “He is here?” She was instantly on her feet and pacing up and down as panic washed over her. Her stomach heaved at the thought of having to face him again. “Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!”

  “No, don’t panic,” Sid reassured her. “He has gone.”

  “Okay,” she replied and stopped pacing and taking a deep breath and nodded. “Good.”

  “Al, you know I wanna kick his ass for hurting you,” Sid began, it was his turn to take deep breath before he continued. “But he looks like hell. He is beside himself with worry about you.”

  Ally stared at Sid but didn’t reply.

  “Ally why are you doing this?” Sid asked as she sat down next to him on the bed. “Why are you hiding from those who love you? Everyone is worried sick about you. Even Gus was all over the place today. You have to stop this”

  Ally didn’t reply, instead she dropped down on to the bed and buried her face in her hands.

  “Ally,” Sid said softly sitting down next to her. “Talk to me.”

  “What’s there to say?” she replied as she slowly allowed her eyes to meet his. “Sid I am so embarrassed. I am just a screw up, first there was Jason. It was bad enough everyone knew about him and what he was doing. And now Cole. I trusted him and he broke my heart. And he did it for the whole world to see. And the worst part of it is, I still love him.”

  “Then tell him,” Sid sighed. “So he has a kid. It is only a big deal if you let it be.”

  “And what if he grows up and hates me?” Ally asked, looking straight into Sid’s face, longing for answers. “I don’t want to be the other woman in some kid’s life.”

  “And what if he doesn’t?” Sid replied softly. “Ally, there is no guarantees of anything in this world. All you need to think about is if Cole is worth fighting for. Because I think you love him and being apart from him is killing you. Look at you. You’re not sleeping, barely eating. You can’t keep this up.”

  Ally didn’t reply for a few minutes. Instead she sat on the bed and stared at her hands, clasped together on her lap.

  “I just need a little mor
e time,” she finally said, looking up at Sid. “I need to think this through.”

  “Okay Ally,” Sid smiled. “Take all the time you need. Just promise me you’ll do whatever makes you happy, not what you think everyone else expects you to do.”

  Ally spent that night tossing and turning. Her heart ached for Cole. She felt so torn. Everything inside her told her to walk away. Everything except her heart. Her heart longed for him.

  The next day went by in a blur until Sid came home from work and told Ally that Cole had once again been to the garage to see if she had contacted anyone.

  The guilt Ally was feeling for making Sid lie to everyone was starting to become too hard to handle. She knew he hated lying but he did it anyway for her. He told her Cole was looking worse than he had the day before and that he was struggling hard.

  Ally’s heart broke. She wanted to go find Cole and hold him and make everything ok there and then. But she just wasn’t strong enough. Once again she spent a sleepless night tossing and turning her head filled with thoughts of Cole. She finally managed to drift into a restless sleep sometime after 5 am.

  She spent most of Sunday hiding out in her room avoiding Sid. She knew he was unhappy and she felt horrible for putting him through this. Once again she faced a night with very little sleep until exhaustion took a firm hold of her.

  When she woke the next morning it was already almost ten. She was surprised to find Sid sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee being that it was a Monday morning.

  “Why aren’t you in work?” she asked as she poured herself some coffee.

  “It’s New Year’s Eve,” Sid replied as Ally sat down across the table from him. “Gus decided not to open today.”

  “But he always opens on New Year’s Eve” Ally said as she put her mug down on the table and looked straight at Sid.

  “Ally, don’t you get it?” Sid replied a little more forcefully then Ally had ever heard him before and Ally was surprised. “Everyone is beside themselves with worry about you. Your grandparents, your friends, Gus and especially Cole. For God sake the man just had a child but he is refusing to leave here until he knows you are safe. You need to stop this. I know you are hurt but now you are the one hurting everyone else. I can’t keep lying to them. I just can’t do it.”