How Many Chances

by Beverley Hollowed

  “I could make you some ginger tea,” Rosie suggested. “It’s great for an upset tummy. But you know you have both been through so much. It’s bound to have an effect.”

  “Actually, ginger tea would be great,” Ally smiled as she sat up on one of the high stools at the breakfast counter. Rosie made her the tea and Ally was surprised how quickly the tea settled her stomach.

  When she was done she kissed Rosie on the cheek and thanked her for the tea before she headed out to her car and set off in the direction of the garage.

  When she reached the garaged she was relieved when she saw that Gus’s car wasn’t parked in its usual spot. She could feel herself relax immediately. She climbed out of the car and headed into the building keeping her head down and hoping no one would even notice she was there.

  When she walked through the reception she was relieved Emma wasn’t behind the reception desk. She hurried to the staff room and prayed it was empty. It was. She opened her locker and quickly started to go through her belongings. Putting everything she wanted into the back pack she had grabbed from her car and throwing the rest of the stuff into the trash.

  “So you are just going to take your stuff and go,” Sid voice came from behind her and made her jump. “Don’t we even deserve a goodbye?”

  “Sid, I just don’t want a scene,” she sighed as she turned to her friend. She felt horrible. She knew Sid deserved better. He had always been there for her and she knew there was nothing he wouldn’t do for her.

  “Ally, why are you doing this?” Sid asked stepping closer to her.

  “I can’t work here,” Ally sighed and shrugged her shoulders. “I can’t be here with him. It’s just too hard Sid. Please understand.”

  “It doesn’t have to be,” Sid shrugged. “You could hear him out, give him a chance to explain. You know what you mean to him. He adores you.”

  “He abandoned me,” Ally snapped back. “Just like Fitzmaurice did. He had the perfect family and I was just his dirty little secret. I have half-sisters Sid. Three half-sisters. And they meant more to him then I did. So don’t stand there and tell me he loves me, because while he was playing father of the year to my sisters. I was left in a broken home.”

  “Ally, you know that is unfair,” Sid shot back. “Just hear him out.”

  “Please, Sid, don’t,” Ally begged as she closed her eyes and refused to give in to tears again. “I am not prepared to argue with you about this. This is my business.”

  “And you are my friend,” Sid said walking closer to her. “So is Gus, in fact you two are more like family. I can’t sit by and see you both hurting and do nothing. Ally you have to talk to Gus, he is a mess. He hasn’t been in work in days. Even his wife and girls are worried about him.”

  “HIS GIRLS!” She exclaimed in disbelief he had actually said that. There was a look of utter disgust on her face he had even gone there. “His girls, and what about this girl? The one he didn’t want. I can’t believe you went there…”

  “Ally,” Sid quickly replied. “You have to stop this. Please, you will drives yourself nuts.”

  “I am not doing this!” Ally exclaimed suddenly, as she grabbed her bag and made for the door. She couldn’t hear this. She didn’t want to feel guilty about the man who had lied to her all her damn life. But she had grabbed her bag incorrectly and its contents spilled all over the floor and scattered everywhere. “Damn it!”

  “Here, let me help,” Sid said as he and Ally began to pick up the contents of her bag. All Ally could think about was getting out of there in case Gus might turn up.

  “Ally what the fuck is this,” Sid said suddenly, Ally glanced up and her heart almost stopped. He was holding up her pregnancy test. “You’re pregnant.”

  “Oh God,” Ally said as she could feel the blood drain from her body. This was bad, this was very bad.

  Chapter 25

  “Sid please,” she begged. “You can’t tell anyone.”

  “Why?” Sid asked looking at Ally in confusion, something told him something was very wrong. “Ally, you are going to having a baby, this is a good thing.”

  “No, it’s not,” she snapped, grabbed the test from his hand and shoving it into her handbag. She grabbed her back pack off the floor and headed for the door. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Ally, talk to me,” he demanded, stepping in her way. “Why isn’t it a good thing? What the hell is going on?”

  “It’s none of your business,” she snapped at him as she quickly blinked back the tears that was pooling in her eyes.

  “Ally, it’s me,” Sid said softly, taking her by the arms and crouching down and looking into to her face. “You know you can talk to me. What’s wrong?”

  “Cole doesn’t want the baby,” she whispered sadly as the tears finally broke free and trickled down her face.

  “Did he say he didn’t want the baby,” Sid asked calmly.

  “He doesn’t want children,” Ally sobbed.

  “He said what, when you told him about the baby?” Sid asked, trying hard to keep his temper in check. Ally had never seen Sid look so angry.

  “He doesn’t know about the baby,” Ally quickly explained in between sobs. “He was so devastated after the whole Ben thing. He told me the other day he didn’t want children. He is constantly going on about how it’s just me and him from now on.”

  “Ally, he is just angry over what happened,” Sid tried to reassure her. “And that is very normal. But Ally he loves you and I am sure he will love the baby too.”

  “And what if he doesn’t?” Ally asked looking Sid straight in the eye. “Sid I can’t do this alone and I don’t want to lose Cole. What sort of a mother would I be anyways? I don’t even have a job anymore. How can I even support us? I won’t be able to pay my mortgage, how am I going to pay for nappies. This is a disaster.”

  “You would be a great Mom,” Sid replied with a smile. “But I seriously doubt Cole would walk away. You know he will be there for you both.”

  “No you’re right. He would probably stick around and end up resenting me and the baby for the rest of our lives,” Ally said as she sobbed harder. “And that would be worse, the baby would grow up in the same home I grew up in, knowing every day it wasn’t wanted. I have lived that life. I don’t want that for my child. Sid face it. Either way. I have messed up big time. It’s not as if this was planned, for god sakes, I was on the pill.”

  “You know maybe you should just trust him,” Sid said cautiously. “He loves you Ally, he just might surprise you. You didn’t see him when he didn’t know where you were. He was devastated. There is no way he would walk away now.”

  “You really think so?” Ally asked wanting to believe her friend. But in her heart she knew she was in big trouble.

  “I really do,” Sid replied. “And if he doesn’t, you always have me Ally. You and the baby will never be left to do this alone. I will be with you every step of the way. I am a great uncle, just ask my niece and nephews.”

  Ally hugged Sid tightly as she laughed and cried all at once into his chest. She knew he meant every word of what he just said. And she had never loved him more than she did right in that moment.

  “Thank you,” she whispered as she held him tighter. “For everything.”

  Ally reluctantly agreed to stay for a cup of tea and by the times she was ready to leave she felt a little bit happier but was still so confused about the baby. She made Sid promise to keep it a secret until she told Cole and he promised her secret was safe with him.

  Sid had walked her out to her car and was hugging her goodbye when Ally spotted Gus’s car pulling into the cark park of the garage.

  He was out of the car in a flash, the moment he saw Ally and headed straight for her.

  “I have to go,” Ally said quickly, pulling open her car door. She was in no mood for another confrontation with Gus. Her heart was just not able for it.

  “Ally, please,” Gus begged. “I just want to talk.”

  “Yo
u have nothing to say that I want to hear,” she shot back without even looking at him.

  “Al, please,” Sid pleaded. “Hear him out, you need him now as much as he needs you.”

  “Don’t.” she said to Sid locking his eyes with hers. “I can’t deal with this right now.”

  “Ally, sweetheart, please,” Gus begged. But she didn’t even look at him. She climbed into her car and slammed the door shut. Then once she starting the engine, she reversed out of her parking space and drove away. She flashed a look in her review mirror as she pulled out of the car park of the garage and saw Sid comfort a distraught looking Gus.

  Ally swallowed the lump of grief in her throat. She was not going to cry again. She refused to waste anymore tears on someone like him. She really needed to be tougher. No more tears.

  When she arrived back at the house. She was surprised to see the Rover already there, which meant Cole was home.

  She pulled in behind Cole’s other car and switched off the engine. She thought it was strange for him to be home so early but then Cole was never one to stick to any set of rules.

  She climbed out of the car and walked up the steps to the door. She took a deep breath before she slipped the keys into the lock.

  She decided she was going to do this, she was going to tell Cole about the baby and pray to God he understood.

  When she stepped into the hallway she slipped off her coat. As she sat it on the chair in the hallway, she spotted Cole staring into the blazing fire in the living room, a drink in his hand.

  Ally got a sudden sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She knew something was very wrong and it wasn’t going to be something she wouldn’t be able to do anything about.

  “Hey,” she said softly as she walked in behind Cole and slipped her arms around him from behind. “You okay?”

  “Not really,” he replied, sounding a mixture of both sad and angry at once.

  “What’s happened?” Ally asked pressing her lips to his shoulder and hugging him tighter.

  “I got a call from Steph,” Cole replied not taking his eyes from the fire. He seem to be a million miles away.

  “Oh, what did she have to say? Ally asked suddenly feeling a knot tighten in the pit of her stomach.

  “She offer to sell me Ben,” Cole said, the anger very evident in his voice. “She would sign adoption papers for a hundred grand. Like that was all he was worth.”

  “Holy fuck!” Ally exclaimed completely shocked and appalled. She knew Steph had no class but even this shocked Ally. “What did you say?”

  “What do you think I said?” he replied turning to Ally, surprised she had to even ask the question. “I told her to go to hell.”

  “What did she say when you told her that,” Ally asked nervously.

  “She said if I didn’t want him,” he stopped and took a calming breath. He was struggling hard to keep himself together. “She said that someone else would want him and she would give him to the highest bidder. Like he was nothing.”

  “Oh God,” Ally replied completely disgusted by what she had just heard. Her heart breaking for the little boy.

  “This world has turned into a place where anything can be bought for the right price,” he sighed sadly. “And that includes children. This is another reason I don’t ever want children Ally. Why bring another innocent kid into this fucked up world.

  Ally’s heart sank, instinctively she reached for her stomach as her heart broke. She knew right then and there that he would never understand or accept the baby now.

  He wrapped his arm around her, completely unaware of the internal struggle that was going on inside her.

  “All I want is you and me,” Cole sighed and kissed Ally’s forehead. “As long as I have you, nothing else matters.”

  “I need to go change,” Ally said when she finally pulled back from his embrace and tried her best to sound cheerful and smile. “I want to freshen up before dinner. I might just jump in the shower.”

  “Want me to wash your back?” Cole asked with a cheeky, hopeful grin.

  Ally laughed and smacked his arm playfully.

  “Behave,” she said taking everything she had inside her to force a smile on her face. “I won’t be long.”

  She kissed him softly on the lips before she turned and headed straight towards the door and up the stairs.

  She needed some space. She could barely breathe as she climbed the stairs. She prayed to God to help her keep it together until she was on her own.

  Cole watched her as she walk towards the stairs. He knew something was wrong but he didn’t know what. She was smiling but her eyes were sad. He wanted to hold her and plead with her to talk to him. But knowing Ally that would just make her shut down even more. He knew she was going to the bedroom for some space.

  She looked somehow different to him today. Like suddenly the fight had completely left her and she was struggling just to make it through the day.

  He knew she had been at the garage and had no doubt she had some kind of run in with Gus.

  But something told him, it was more than that.

  He walked to the bottom of the stairs and for a moment thought about climbing them to go after her and try and get her to talk to him, to open up.

  He wonder if they could ever for just one day be happy. He longed to see her smile and know she hadn’t a care in the world.

  He was determined he would do whatever it took to make her smile again and give her the life she deserved.

  By the time Ally managed to reach the bathroom in Cole’s bedroom she was struggling to catch her breath. She locked the door and slid to the floor crumpling into a heap, finally letting go and sobbed.

  She hated Steph so much. The evil bitch was the reason her life was freefalling out of control. She was pure poison. Her lies had destroyed Cole. And now they were destroying her.

  He was completely devastated over Ben. So much so, she knew he really wasn’t ready for her to drop her bombshell on him.

  She considered for a moment that maybe she should just pack her things and leave. But where would she go, back to her apartment? She had no job and no way of supporting her and the baby. She could always go back to Nan and Pop’s. Then she thought of her mother. She had been her mother’s unwanted child and in the end it had been Nan and Pops who were left to pick up the pieces.

  It was like history repeating itself. How could she asked them to be the ones to pick up the pieces once again? And at their age.

  Then she thought of Cole. Her Cole. Could she really walk away from him? She had tried once before and it almost killed her. It was very simple. She loved him and she knew she could not live without him. That part wasn’t an option.

  So what choices did she have left? She pressed her hand on her tummy and sobbed harder. She had to choose.

  And the choice was a life with Cole or a life of struggling alone with her baby.

  But it was her baby. It was Cole baby. She was its Mom. How could she ever choose? She buried her face in her hands and cried.

  Please god, help me, she sobbed and she drew her knees to her chests and cried harder. She knew in her heart she had only one choice and it was one she just couldn’t bear to think about.

  She could hear a soft tap on the door and her heart almost stopped.

  “Ally, baby,” Coles voice came through the door. “Please don’t shut me out. I am here, please talk to me.”

  Ally stared at the door unable to speak.

  “Ally, I know something is very wrong,” he continued pressing his head against the door. “I understand if you don’t want to talk. But please let me come in. Please, I need you and I know you need me. Whatever it is, we can fix it together.”

  Ally sobbed harder. She wanted to blurt it out to him there and then but she couldn’t. She had made up her mind. He was right, they did truly need each other. Right now neither of them were in the right place to bring a baby into this world. So she had only one option left.

  She wiped her eyes with
her hands as she slowly picked herself up off the floor and unlocked the door.

  She opened the door and came face to face with an equally broken looking Cole. She stepped towards him, as he enveloped her in his arms.

  “Don’t cry, gorgeous girl,” he breathed against the top of her head. “We will get through this together. We have each other. Nothing else in this world matters except you and I. As long as we have each other, then we have everything we need.”

  And just like that her mind was made up. She knew what she needed to do.

  Chapter 26

  “You’re doing what?” Sid exclaimed in completely and utter disbelief. He could not get his head around what she had just said.

  “I am booked on a flight to London first thing in the morning.” Ally said trying to act like she was sure of her decision. But the truth was she was heartbroken. It had been five days since she discovered she was carrying Cole’s baby and five days since she decided she couldn’t have this baby.

  When she woke up the morning after she had found out she was pregnant, she went straight on to the internet as soon as Cole had gone to work and started googling clinics in London where she could travel to alone to have the pregnancy terminated. She wished she could have stayed in Dublin but that wasn’t an option with Irish laws.

  After she had made the appointment and talked to the counsellor on the phone, she spent the days sobbing. She hadn’t slept a wink in days. Spending night after night tossing and turning.

  Cole knew something was very wrong but Ally refused to discuss it. She could barely look him in the face.

  Even though she knew he didn’t want a child, Ally couldn’t get past that fact it was his child she was getting rid of. The guilt was already consuming her.

  It was part of her and part of him. She dreamed of a little boy with black wavy hair and piercing blue eyes just like Coles.

  She had changed her mind about going through with it again and again. She talked herself into it and then back out of it over and over,

  Finally she accepted the fact, this was just something she would have to do for her and Cole and she would have to live with this for the rest of her life.