Pieces of Me (Midnight Steel Trilogy Book 1)

by Lori J. Nelson

  She sat down on her bed with memories of them flying through her head. He was everywhere. In such a short time, he had impacted every aspect of her life.

  She saw him brushing his teeth in the bathroom. She could still hear him softly playing the guitar. And she could definitely still feel his hands on her. It was like they had been made for each other as their bodies fit together perfectly. He had made her feel things that she had never experienced before. The memories started to become so overwhelming that Corie grabbed a handful of tissues out of the box on the nightstand and dabbed at her eyes as the tears began to flow.

  Once again she let them come as the pain of losing Alek was simply devastating. Curling up on the bed that they used to share didn’t help either, but she was powerless to move. It also wouldn’t have made a difference. Alek was everywhere. She got up from the bed and dug the t-shirt out of the trash. Holding it up to her nose, she inhaled that scent that was purely Alek. As mad as she was, there was no way she could throw this away.

  Corie slipped off her jeans, then her own shirt and bra followed landing in a heap on the floor. She dropped Alek’s shirt over her head and closed her eyes. She hated herself for doing this. It was nothing short of torture to smell him on her like this, but she couldn’t stop herself. Corie headed back to her lonely bed and fell into a deep dreamless sleep that didn’t have her waking up until the next day.

  Now with nothing but free time on her hands, Corie rearranged the extra bedroom that had been turned into the small studio for Alek. He had moved a few pieces of furniture out as he said the acoustics were better that way. In the end, she completely changed where everything was to give the room a different feel to it. She had to do anything to erase Alek from it.

  It took her another couple days before she finally walked into her office to face her computer. Corie had lost almost four days of writing, and that was something she never did when she was on a deadline. Her new book was at a standstill. She had absolutely no idea how to proceed writing about a relationship that was inspired by her own. What she had once thought was perfect now only brought her heartbreak. How could Olivia be happy when she wasn’t? Her female leads were always her, how could they not be?

  Before her fingers touched the keyboard, she took out her planner. Usually, at this time in her writing process there wasn’t much going on, but once she got closer to her book coming out, there would be meetings about marketing and a book signing tour. It was one of the few times she left Maine.

  However, there in her planner was a trip to see DeeDee in New York, that in the chaos of the last few days, she had completely forgotten about. She had to be there in two days to talk about her work in progress and future book ideas. Suddenly, a light bulb went off. She had asked Alek to come with her to New York, but he said he’d rather stay at the house. This way she could concentrate on her meeting and get back to Maine as soon as possible. When she tried to convince him it would be a nice getaway for them both, Corie realized that he distracted her with some very intense kisses that lead to some crazy sex in the barn. It was definitely a memorable afternoon for them, but he did it to sidetrack her. Alek didn’t want to go to New York City because he knew that someone would surely recognize him. In small-town Maine, that didn’t happen, but in a big city like New York, his lie would blow up in his face.

  “Bastard,” she mumbled under her breath as she searched for her travel folder. There she confirmed she had a flight out of Portland into LaGuardia on Thursday morning. Since it was a couple hours’ drive to Portland, Corie logged onto her computer and booked a night at a hotel near the airport. Coming back, she would make the drive home without staying over. She was not looking forward to this meeting at all.

  “What do you mean you don’t know how to finish the book?” DeeDee exclaimed, frustrated with Corie. “You’re the one that convinced me to change course midstream. I need a completed manuscript in less than eight weeks. You’re my one client that always finishes early, and now you may not even finish at all?”

  Corie squirmed in her seat, knowing that she was disappointing her publisher. She had never missed a deadline before, but she was stuck on what to do. Her eyes lifted up from the staring down at the plush carpeting on the floor to meet DeeDee’s. “I’m sorry. I just can’t come up with a way that the scenario I created would end up with a happily ever after.”

  “Why not? Why do I sense there’s more going on here than you are telling me?” DeeDee and Corie had worked together for many years. There had never ever been a problem with Corie not meeting a deadline. Something was not adding up, and DeeDee could easily see that.

  As hard as she tried, Corie could not stop the tears that had threatened to fall. DeeDee instantly got up from behind her desk and grabbed a box of tissues. Then she led Corie over to the leather sofa she had in her office.

  “I’m sorry,” Corie apologized.

  “Don’t be. Just tell me what’s happened and together we’ll figure this out,” her long-time publisher told her. “You’re not just a client of mine, Corie. I’ve always considered you a friend. So please let me help you.”

  Their two-hour scheduled meeting went way into the afternoon as Corie told her all about Alek. She started with the night of the blizzard and finished with the day she told him to leave. Corie poured her heart out to DeeDee knowing she was talking to a friend.

  “So let me get this straight, you rescued Laz from Midnight Steel but didn’t recognize him. Then he told you his name was Alek so he could try to hide from the world because he was tired of being a rock star. Do I have that right so far?” Corie nodded that she did. “This is so crazy,” DeeDee said shaking her head.

  “Okay, then while he was stuck at your house you two managed to fall in love, but he still never told you who he really was.” DeeDee shook her head in wonder. This was any woman’s fantasy come true. “How did you not recognize him, Corie? They are the biggest rock band in the world. Even my kids know them.”

  “I don’t listen to rock music, DeeDee. I’m more into country, so I never paid close attention to them. Sure, I know who they are, but obviously, I don’t know what they look like. I feel like I gave myself to a stranger…a fraud. I just don’t understand how he could say that he loved me when he was lying to me the entire time. Trust is such an important part of any relationship, and he ruined that. That’s why I don’t know what to do with the book. I didn’t think it would hurt as bad as it does. How can I have Olivia forgive Grayson when I can’t forgive Alek? I feel like I’m lying to my readers.” Every one of her books was such a part of her, so Corie simply couldn’t justify Olivia forgiving Grayson.

  DeeDee took Corie’s hand in hers. She had been through emotional turmoil with many of her authors before. “Did he seem sincere when he apologized?”

  “I guess.”

  “C’mon, I know you are hurt, but was he sorry? Was he upset that you told him to leave?” DeeDee was trying to get Corie to see it from both sides, but first, she had to get her stop thinking how this was affecting her only.

  Corie looked at her friend. While this was never the type of situation she and DeeDee ever actually talked about it felt good to get her opinion. “Yes, he was,” she admitted. “He begged me to forgive him, but I told him that he had to leave. That night he called me nonstop until I took the phone off the hook, both home and my cell.” Corie saw the way that DeeDee was looking at her and she rolled her eyes. “I know what you are going to say, but I don’t trust him. How can I when he couldn’t even be honest about his name!”

  “Technically, he was since that’s what his family calls him, he just didn’t tell you what that rest of the world calls him. He wanted you to treat him like a regular guy, just like his family does. The lifestyle he’s living can take a toll someone, and it sounded like he was fed up with it.”

  “I know that’s what he was thinking, but why didn’t he tell me the truth when things got serious between us? When I heard him play his guitar the first time, it was so bea
utiful and perfect that I asked him if he played professionally and he told me no. He flat out lied to me, DeeDee. He lied about everything.” It angered Corie that he could have told her then. That was the perfect time to confess who he really was, but he didn’t. He just kept playing her for a fool.

  “I bet when he denied who he was, he never expected to fall in love with you. Once he did, he maybe couldn’t figure a way out. I agree that he screwed up big time, but if he’s really sorry, can’t you give him another chance?” When Corie shook her head, DeeDee added, “Have you tried to see it from his point of view?”

  Even Kelsey had encouraged her to do the same thing. She just didn’t want to do it. He lied. You don’t lie to someone you love, why didn’t anyone understand that? Corie was starting to get frustrated. “I’m not ready to give him a break.” She took a deep breath. It was time to get back to solving the problem with the book. ”So now you know why I am having a problem finishing the book, so how do I do it? How can Olivia forgive Grayson? How?”

  This is where years of dealing with authors and their insecurities came into play. “I know how much of yourself you put into your novels, but Olivia isn’t you. I know you started to write this about you and Laz, but you need to take an objective step back. This is a fantasy, just like all books are. Women want to get lost in someone else’s life that they would love to be their own. We all want the prince or the billionaire or even the rock star to fall in love with us, and so does Olivia. Let her forgive Grayson. Even if you can’t, she has to. Let your readers live the dream.”

  Corie knew that DeeDee was right. She didn’t want her to be, but she was. It was time for her to think like the professional she was. “You’re right. I didn’t want to have Olivia forgive him for deceiving her, but I have to.” She turned to look at her publisher and friend. “Thank you. I needed the push you gave me to finish it the way it should be. I’ll have it done on time. I promise.”

  “I know you will, sweetie. That’s what I’m here for. Are you staying in the city tonight?” DeeDee asked. It had been a long afternoon, and it was time to get home to her family.

  “Yes and I’ve kept you way too long today.”

  The two ladies stood up, and Corie pulled DeeDee into a tight hug. “Thank you. At least now I know what I’m doing with the book. You got me to see past the hurdles I put in front of it. You’re the best!”

  “I know,” DeeDee laughed. “I’m used to writers and your hurdles. I’ll call you next week to see how you’re doing, alright?”

  “That’s perfect. I should have everything figured out and back into the swing of things by then.”

  Corie gathered her purse, and once again the two of them hugged. During the cab ride back to her hotel, ideas were running through her head about how to make Olivia’s forgiveness believable, but not let him off too easy. By the time she sat down at the desk in her hotel room, she already had a plan in place. She opened her laptop, and her fingers flew across the keys so she wouldn’t forget everything that was running through her head. Olivia would forgive her prince, but Corie wouldn’t make it easy for him. No way.

  Chapter 16

  Alek lifted his pounding head slightly up from the pillow and squinted until the bedside clock came into focus. It was well after two o’clock in the afternoon. His head dropped heavily back down. He had stayed up half the night getting completely wasted, and he was hung over…again. His stomach was rolling, and his mouth felt like he was lost in the desert without water. It was how he woke up yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.

  He has been home for a little over three weeks. During that time he managed to visit his parents twice without being drunk, but all the other nights he drank himself into oblivion. As a musician, he was used to drinking after shows, at parties, on the tour bus, and…well all the time, but he knew how to not overdo. Sure, there were times when you just had to get drunk, but for him, that was once in a while occurrence. It was Davey they had to watch all the time. The periods he was sober were always a huge relief for them, but these last few years it had become a real problem to keep him away from the booze and the drugs while they were touring.

  Now Alek was giving him a run for the title of band problem child. A few times, he had gone out to a pub only to be poured out of a cab in front of his house so drunk he could barely walk. Everyone wanted to buy Laz from Midnight Steel a drink, so he let them. The women were begging him to go home with them, but that never happened. He may be blind drunk, but he wasn’t that stupid, at least not yet. It was like he was cheating on Corie and he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

  These last few nights he got drunk alone at home. He had plenty of booze there, so he decided that wallowing in his misery alone was better than being in a pub. He was at the point where he didn’t want to have to deal with anyone anymore. Not to mention that he had been thrown out of his favorite bar and couldn’t go back.

  Now mornings were nonexistent as he drank his way through each night and remained passed out until the afternoon. Sometimes, he made it to the bed but not always.

  Each time his phone rang, he quickly checked it to see if it was Corie, but she never called him. It was typically his mum or Ethan. He would always call home when he was somewhat sober the next day, but he ignored everyone else. The phone that was ringing right now was no exception. It was his home line, and he knew that Corie didn’t have that number, so he let his voice mail pick it up.

  Then his cell rang somewhere in the room, and he didn’t even bother to try to find it. He didn’t care who was trying to get in touch with him. Nothing mattered anymore.

  Alek was sitting on the side of his bed still dressed in the wrinkled clothes he wore yesterday. “Least I made to the bed last night. It’s bloody well more comfortable the sofa,” he thought to himself.

  He knew the drinking wasn’t helping anything, but he needed to dull the pain. Alcohol was the only thing that was helping him forget about the woman he loved. The woman he lied to and subsequently lost. All because of who he was and who he wasn’t. What Corie didn’t know was that he was both Alek and Laz. He could be the famous rock star one minute and then be the man who loved quiet nights at home. Alek had lived the Laz persona for so long, that too many people thought that’s who he was. He had thought so too until he realized there was more he needed in his life than fame, fortune, and a nonstop string of one-night stands.

  Money could buy him a lot of things, but it couldn’t buy him Corie.

  He couldn’t believe how badly he had screwed everything up with her. When he least expected it, he found the woman he had been looking for his whole life. He should have trusted her with his identity, but how was he to know that he would fall in love with her? They were strangers when he stretched the truth about who he was, but he should have come clean way before they got involved. Corie was so sweet and genuine that he was naturally drawn to her. Those were traits that he wanted in a woman, but were so hard to find in the world he lived in. The fact that he also thought she was absolutely gorgeous helped too, but good-looking women were a dime a dozen in his life. He had yet to find one that was as beautiful inside as she was outside…until he met his Corie.

  But now she was gone, and it was totally his fault. No matter how much he had apologized and begged her for forgiveness, she wouldn’t let him back into her life. He had lost her due to his stupidity and Alek didn’t know how to deal with the pain, so he started drinking to forget.

  Each day he was waking up terribly hungover, and as he struggled to get past the nausea and the self-loathing, he vowed to stop drinking. But each night, as the memories flooded back to him, he picked up the bottle again and again.

  And here he was once more, sitting on the edge of his bed defeated and alone. He had no idea what time he fell into the bed last night, but his head was still thick and fuzzy from the alcohol. Just as he was about to try to stand up, he heard the buzzer from the front door. Because the house was so huge and there was seldom anyone the
re except himself, he had it set up that he could hear the bell from multiple rooms. Now he wished he had never done that. It was ringing nonstop.

  Alek ignored the doorbell and stumbled to the bathroom. He was brushing the stale whiskey taste out of his mouth when he heard a sound in his room. He grabbed a soft hand towel to wipe his face as he poked his head out of the door. Ethan was leaning up against one of his dressers.

  “What the fuck do you want, Eth?” Alek growled. “Didn’t remember inviting you in?”

  “That’s what spare keys are for, mate. Again, you’re not answering my calls or texts. You were apparently home, ignoring me at the door, so I had to let myself in. What the hell is going on with you, Laz? This place is a bloody disaster.”

  The room had clothes strewn all over. Half-filled glasses sat on multiple surfaces. There was dust and grime on everything. This was not Laz’s style at all.

  “Fuck off, Madden. It’s my house so I can bloody well keep it any way I want. Why are you here pissing me off?” The last thing he wanted was company even though Ethan was his best friend. Wallowing alone in his misery was what he did best.

  “We have a video conference with the label in twenty minutes or did you forget?” Ethan reminded him. “You look like…“Ethan hesitated a moment and sniffed the air before continuing, “and smell like shit. How about a quick shower before the meeting?” He then walked over to one of the bedroom windows and pushed it open. “It stinks in here, man and that’s not you. So go shower, so I don’t have to sit next to your smelly arse. We’ll have the meeting and then go get something to eat. When was the last time you had a decent meal?”

  It infuriated Alek that Ethan was standing in his bedroom telling him what to do. It didn’t matter that he was right, but it still pissed him off. “Get out, Ethan. Just get out of my house.”