Legion of Guardians: (Book 1-5)

by Xyla Turner

  I shook my head and muttered, “That smile was not business.”

  “You would know, huh?” he said with a smirk.

  “Guess I would.”

  “You done fucked Bear all up,” he offered. “Got the man thinking he’s being set up and played. For his sake, I hope that’s not the case. He’s gone for you. Like, I’ve never seen the big man like this. He don’t really talk to me because I’m too young and don’t always say the right shit but I see things. So, while I may not know a lot, I know that no matter who has the dick, you own him.”

  Okay, wow.

  I wasn’t sure what to say to that because it was supposed to be the opposite way. He owned me. Bear had explained that he was into the BDSM life but our relationship was beyond sub and Dom roles. He’d said that we would be the ones to make the rules, not the life so what was his problem then? Bear never went on missions, he was the operations guy. Something wasn't adding up.

  The next morning, I didn’t have to work at all but after calling Bear a few times and he didn’t pick up, I hopped in the car and went to the compound searching for him.

  “Bear,” I yelled. “Bear!”

  “He’s not here, darling. Ain’t seen him,” Debra told me as she prepared breakfast for the men.

  His bike was at home but his truck was gone, so I called him again and then sent him another text.

  Me: Where are you?

  This went on for another two days and I even called Razor, Bronx and Apollo to find out where he was. They weren’t trying to get into it so nobody told me shit. Which made me think it wasn’t a mission and something else. They were keeping shit on the hush, which drove me absolutely insane and after sleeping in a cold bed for three days straight, waiting for the man to come home, I lost it.

  I called Shiz.

  “Hey, how’d you know to pick me up the other day?” I didn’t greet him.

  “Dessy?” he called. “Yo, Bear told me to.”

  “He called you?” I asked, knowing all the patience I had was gone. "He doesn't go on missions. He deals with the operations of them."

  “Yeah,” he answered. “Look, Dessy...”

  “Call him, right now, on three-way,” I yelled into the phone.

  My blood was boiling.

  “Shiz, I’m telling you to call him right now and do not say shit, just put us on. I need to say one thing to him and that’s it,” I pleaded.

  “Fuck, fine,” he huffed and then the line went silent.

  A phone ringing could be heard and then I heard his fucking voice, “Shiz, what?”

  “It’s not Shiz, it’s Dessy you son of a bitch. You can’t answer my calls, return my texts. You’re mad about something and you’re not man enough to come and talk to me. You want me to do you the courtesy of sharing but you just up and leave. On a mission, my ass. Didn’t say one goddamn thing. I’m sleeping in an empty bed and I have no idea why.”

  Hot, scorching anger ran through my veins and all I saw was red. I didn’t even know what was coming out of my mouth as I let it rip.

  “Fine, Bear. No more chasing you. No more making exceptions for you. No more, Bear. Fuck you. You don’t talk to me, don’t acknowledge me. You forget I exist. You hear me,” I screamed.

  Then I hit the end button and for the last time, went in his place, gathered my shit, left his key and locked the door from the inside as I walked out.

  I wasn’t sure what would happen after that because what I didn’t want to deal with was the awkwardness of seeing him everywhere. Remembering the sweet promises he’d whispered in my ear; the plans, the kids, the everything.

  And right on cue, my mother called me and I probably shouldn’t have answered her call but I was ready to take on anyone. The love of my life had given me one big fuck you, so my mother was about to be another one to catch holy hell.

  “What’s wrong?” My mother did not say hello.

  “You were right, Mother. Happy now. You were right,” I snapped. “The big, old white biker has left me and couldn’t bother to say two words.”

  “I’m not happy about that,” she answered quickly. “I didn’t want it to happen and I’m not happy about it at all. Do you think you’re overreacting? What did he do?”

  “You’re on his side?” I gasped.

  “Dessy, I always have your back. I’m just saying, the dream I had about him was one as a protector, healer of sorts, and a provider. Not one to leave you high and dry.”

  “Well, he did. So, there,” I yelled as the tears started to flow down my face. “He left without a word.”

  “Honey, I’m sorry.” She actually sounded sincere. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think it’s over and I’d like to at least on my part, for us to try again. I was wrong. The dreams may not show all but what they show is true. That man loves you, more than he loves himself. While that’s scary as hell, it’s also real.”

  “If that’s love, I don’t want it,” I said. “Mom, I gotta go.”

  I didn’t want to hear her backpedaling and becoming team Bear.

  Fuck Bear.

  I was done.

  TWO WEEKS HAD PASSED and I had not seen or heard from Bear. I know what I told him but my heart ached every time I thought about it. I wouldn’t discuss it with Shay because I loved her to pieces and she’d probably shoot the man. Bronx and the rest of the guys were all looking like they wanted to say something but knew better.

  It was a Wednesday night, I was in the bar and my heart started fluttering as a familiar scent caressed my nostrils.

  Holy shit.

  It was him.

  “Scotch, neat,” he said while looking at me in the eye.

  There wasn’t another waitress on duty, so I got him his scotch the way he liked and walked away. He sat there for an hour but I refused to look at him or even go his way if I didn’t have to. Eventually, he left a hundred-dollar bill on the table and left. I wanted to throw his big ass tip at him but figured I’d better pocket it or someone else would.

  The next day, the same thing happened. Early in the evening, before most folks came, he asked for a drink but this time, there was another bartender, so I had them take his order while I stayed far away from him. When I felt his presence near me, his voice said in a whisper, “Will you talk to me, please?”

  All the rage that boiled up within me, couldn’t have accounted for the look I threw him. Instead of replying, I turned my back to him and kept counting the bottles for inventory.

  “Love you, Dessy,” he said. “Will always love you.”

  The blood started to pump to my chest at crazy rates which had my eyelids closing as hot tears ran down my face. I tried not to jerk my shoulders because I didn’t want him to see me crying so I ran out of there and told Big Joey that I wasn’t feeling good and was leaving. That exit was made out the back door and instead of going to my house, I went to Kylie’s. My tail was still on me but that also was not comforting because Bear was the one that was supposed to protect me.

  When I arrived, baby Kaitlin was asleep in her room, Razor was at work and Kylie was catching up on her reading. She said her new favorite author was Theodora Taylor and I should check her out. She was the reader of the four of us and our e-Readers were loaded with books that she had recommended. To her credit, they were all good stuff.

  It was good watching her transition from the bad ass, I don’t fuck bikers, to a mommy who’d married a biker. Kylie with her daughter made my heart tingle. Everything was where it was supposed to be and on some level that gave me hope.

  I WAS DOING SOME GROCERY shopping where I ran into Jeb.

  “Fuck, Dessy.” He beamed. “Girl, you look good.”

  “You don’t look so bad, yourself.” I laughed.

  “Yeah, thinking of moving here permanently. You know this is a good town and the Guardians are the fucking best.”

  I nodded and said, “Yeah, I get that. Funny, I’m thinking of moving away from here.”

  His eyebrows went up and then he asked, “You
and Bear still a ...”

  I rudely cut him off, “No.”

  “Well, then maybe you and I...” I cut him off again.

  “Jeb, if you’re thinking of being a Guardian, there’ll never be a you and me. That’s how they do it and I’m not coming between members of the brotherhood.” I held up my hand.

  “Obliged,” he said. “Alright, Dessy. Well, take care of yourself, huh. Also, rethink that move. Manor suits you well.”

  “You do the same.”

  That night, I was not working so I visited another bar, Strayers, by myself. It was slightly out of town but it wasn’t crawling with Guardians. When Lori first came back to town, she was all about going to other bars because she couldn’t stand being around Apollo. Look how well that worked out for her.

  I had on jeans, heels, a flirty blouse and my hair was pinned up. Sitting at the bar with my back toward it, I scoped out the scenery and thought maybe I could at least start a new friendship. I was having better luck here with three guys approaching me and only one I let stay.

  Just as the guy was about to tell me about his family, that familiar voice cut through the the conversation, “Get lost.”

  My head swiveled around and my squinted eyes burned daggers into my ex-man. Bear did not look good, the bags under his eyes were huge and he looked like he’d lost some weight. None of this was my concern anymore but it hurt me just a little to see the man in such a bad state.

  Only a little.

  Once it passed, I hissed, “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

  Bear didn’t even acknowledge my words. He simply looked at the man and watched him leave.

  Coward.

  My lip turned up towards Bear as he sat down and asked for a clean scotch. My head felt like it was about to burst. The anger cloaked me as I hopped off the seat and started to scream at him.

  “Bear, what the hell is wrong with you?” My voice was up way too high. “How dare you come in here like you own me?” I said that on purpose. “You have no ties to me whatsoever.”

  His blazing eyes met mine and he simply said, “Love you darlin’.”

  Bear turned over his arm on the counter and there was a tattoo that had a picture of a Bear standing next to a woman with bobbed hair and the words, Bear loves Dessy.

  Holy shit.

  “I canno...” Everything went black and I have no idea what happened next.

  11 - I Can, You Can’t

  BEAR

  She was pissed and my girl had every right to be. However, when she started to cuss my ass out again but passed out; nothing could have had me moving faster as I caught her and yelled for someone to get an ambulance.

  Everything was moving super-fast or it might have been my old fucking heart but I wasn’t able to think about any details.

  Dessy had passed out, she needed to get to a doctor and it needed to happen now. I wish I could say I wasn’t frantic but I fucking was and wouldn’t let anyone near her.

  “Buddy, what’d she have to drink?” One guy asked.

  “Shut the fuck up!” I growled because I needed to think.

  Fuck, I was on my bike and by the time I had figured that I could get someone’s car, I heard the sirens.

  Thank God.

  They asked me lots of questions and I wasn’t sure about most shit but I told them what I knew. I called Shay because she’d probably know more.

  All I said was Dessy’s in the hospital and she said, “On my way.”

  The woman was there in fifteen minutes and that was at least a thirty-minute drive. She came in alone which meant Bronx was probably looking for parking.

  “Bear,” she greeted me.

  “Shay.”

  “What happened?” Straight to the point.

  “Not really sure. She was at Strayers, she was talking and then passed out. Brought her here to be safe rather than sorry.”

  She nodded and said, “Okay. Anything from the doctors?”

  “Not yet.”

  There wasn’t anything else passed between us, even as people began to file in one by one. Bronx, Razor, Kylie, Apollo, Lori, Shiz, Snoop, Theo and even Swag stopped by. These folks were the real deal and that was why I was one lucky son of a bitch to be a part of a group like that.

  The doctor came out after about an hour and called me forward. Shay came as well without invitation which she should have.

  “You kin to her?” The doctor looked at Shay.

  “Yeah,” she responded.

  “Well, I need to talk to you.” He nodded for them to go back there.

  “Not without me,” I interjected.

  “Family only,” the doctor said.

  “I am her family.” I moved towards him.

  “That’s her husband,” Shay nodded. “Well, they’re engaged and soon to be married. He should be there.”

  The doctor nodded and said, “Alright. Deseri is suffering from dehydration and malnutrition. She’s up and you can talk to her now.”

  He led the way and we followed him until he reached her room. Dessy was in a hospital gown and she looked frail, almost helpless. That was my Dessy and I hadn’t been there. Caught up in my own shit and I hadn’t done what I said I was going to do in the first place.

  Fuck.

  Shay ran toward Dessy and hugged her as much as possible since there were wires running across her chest, IV lines running from her hands to the contraption next to the bed. Dessy’s tired eyes opened slightly as she looked at her cousin with a slight smile.

  “What’s been going on honey?” Shay whispered in her ear. “How come you don’t come to me?”

  “Cause,” Dessy whispered. “You’ve done so much for me. I don’t want to be a burden. You’ve gotten married. You’re pregnant and even crazier. Can’t have you going to jail.”

  Shay shook her head and laughed.

  “I’m your blood, Dessy. You come to me about shit like this. What’s happening?” she asked. “You’re not eating?”

  “I’ve been eating.” Dessy replied. “Swear I have.”

  “Let me interject here,” the doctor came around so he could be seen, which also revealed that I was in the room.

  Dessy’s eyes grew but she didn’t say anything.

  “So, it’s not that Dessy’s hasn’t been eating. She has but,” he waved his hand towards her as if to get her to continue.

  At first she shook her head and then he finished. “The condition that she has, is not processing the food correctly. So, she’s on a regime that will allow her to make sure she’s taking better care of herself.”

  “What’s her condition?” I asked as I moved towards her.

  “I’m not at liberty to say,” he answered. “But Dessy, I’m sure, will explain in due time.”

  “Dessy?” I looked to her.

  “It’s too complicated to explain, right now. I want to wrap my own head around it, first.” She sighed. “I’d like to be alone, now.”

  I shook my head and started moving toward her but Shay shook her head and cut me off by pointing to the door.

  “Okay, Dessy.” Shay nodded. “We’ll be right outside. Bear.”

  Her narrow eyes were challenging me.

  “Let’s go.” She pointed again.

  I looked at Dessy, who looked the other way then I followed her cousin outside.

  “This is bullshit and you know it,” I hissed at her once we were beyond the door.

  “It may be but you need to know Dessy. She’ll shut down, bottle it up and just skip town. You have to be supportive and patient, Bear. Have you learned nothing?” She smirked.

  “Fuck all that,” I snapped. “That’s my woman in there and something is wrong and she nor the fucking doctor is telling me.”

  “Word on the street is that she ain’t your woman.” Her eyes narrowed. “Word is, y’all ain’t fucking with each other and nobody told me. Listen, I don’t give a fuck where ya dick lay at night but I told you before, you fuck over my blood, I’d put you down. Not only do I mean that s
hit, I intend to follow through. Any reason why y’all not together? Might as well hear it from the horse’s mouth before my gun has to find out later.”

  My head turned toward her and I was waiting for her to laugh or clarify any of her asinine comments.

  Nope.

  She was dead serious.

  “Fuck, you’re crazier than a loon.” I shook my head but then it hit me; I had to tell someone.

  Grabbing her by the elbow, I brought her down the hall away from Dessy’s room.

  “I found out my sister has stage four cancer with six months to live.” I sighed as the weight of that shit made my chest hurt again. “Hours before I found out, Dessy and I had an argument and I guess I felt like she was better off without me; my old ways, cramping her style and not having to choose between her mother and me. The woman hates that I’m white, older and a biker. Like, hates me. Told me so herself. So, I just went to Arizona to be with my sister, who basically ordered me to come back and get my life together because I was being a miserable son of a bitch. I wanted to reach out to her but when I wouldn’t answer her calls and shit, she had Shiz call me and cursed me out. Told me never to speak to her, get near her or anything. So that’s what happened. Shoot me in the leg because then at least I won’t be able to follow her around like a lost goddamn puppy.”

  “Dessy cursed you out?” Shay smiled. “That’s my girl.”

  “Really?” I snapped. “Out of all of that, this is what you’re most proud of?”

  “Fuck yeah. She always just did what you said. Drove me the fuck crazy. Bear this, Bear that.” Shay shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Her grizzly bear.”

  “Not no more,” I reminded her.

  “Oh, Bear. You know nothing.” Shay sighed. “That woman loves you. We women can’t just turn off our feelings like that. Even when we want to or need to. Give her some time or don’t because the more time she’s away, the more she’ll justify her rationale of why she doesn’t need you. You’re going to have to work, my man. Not sure if you know how Apollo worked to get Lori but you’re going to need to be all up in her shit. Dessy will withdraw, she may even go back to Harrisburg but none of that changes the fact that she still loves you. Believe me.”