How Many Chances

by Beverley Hollowed

  Hannah squealed excitedly again and clapped her hands. Caitlin just looked at Ally and smiled. She knew her friend was really hurting and that she was covering up but she was happy to play along with her.

  They spent the next two hours chatting happily about the wedding and of course Ally told them about the night in the bedroom Cole had proposed. And as expected Hannah squealed and then cried but assured Ally they were happy tears this time.

  “So you are really leaving Parson’s?” Hannah asked Ally as they walked through the car park of the pub, arms linked together.

  “I don’t really see where I have any choice,” Ally sighed and she felt truly sadly. “I can’t face going back there and working with Gus. I think it’s best for everyone if I just move on.”

  “Sid doesn’t think so,” Hannah sighed. “He is really upset you are leaving.”

  “We will still be friends,” Ally said sadly. “Besides now you two are together we will see each other even more.”

  “We have to do a night out,” Caitlin said as they reached Ally’s car. “Nathan was just saying we haven’t be all out for a proper night in ages.”

  “We were out New Year’s Eve,” Ally replied with a laugh Caitlin always overstated the obvious.

  “The night Cole carried you out of the club like a cave man?” Caitlin laughed. “Don’t think that counts now do you. Besides that was ten days ago.”

  “No it hasn’t been that long,” Ally laughed.

  “Yes it has,” Caitlin replied as she opened her car, which was parked next to Ally’s and threw her handbag in on the floor of the car.

  Ally thought for a moment Caitlin must have been mistaken but then she counted up the days and she realised she was right. Suddenly she had a horrible sinking feeling. She had totally lost track of the days. She could feel panic wash over her as her stomach heaved.

  “Ally, are you okay?” Hannah asked noticing the sudden change is Ally’s demeanour. “You look like someone just back over your puppy.”

  “I’m fine,” she lied then quickly added. “I just remember I have to call in to Nan and Pops this afternoon and I am not looking forward to it.”

  Before they could question her any further she said a quick goodbye to her friends and climbed into her car. Give them one last wave she backed out of the parking space and drove out of the car park.

  “FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!” She cried out loud as she drove off in the direction of her grandparents’ house. “No, this can’t be happening. This cannot be fucking happening.”

  A car blew its horn at her as she absentmindedly ran a red light, narrowly missing her. She waved her apology and tried to clear her mind and concentrate on the road.

  By the time she reached her grandparents’ house she was completely and utterly stressed out. She tried to convince herself she was panicking over nothing. But she knew in her heart she knew she was in trouble. She was almost two weeks late and she is never late.

  However, right now she had to face her grandparents and she couldn’t dwell on this right now. Once crisis at a time was all she could manage.

  She climbed out of the car and took a deep breath before she headed up the pathway to her grandparents front door. She paused for a moment before she knocked on the door.

  When Nan opened the door Ally suddenly burst into tears and Nan just held out her arms to Ally. Ally didn’t need to be asked twice. She hugged her grandmother and her grandmother held her close to her.

  “Please don’t cry pet,” Nan sniffed trying hard not to give in to the tears. But Ally wasn’t just crying for everything that had happened. She also cried for what was going to happen.

  How was she ever going to explain it to Cole when she couldn’t explain it to herself? She took her pill every day like clockwork. She never missed them. She didn’t understand it.

  Nan led her into the house and to the kitchen where Pop was sitting reading his newspaper. The minute he saw Ally, his eyes filled with tears too. He was heartbroken that his granddaughter, his Ally had been so hurt. And was completely ashamed that he had a hand in it.

  “Ally sweetheart,” he said as he stood up and walked over to her. “Darling, can you ever forgive a foolish old man?”

  Ally couldn’t respond. She wanted to be mad at him and part of her still was but he was her Pops. He was the one she had always loved more than anything in the world. How could she stay angry with him?

  She rushed to him and threw her arms around his neck and held him close.

  “I love you Pops,” she whispered into his ear. “I could never stay mad at you.”

  “I swear I thought I was doing the right thing,” he said, his voice shaking with unshed tears. “You had just lost your mom and you were so upset. When Gus came to me I was so angry. I actually punched him. But then I listened to what he had to say. He was so heart broken. He wanted to tell you. He really did. But you were in no state for news like that. So I asked him to wait. But as time passed and you started to get yourself back on track. Well I didn’t see the sense in telling you and pulling your world apart. He was part of your life. Telling you the truth would have only served to hurt you again.”

  “Pops,” Ally said as she tried her hardest not to sound angry. “I had a right to know. He is my Dad. It should have been my decision.”

  “Ally,” Pop said sadly. “This is my fault. Please don’t blame Gus. He tried to do the right thing. He loves you so much…”

  “Please don’t,” Ally begged as a new wave of tears washed over her. “He lied to me. He worked next to me for years and he had so many chances to tell me the truth and he never did. Look I don’t want to argue with you about this. Please can we just drop it?”

  “I think you are making a mistake,” Pops replied sounding defeated. “But I will respect your wishes.”

  Nan asked Ally to stay for dinner and Ally agreed. As she help her prepare dinner, she filled Nan and Pops in on what had happened with Ben and Steph. She told them all about Cole’s parents and of course she told them about the proposal.

  Nan looked at her ring again and again. She was very excited about the wedding. Pops insisted he wanted to pay for the wedding but Ally refused. In the end she agreed that she would let him pay for her dress and promise she would pick the one she loved the most and not worry about the price tag.

  Finally when she asked Pops if he would give her away. He cried with pride and said it would make him the proudest man in the world to be the one to walk her down the aisle. Ally knew Pop was struggling hard not to bring up Gus again. But he kept his promise and never brought him back up.

  It was almost seven when she left her grandparents and headed for Cole’s house.

  Home, she had to remind herself. She pulled up into the driveway and parked in behind Cole’s car. The Rover was there too so she knew Cole was home too.

  She sat in the car for a few minutes. She had tried hard not to think about the fact that she was two weeks late while she was in her grandparents’ house. But it was there, in the back of her mind the whole time.

  She looked down at her belly and wondered what would she do if her worse fears were about to come through.

  She knew Cole was still hurting over Ben and maybe Ella was right, he just needed time. But time wasn’t something she had a lot of. If she was pregnant it was a secret she wouldn’t be able to hide for long.

  She opened the car and climbed out. She made her way up the steps to the big black door. She pulled her keys from her pocket. She still felt strange about using them.

  She was about to slip them into the lock when the door open and Cole appeared.

  “Are you okay?” he asked as he kissed her tenderly on the lips.

  “I’m good,” Ally replied and smiled at him.

  “I saw you sitting in the car,” he said as he took her hand and stepped backwards bringing her with him back into the hallway of the house and closing the door behind her. “You looked kind of sad.”

  “It been a long day,” She sighed
and smiled up at him. “How was your day?”

  “Better now you are home,” he grinned down at her.

  Ally smiled back but inside her heart ached. How was she ever going to tell him she might be pregnant? What would he say? Would he turn his back on her? Or worse still stand by her and resent her and the baby every day for the rest of their lives. Just like her father had. Only time would tell.

  Chapter 24

  Ally tossed and turned all night. She couldn’t relax. She lay in bed in the darkness of their room and prayed that she was wrong. She reasoned she had been under a lot of stress the past few weeks and stress can do funny thing to the body.

  By the time the alarm clock sounded she had herself completely convinced she was worrying for nothing. Cole reached for the alarm clock and switched it off then rolled over to Ally.

  “Good morning gorgeous girl,” he smiled sleepily at her.

  “Good morning yourself,” she yawned.

  “You feeling any better this morning,” Cole asked suddenly looking all serious and concerned.

  “I am fine,” she replied nervously. She was almost afraid to look him in the eye in case he would see right through her.

  “You were very quiet last night,” Cole said moving closer to her in the bed. Ally heart raced fast in her chest.

  “I was just tired,” Ally lied and she felt awful for lying to him.

  “Are you sure,” he asked looking down at her. He wasn’t buying her explanation. But he also knew she wasn’t ready to talk. She hadn’t really told him much about what had happened when she got to her grandparents. Or about her lunch with the girls. In fact she had barely said two words all night. He had wanted to push her but he didn’t. But he was concerned. “You know you can talk to me, about anything.”

  “I know.” she nodded and forced a smile on her face. “I’m okay, honestly.”

  “Remember it’s just me and you against the world,” he laughed as he leaned down and kissed her. “Just the way I like it.”

  He kissed her once again before he climbed out of bed and disappeared into the bathroom.

  Ally could feel her heart skin and her stomach heave. “Just me and you,” she replayed his words over and over again in her.

  God I hope so. She thought to herself as she placed her hand on her tummy. She blinked back the salty tears that were now stinging her eyes. She needed to keep it together for a little while longer. So she lay in the bed staring up at the ceiling and tried her best to breath calmly.

  “So what’s your plans for today?” Cole asked as he emerged from the bathroom.

  “I was thinking I would go empty out my locker at the garage,” she said sadly. “And maybe start looking for a new job.”

  “Really?” Cole replied as he disappeared into the wardrobe. He said nothing else until he emerged from the wardrobe full dressed, about ten minutes later. He walked to the bed and sat down next to Ally. “You know, there is no rush on you getting a new job. I was thinking as we are getting married, you should really have access to my bank account.”

  “I don’t want access to your bank account,” Ally said honestly. “I have my own money and will get a new job. I don’t want to depend on someone else for money.”

  “Ally,” Cole reached out and traced his fingertips along her lips. “You are going to be my wife. This house, the apartment in London. They are now yours as much as they are mine. I have a meeting with my solicitor tomorrow to have your name put on the deeds to all my properties.”

  “Why?” Ally said sitting up in the bed.

  “Why not?” Cole shrugged. “This, what we have, is forever. I want you to know we are in this together. Just me and you.”

  And there it was again, “Just me and you”. Ally’s heart sank further with these words.

  “I don’t want you to do that,” Ally sighed as she rubbed her two eyes with her hands.

  “Ally, what is it,” Cole voice almost a plea. “What is it I am missing?”

  “It’s nothing,” Ally said looking up in to his eyes. “It just everything is moving so fast. Cole, I can’t wait to marry you but you are moving so fast I barely have time to catch my breath.”

  “Are you having second thoughts?” Cole asked sitting up straight, a look of hurt on his face.

  “Of course not,” Ally said quickly sitting up in the bed so she as face to face with Cole. “I have no doubts about how I feel about you but…”

  “But?” he repeated.

  “But we each have been through a lot these past few days,” Ally said as she cupped her hand on his cheek. “We need to slow down and take a breath.”

  “Okay,” he agreed with a half-smile. He turned and pressed his lips against her hand. “I will cancel my appointment with the solicitor for now. But Ally you have to understand. This is my life. I am very rich. And I want you to feel that everything I have belongs to you too.”

  Ally leaned up and kissed him lightly on the lips.

  “You are all I want,” she whispered against his mouth.

  He suddenly claimed her mouth and kissed her deeper, pushing her back onto the bed. She reached up and wrapped her arms around him tightly, pulling her closer to him.

  “I want you,” he groaned against her mouth as he pulled his lips from hers breathlessly. “But I have to be across town in thirty minutes.”

  Ally smiled against his mouth.

  “Rain check?” he asked.

  “Definitely,” she giggled as he kissed her one last time. He climbed up from the bed and straightened his suit before he leaned over and kissed Ally once more.

  He headed for the door before he turned back and gave her one of his killer smiles and blew her a kiss, then he was gone.

  Ally climbed out of bed and headed straight into the wardrobe. She went to her bag and pulled out the paper bag that was buried at the bottom of it.

  She had stopped at a pharmacy on the way from her grandparent house to Cole’s the night before. She pulled the pregnancy kit from the bag and sighed.

  “Dear God, please don’t do this to me,” she said looking up and praying for divine intervention.

  She headed to the bathroom and locked the door behind herself just to be sure she wasn’t disturbed. She sat on the edge of the bath and tore open the box and opened up the instructions.

  When she was done reading through them, she tore the foil covering on the test and walked to the toilet. She followed the instruction as stated and once she did as it said, she put the cap back on the test and sat it on the side of the bath while she flushed the toilet and washed her hands.

  Her heart was racing as she turned back to the bath and the pregnancy test. She walked over, picked it up and set on the edge of the bath as she waited for the long three minutes to pass.

  They passed and so did ten more. She couldn’t bring herself to look at the little window on the test to check the results. She put the test down on the edge of the bath, stood up and began to pace up and down, willing herself to have the strength to pick up the test and look at the results.

  Finally after about thirty minutes, she couldn’t put it off any long. She took a deep breath, picked it up and sat back on the edge of the bath and looked down at the test in her hands.

  “Oh God,” she cried as she saw the little plus sign in the first window and 3-5 weeks in the next window. She was pregnant. She was carrying Cole’s baby. A baby he didn’t want.

  Ally could feel the bile rise in her throat as she dropped the test to the floor and she dropped to her knees in front of the toilet and threw up violently.

  She threw up again and again until once more there was nothing left in her stomach and she was left dry retching.

  Finally the wave of nausea passed and Ally sat on the floor with her back against the cold tiles at the side of the bath. She picked the test up off the floor and stared at it in complete disbelief.

  It just didn’t feel real. She was carrying Cole’s baby. A baby he stated time and time again he would never want. She
remembered wishing that she was the one to give Cole his first child, his first son. And now here she was carrying his first child and she felt so desperate and alone.

  How was she ever going to tell him? She didn’t know which though scared her more. That she would ended up doing this alone or that, knowing Cole was a good guy, he would step up and take care of them both, but he would resent both her and the baby and end up hating them just like her father hated her and her mother. How could she do this to a child? Bring it into a world where it wasn’t wanted.

  A sudden sobbed escaped her mouth as it finally hit her. One way or the other she was in this alone. She was having a baby whose father would never accept it.

  Her baby was going to grow up in a home just like she did. She couldn’t do this. She wasn’t strong enough to do this alone. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed harder.

  Finally when there was no tears left she picked herself up from the floor and gathered all the evidence of the test together and returned to the wardrobe and stuffed the test into her handbag to hide it.

  She felt like a stupid teenager hiding her stupid mistake from the world.

  She returned to the bathroom and jumped into the shower. When she climbed out she dried her hair and dress quickly. Before heading down stairs.

  She found Rosie in the kitchen baking.

  “Good morning Ally,” she said brightly when she saw Ally walk into the kitchen. “Can I get you some breakfast?”

  “I am not really hungry,” Ally replied, her stomach was still feeling a little queasy. She couldn’t even make eye contact with Rosie. She was afraid she would see right through her and figure out the secret she was keeping.

  “Are you feeling okay,” Rosie asked looking at Ally in concern. “You are looking a little peaky.”

  “I’m fine,” she said but could feel her face burn with embarrassment as her stomach heaved. “I have had a bit of a tummy bug, I am okay now but my stomach is still not fully back to itself. And I don’t think all the stressed is helping it either”